WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS

Cuando la vida te da limones…Ya sabemos cómo va el resto del dicho. Contando mi historia nuevamente en un programa televisivo la audiencia no puede evitar experimentar sentimientos encontrados acerca de la misma: horror, tristeza, lástima, admiración, sorpresa…Mi historia, la que se puede contar en tres minutos y los detalles que falta el tiempo para divulgarlos, me parece fascinante e interesante, pero sé que hay miles de individuos en el mundo que han hecho de situaciones difíciles y desgarradoras fuentes de inspiración y motivación para superarse y evolucionar con entereza, valor, fuerza y sensibilidad. Es normal sentir desacierto y dolor, angustia y tristeza, preocupación y dejadez. Estos sentimientos pocos placenteros, y posiblemente el resultado de vivencias amargas y difíciles, pueden servir para ponernos en contacto con la energía para el cambio que necesitamos. La comodidad nos sienta bien en tanto y en cuanto nos sentimos completos y realizados. Cuando la comodidad o el miedo nos obstaculizan para movernos hacia delante en una nueva dirección que nos permita alcanzar un estado de bienestar y plenitud, éstos se convierten en nuestros enemigos número uno.

Las cadenas emocionales que atan nuestra conducta y perpetúan situaciones negativas en nuestras vidas son fuertes y difíciles de romper, pero muchas veces el cambio llega a raíz de eventos no gratos, cuando nos damos cuenta de que tenemos que pasar por el fuego del cambio para emerger de él en mejores condiciones.

La historia que ya se escribió en mi vida es como una película a la cual miro ahora sentada en mi sofá. Falta mucho de ella por escribir y contar y espero siempre poder aprender de ella, de mi vida como principal maestro de lecciones importantes para evolucionar plena.

…We know how the rest of the say goes. Telling my story once again for a talk show, the audience was sad, heartbroken, and surprised to hear it. I find my story fascinating, the one that I can tell and the details that I cannot share for lack of time to do it, is one of endurance and survival, but as interesting as my story sounds I know there is a lot of people in the world with more shocking and amazing stories to tell; events that have made them re-emerge stronger, wiser, and more sensitive in spite of all the ugliness and painful circumstances. As it is normal to feel angst, uncertainty, and sadness, we have to realize that many times those feelings arise to tell us something: something has to change. Many times comfort and fear work against us in pursuing a better state, to evolve whole. Let unpleasant situations and feelings be the catalyst you need to take action to change.

The piece of my history that has already been written is like a movie that I watch now sitting from a comfy couch. There is still much of it to write and tell, but I hope my life can always be my most valuable teacher.

VIOLENCIA CONTRA LA MUJER

Visitando el blog de Seoman me enteré que el pasado sábado, 25 de noviembre se celebró el Día Internacional Contra la Violencia de Género. La fecha pasó desapercibida para mí, sin embargo, hoy sabiendo de tal celebración, me cuestiono por qué siquiera tenemos que tener una fecha especial dedicada a recordarle a las personas a no maltratar a las mujeres. Me parece barbárico que aún en el Siglo 21 tengamos que recordarnos a no agredir y victimizar a la mujer, y que aún esta problemática esté lejos de ser resuelta en el mundo.

Las causas de violencia contra la mujer son muchas. El gran problema es cómo se perpetúan estos círculos viciosos de generación en generación, siendo aceptados por ambas partes (agresor y agredida) como norma y estilo de vida esperado y modelado y enseñado a generaciones futuras.

En un artículo pasado leí que las jóvenes Latinas están en gran riesgo de caer en relaciones abusivas durante sus años de escuela, y al preguntárseles por qué aceptan este tipo de relación responden que sus parejas actúan agresivamente por el amor tan grande que les tienen. Muchas mujeres llegan a la adultez con este mismo paradigma y continúan aceptando la violencia como algo aceptable para sus vidas y una validación y prueba contundente del amor de la contraparte para con ellas (¿qué pasó con las flores y las serenatas?). Algunas mujeres definen maltrato como abuso físico severo y no se dan cuenta de que el maltrato tiene muchas formas y caras, a veces sin llegar a la agresión física.

Es triste que una mujer crea que el amor duele, lastima y tortura para ser real y tangible. Es triste que una mujer cuando se da cuenta de que el amor no tiene que doler piense que no tiene alternativas para salirse de una relación en la cual la agresión y la violencia imperan. Mucho más triste es que los agresores se sientan con la potestad y el derecho libre de utilizar la violencia a su antojo en contra de sus parejas. Ninguna mujer debe tener que vivir en una relación de maltrato. Ningún niño debe presenciar cómo su papá llega a la violencia física o verbal contra su mamá. Ningún hombre debe sentirse con el derecho de poder agredir a su pareja.

La violencia de género se detiene con educación y concientización, para que las mujeres entiendan que no tienen que vivir la vida en pareja llenas de temor o aceptar el maltrato, y saber sus opciones y alternativas. El esfuerzo tiene que ser conjunto entre todos los componentes de la sociedad para levantar nuevas generaciones con una visión positiva hacia el respeto mutuo y la sana convivencia. Mensaje: El maltrato no es amor.

