Re-Writing the Script

Our life circumstances are due a lot to our own input. We could not choose where we were born, who our parents and siblings were or are, where we lived when we were growing up, what school we went to or our teachers and classmates; for a long time we could not choose what clothes we wore, how we wore our hair, and mostly we had not control over the parenting styles of our parents. Our parents went through socialization experiences that shaped their beliefs, value system, personalities, and the way they expressed their feelings, emotions, and thoughts while we were growing up and even now; most likely kept a lot of what was instilled in them during their upbringing and passed it on to us during our socialization. Now, at some point in our lives we realized what works and what does not work from the way we were socialized because it is not applicable to our time, to who we are, or to who we want to become. However, some people live by the old script, following it like a bible, reading it aloud everyday to themselves and to others around them, playing by it like a sad drama, even when they understand there were some “flaws” in that old script that are worth addressing and changing. Individuals have the need to apply responsibility to someone, sometimes anyone, for their bad experiences, “failures” of the past, and rough times life brings, and many place blame on the way they were socialized. “That is the way I was raised” is a commonly used phrase to depict how our actions and present circumstances reflect the paradigms imposed to us in our upbringing, even when we are aware that those paradigms are not applicable anymore or simply do not suit us well.

It is sometimes difficult to break free from the old script and re-write one for ourselves. There is a sentiment of betrayal to what was instilled in us, a sense of abandonment of the value system that was taught and modeled to us while we were growing up if we even attempt to break lose, as though we were denying our upbringing and unveiling to our parents that they had failed in their pursue to make us into extensions of themselves. There are a lot of problems with living by the old script when we are fully aware it is completely obsolete and not pertinent anymore: it diminishes who we are, we deny ourselves a true opportunity to grow into the kind of individual that we can potentially become, and it models the same mistaken behaviors to future generations setting them up for failure just the way we were trapped in the first place. Trying to conform to old scripts to please everyone else but ourselves prevents us from evolving whole, from moving forward, and from letting ourselves and the people who matter to us enjoy the best, well-rounded, centered, happiest person that we can be and share with others. It is also more comfortable to place blame on our past and the way things were modeled and done with us, than to stand up and claim our lives back. Re-writing the script takes a lot of courage. Keeping the old script is comfortable, even when it’s painful to live by it.

It seems like our socialization can sometimes be an indelible jail in which we incarcerate and punish ourselves for life. Breaking free from the chains of the old when it no longer suits us or prevents us from evolving seems like a task of great proportions and almost impossible at times. Before we continue with destructive patterns and behaviors that perpetuate themselves from generation to generation, we need to look deep into our souls and realize that we have ownership over our lives now, that our socialization is no longer an excuse for us not to be happy, and that the rest of our lives is our responsibility to forge into whatever we want. We are the bosses of ourselves. We are the conductors of our own destiny, and as such we have to break free from the things that hold us back from realizing our maximum potential. We cannot keep placing the blame on our parents, teachers, school mates, our upbringing, the era in which we were raised, etc, for our own misfortunes. Once we become conscious of the things of our past that are holding us back we can claim ownership of our lives and move on to a happier place, one dictated by us based on our own needs, our own goals, and our own life. Mom and dad are not our bosses anymore, our husbands are not our bosses, our children are not our bosses, we are our own boss, our own person, our own lord. It is time to stop looking back and stop blaming our past for our present and start constructing the present that we want in our future. It is time to stand up and deliver for our own selves, as we cannot give when we are empty, we cannot grow on a tight and dark space, and we cannot live by old rules to which we are attached like a puppet. We need to know and believe that we carry the power to re-write the script of our lives the best way possible, the best way it suits ourselves. The only person who can stop us from re-writing our own script is us. The only person who should re-write our script is us.

DIFFICULT TIMES

As always, the The Daily Om provides good perspectives that are so opportune and wise.

In case you need it...

Working ThroughHard Days
The Daily Om
We all have days that seem endlessly difficult and hard. On these days, it is as if the odds are stacked against us and we just can't get a break as one challenging situation follows another. We may feel like we're standing in the ocean getting hit by wave after wave, never able to get a full breath. Sometimes it's necessary or worth it to stay in the fray and work our way through. Other times, the best idea is to go home and take the breath we need in order to carry on. If the only choice is to get through it, a hard day can be a great teacher. It will eventually end and we can look back on it, taking pride in the stamina, courage, and ingenuity it took to hold our ground. We may also look back and see how we could have done things differently. This knowledge will be valuable when we face hard days in the future. Trust your gut as you're deciding whether to work through it, and know that sometimes a timely retreat is the best way to ensure a positive outcome. Getting space can remind us that external circumstances are not the whole picture. Once we catch our breath and re-center ourselves, we will be able to determine our next move. With a little perspective, we may even find the inner resources to change our attitude about what's happening. We may begin to see that what we saw as hardships are actually opportunities. As our attitude changes for the better, our actions and the circumstances will follow suit. Sometimes all that's needed is a good night's sleep. No one is immune to having a hard day and these are usually the times we can learn the most. If we can find it in our hearts to examine the day, and maybe make one small change in perception, we can ease our pain and greet the next day that much wiser.

SPIRIT MUSIC

There is music and there is music. Music is one of the biggest and most transcendental means of expressions of the human soul. Music can express and transport feelings, thoughts, emotions, experiences, hopes, dreams, mundane and profound sensations, and the best or worse of who we are. Music has the power to make us react to it with passion, joy, sorrow, tenderness, romanticism, courage, love, disillusion, peace, tranquility, or awakening.

There is music that touches our soul and vibrates tenderly in our core. There is music that feels like a warm flame fluttering in our deepest self, making our spirit rise and unite with the source of what is bigger than we are. That is the music that connects us with our sense of balance in a place in which we are perfect, we are essence, we are true. I hope you find that music and carry it in your heart, store it in your soul, and let it become your spirit and sound through you.

A few days ago I published an article about putting people in a tough spot when we idealize them. It is not fair for them, and it is not fair for us to do that. Coincidentally, the article below was published today in the Daily Om, and it gives a very interesting perspective about "putting people on pedestals". Enjoy!


August 23, 2006
To Be Human
Putting People On Pedestals
When we fall in love with someone or make a new friend, we sometimes see that person in a glowing light. Their good qualities dominate the foreground of our perception and their negative qualities. They just don't seem to have any. This temporary state of grace is commonly known as putting someone on a pedestal. Often times we put spiritual leaders and our gurus on pedestals. We have all done this to someone at one time or another, and as long as we remember that no one is actually "perfect," the pedestal phase of a relationship can be enjoyed for what it is-a phase. It's when we actually believe our own projection that troubles arise. Everyone has problems, flaws, and blind spots, just as we do. When we entertain the illusion that someone is perfect, we don't allow them room to be human, so when they make an error in judgment or act in contradiction to our idea of perfection, we become disillusioned. We may get angry or distance ourselves in response. In the end, they are not to blame for the fact that we idealized them. Granted, they may have enjoyed seeing themselves as perfect through our eyes, but we are the ones who chose to believe an illusion. If you go through this process enough times, you learn that no one is perfect. We are all a combination of divine and human qualities and we all struggle. When we treat the people we love with this awareness, we actually allow for a much greater intimacy than when we held them aloft on an airy throne. The moment you see through your idealized projection is the moment you begin to see your loved one as he or she truly is. We cannot truly connect with a person when we idealize them. In life, there are no pedestals-we are all walking on the same ground together. When we realize this, we can own our own divinity and our humanity. This is the key to balance and wholeness within ourselves and our relationships.

A TOUGH SPOT

As humans, we know we are not perfect, but we strive for perfection, in ourselves and in others. We aim to be perfect and take steps everyday to enhance our lives and the lives of those who matter to us, but we also create picture perfect images in our minds of what we want key persons in our lives to be. We know perfection does not exist, because we are a work in progress and that is perfection in itself. We know that the perfection we seek is a product of the definitions of our culture and all the “dos” and “don’ts” stored in our minds over our lifetime. We know that to conform to those paradigms of what should and should not be, or what must and must not be, in the micro sense of it, is virtually impossible to achieve, merely because it is an imposition based on truths, half truths, and non-truths learned over the years. However, we keep pursuing that perfection for ourselves, and that is ok if we do not affect our quality of life and the one of others around us in that futile pursue, and we keep perspective on the essence of life along the way.

