A few days ago I published an article about putting people in a tough spot when we idealize them. It is not fair for them, and it is not fair for us to do that. Coincidentally, the article below was published today in the Daily Om, and it gives a very interesting perspective about "putting people on pedestals". Enjoy!
August 23, 2006
To Be Human
Putting People On Pedestals
When we fall in love with someone or make a new friend, we sometimes see that person in a glowing light. Their good qualities dominate the foreground of our perception and their negative qualities. They just don't seem to have any. This temporary state of grace is commonly known as putting someone on a pedestal. Often times we put spiritual leaders and our gurus on pedestals. We have all done this to someone at one time or another, and as long as we remember that no one is actually "perfect," the pedestal phase of a relationship can be enjoyed for what it is-a phase. It's when we actually believe our own projection that troubles arise. Everyone has problems, flaws, and blind spots, just as we do. When we entertain the illusion that someone is perfect, we don't allow them room to be human, so when they make an error in judgment or act in contradiction to our idea of perfection, we become disillusioned. We may get angry or distance ourselves in response. In the end, they are not to blame for the fact that we idealized them. Granted, they may have enjoyed seeing themselves as perfect through our eyes, but we are the ones who chose to believe an illusion. If you go through this process enough times, you learn that no one is perfect. We are all a combination of divine and human qualities and we all struggle. When we treat the people we love with this awareness, we actually allow for a much greater intimacy than when we held them aloft on an airy throne. The moment you see through your idealized projection is the moment you begin to see your loved one as he or she truly is. We cannot truly connect with a person when we idealize them. In life, there are no pedestals-we are all walking on the same ground together. When we realize this, we can own our own divinity and our humanity. This is the key to balance and wholeness within ourselves and our relationships.
6 comments:
Great post! What a good article. We all do that don't we? Even when we don't realize it. I'll have to keep this in mind.
Yes, we all do that and get upset when we discover the truth. But then we get angry with the other person, instead of being angry with ourselves, the ones who didn´t look at the whole picture! It's probably not the fault of the other person but our own fault. (In case someone was to blame, as these things happen unconsciously.)
What an amazing article. So ... to the point. I for one know I ave times where I've pushed people away as I realised they weren't on the pedestal. But, the thing that stood out for me there was going through it enough times to learn. If you go through life switched on, or at least looking at what's happened - you will learn. And the things you can have if you dooo.... wow
...very interesting and very true indeed! This is what I've tried (maybe in vain) to explain to my oldest son, but so far he just doesn't get it. The problem with putting someone on a pedestal is when they fall, sometimes the fall is so great that there is irreparable damage...and more often than not it is to the heart.
And we all know how tender a teenage heart can be.
Well, as anyone who's read my blog knows, I've had at least one person on a pedestal.
I think the greatest danger is to yourself, that you will have built up expectations that no person can meet and you've created your own disappointment.
I'm happy to say that my 'god' is off the pedestal, but as admired as ever for being a wonderful real person, who also happens to be a great author.
sometimes it has to be done, like when there 12 children already the mom has to go on a pedestal, so dad can't reach her anymore.
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