Joy

Luego de la ausencia vuelvo a mí. Nunca me voy, ciertamente, y cuando regreso así parece, que nunca me fui, que siempre he estado aquí. Viendo la vida desde varias perspectivas, las mías y las de otros, me inspiré a escribir esto. Se me antojó escribirlo en inglés porque me sale mejor así. Este escrito habla de la alegría, la que a mí siempre me acompaña, aún en los momentos en los cuales las sonrisas son tenues. La alegría es una decisión, una elección. Que sea tuya y así nadie te la podrá quitar.

"Tengo alegría que el mundo no me ha dado y que el mundo no me puede quitar". Esclavos Negros en el siglo 19.

“I have joy that the world did not give to me, and joy that the world cannot take away”. 19th Century Negro Slaves

Wow!! How powerful this is! Joy is like water that comes out of a fountain, refreshing, welcomed, needed, and much appreciated. To live with joy is to find contentment and cheer in the very little things of life as well as the big things. As Dr. Robin Smith says, joy is a choice we make whether things go right or wrong, whether things go our way or not. A joyful person always irradiates good energy and vibe that attracts others and gives the beholder a positive perspective of life. To be merry is to have the certainty that all that happens in our lives happens for a greater purpose and offers us the opportunity to learn, no matter how harsh the circumstances might be. Joy gives us strength to face difficulties and look at our possibilities with the confidence that at the end our joy will be even greater than before.

I have met a lot of fantastic and amazing people in my life. I have met those people who, no matter the situation how difficult their lives are, they always have a positive approach to life and a smile on their face. There is time for everything in this life, and even when crying, let the tears wash away the blues when it’s time to reveal an even stronger, deeper and more appreciated cheer, just like the rain reveals a bluer sky and sometimes a beautiful rainbow. Let joy always be with you, within you, and show it proudly. It is contagious!

BEING A MOTHER

As a mother, especially as the other of a son, I can really appreciate this story. I would like for my son to value and treasure our relationship way beyond his childhood. I hope he is never too busy to spend time with me when the walks of his life take him away from me to new worlds and new people. I hope he evolves to remain the loving child he is today in his adult body. Mostly, I hope he is always aware of the immense love I feel for him, one that could never be duplicated, tarnished, or diminished.

The story below was sent to me by my mother-in-law, mother of three boys. Fortunately, she is not the lady from this story, as her three sons value, love, and treasure her deeply for the wonderful mother she is. With luck my son will turn out to be like her sons.

BEING A MOTHER

After 21 years of marriage, My wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie. She said, "I love you, but I know this other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with you." The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally.

That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie. "What's wrong, are you well," she asked? My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news. "I thought that it would be pleasant to spend some time with you, "I responded. "Just the two of us." She thought about it for a moment, and then said, "I would like that very much."

That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary. She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's. "I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed," she said, as she got into the car. "They can't wait to hear about our meeting."

We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady. After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only read large print. Half way through the entries, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips. "It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small, "she said. "Then it's time that you relax and let me return the favor," I responded.

During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation nothing extraordinary but catching up on recent events of each other's life. We talked so much that we missed the movie.

As we arrived at her house later, she said, "I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you." I agreed. "How was your dinner date?" asked my wife when I got home. "Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined," I answered.

A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn't have a chance to do anything for her. Some time later, I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined. An attached note said: "I paid this bill in advance. I wasn't sure that I could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two plates - one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant for me. I love you, son."

At that moment, I understood the importance of saying in time: "I LOVE YOU" and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve. Nothing in life is more important than your family. Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till "some other time."

Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you've had a baby ... somebody doesn't know that once you're a mother, "normal" is history.

Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by instinct . somebody never took a three-year-old shopping.

Somebody said being a mother is boring .somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager with a driver's permit.

Somebody said if you're a "good" mother, your child will "turn out good"....somebody thinks a child comes with directions and a guarantee.

Somebody said "good" mothers never raise their voices ....somebody never came out the back door just in time to see her child hit a golf ball through the neighbor's kitchen window.

Somebody said you don't need an education to be a mother ....somebody never helped a fourth grader with his math.

Somebody said you can't love the second child as much as you love the first .... omebody doesn't have two children.

Somebody said a mother can find all the answers to her child-rearing questions in the books.... somebody never had a child stuff beans up his nose or in his ears.

Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is labor and delivery....somebody never watched her "baby" get on the bus for the first day of kindergarten .. or on a plane headed for military "boot camp."

Somebody said a mother can do her job with her eyes closed and one hand tied behind her back ...somebody never organized seven giggling Brownies to sell cookies.

Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after her child gets married....somebody doesn't know that marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a mother's heartstrings.

Somebody said a mother's job is done when her last child leaves home....somebody never had grandchildren.

Somebody said your mother knows you love her, so you don't need to tell her.... omebody isn't a mother.

Amazing Story

http://www.break.com/index/truly_amazing_blind_kid.html

Humans are truly masterpieces with talents beyond our own awareness, and the capability to do the unthinkable. The link above portrays a story worth telling, and although it brought tears to my eyes, it filled my heart with immense joy. Let that story inspire you today to excel and be grateful.

Los humanos somos obras de arte con talentos más allá de nuestro conocimiento y la capacidad de hacer lo inimaginable. El enlace que aparece arriba muestra una historia digna de ser contada, y a pesar de que la misma me hizo llorar también llenó mi corazón de inmenso júbilo. Que esta historia te inspire hoy a ser todo lo que quieres ser.