Achieving perfection, the perfection of the material world, is tough on us, but even more so when we transfer that image of perfection to our loved ones or people who are important in our lives in any sense. We usually tend to award a perfection state to our parents, for example. It is normal human behavior to idealize loved ones over time. We know our parents were not perfect, but yet, in most cases, over time we forget all the negative associated with our upbringing and canonize our parents, both or one of them. It is admirable to appreciate and treasure the goodness and virtues of people, but it is very unfair to them for us to grant them sainthood for many reasons. When we stop seeing humans as humans with flaws and imperfections, and bestow sanctity into them we put them in a very tough and unfair spot. All individuals should be viewed in terms of their merits, but they should be allowed to err, to fall, to go astray, and to be humans, no matter their relationship with us or their title. If we fail to do that, our love and relationships start being conditioned also to our own definition of perfection imposed into the other person, risking a truer and fairer connection between both parties.

We are brothers, sisters, daughters, sons, fathers, mothers, friends, but ultimately we are all human with the same vulnerabilities as every other human being. Lets cherish and value our humanity with the conditions associated with it, and strive to be better to strengthen our relationships with ourselves and others, imperfect as we all are.

DANCING

After I received an email with a famous quote from Hans Bos, I decided to do some research and found some other inspiring words by this renouned dancer:

"While I dance I cannot judge, I cannot hate, I cannot separate myself from life. I can only be joyful and whole. That is why I dance."

To dance is to be out of yourself. Larger, more beautiful, more powerful. This is power, it is glory on earth and it is yours for the taking.”

“Dance for yourself, if someone understands good. If not then no matter, go right on doing what you love.

“Dancing with the feet is one thing, but dancing with the heart is another.”

“Dance is the hidden language of the soul of the body.”

“Dancing is the loftiest, the most moving, the most beautiful of the arts, because it is no mere translation or abstraction from life; it is life itself.”

May this inspire you to dance today and everyday!

THE ADVERSE POWER OF ASSUMPTIONS

Assumptions are part of the normal thinking process of human beings. According to what we have already stored in our minds, our brains develop pathways that help us deal with known and unknown situations, anticipating outcomes based on the data that is known to us. However, I see how assumptions are overly used on a daily basis. Sometimes, assumptions kill our curiosity, our intentions, our drive. When we are in front of someone we want to meet, but we do not want to take the first step in introducing ourselves, our assumptions that the person might not be interested, or that is too busy, or will not correspond to our approach can stop us from moving forward and acting on our intention. When we over analyze and portray all the "ifs" and "thens" of simple and complex situations in our minds without even engaging in taking the necessary steps to find out for ourselves, we have missed on the opportunity to confirm or not our suspicions and learn from the process. Assumptions are normal and necessary: they might prevent us from taking life threatening risks, from getting hurt and feeling pain.
But often times assumptions kill our intention and can jeopardize our learning process and our growth, as they limit our experiences to the known and the believed known outcomes. So even when you most likely assume right, do not let assumptions make you anticipate the answers and stop you from asking the questions and embarking in the journey.

NOT WORTH IT

Life is really too short to focus on the bad. Every time we let our hearts fill up with negativity, it affects our whole sense of balance and every aspect of who we are, mind, body, soul, and spirit. It is human to feel anger, frustration, and disappointment, but nothing is worth giving those negative feelings a permanent presence in our lives. I know this is easier said than done, though. However, I have met extraordinary people who have lived through unimaginable horrors to most, and still were able to find it in their hearts to forgive and move on, growing their heart’s ability to fill up with love in immeasurable amounts. And those people who are full of the grace of forgiveness are actually happier and more at peace than those who perpetuate the circle of negativity that once impacted them by joining forces with it.

I think negative feelings are just exhausting. Negativity drains my energy, diminishes my soul and weakens my spirit. To engage in a negative cycle by giving in to the negative feelings that I could experience as part of life is not something that I am interested in doing. Of course it is frustrating when others perpetrate atrocities against humans or other living entities. Of course it is heart-breaking and painful when others hurt us, intentionally or not. Of course it is part of human life to experience anger and pain. But indulging in those off-putting feelings over a long period of time can be highly damaging and destructive. I know this from experience. I lived through painful horrors myself at a very young age, but when I was old enough to comprehend what had happened to me I decided to move on, forgive, and love in return, and I feel at peace. Besides, as upsetting as those bad experiences of my life were, they do not come close to shocking stories such as Immaculee Ilibagiza’s and many others that when told appear surreal to us.

I once heard words that have resonated in my head ever since: “hate is a poison that you take thinking that it will harm another person”. When you think you cannot forgive and move on, look at the courageous people who have lived through worse than you and I can possibly imagine and how they have been able to, not only go on with their lives, but to live happy and fulfilling lives focusing on the goodness, the blessings they have, and being hopeful about humanity, and maybe that will give us all some inspiration to only embrace goodness.

WHO CAME FIRST?

I never try to impose my beliefs on people, and this writing is not the exemption to that. Believe in what you will, and read at your own risk…

So, some religious creeds explain that women were created from men (Adam and Eve). We all have heard it. Science does not support that at all, however, the world, society, organizations, and households are controlled by men, and there is the lingering notion that for some strange reason women should follow men because we were created to cater to them. I am not against men, have never and never will, but I think that men and women relationships should be based on balance and harmony between the two sexes, and not disequilibrium. I heard something recently that sparked my thought. The comment is not important to re-mention, but it relates to how women were created from men.

In reality and scientifically speaking, all human embryos start female. The mix of female and male gametes carries the chromosomes that will determine many of our physical traits and genetics, including sex. In the case of females the chromosomal composition is XX. In the case of males the chromosomes that determine the sex will be XY. So scientifically speaking, men not only are half females, but emerge male after being female for a brief time. So, back to the theory that women came from men: not only women are the ones with the exclusive ability to give birth (so in reality all humans come from a woman), men are partially women. So however we came to be (believe what you will, but know the facts), we have to be cognoscente that we owe women a lot, and denying women their important place is against our nature. Men who have a problem of any kind with women should refresh their biology knowledge or acquire some, and realize that men were created from women and not otherwise. If everybody knew this important fact, maybe women would be ruling the world, and not otherwise. We are on our way, though!

MISTAKEN IDENTITY

People rely on many things to form their opinions about others, such as the words we say and the unspoken signals we send. This should be a simple process, however, sometimes the messages get lost in translation and both communicator and recipient end up with the wrong messages about each other. This happens often and for many reasons, including the programming that we already have in store, previous and/or preconceived notions, conditioning, scripts, socialization, and ignorance, among many others. As for myself, most times I try to start a relationship with someone with a clean easel and a positive approach as to the expectations of that relationship, but understand that that might not be the case for the other side of that relationship.

Theoretically speaking, the flow of the communication process should be easy and natural between two or more parties; however, due to the complexity and expected differences between all those involved in any type of situation that involves communicating with one another, flaws can occur in the process. Sometimes those flaws are minor, and they need no further action, as the continuing interaction will lead to its own resolution. Other times the flaws become obstacles difficult to bypass, and sometimes make the relationship between parties painful and even estranged.

We have all experienced some of those situations in which our messages, verbal and non-verbal, have been taken erroneously. I try to keep an open mind and look at things in their right perspective when that happens (after getting over the shock of the discovery process), and have compassion for the ones who have made the mistake. Sometimes our messages get mixed, lost, tergiversated, confused, mistaken, and mal-interpreted, leading others to have an opinion about us that does not reflect who we are, and I guess that is why it is normal for humans to feel uneasy when people pass wrong judgments about us. Depending on the kind of relationship we are engaged in is the degree of time we want to invest in fixing the less than desirable outcome, and the highest the investment the highest the likelihood that we will find out about how mistakenly others perceive us the painful way.

We cannot live our lives trying to fit what everybody wants us to be, but we can live our lives being who we are, clear enough for others to see. We can only work on nourishing our best self so it can transpire and be seen by others the way it is, the best way possible.

LA LUZ Y LA MEDIA LUZ

Vi la luz hace algún tiempo. Desde mi perspectiva, realmente creí que la luz que vi era grande y brillante, y sí lo era, en mi túnel de sombras y anhelo de luz, la luz que se asomaba era clara y brillante y me dirigí hacia ella. Era la primera luz en tanto tiempo, y era una luz tan pura y cristalina que me volví hacia ella y decidí seguirla con los ojos cerrados. Creí que esa luz era suficiente, y mis ojos se adaptaron a esa luz que me arropó grande y con fuerza, esa luz frente a mí que miraba sin pensar y con la condición de que no existía otra. Me acostumbré a la luz brillando intensa pero yo sin poder verla y abriendo mis ojos grandes para que penetrara en mí. Y todo estaba bien con la luz tal cual era.

Un día salí de mi luz y me cegó el sol grande y potente. Mis ojos me dolieron y lloraron por la intensidad de la luz que miraba ahora, pero sentí el poder de la luz y quise mirarla, contemplarla, vivir bajo ella, dejar que me quemara. La luz me cegó y luego pude ver mejor, más claro, más brillante, con más exactitud. Me di cuenta de que vivo en media luz. Ver la luz del sol me cambió…

Regresé a la luz tenue de antes, y me di cuenta de que no quiero vivir en la sombra que crea la media luz, que quiero la luz amplia y total del sol. Algo tiene que cambiar.

WASHING DISHES

For some strange reason, I enjoy washing the dishes by hand. I own a dishwasher, but hardly ever use it. I find doing the dishes by hand therapeutic. I do not know if it is the sound of the water running, or feeling the lather in my hands, or maybe having permission to “play” with water for a few minutes, or how good the ions from the water released in the air make me feel, but I find washing dishes soothing. I look out my window while I am doing it and think, reflect, daydream, introspect, retrospect, and somehow I end up in a better mood.

Today I need to wash a lot of dishes…

NOTTING HILL

I am just a girl, in front of a boy, asking him to love me.

KNOW THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN YOUR LIFE

Who is the most important person in our lives? When we think about answering this question, a lot of names come to mind. If one has children, it is almost automatic to think about them when we are asked that question. If one does not have children, then the parents, significant others, or other influential people in our lives automatically pop up. For some strange reason we don’t think about our own self when answering that question; at least that answer has not come up too often when I have asked.

I am the most important person in my life, and as such, I have to spend time, not only grooming and caring for my body, but also nurturing my soul, challenging my mind, strengthening my spirit, and taking the necessary steps to be in harmony with the people and things that surround me and that matter to me. To love one self is not to be selfish; to be selfish is to impose onto others for them to love us only the way we want. To love oneself is the first step into being able to love others with an open heart, with understanding, with full devotion by giving them the best of us, and not by giving them all of us without having paid the same respect and attention to our own nature as we do to them . Our love for others is somewhat incomplete if we cannot love our own selves, and it makes sense, how can we love others fully and give them the best love we have when we cannot love the person we are?

To love oneself is to be able to be in sync with all the aspects that comprise what we are, including our relationships and love for others. To love oneself is to know our strengths, celebrate our humanity, accept our flaws and work to strengthen our weaknesses without trying too hard to achieve perfection, because we understand that there is no such thing. To love oneself is to give others the gift of our best state, our best companionship, our best relationship, the best way we can in a way that suits ourselves and the other person.

We are the most important person is our own life and we should treat ourselves as such. Enjoy this thought by Anne Morrow Lindbergh:

When one is a strange to oneself, then
One is estranged from others too.
If one is out of touch with oneself, then
One cannot touch others.

I hope you have a great time getting to know and spend time with the most important person in your life: you!

YOUNG LATINAS AND A CRY FOR HELP

This article, sent by Dr. Nora Comstock, President and Founder of Las Comadres Para Las Américas, presents the current situation of a lot of young Latinas in the United States. Awareness is the first step to change, however, as I always say, what you know is not as important as what you do with that knowledge. We can all make a significant impact on future generations.

New York Times EditorialJuly 21, 2006
Young Latinas and a Cry for Help
Final, Section A, Page 18, Column 1

A recent series in the Spanish-language New York newspaper El Diario/La Prensa sheds some light on a mostly overlooked national phenomenon, the misunderstood and endangered young Latina, who represents one of thefastest-growing segments of the American population. Hispanic teenage girls attempt suicide more often than any other group. They become mothers at younger ages. They tend not to complete their education. They are plagued by rising drug use and other social problems. A federal study found that a startling one in six young Hispanic women had attempted suicide, a rate roughly one and a half times as high as that among non-Hispanic black and white teenage girls. If there was any good news, it was that these young women usually survived. A five-year study now in its second year in New York is being led by Dr. Luis Zayas, a professor of social work and psychiatry at Washington University in St. Louis, who says the self-destructive behavior seems to affect Latinas of every origin and every region of the country.

El Diario tracked several young women and found that they faced particularly acute social pressures, especially if their parents were foreign-born. Dr. Zayas and other experts note that the suicide attempts trend higher for Latinas who are the first generation born in the United States. Adolescent and teenage girls with families recently rooted in Latin America are expected to adhere to old culture traditions, including tending to other family members and putting themselves last. Self-esteem issues are common among teens generally, but they appear magnified for young women who cannot seem to fit in at home or away from it. About one-quarter of Latina teens drop out, a figure surpassed only by Hispanic young men, one-third of whom do not complete high school. Latinas, especially those in recently arrived families, often live in poverty and without health insurance.

Another piece of the puzzle is how to address the complication of very early, usually unmarried motherhood. Religious beliefs in Hispanic families often limit sex education and rule out abortion. Federal statistics show that about 24 percent of Latinas are mothers by the age of 20 ‹ three times the rate of non-Hispanic white teens.

Solving these problems will require more than research. What is needed is a larger effort that includes educators, policymakers, families and communities. Here¹s one more statistic: One in four women in the United States will be Hispanic by the middle of the century. The time to help is now.

REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES

I do not understand the American obsession with getting rid of all curves from the female body. It seems like the new definition of beauty is having 0% body fat, no butt, no hips, no calves, no stomach, just bones coated with flesh with nothing in between. The only things that women have permission to have big are big boobs and plump lips. When did this start, and who said that bones are beautiful?

I am glad that I come from a place in which curves are appreciated. Actually, for the Puerto Rican standards I am too skinny, and people never cease to tell me to gain some weight and to try to feed me so I get curvier when I go home. Here in the United States, though, people ask me all the time what do I do to be so skinny, and they celebrate that I am petite, little, and thin.

I hear my friends talking about how they try to get rid of the “extra” fat on their fatty hips, their protrude stomachs, their fat calves, or their big butts (I have hardly ever noticed those big butts or big anythings they claim to have), and in my eyes they are just perfect and they have beautiful bodies, however, everybody wants to be a size 2 or below. Actually, it is my thought that women want to be size below cero, so soon they will be aiming to be a size -3, and clothes manufacturers will start to make below cero clothes for them. As Howie Mandel once said in a show, women want to be asked “what size are you” and respond “oh, I’m not!”.

Like the movie, real women have curves, I think one of the main attributes that characterize us as women is our curvy figures. The female body was designed to have curves and we should feel proud of and beautiful with our curvy bodies.

Moving On

Moving On

It is very easy to get stuck in the old. Sometimes I wonder if it is stubbornness, habit, or if humans, at least some humans, have addictive personalities that, not necessarily make them dependent on a substance, but that makes them get overly attached to persons, places, or things. It is a great human characteristic to be able to demonstrate emotions to others, such as care, affection, and love. However, some humans seem to have the capacity to detach from people, places, and things easily, while others hold on to the people they love, the places they know, and the things they treasure with more intensity.