PENIS OBSESSION

I recently went back home to Puerto Rico, and took my two-year-old son with me. Upon our arrival, everyone was overly excited to see us. We were very happy to see our family and friends as well. As expected, everybody paid extra and special attention to Paul Vincent at all times, turning him into the center of the world in which he was the main and most important star.

As the days went by, I could not help to notice the special attention his genitalia was getting. I realized then something that I have grown up with all my life: the perpetual worship of the male reproductive organ. My son’s genitalia was the object of attention, questions such as: “to how many girlfriends does this belong to?”, “to whom does this belong to?”; and comments such as “this is mine”, and “I am going to get it”. To people from other cultures these comments might sound perverted and outrageous, but to the Puerto Rican culture these are comments that have been passed on from generation to generation, unquestioned, celebrated, and widely accepted.

For some reason, those comments hit me now, although I have heard them all my life, directed toward boys, of course. This time those words got me thinking: what is it so important about male genitalia that deserves to be celebrated on a regular basis? Why is everybody, males and females, obsessed with babies penises and teach them they are the epitome of their lives? Why has no one questioned the penis worship before? (At least, not anyone I know). And lastly, does anybody celebrate female genitalia?

Growing up in Puerto Rico I cannot remember anytime my genitalia was celebrated as a baby or a small girl. Nobody asked to how many boyfriends my genitalia belonged to; nobody said how big or pretty it was, or told me I would break many hearts with it (or get a lot of penises with it for that matter). I am sure someone would be totally disturbed at this article, especially when the questions about my genitalia come about, however, it seems totally permissible, admissible, and even expected to talk about male genitalia in those terms, at least in the Puerto Rican culture. My point is, I finally realized machismo and its perpetuation starts with the adoration and reverence of the male penis (which by the way, the bigger the better according to my culture), by all in society.

Needless to say I had to advice everyone to stay off and clear my child’s genitalia, as it is just that and not a totem, and I do not want my child to think of himself in terms of his penis as it does not define who he is or who he will be. I am not against celebrating any body part, really, but I do not want my son to get the narrow perspective that he is his penis and that his penis controls him and dictates his present and future behavior and place in society.

Ausencia y Regreso

Estuve ausente. Me fui a recorrer el pasado y anduve en él, con el paso lento que permite mirar las cosas desde otra perspectiva. Ya regresé a mi presente, a mi ayer no terminado, a mi futuro en construcción y aún no forjado. Regresé de mí hacia mí por el cual pasó el tiempo dejando su huella sin saberlo y sin pensarlo. Regresé igual y otra, con muchas otras adentro de mí haciéndose eco en mis palabras recordadas del ayer que se nutre de mi hoy. Volví al ayer y regresé al presente, diferente e igual. Fue reconfortante viajar al pasado y devolverme nuevamente al actual ahora que me llamaba. Desde aquí y desde siempre estoy.

El Tiempo que no Pasa

Estoy en un lugar en donde el tiempo no pasa...Todo se ha detenido en un simple suspiro de tiempo en el cual el pensamiento pasa lento y se repite a sí mismo como una canción que canta una y otra vez las mismas notas. El viento pasa igual, la lluvia cae igual, el cielo no cambia su azul límpido y la lluvia se derrama fuerte y continua a través de las horas queriendo lavar la tierra que se mueve ante ella pero vuelve a ser la misma. Aquí estoy, siendo la de ayer pero tan diferente; viviendo el hoy en un ayer que no se va.

Lo Que Queda

Lo que queda

Donde hubo quimeras de fugaces pasiones
quedaron olvidos de muertas ilusiones
palabras rotas que no dicen nada
vacíos inmensos y frías mañanas.

Un espectro a lo lejos convertido en bruma
intocable al tacto del corazón que esfuma
el dolor de la suerte que echada y quebrada
salta al abismo convertido en nada.

Llanto seco corriendo desbocado
lágrimas amargas en los ojos cerrados
que no ven el horizonte con el amor gravado
con desamor grabado en amores robados.

Explicaciones faltan, las palabras no bastan
yo digo, no dices tú lo que dices del alma
callo yo el llanto ahogado de ti escondido
y rota me recojo en el pensamiento que se va contigo.

Cuando te vea en la vida háblame de ayer
y a mi alma perpleja hazle entender…
A ver si me puedes decir qué le pasó al corazón (yo sé del mío).
A ver si me puedes decir, explicar qué sucedió…(si acaso lo sabes tú mismo…).

Tangie
En una noche despechada

Life Lessons

My friend RM wrote an article about Life Lessons. The writing could not have been more true. Life's situations, the people we encounter on our way, what we see, what we hear, what we feel, every little stimuli we are exposed to encrypts something in ourselves. Those encryptions are either a superficial tattoo that we might not even realize we have it, or they may get fused with who we were before the stimuli and transform us, sometimes in subtle, other times in drastic ways. Life and everything in it is a big school full of little and big lessons. Some people might choose to not learn from all those experiences, and some might choose to seek for the hidden or apparent learning that can be derived from all our experiences. Some lessons are loud and clear, some are disguised or delayed and we just have to keep an open mind and a keen heart to accept the learning when it has to happen. Some lessons are instilled in us deep into our depths, some we pick and choose as souvenirs we wear when the time is right and when it matches what we need. The important thing is to keep an open eye for what RM calls organic learning: the learning that is rather informal, with no agenda, just happens through all the little and big experiences we are faced and immersed in everyday. In that regard I always want to be a lifelong learner. Life and everything in it is my big school, never ending, in which everyone I know, every person I have met, every action, reaction, thought, word, touch, move, sight, everything that has been placed on my path carries a valuable lesson from which I grow and evolve.