Change

It is human nature to resist change. Often times, change brings a period of uncertainty and instability that, although quite uncomfortable in many instances, it is the signal that change is under way. Most humans like habits, what is known, the comfort of a settled life, even if it is not the best life. Change takes courage to break the old, to change paradigms, to redefine life, to seek new ways, to get out of the comfort zone in a rocky journey with the hopes that it will be conducive to something better than what we have. I guess, the fear of change is the fear that, after all the hassle, trouble, time, energy, pain, discomfort, and effort put into the changing process, we discover that at the end it did not result in the betterment we strived for, and even worse, having to go through it all again to keep seeking “the ultimate”.

Sola al Cielo

Veo el cielo contigo en mis adentros…
Desaparece el mundo y en la nada me transporto al éter de lo interminable y lo eterno.
En la nada entre gemidos que arropan el espacio vacío y contigo lleno
se llena la vida sola que se expande de la mía a la tuya cuando contigo muero.

Se me escapa el sentimiento que de ti escondo y en el mundo entierro,
me regreso del mundo escondido impuesto al destierro
de mis palabras al viento que vuelan sin rumbo con significado necio
cayéndose al vacío donde en profundo abismo consumen como el fuego.

Muerdo tu carne ausente posada en la mía ardiente y sedienta de tus besos
y me dibujo en tu boca efímera y te sirvo mi pasión cuando en tu piel entierro mis dedos…
Esculpo tu cuerpo en el mío conformando mis contornos a tu forma y me elevo
al cielo que visito sola arrastrando tu espectro.

For the Children

Having a child is the most amazing miracle a person could experience. And I do not mean just growing and giving birth to a human being, which is a natural wonder, but experiencing the love and sharing the life of a child on a regular basis, which is a totally religious experience. The laughter of a child is the sweetest sound ears can hear. Looking at a child is like watching a movie that never ceases to amuse.
Seeing how everyday is new and exciting for a child should make us want to feel and express the same enthusiasm for the ordinary things and turn them into something extraordinary to stimulate our senses. Children are a fountain of youth, tenderness, love, and good energy.
Sadly, though, children are mistreated and disrespected on a regular basis everywhere. As adults, I think every person has the direct or indirect responsibility of raising a child. There is a say that it takes a village to raise a child, however, as time goes by, raising a child is thought of being more the sole responsibility of the people who brought him or her into this world, and often times even those people believed to be directly responsible for their well-being fail to provide children with the environment and upbringing they deserve. We are all responsible for the life of children, those who are our own, our relatives, our neighbors, and all.
We need to realize our responsibility toward leaving our children the legacy of a better world, a better country, a better neighborhood, and exert it. We were all children once, and we owe it to ourselves and the little ones to protect them and offer them a better future.

Mãe! Poema sublime!

Madre! Poema Sublime! es un poema escrito por Rouxinol de Bernardim, poeta portugués. El poema es hermoso, tal cual la fotografía que lo acompaña. Disfruté mucho del poema, y espero que todos los que lo lean también.

CHANGING THE SCRIPT

We all grew up not having control over what happened to us during our childhood, or where we lived, or how and where our parents decided to raise us. We did not have a say in the scripts used to socialize us and the way socialization affected our upbringing. However, once we begin living our own lives we can make the decision to live a different and better life than the one we had, the one that we had no control over. Many of our actions reflect the way we were raised, the stories we were told, the roles we were enforced to play, and the life we learned in our nucleus. However, once we expand the scope of our world when we venture out on our own, we sometimes see that there might be more to life than what we had learned, than what we believed, and that neither our parents nor we hold absolute truths when it comes to life.

Many times we find ourselves in a cycle, repeating the behaviors that we experienced while growing up, and sometimes those behaviors are not a good reflection of who we want to be. Many times we victimize ourselves for life, blaming our past for our present and future, and conforming to the old scripts. We cannot change the scripts that were written for us when we were younger, but we can rewrite a script for our own selves that is conducive to the individual we ought to be. We cannot spend our lives blaming those before us for the missing links in our existence. We have to break free of the chains that perpetuate the habits, thinking, and feelings that stop us from reaching our full potential, and start building the life we want, the life we deserve, the life all humans are entitled of having. Yes, some have lived through tough circumstances when they had no control over their lives, but ultimately each individual is accountable for his/her own life and has the power to make life what they want. The script that we heard over and over, and that we saw when we were growing up might not be the best fit for ourselves now, so rewrite your story, your way, and live it your way.

Una Nueva Era

Una nueva era, una nueva jornada, nuevos trechos que se abren adelante y otros que quedan atrás, ya caminados con las huellas de mis pies y de los tantos que pisaron mi sendero…Un nuevo horizonte que se presenta lejano y tan cerca, al alcance de mis dedos e intocable como una ilusión óptica que desaparece ante mis pasos aproximándose certeros e inciertos…Un nuevo comienzo, una vida nueva y tan vieja, llena de años, de siglos, de horas y minutos que han pasado por mí y en mí, y los que faltan por venir…Mi vida nueva: un nuevo libro para escribirlo a mi manera…

RESIDUOS

José Antonio Dávila es uno de mis poetas favoritos. Su poesía transmite sus sentimientos de manera elegante y sutil, como todo un caballero. Viendo su biografía me tropecé con este poema, y me impresionó muchísimo, como suele hacerlo su poesía. Con los trazos de amor y de pasión que aún se desprenden de una relación pasada, Residuos llega al corazón para enamorarlo otra vez...

Residuos

Ya tú no importas, ni tu amor conmueve,
ni yo soy en tus días la emoción dulce y leve
que como brisa tibia pasó por tu desierto;
porque tu amor ha muerto y mi pasión ha muerto.

Pero sobre tu mesa reposa mi estatuilla:
Y al pasar de los años y al caer nuestra arcilla,
seguirá reposando sobre la misma mesa
sin que nadie pregunte al mirarla en la mesa
si es el mudo tributo de una huesa a otra huesa.

La pasión ha volado;
pero hay ciertos residuos que en el alma han quedado,
y noto cuando pasas por la calle, altanera,
que aún te peinas el pelo de la misma manera
que tanto me gustaba y que amé con tal celo.
(Yo viví enamorado de tu pelo.)
Y aún tengo la costumbre de usar el sobretodo
con un botón de rosa en el ojal, al modo
que tanto te gustara;
y hasta existe una frase que en broma yo imitara,
llena de tu decir y tu manera,
que ahora uso por mía y usaré hasta que muera….

Cosas inconsecuentes, livianas, con las huellas
Que les deja el amor al pasar sobre d'ellas:
lo que una vez tu hiciste, lo que yo dije un día……
Incnsecuencias muertas que viven todavía…..

Y no ha de saber nunca la mujer que yo quiera
por qué le doy la mano de la misma manera……..
Ni ha de saber el hombre que en tu amor quede preso
por qué cierras los ojos antes de dar un beso……

José Antonio Dávila

REFLECTING

My friend Rhett published this and I wanted to share it.

Hope you find it meaningfull.

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness. We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things. We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less. These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom; A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete... Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent. Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind. AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. - George Carlin -

NO TE QUIERO

Me dijiste “te quiero”
y me preguntaste si yo
por ti siento lo mismo
y debo decir que no.
Siento mucho no quererte
y no juzgues mi verdad
pues mi alma al entregar
se fue a vagar a otros mundos,
tomó sola otros rumbos
y no pudo regresar.

A vagar mundos profundos
de solo puro sentir
para poder definir
lo que hoy el corazón siente
y descubrir que quererte
es imposible lograr
pues el sentir va más allá
de solo meros quereres,
de solo carnes y pieles,
lo mío, amor, es amar.

Amar hasta el límite humano
sin límites ni razón
hasta sentir el dolor
de no poder amarte más.
Impregnarte en mi mirar
igual que en mi corazón
para cuando tú te vas
robarte como ladrón
tus sueños, pensar, pasión,
sin tener que despertar.

Ya ves por qué no te quiero
porque solo sé amar,
amar, amar y soñar
con cada nuevo encuentro
para volverme a entregar.
Entregarte la locura
de mi pasión desatada
y encontrar en tu mirada
que me das el corazón,
y yo mi vida y mi alma.

Lo mío, amor, es amar…

IN HIS EYES

I look into his eyes, trying to see myself and I see the whole world in them. I see deep into his dreams and his life free of woes and worries, as life should be. I get lost in those deep brown eyes, so deep they have no end. I see my reflection floating in the depths of his soul that connects with mine, inevitably and endlessly. I unite with his essence through his eyes, feeling the power of love every time we speak through our eyes, the truths and hidden messages of what is and will always be.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

My birthday is approaching soon, next week as a matter of fact. The time around my birthday always fills me up with excitement and a feeling of celebration. I announce it to the world and annoy everyone I know as I make a big deal out of it, making it a public event of large proportions. Birthdays are very special occasions, indeed. They mark an important event: our first appearance to the world as we know it in this lifetime. Being born is a privilege, a blessing. We get to love, laugh, cry, learn, make mistakes, fall, get up, and strive to reach maturity by developing into our best selves. I hope people around me have found my existence to be valuable and meaningful to them in some way. I know my life has been full of blessings, great memories, which combined with the not so great ones have turned me into the individual I am today. I am still a work in progress, no doubt, but I am moving forward and evolving.
I always say that I feel 15 at heart. My soul feels very young and new, full of lots of things to give and eager to learn. Sometimes I cannot believe that it has been that long since I took my first breath in Florida when I was born. Certainly time has gone by, fast and slow, and I have lived a very exciting and fulfilling life. I am looking forward to the new year in my calendar and for many birthdays to come, but most of all, I am looking forward to make this very moment the most important one of them all; soaking up in life and admiring how far I have come.

As for what I want for my birthday, I would love to spend it loving, pampering, indulging, honoring, caring for, and celebrating the most important person in my life: me. I will probably write and reflect about my life the way people do it on New Year’s Eve, and project towards the future but focusing in the present. I would love to emerge a better me to give to myself and to the ones I love, on my special day and everyday.

Happy birthday to me!

THE SIMPLE LIFE

The things that we cherish and treasure for life are the simple things we do and that often times we take for granted. My friend Sarai and I went out last Sunday. The day was brutally hot, so we decided to take a dip into this water fountain. We might not have given a good example to the kids (and the parents) walking by, but we certainly had a lot of fun.

It does not take a lot to make a person happy, at least us! Sarai and I gigled and laughed acting silly like when we were 15. I guess we just feel 15 at heart.

THE SIMPLE LIFE

The things that we cherish and treasure for life are the simple things we do and that often times we take for granted. My friend Sarai and I went out last Sunday. The day was brutally hot, so we decided to take a dip into this water fountain. We might not have given a good example to the kids (and the parents) walking by, but we certainly had a lot of fun.

It does not take a lot to make a person happy, at least us! Sarai and I gigled and laughed acting silly like when we were 15. I guess we just feel 15 at heart.

DECISIONS

Found this article and thought it is very interesting. I always say that all our experiences help us learn, if we let that happen. "Bad experiences" are sometimes the ones that lead us to faster, more dramatic, or better and deeper learning. Life is a learning experience, full of lessons in everything it brings to us and everything we do. Enjoy and learn!

You Are Who You Are, Not What You Do
Becoming Your Wrong Decisions

Our perception of the traits and characteristics that make us who we are is often tightly intertwined with how we live our life. We define ourselves in terms of the roles we adopt, our actions and inactions, our triumphs, and what we think are failures. As a result it is easy to identify so strongly with a decision that has resulted in unexpected negative consequences that we actually become that "wrong" decision. The disappointment and shame we feel when we make what we perceive as a mistake grows until it becomes a dominant part of our identities. We rationalize our "poor" decisions by labeling ourselves incompetent decision-makers. However, your true identity cannot be defined by your choices. Your essence-what makes you a unique entity-exists independently of your decision-making process. There are no true right or wrong decisions. All decisions contribute to your development and are an integral part of your evolving existence yet they are still separate from the self. A decision that does not result in its intended outcome is in no way an illustration of character. Still, it can have dire effects on our ability to trust ourselves and our self-esteem. You can avoid becoming your decisions by affirming that a "bad decision" was just an experience, and next time you can choose differently. Try to avoid lingering in the past and mulling over the circumstances that led to your perceived error in judgment. Instead, adapt to the new circumstances you must face by considering how you can use your intelligence, inner strength, and intuition to aid you in moving forward more mindfully. Try not to entirely avoid thinking about the choices you have made, but reflect on the consequences of your decision from a rational rather than an emotional standpoint. Strive to under! stand why you made the choice you did, forgive yourself, and then move forward.A perceived mistake becomes a valuable learning experience and is, in essence, a gift to learn and grow from. You are not a bad person and you are not your decisions; you are simply human.

The Daily OM

TO LOVE ONESELF

It is perfectly OK to love ourselves. We have been instilled that if we do anything for ourselves or for our own sake we are selfish. The truth is that we need time to honor, love and appreciate ourselves just like we do with others. Our own self is the most important person in our lives. We cannot neglect our bodies, our minds, our souls, and our spirits. When we do neglect ourselves for long periods of time our sense of well-being gets affected, we get off balance, and we loose synchrony with who we are, our purpose in life, and our place in the world. We deserve to pay attention, love, pamper, and spoil our own self on a regular basis. We do not have to go too far or spend a lot of money to be able to do this. Just take time to enjoy the simple things in life, the things that you enjoy doing such as watching a sunset, laying on the grass looking at the sky, reading a book that puts you in a good mood, listening to your favorite music and dancing to it as if nobody was watching, eating icecream with no guilt, cooking your favorite food and then eating it in style using your best china, writing a poem or saying one out loud, singing a song that makes you smile even when you cannot sing, enjoying a bath or a shower indulging in the smells of your favorite soap, and the feeling of warm water touching your skin…There are so many ways to help ourselves feel relaxed, happy, and happy to have done something to lift our spirit, that there is really no excuse not to do it. Lets begin savoring every moment life has to offer today, and dedicate special moments to our own selves.

THAT’S JUST THE WAY MEN ARE, OR ARE THEY?

It is clear that men and women were not created equally. And I am not talking about equality, but to the specific traits that characterize us as male or female, beside the physiological ones. Biology determines sex and society determines gender. The biology of a person is something we have no control over. The gender of a person, and the roles that person plays as taught by society depending on his/her sex are learned, modifiable, and hopefully, evolving.

We already know all the characteristics attributed to men. There is also the notion that males are incapable of multitasking like women, focus on something with complete dedication (except for work) like women, care for and nurture others like women, be gentle and detail oriented like women, and so on. I was having a conversation with a mother of a pre-teen boy, and she said that teenage boys are not as dedicated, focused, and able to take care of children (babysitting) like girls just because they are wired differently. That made me wonder: is it really that boys are not wired to do this or that, or is it that parents do not teach and enforce their boys to be nurturing, care givers, and caring and giving in general? Are we (men and women) categorically biologically different and therefore incapable of sharing the same degree of involvement in things? About everything that is said about men, is that just the way men are, period?

I guess right now there is no direct answer to that question. Although there are undeniable differences between a man and a woman, my thought is that the differences are mostly physiological and physiologically driven. The fact that most men act in a certain way may be the result of all of them being raised to act and react to some situations in an expected way, enforced to do so, reinforced when done so, and the behavior just keeps going on. For example, if a boy leaves a mess after he has been playing with his toys, he is just a boy. If a boy is rough when he plays, he is all boy. If a boy is restless and loud, he is being a boy. The boy then grows up to be a man who is not organized, does not pick up after himself, is not detail oriented, but will probably end up with a woman who will be all those things, so he does not have anything to worry about.

I believe gender issues and gender differences will take a long time to figure out and resolve. The only way of knowing if sex and gender is really not the same thing is going back to the Blue Lagoon (like in the movie) and seeing what happens. However, I would guess, and research backs me up, that ever since the day we are born parents and everyone around us treat us according to the preconceived notions of gender already stored in our brain, so we are highly influenced by gender constructs since birth and throughout all our lives, which would still have an impact on the way things develop in the Blue Lagoon. In the meantime, I do not think that men ARE, I think that men have been taught (or not) to be a certain way. That been said, men can also be taught to be different, to be better men, to be whole persons, and women can learn to do the same.