Seeing Beyond the Unknown

As a continuation, fear is then a force…Powerful, but truly just our own creation. What was created since the beginning of all is always good, always true, always conducive to our evolution and well-being. Fear that comes of our own creation is imperfect and leads to imperfection. We all have them. We just have to transform its force to have the drive to seek the ultimate, what comes from our source which can unite us with it and make us whole.

The fear of the unknown is natural for all humans and part of our preservation instinct. The fear of losing what we have is sometimes so powerful that prevents us from even trying to begin to pursue what we want. Sometimes we set ourselves with the bare minimum, in fear that if we attempt to let go of our fear and start moving towards what we want we might not succeed. Therefore, to prevent ourselves from the anticipated dissapointment of failure we do not even begin to try in the first place. I think that when we recognize our fears, acknowledge we have them, understand why we have them, but act in spite of them we learn a great deal about who we are, and we get to know more of who we could be and what we can do. And that discovery always leads to growth, and it is always worth the try.

For me and for all…

The Daily OM
October 16, 2006
Seeing Beyond The Unknown
Fear Of Losing What We Have

One of humanity's biggest fears is losing what we have. It is healthy when fear of loss helps us take steps to protect what we have worked hard to attain, but it is unhealthy to continue to fear something we can do nothing about. We need to remember that focusing our energy on fear can actually create what scares us, and holding tightly to what we have keeps us from participating in the universal flow of abundance and instead creates stagnation. Since we can only really control our thoughts and our responses, gaining proper perspective may be key to conquering such fears. The letters of the word "fear" can be used to stand for "False Evidence Appearing Real." Fears of being separated from something or someone we feel we need for our security or happiness comes from a delusion-a distorted way of understanding ourselves and the world around us. When we understand that possessions are only representations of the energy at work in our lives, we can shift our attention to the right and proper place. We can stop fearing loss of money or success because when we understand how it is created, we can always create more. We can stop fearing loss of possessions when we realize that they are not the source of our joy or well-being but only icing on our cakes. And when we understand the energy of love, we need not hold anyone too close for fear of losing them for we know that love does not diminish when it is given or shared but expands beyond boundaries of time or space. By focusing our light on our fears, they are revealed as mere shadows that disappear in the presence of mind and spirit. We can choose instead to direct our thoughts and creative power toward things of true value-love, abundance, peace, passion, and joy. These are energies that are always available to us when we place ourselves confidently in the universal flow of abundance.

The Force and the Energy

“Pain is a force; Love is energy,force is temporary, energy is always present.Welcome back "pequeña", leave and forget your regrets where the force was wasted and useless. I wonder where you lost yourself while in the journey of life.”

I found these words profound and touching. They were written to me, meant to be said to me, I guess, but most importantly, they speak to me. I don’t know who wrote this, as the author is anonymous, but I appreciate those words from the depths of my true self.

Lo único que persigo es ser fiel y verdadera a mi corazón. Por alguna razón seguir al corazón (energía) se convierte en fuerza o se interpreta como eso. Sí, la energía me ha dado fuerza, pero sigue latente en mí y espero que siempre pueda traspasar mi piel y dejarse ver a través de mí como reflejo real y lleno de verdad de quien soy. ¿Perdida de mí misma? No creo. Estoy aquí, conmigo, a veces durmiendo, a veces soñando, a veces despierta y pensando, y a veces siendo lo que soy a pesar del mundo y de la lógica y la razón. A veces me ven otros, a veces no, y eso es fuerza. Cuando me veo como soy es energía.

Gracias por la visita. Y como decimos en mi isla, “¡que se repita!”

Leaving

I am leaving to Puerto Rico again. I will be going to recharge and reconnect with a place that gave me so much and people who care about me deeply, the same way I love them with a love that is pure and never ending. I will be going back to myself, to the original version of who I am, and hopefully will be back with a clearer picture of who I want to become. I am going to Puerto Rico to breathe and fuse with the Caribbean air so full of history and a past that is always present. I will love, be loved, laugh loud and much, eat, think, and just be.

If you have not visited the link to the video The Power of Love, please do. And with that I will leave you until I come back.

The Power of Love

It may sound like a cliché, but love is truly the most powerful force in the world. Love can inspire us, move us, motivate us, and give us the strength to do the unthinkable. My dear friend Jennifer Laszlo sent me the story below and the video clip. Let love take its course today...