ONLY A LATINA

Latinas are truly works of art from the Gods. We have the curves, the moves, the looks, the brain, the attitude, the love, the passion, the dedication, among other things, to live spicy and passionate lives. All women are special, but this is particularly true for Latinas. Go to the link Only a Latina and you will know what I am talking about....

ENTRE EL VIENTO Y EL MAR

En 1993 escribí Amor Imposible. El poema está publicado en este blog. Como había mencionado antes, el poema lo escribí para la situación de amor que estaba atravesando una amiga. El objeto de su amor también leyó mi poema cuando lo escribí, y me escribió éste en respuesta.

ENTRE EL VIENTO Y EL MAR

Iracundo un día el viento, al mar vino a preguntar:

-Qué derecho tienes de arrancar la joven y tibia arena?
¿Es que acaso no te aterra que socaves sus entrañas?
Vienes y te robas su alma y en un momento te vas.
¿Es que no puedes pensar en lo frágil que ella es;
que tu furia y tu poder desmantela lo que toca?
¿Es que acaso no te provoca este acto algún dolor?
¡Que quebranten tus deseos de encerrarla en tu pasión!

-¡Ay viento! Si supieras que a la arena yo respeto
y aunque no quiera, tengo que volcarme en sus entrañas,
pues no fui yo, sino otro el que decidiera este acto.
Y aunque es profundo mi deseo de a la arena no arropar
Fue Dios quien decidiera: “¡Toda arena tendrá mar!”.

Luis E. Valderrama

Valderrama expuso su “amor prohibido” de una forma fácil de entender, y a la vez meritorio. Se explicó en su poesía, la cual es muy parte de él, al igual que es parte de mí. El poema siempre ha vivido en mi diario y en mi recuerdo, y ahora lo comparto con el mundo.

Como explica Valderrama, el mar no puede evitar fundirse con la arena y ser parte de ella. Ambos están unidos por algo que es más fuerte que ellos, de manera ineludible y hermosa, aunque a los ojos de algunos parezca cruel y mal intencionado. Supongo que muchas veces la relación de amor entre dos seres solo ellos pueden entenderla y escoger o no vivirla a plenitud a pesar de las circunstancias. Este es uno de mis poemas favoritos de todos los tiempos.

IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT

In the heat of the moment one can say the harshest things, things we do not really and deeply mean, or things we do not want others to hear. In the heat of the moment we may let things slip off our lips without thinking about how our words will impact the other persons’ lives or how much meaning our words have on our own lives. We have all been hunted by our words at some point in our lives. We all have said things we later regret saying. We all have said things we wish we could take back. However, words are permanent once they come out of our mouth. Some words resonate in our heads, both after we say them and hear them being said, for a long time after the fact. Some words have a deep impact in the daily steps we take and how we do things and look at life. Words are powerful: they exert the power of our voice, carry the images we want to portray and the energy we vest in them. That’s why it’s very important that we acknowledge that we have a great responsibility to use our words with wisdom and truth, for ourselves and others. As I always say, mean what you say and say what you mean.

Un Amor Inconcluso

Y el amor se convirtió en carne, y la carne en espíritu que viajó a lugares prohibidos, alto y profundo, rápido en el tiempo eterno que se acortó abruptamente cuando se abrieron los ojos de la razón. El alma se quedó atrapada en el crisol que filtra la realidad y la verdad, sin saber a dónde ir, desorientada perdida en la nada. Se fue lo físico y lo demás trascendió las estaciones, los lugares, los momentos marcados por los minutos, los segundos y las horas, y vivió en lo recóndito para siempre. Los ojos miran adentro ahora, miran hacia el río que viaja traspasando el corazón sin cauce ni destino; miran adentro sin tener horizonte al cual seguir, inventando uno en el éter de lo desconocido y de lo incierto. Abruptamente la verdad se enfrentó a la realidad y chocó con ella, tratando de hacerle ver pero no entendió. Y la verdad sigue allí siendo amor y espíritu, escondida en la espera de la hora de la revelación para volverse grande y hacerse comprender ante los ojos desnudos de lo conciente.

100 Postings

It has been 100 postings since I started writing my blog. Before I started my blog, I wrote whatever was in my mind or in my heart in my diary and my computer, ocassionally letting Skarlet or Sarai read what I had written. And then I decided to come out in the open, to expose myself on the web and let anybody read what I have to say. I do not have an agenda, really, I just write what needs to come out of my head at the moment. I have written trivial articles, profound ones, ones talking about love, unlove, life and things, women, motherhood, and just my life. It has been an interesting journey, and I have made very good friends through my blog. I can say that I have said everything I've meant and have meant every word I've said in every posting.

Today I am celebrating publishing 100+ postings in my blog. I hope some have found my words interesting, intriguing, thought provoking, useless, funny, boring, but sometimes worth investing some time reading. It has been a revealing journey for myself as when I write I unveil my deepest thoughts and my deepest self for everyone to watch and for me to learn from.

THE FUTURE OF WOMEN

My theory is that, in order to better the place of women in every level and aspect of life, we have to begin working with raising more sensitive children. It is interesting that, as women, we have fought so hard and so much to gain equality with men, yet we raise our children with the same stereotypes that we were raised in. We seek to balance out our condition with men, yet we expect our children to fulfill the same gender roles imposed onto us when we were growing up. I used to hear that machismo was passed on by women. If that is a fact, it is a very sad one. How can a woman be machista? Isn’t that a total denial of who we are? How can we honor ourselves as women if we instill machismo in our children?

I am raising a little boy, and the challenge goes beyond what I think is right for him in order to sensitize him to the opposite gender and develop an open mind in him. There is a constant portrayal of the same old stereotypes in the children stories that my child is listening to in school. There is the challenge to make his father understand that there is nothing wrong with our child playing with a doll. There is the fear, present in our family members, that anything that we allow Paul Vincent to do or be exposed to that is considered “unmanly” will turn him into a “sissy” (ultimately meaning that there is a fear that he will be gay if he is not taught to think and behave as a “man”). I want my child to be a strong person, not a strong man. I want my child to be a man, in whatever definition he feels fits him best. I want my child to be able to respect all women and not see them as inferior. I want my child to know that he can do anything he wants to: be a secretary, a nurse or a surgeon, without having to think twice about it because it might not fit what society and his parents are expecting of him as a man. Ultimately, I want my child to be a man with a deep knowledge and respect of and for a woman’s heart.

The future of women and the equality we seek is in our hands. We must raise children that break the old stereotypes and see life through new and different paradigms, and that are not afraid of keep changing the paradigms when the situation applies. We need to respect and honor ourselves as women and instill that in our children, with our behaviors, and also with what we are teaching them at home, in school, on TV, and everywhere else.

ABOUT WOMEN

Having a little boy, and being a Hispanic woman, the topic of gender roles fascinates me, both because I am a woman raised in a machista society with a totally different mentality than what my upbringing tried to instill in me, and I am raising a man. It is well-known that we live in a patriarchal world. Men rule everywhere, and women around the world are confronted with a lot of issues about their position in relationships, in the family, in the workplace, in society, and in the world in general.

Women in Relationships:

Generally, women are expected to have a passive role when it comes to dating and mating. Women who express their feelings openly and are up-front about their intentions in a relationship are often misjudged and labeled as easy, freeky, too intense, and so on. Men, in the other hand, are always taught to be aggressive when pursuing any kind of relationship with a woman, enforced to do so, and rewarded for doing so.

Women in the Family:

Women are taught to be nurturing, to take care of their children, their husbands, their extended family, and even their husbands’ extended family in some cases. Women are expected to sacrifice their entire lives for the sake of the family.

Women in the Workplace:

Women encounter segregation and discrimination in the workplace in a constant basis. Women encounter a glass ceiling at work, meaning that they can only reach up to a certain organizational level, and beyond that the climb is almost impossible. Stereotypes follow women to the workplace, as they are expected to do “women jobs” and be followers rather than leaders. Women who actively pursue leadership roles and are straight forward in the workplace are labeled as too aggressive, manly, or bitches.