[From Sports Illustrated, By Rick Reilly]
I try to be a good father. Give my kids mulligans. Work nights to pay For their text messaging. Take them to swimsuit shoots. But compared with Dick Hoyt, I suck. Eighty-five times he's pushed his disabled son, Rick, 26.2 miles in Marathons. Eight times he's not only pushed him 26.2 miles in a Wheelchair but also towed him 2.4 miles in a dinghy while swimming and Pedaled him 112 miles in a seat on the handlebars--all in the same day. Dick's also pulled him cross-country skiing, taken him on his back Mountain climbing and once hauled him across the U.S. On a bike. Makes Taking your son bowling look a little lame, right? And what has Rick done for his father? Not much--except save his life.This love story began in Winchester , Mass. , 43 years ago, when Rick Was strangled by the umbilical cord during birth, leaving him Brain-damaged and unable to control his limbs. "He'll be a vegetable the rest of his life;'' Dick says doctors told him And his wife, Judy, when Rick was nine months old. ``Put him in an Institution.''
But the Hoyts weren't buying it. They noticed the way Rick's eyes Followed them around the room. When Rick was 11 they took him to the Engineering department at Tufts University and asked if there was Anything to help the boy communicate. ``No way,'' Dick says he was told. ``There's nothing going on in his brain.'' "Tell him a joke,'' Dick countered. They did. Rick laughed. Turns out a Lot was going on in his brain. Rigged up with a computer that allowed Him to control the cursor by touching a switch with the side of his Head, Rick was finally able to communicate. First words? ``Go Bruins!'' And after a high school classmate was paralyzed in an accident and the School organized a charity run for him, Rick pecked out, ``Dad, I want To do that.'' Yeah, right. How was Dick, a self-described ``porker'' who never ran More than a mile at a time, going to push his son five miles? Still, he Tried. ``Then it was me who was handicapped,'' Dick says. ``I was sore For two weeks.'' That day changed Rick's life. ``Dad,'' he typed, ``when we were running, It felt like I wasn't disabled anymore!'' And that sentence changed Dick's life. He became obsessed with giving Rick that feeling as often as he could. He got into such hard-belly Shape that he and Rick were ready to try the 1979 Boston Marathon. ``No way,'' Dick was told by a race official. The Hoyts weren't quite a Single runner, and they weren't quite a wheelchair competitor. For a few Years Dick and Rick just joined the massive field and ran anyway, then They found a way to get into the race Officially: In 1983 they ran another marathon so fast they made the Qualifying time for Boston the following year. Then somebody said, ``Hey, Dick, why not a triathlon?''

How's a guy who never learned to swim and hadn't ridden a bike since he Was six going to haul his 110-pound kid through a triathlon? Still, Dick Tried. Now they've done 212 triathlons, including four grueling 15-hour Ironmans in Hawaii . It must be a buzzkill to be a 25-year-old stud Getting passed by an old guy towing a grown man in a dinghy, don't you Think?
Hey, Dick, why not see how you'd do on your own? ``No way,'' he says. Dick does it purely for ``the awesome feeling'' he gets seeing Rick with A cantaloupe smile as they run, swim and ride together.

This year, at ages 65 and 43, Dick and Rick finished their 24th Boston Marathon, in 5,083rd place out of more than 20,000 starters. Their best Time? Two hours, 40 minutes in 1992--only 35 minutes off the world Record, which, in case you don't keep track of these things, happens to Be held by a guy who was not pushing another man in a wheelchair at the Time. ``No question about it,'' Rick types. ``My dad is the Father of the Century.'' And Dick got something else out of all this too. Two years ago he had a Mild heart attack during a race. Doctors found that one of his arteries Was 95% clogged. ``If you hadn't been in such great shape,'' One doctor told him, ``you probably would've died 15 years ago.'' So, in a way, Dick and Rick saved each other's life.
Rick, who has his own apartment (he gets home care) and works in Boston, and Dick, retired from the military and living in Holland, Mass. , always find ways to be together. They give speeches around the country and compete in some backbreaking race every weekend, including this Father's Day.

That night, Rick will buy his dad dinner, but the thing he really wants to give him is a gift he can never buy. ``The thing I'd most like,'' Rick types, ``is that my dad sit in the chair and I push him once.''

Click on the following link to watch the video. It will move you, inspire you, and make you realize the power of love: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4B-r8KJhlE

Llorar de Amor

He llorado esta mañana. Lloré de una tristeza feliz, o de una felicidad triste. Lloré cuando mi alma encontró la luz que entraba por mis ojos abiertos viendo la realidad del amor, y no pudo evitar desbordarse. Supongo que el amor así, tan profundo y puro, tan fuerte y poderoso hace llorar. Supongo que el alma sí entiende la totalidad y simpleza majestuosa y divina del amor y su poder transformador, energizador, el poder de no tan solo pensar que todo se puede, sino hacer que todo se pueda. Hoy lloré y fue un lindo llanto, con amor corriendo por mis mejillas y uniéndose a mi mirada clavada en el poder de lo que no se ve pero que se siente tan verdadero, real y completo. Hoy me reafirmé que para el amor no hay límites, que el amor no tiene distancia, ni tiempo, ni impedimento, solo aquéllos que le imponemos nosotros en nuestra condición humana porque el amor es mucho más que la capacidad de nuestro cuerpo y que la razón de nuestra mente. Hoy lloré de saber que el amor lo puede todo si lo dejamos actuar y obrar. Para el amor nada es imposible y verlo me hace llorar. Hoy lloraré todo el día con una sonrisa en mi corazón y en mis labios.

It is natural of humans to pursue growth. Humans have the innate need to make progress in certain areas of life, few or many depending on the person, periodically throughout our existence. For some it is finding their calling and constantly setting new goals to fulfill their passions; for others it is making some kind of financial progress throughout their lives; for many it is seeking continuous spiritual growth and a connection with a higher power. Humans need to feel they are “moving forward”, and stagnation damages the human soul creating a blockage in the flow of energy and instilling a sense of imbalance within. When water cannot run its course and merge with a stronger, wider, deeper, more powerful stream or body it loses its ability to be and becomes dark, murky, and turbid. The same thing happens with our human condition when we stop our flow, our natural progression, and the evolution of all the elements of our lives. When we pay attention to just one or few areas of our lives and feel we are moving upward or forward we feel contentment, but it can be temporary. When we endeavor in accomplishing all areas that make us what we ought to be we can evolve.

It is healthy to strive to accomplish ourselves the best way possible, at the maximum of our capacity, and the feeling of exhilaration that comes with it ignites a light that shines through us and everyone can see. Our energy is strengthened when we sense we are moving in the right direction with complete satisfaction. Hopefully, all humans will pursue to evolve whole. Paying too much attention to just one area of our lives and just focusing on the growth of that area (financial, social, spiritual, etc.), can also create an imbalance as the other areas that are also important for our fruition remain incomplete or neglected. Humans should seek to create and maintain a harmonious relationship between the physical world and ourselves, and grow all aspects that compose our humanity to the best of our ability, knowing that to evolve means to never stop growing whole.

Yo Misma Fui Mi Ruta

La vida es un viaje con nosotros en él. Podemos elegir ser el conductor de nuestro propio viaje o sentarnos atrás, ser pasajeros y dejar que otros nos conduzcan. Cuando conducimos nosotros, forjamos nuestro propio destino. Cuando otros conducen solo podemos preguntarnos a dónde nos llevará nuestro viaje...Eres conductor o eres pasajero?

Yo misma fui mi ruta

Yo quise ser como los hombres quisieronque yo fuese:

un intento de vida;

un juego al escondite con mi ser.

Pero yo estaba hecha de presentes,

y mis pies, planos sobre la tierra promisora

no resistían caminar hacia atrás,

y seguían adelante, adelante,

burlando las cenizas para alcanzar el beso

de los senderos nuevos.

A cada paso adelantado en mi ruta hacia el frente

rasgaba mis espaldas el aleteo desesperado de los troncos viejos.

Pero la rama estaba desprendida para siempre,

y a cada nuevo azote

la mirada mía se separaba más y más y más de los lejanos horizontes aprendidos:

y mi rostro iba tomando la espresión que le venía de adentro,

la expresión definida que asomaba un sentimiento de liberación íntima;

un sentimiento que surgía del equilibrio sostenido entre mi vida

y la verdad del beso de los senderos nuevos.

Ya definido mi rumbo en el presente,

me sentí brote de todos los suelos de la tierra,

de los suelos sin historia, de los suelos sin porvenir,

del suelo siempre suelo sin orillas de todos los hombres y de todas las épocas.

Y fui toda en mí como fue en mí la vida…

Yo quiese ser como los hombres quisieron que yo fuese:

un intento de vida; un juego al escondite con mi ser.

Pero yo estaba hecha de presentes;

cuando ya los heraldos me anunciabanen el regio desfile de los troncos viejos,

se me torció el deseo de seguir a los hombres,

y el homenaje se quedó esperándome.

Julia de Burgos

UNA PREGUNTA

El encontrar la Rima XLI de Bécquer me ha puesto a pensar en José Gautier Benítez. Cómo separarlos, si en el universo literario y en total desconocimiento uno del otro, ambos encontraron musa igual para sus dolencias de amor? Sufrir por amor y amar fue sinónimo para estos dos grandes poetas, haciendo del dolor hermosas obras de arte a través de la poesía. De mi poeta preferido, José Gautier, Una Pregunta:


UNA PREGUNTA

Sol espléndido y radiante
en la ancha esfera sujeto;
no te pregunto el secreto
de tu esplendor rutilante.

Ni por qué, nube distante
tiñes de ópalo y rubí;
pero perdóname si
te pregunto en mi querella,
¿si estará pensando en mí
como estoy pensando en ella?

Luna, brillante topacio
que, entre nebuloso tul,
cruzas la techumbre azul
de las alas del espacio.

Si se fijaron despacio
sus bellos ojos en ti,
y si la miraste, di
si estaba doliente y bella,
si estaba pensando en mí
como estoy pensando en ella.

Mar inmenso que te agitas
sobre tu lecho de arena,
y que ora en bonanza plena
tus olas no precipitas;

tú que bañas las benditas
riberas donde viví,
los sitios donde la vi
tan pura, tan dulce y bella,
responde, si piensa en mí,
como estoy pensando en ella.

Brisa, que acaso pasando
jugaste con sus cabellos,
tú que besaste su cuello
su mejilla acariciando,

Y que luego murmurando
te fuiste lejos de allí,
si eres la misma que aquí
pasas sin marcar tu huella,
responde, si piensa en mí,
como estoy pensando en ella.

Noche apacible y serena
por más que te cause enojos,
que sean más bellos sus ojos
y más negra su melena,

Presta un consuelo a mi pena
ya que sufriendo viví,
y pues no llega hasta aquí
el resplandor de esa estrella,
responde, si piensa en mí,
como estoy pensando en ella.

Nubes que en blanco celaje
bordáis el manto del cielo,
cual aves que alzan el vuelo
sobre el inmenso paisaje,

decidme si en vuestro viaje
lejos, muy lejos de aquí,
llegasteis a verla, y si
respondéis a mi querella,
si estaba pensando en mí,
como estoy pensando en ella.