Women in Society:

As I was growing up, I always heard that behind a great leader (a man) there is always a great woman. That say was supposed to be a compliment for women. Women have made great contributions to society, however, since women have been socialized to be prudent and giving, they usually do not get the credit and exposure for their roles in society as men do. Interestingly, though, women are mostly responsible for charity work and volunteerism.

Women in the World:

Women have been persecuted, mistreated, disrespected, and alienated in every culture, in every country in the world, for centuries. I do not know if there was a time in which women’s situation was different than what we have known over the years. It is clear that women have been able to level things with men more in some countries in the world. However, there is still a lot of improvement to be done, in our neck of the woods and the rest of the world.



Men are a wonderful thing, and we cannot keep placing the blame on them for our position in the world and society. At least in this country, women can start to learn to value themselves more and make everyone see and appreciate that value. We have to break the chains of socialization and gender roles, and start forging the life we want, as women, but mostly as individuals. This is not a call to an armed revolution or a revolution against men, but rather a call for women to start living more passionate and fulfilling lives, in whatever roles we decide to exert.

Fear

Fear is indeed an ingrate guest in our mind, soul, and body. Fear can drain our energy and stop our best self from rising and manifesting our inner essence. We have all experienced fear, actually, the ability to feel fear is one of the most human traits we posses. However, what we do in the face of fear is what dictates the outcome. It is easy to paralyze in the presence of fear. Fear makes us “fight or flight”, as it is explained in psychology. It may take a while for individuals to realize what they want or need to do in the face of fear. We all have had instances in which we fight right away when confronted with fear; in other instances we paralyze but find courage to overcome the inertia that comes with fear and act; some other times we become static and let fear take over our lives for good.

Psychologists would say that most humans are in fear of the unknown and in fear of change. That is primarily true for all kinds of fear. Either we are in fear of the situation because we do not know how to deal with it, or because we do not know what and how the end result will be. Either we feel fear because we do not want to deal with the turmoil that change unravels before it finally materializes into the end result, or because we are uncertain about how much better or worse things will turn if we accept change and let it take its course. Ultimately, we are always in fear of getting hurt in the change processes that life proposes.

I believe the pain that we may experience when confronting our fears is temporary and sometimes necessary to expose the magnificence of what should be instead of what it is. Something is for sure: we are the only ones who can deal with our own fear. We can be willing to offer our assistance so others can conquer their demons and fight the skeletons in their closet, but ultimately it is up to each individual to stand up, look at fear right in the eye, and decide whether they want to fight or to flight. It is up to each individual to decide upon what role fear will take in their lives and how they will deal with it in the short and long run. Dealing with fear is risky, but no fight is risk free.

Here is something that I read this morning that can probably better explain fear and the effect it has on us. I hope everyone finds it useful, myself included.

Walking Through Your Fear

The Daily OM

The situations, activities, and individuals that frighten us remain static. Their relative intensity does not change. Fear, on the other hand, self-magnifies. It is when you are afraid and envisioning all that might go wrong that the energy underlying your fear grows. A tiny flicker of anxiety can easily develop into a terror that manifests itself physically and eventually paralyzes you into inaction…Though fear is literally an evolutionary gift meant to sharpen your senses and energize you during times of great stress, it can nonetheless become a barrier that prevents you from fulfilling your potential by causing you to miss out on rewarding, life-changing experiences. During the period before you face your fear, you may have to deal with a barrage of negative thoughts and emotions. Walking through it, whether your fear is public speaking, taking part in an activity that makes you nervous, or asserting yourself when the odds are against you, may be equally as difficult. But once you have emerged unscathed on the other side, which you will, you will likely wonder why you assumed the worst in the first place. As you spend time worrying about what might happen, it's good to know that your fear probably won't happen at all. It may feel like a great weight has been lifted from your shoulders, and you will likely feel a sense of passionate pride. Walking through your fear can! mean taking risks and can require both practice and patience…You will also find that when you are willing to stare your fear in the face, the universe will always offer you some form of aid or support. When you see the heights of accomplishment and personal evolution you can attain when you walk through your fears, your faith in yourself will grow, allowing your next step to be easier.

Ausencia de Ti

Ausencia de ti, de tus brazos sobre mi espalda…
Ausencia de tus manos en mi pecho resbalándose por mi piel salada…
Ausencia de tu aire abanicando mi boca sedienta y hambrienta de la tuya en la mía enclaustrada…
Ausencia del peso de tu cuerpo sobre el mío en la mañana y las noches sin ti desoladas.

Ausencia de tu mirada sobre mis ojos y sobre mi alma.
Ausencia de tu voz metiéndose por mis oídos y grabándose profundo en mi emoción silenciada.
Ausencia de tu voluntad que de nuestra realidad escapas.
Ausencia de tu presencia cuando presente viajas en el tiempo lejos de nuestra cara.

Ausencia de tu alma en éxodo escondiéndose de la mía que te llama…
Ausencia de tu corazón escondido en lo recóndito del sentimiento que niegas y callas…
Ausencia de tu ser en mis pasos pisándome las huellas de amor que dejo en tu cama…
Ausencia de ti en mí, fugitivo cautivo en escapada constante negándose al alba.

'Till Death Do Us Part?

“I will honor you, treasure you, and be faithful to you in sickness and in health, in happiness or in sadness, for richer or poorer, all the days of my life ‘till death do us part”. Many people, myself included, have recited these words (or something like that) in many countries around the world, in different languages, through different rituals, and maybe for more years than I can count. Idealistically, people will say these words and really and deeply mean them at the time, with the notion that their paths will lead them in a direction in which they can fulfill their wedding vows for eternity (or until death do them part). Some people feel like they are marrying their soul mate, and they are fortunate enough to feel like the love they feel for the other person will transcend any difficulties along the way and that they will take that love in them and with them to the afterlife. Idealistically (or not), people who have recited and will recite those vows will not find themselves growing out of love, or loyalty, or the will to validate them in a daily basis. However, when the vows do not make sense anymore, does everyone have to keep in the marriage until one of them (or both) actually dies? Is this the true meaning of happiness? Is it worth being unhappy for the sake of a marriage just because people recite those vows? Are the persons who walk out of a marriage cowards, mediocre, or courageous? I guess the answers depend on what side of the mirror one is looking into.

It seems to me that some are more inclined to satisfy the expected roles, and marriage is a perfect example. Once people are in it, God forbid that they find themselves like they made the wrong decision; they basically have to “suck it up” and make it work. I am not talking about the daily difficulties and challenges of having a face to face relationship with someone you swore you would have a life-long, physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual relationship with, but the realization that the path that the vows tried to portray is no longer a path that will lead to a better you, self realization for maybe neither of the parties involved, happiness, harmony, joy, peace, and all the ideals of what an emotional, spiritual, and physical commitment to a person entails. When it is known that that special connection is no longer existent or was maybe never present, is if fair to keep the relationship going as it is just because people are married?

This matter is very complicated. Society (and by that I mean people in it) condemn people who “opt out” of a marriage for their own sake; that is just plain selfish. A marriage usually means that the bigger person stays in the relationship even when the other party already left the relationship emotionally, or maybe when the bigger person him/herself has left the relationship emotionally. I guess once people are married, they are supposed to be “locked into it” and out of the world. Do not get me wrong, I am not against marriage, I could not be. My point is people should not be condemned so bitterly for doing what they think is right for themselves, and in the long run, for the other half.

Deep Thought

We all have the power to make a difference in the world. Our actions, no matter how small, can spin good vibrations and turn them into something big. Like little seeds that are dropped to the ground, our good deeds can harvest the biggest crops, for ourselves and/or for others. I believe good energy is derived from the good acts of our hearts. Lets be involved in the world and strive to make a difference, big or small.


"Anything you do from the soulful self will help lighten the burdens of the world. Anything. You have no idea what the smallest word, the tiniest generosity can cause to be set in motion. Be outrageous in forgiving. Be dramatic in reconciling. Mistakes? Back up and make them as right as you can, then move on. Be off the charts in kindness. In whatever you are called to, strive to be devoted to it in all aspects large and small. Fall short? Try again. Mastery is made in increments, not in leaps. Be brave, be fierce, be visionary. Mend the parts of the world that are "within your reach." To strive to live this way is the most dramatic gift you can ever give to the world". (Clarissa Pinkola Estes)

Do Women Give Our Hearts Too Freely?

I was having an interesting conversation the other night with another woman, and she said to me that we, women, give our hearts too freely. That phrase stuck to my head and I have not stopped thinking about it. Reflecting on that comment, I can see that it is woman nature to open our hearts and give it complete without questioning. It is woman nature to not hold back, to pursue the matters of the heart more persistently, openly, and devotionally than our counterparts. It is woman nature to invest our whole selves in whatever our heart is engaged in at the moment. We tend to respond better and louder to heart matters than to other non-so-idealistic ones. Are guys capable of doing that as well?

It seems like men tend to ponder with logical thinking the matters of the heart. Men generally tend to be more cautious when it comes to opening their hearts and giving in to their feelings and emotions. For women, loving and giving in to that love is sometimes simple. For men, beginning to love (or to accept it) seems to be a little bit more difficult; it takes more steps, more time, more thinking.

I have no doubt that beside all the socialization and conditioning we are exposed to throughout our lives, men and women are truly wired differently. Maybe it is true that women give our hearts too freely, but it is sad that we have to watch out for those who would take advantage of that fact. Giving our hearts is a voluntary act, and no one should feel threatened to express their feelings when they mean well. Love is a wonderful thing, it makes our lives richer and happier, and everyone should be willing to give it, receive it, and experiment it in the best way possible.

Back to the Blue Mountains

When I was a little girl I used to look at the hills that face my house west of my neighborhood. They always seem smoky and blue in the mornings. Being a morning person, I used to wake up early on Saturdays (my favorite day of the week) and stare at what I called the blue mountains forever. I imagined climbing up and touching the sky! From my perspective and my reality, the mountains seemed like they were scraping the deep blue sky, and I was sure that I could just climb to the top and touch the sky ceiling and play with the clouds as though they were solid. My imagination was nurtured by one of the first songs that I remember, in which the lyrics said that the sky could be touched with the hands. Needless to say that I became very stubborn in my want to pursue touching the sky from the mountain top.

I continued to look at the blue mountains every Saturday morning, and was always amazed by their rare color and wondered what made them look like that. Later on, when I was a young adult, I decided to hike up the hills with some of my friends. The trip to the top was exhilarating, and once at the top we could see all kinds of things, from part of the valley of Lajas to some of the coast line of Guánica. We felt very happy and empowered being at the top as though we had climbed up the Everest. We planted a flag in evidence of our visit, which was blown away by a hurricane years later.

When I went back to my home town Puerto Rico I looked at the blue mountains once again. They were looking smoky and blue as ever, and I could not help but to stare at them just like when I was a little girl. There is no flag now to be a silent witness to the ascend to the top with my friends, and I might not take the hike to the top again. However, just like when I was a little girl, the mountains made me think that I could in fact touch the sky just like them, and this time I don’t have to climb them to do it.

No Place is Too Far

Nowadays technology enables us to communicate with people from all over the World. It is amazing that now we can have friends all over the world, and although we might not see them in living color in flesh and bone, we are able to see them instantly through a web cam, and have conversations like we do with our next door neighbors. Yes, technology has allowed us to expand our horizons and have no boundaries when it comes to meeting people, making new friends, and learning from one another. All that is wonderful and truly marvelous, but I think the magic really happens when people want to share their experiences, feelings, emotions, thoughts, and lives, and they pursue so and are able to do it using technology.

I think our perception and intuition have no boundaries when we really want to connect with people in any fashion, where ever they may be. The power of words transcends physical limitations and is able to travel through mechanical apparatuses like computers, phones, and cell phones, and make their way via email, instant messaging, web cams, digital pictures, blogs, and whatever next technology will be developed. Where there’s the will to communicate and give ourselves to others there are no obstacles, and distance is not even an inconvenience in some cases. No place is too far and no person is out of reach in the world today. Hopefully, everyone will take advantage to connect and learn from others and make the whole world our backyard.

PARADOJA

Veo su cara cerca y lejos mientras su cuerpo le presta una visita a mis entrañas. La miro, intentando ver su alma a través de los ojos entreabiertos que dejan salir una ráfaga de pasión cuando se exalta el tiempo y se detiene en un gemido que mata al cuerpo, para revivir unos instantes después. La fuerza se apodera de mis brazos y mis manos, y le dejo surcos en la piel en muestra del arrebato que me posee al poseerme él. Me convierto en nada y en todo, en parte del universo y tan lejano de él por unas horas eternas que pasan rápido y se clavan en mi recuerdo, en mi piel y en mi espíritu que vive en fervor intransigente por tenerlo. Abro mis brazos, mis manos, mi boca y mis piernas para recibirlo en mi cuerpo y en mi alma, y se mete muy adentro, donde vive desde hace algún tiempo a tiempo completo. Viene y va, me deja temblando, con la luz oscilando a mi alrededor como relámpago que nunca se apaga e ilumina el cielo oscuro y lo convierte en día. Su sudor se me une y penetra mis poros, se evapora en mi piel seca, se mezcla con mi sangre y fluye por mi cuerpo como el torrente del río que desemboca al mar; mi mar, el mar que emana de mí cuando está dentro de mí, cuando con su boca me recibe, y cuando pensándolo intento recrearlo. Me quedo en él porque con él me voy y con él estoy en mi pensamiento y cuando mi espíritu me deja para irlo a buscar en las noches y los días que paso sin él. Vibra la última fibra de mi existencia sabiéndolo en el mundo, vivo, a tanta distancia de mí, distancia de cuerpo y de su alma alejada que me presta y me la retira dejándome sedienta insaciable y con hambre en mis ojos, mis manos, mi boca, mi vulva y mi alma.

SER UNO

Me metí en la oscuridad de la luz que brilla fuerte y tenue al final del abismo
Un peligro que acecha silente, a toda voz desde el fondo de ti y conmigo
Osadía de figuras que se unen penetrando y trascendiendo el tiempo
Amenaza de ganarme en la perdición de la entrega que no puedo evitar ni quiero.

Inminente tu paso por los renglones de mi ser expuesto en carne viva a tus ojos
Inminente albur que auguró tu aura que me encontró y me sedujo cuando eras otro
Me fui, te fuiste tú, y el tiempo y las vidas pasaron, pero inevitable
Se hizo la luz en la oscuridad de lo desconocido que nos hizo palpables.

Lo supo el ánima de la sustancia que me trajo hasta los confines de tenerte
Claro se abrió el cielo en infinito calor, sin alarma, ante el delirio de la suerte
De la viveza que reveló la fuerza que emana ahora de lo que es puro y verdugo
En el centro de la nada no hay razón, sólo dos volviendo a ser uno.

Our Best Company

We should feel that we are good company to ourselves. It is normal human nature to feel the need to gather with others, to have physical proximity with other people, and to enjoy the company of other beings, however, we should enjoy being with ourselves. When we learn to value our own self and treasure each moment we have to nurture our spirit, hear our own voice, and feel comfortable just being, others will appreciate the wholeness of our company to them.

I love to indulge myself. I do not need much to pamper myself, though. I like to involve my senses in the things I do, and much of the everyday little things I do give me pleasure. I derive joy in cooking, doing the dishes, reading a good book, listening to music, dancing in the kitchen, singing in the shower, feeding the ducks at the lake, writing my thoughts, and almost everything I engage myself into. Many times I am by myself, and always with myself. I can have the most meaningful conversations with my soul, listen my heart, and be content in knowing that my deepest self shines of happiness through my eyes. Often times I prepare a delicious meal for myself, serve it on my best china, drink from my pretty glass, and savor every moment of that experience with myself at the table. All that happens while I keep myself good company.

One can be without company, however, the most important thing is to feel as though we are never alone. All the components of our best self are with us to enjoy, to give us warmth, teach us, comfort us, enlighten us, and reassure us that we are great to be with. When we come to that realization, the world will know, and others will follow.