Sol y luna, mar y viento,
nubes y noche, ayudadme,
y en vuestro idioma contadme
si es mío su pensamiento;

si es igual su sentimiento
a este que mi pecho hiere,
decid si mi amor prefiere
a la calma que perdió;
¡decidme, en fin, si me quiere
lo mismo que la amo yo!

José Gautier Benítez, 1868

Rima XLI

De uno de mis favoritos, Gustavo Adolfo Bécquer:

Tú eras el huracán,

y yo la altatorre que desafía su poder.

(¡Tenías que estrellarte o que abatirme...!)

¡No pudo ser!

Tú eras el océano;

y yo la enhiesta roca que firme aguarda su vaivén.

(¡Tenías que romperte o que arrancarme...!)

¡No pudo ser!

Hermosa tú, yo altivo;

acostumbrados uno a arrollar, el otro a no ceder;

la senda estrecha, inevitable el choque...

¡No pudo ser!

Lies at the Altar

Marriage should be a venture in which both parties engage in a journey of life discovery by mutually loving, respecting, supporting, understanding, and growing each other in equality, harmony, and balance. Marriage should not be a burden imposed by one and carried by the other like a cross to the calvary. In a relationship of any kind, the parties involved should feel they are growing, evolving, and moving forward whole and fair. The moment we deny ourselves for the sake of the marriage, the marriage is only two persons living under the same roof. The moment we feel we are shrinking, diminishing, vanishing, evaporating for the sake of the marriage, the price is too high.

Marriage should not be based on social expectations, it should not be a prison, it should not be a chain to our hearts and souls. Marriage should be about having the freedom to be, to express love and be loved fully, deeply, and respectfully. Our dignity comes first. When we love ourselves sanely, we are better partners and expect and demand the same.

Something to reflect about...

“Being with this man almost killed me-almost crushed my bright and resilient spirit and tampered with my sturdy and robust mind. He wanted to rob me of my very essence, and for a long time I let him. Where was I in my life that I could have devoted so much time, energy, and effort to a man who neither honored nor valued me? Why did I stay in a relationship with a man who could hurt me so deeply, who could make me feel ashamed of wanting a normal life? How could I think it was okay to be with someone who told me I was not much of a woman and criticized me relentlessly? How could I think it was okay to be with someone who taunted me and prodded at the open wounds of my insecurities? I gave away my power, thinking it would soothe him, and it did temporarily. But each day required that less and less of me exist. I tried to be better, tried to be happier. I made meals out of crumbs and smiled as I ate the crumbs in order to appear full and satisfied. I tried to be more understanding and accepting. I was looking for a way to make something work that made no sense. I realize now that, with all my effort and devotion, he never really saw me, much less loved me. When he grew up tired of the way my desire for connection collided with his desire for oblivion, he simply erased me…” Dr. Robin L. Smith (2006). Lies at the Altar: The Truth About Happy Marriages. New York: Hyperion.

Re-Writing the Script

Our life circumstances are due a lot to our own input. We could not choose where we were born, who our parents and siblings were or are, where we lived when we were growing up, what school we went to or our teachers and classmates; for a long time we could not choose what clothes we wore, how we wore our hair, and mostly we had not control over the parenting styles of our parents. Our parents went through socialization experiences that shaped their beliefs, value system, personalities, and the way they expressed their feelings, emotions, and thoughts while we were growing up and even now; most likely kept a lot of what was instilled in them during their upbringing and passed it on to us during our socialization. Now, at some point in our lives we realized what works and what does not work from the way we were socialized because it is not applicable to our time, to who we are, or to who we want to become. However, some people live by the old script, following it like a bible, reading it aloud everyday to themselves and to others around them, playing by it like a sad drama, even when they understand there were some “flaws” in that old script that are worth addressing and changing. Individuals have the need to apply responsibility to someone, sometimes anyone, for their bad experiences, “failures” of the past, and rough times life brings, and many place blame on the way they were socialized. “That is the way I was raised” is a commonly used phrase to depict how our actions and present circumstances reflect the paradigms imposed to us in our upbringing, even when we are aware that those paradigms are not applicable anymore or simply do not suit us well.

It is sometimes difficult to break free from the old script and re-write one for ourselves. There is a sentiment of betrayal to what was instilled in us, a sense of abandonment of the value system that was taught and modeled to us while we were growing up if we even attempt to break lose, as though we were denying our upbringing and unveiling to our parents that they had failed in their pursue to make us into extensions of themselves. There are a lot of problems with living by the old script when we are fully aware it is completely obsolete and not pertinent anymore: it diminishes who we are, we deny ourselves a true opportunity to grow into the kind of individual that we can potentially become, and it models the same mistaken behaviors to future generations setting them up for failure just the way we were trapped in the first place. Trying to conform to old scripts to please everyone else but ourselves prevents us from evolving whole, from moving forward, and from letting ourselves and the people who matter to us enjoy the best, well-rounded, centered, happiest person that we can be and share with others. It is also more comfortable to place blame on our past and the way things were modeled and done with us, than to stand up and claim our lives back. Re-writing the script takes a lot of courage. Keeping the old script is comfortable, even when it’s painful to live by it.

It seems like our socialization can sometimes be an indelible jail in which we incarcerate and punish ourselves for life. Breaking free from the chains of the old when it no longer suits us or prevents us from evolving seems like a task of great proportions and almost impossible at times. Before we continue with destructive patterns and behaviors that perpetuate themselves from generation to generation, we need to look deep into our souls and realize that we have ownership over our lives now, that our socialization is no longer an excuse for us not to be happy, and that the rest of our lives is our responsibility to forge into whatever we want. We are the bosses of ourselves. We are the conductors of our own destiny, and as such we have to break free from the things that hold us back from realizing our maximum potential. We cannot keep placing the blame on our parents, teachers, school mates, our upbringing, the era in which we were raised, etc, for our own misfortunes. Once we become conscious of the things of our past that are holding us back we can claim ownership of our lives and move on to a happier place, one dictated by us based on our own needs, our own goals, and our own life. Mom and dad are not our bosses anymore, our husbands are not our bosses, our children are not our bosses, we are our own boss, our own person, our own lord. It is time to stop looking back and stop blaming our past for our present and start constructing the present that we want in our future. It is time to stand up and deliver for our own selves, as we cannot give when we are empty, we cannot grow on a tight and dark space, and we cannot live by old rules to which we are attached like a puppet. We need to know and believe that we carry the power to re-write the script of our lives the best way possible, the best way it suits ourselves. The only person who can stop us from re-writing our own script is us. The only person who should re-write our script is us.

DIFFICULT TIMES

As always, the The Daily Om provides good perspectives that are so opportune and wise.

In case you need it...

Working ThroughHard Days
The Daily Om
We all have days that seem endlessly difficult and hard. On these days, it is as if the odds are stacked against us and we just can't get a break as one challenging situation follows another. We may feel like we're standing in the ocean getting hit by wave after wave, never able to get a full breath. Sometimes it's necessary or worth it to stay in the fray and work our way through. Other times, the best idea is to go home and take the breath we need in order to carry on. If the only choice is to get through it, a hard day can be a great teacher. It will eventually end and we can look back on it, taking pride in the stamina, courage, and ingenuity it took to hold our ground. We may also look back and see how we could have done things differently. This knowledge will be valuable when we face hard days in the future. Trust your gut as you're deciding whether to work through it, and know that sometimes a timely retreat is the best way to ensure a positive outcome. Getting space can remind us that external circumstances are not the whole picture. Once we catch our breath and re-center ourselves, we will be able to determine our next move. With a little perspective, we may even find the inner resources to change our attitude about what's happening. We may begin to see that what we saw as hardships are actually opportunities. As our attitude changes for the better, our actions and the circumstances will follow suit. Sometimes all that's needed is a good night's sleep. No one is immune to having a hard day and these are usually the times we can learn the most. If we can find it in our hearts to examine the day, and maybe make one small change in perception, we can ease our pain and greet the next day that much wiser.

SPIRIT MUSIC

There is music and there is music. Music is one of the biggest and most transcendental means of expressions of the human soul. Music can express and transport feelings, thoughts, emotions, experiences, hopes, dreams, mundane and profound sensations, and the best or worse of who we are. Music has the power to make us react to it with passion, joy, sorrow, tenderness, romanticism, courage, love, disillusion, peace, tranquility, or awakening.

There is music that touches our soul and vibrates tenderly in our core. There is music that feels like a warm flame fluttering in our deepest self, making our spirit rise and unite with the source of what is bigger than we are. That is the music that connects us with our sense of balance in a place in which we are perfect, we are essence, we are true. I hope you find that music and carry it in your heart, store it in your soul, and let it become your spirit and sound through you.

A few days ago I published an article about putting people in a tough spot when we idealize them. It is not fair for them, and it is not fair for us to do that. Coincidentally, the article below was published today in the Daily Om, and it gives a very interesting perspective about "putting people on pedestals". Enjoy!


August 23, 2006
To Be Human
Putting People On Pedestals
When we fall in love with someone or make a new friend, we sometimes see that person in a glowing light. Their good qualities dominate the foreground of our perception and their negative qualities. They just don't seem to have any. This temporary state of grace is commonly known as putting someone on a pedestal. Often times we put spiritual leaders and our gurus on pedestals. We have all done this to someone at one time or another, and as long as we remember that no one is actually "perfect," the pedestal phase of a relationship can be enjoyed for what it is-a phase. It's when we actually believe our own projection that troubles arise. Everyone has problems, flaws, and blind spots, just as we do. When we entertain the illusion that someone is perfect, we don't allow them room to be human, so when they make an error in judgment or act in contradiction to our idea of perfection, we become disillusioned. We may get angry or distance ourselves in response. In the end, they are not to blame for the fact that we idealized them. Granted, they may have enjoyed seeing themselves as perfect through our eyes, but we are the ones who chose to believe an illusion. If you go through this process enough times, you learn that no one is perfect. We are all a combination of divine and human qualities and we all struggle. When we treat the people we love with this awareness, we actually allow for a much greater intimacy than when we held them aloft on an airy throne. The moment you see through your idealized projection is the moment you begin to see your loved one as he or she truly is. We cannot truly connect with a person when we idealize them. In life, there are no pedestals-we are all walking on the same ground together. When we realize this, we can own our own divinity and our humanity. This is the key to balance and wholeness within ourselves and our relationships.

A TOUGH SPOT

As humans, we know we are not perfect, but we strive for perfection, in ourselves and in others. We aim to be perfect and take steps everyday to enhance our lives and the lives of those who matter to us, but we also create picture perfect images in our minds of what we want key persons in our lives to be. We know perfection does not exist, because we are a work in progress and that is perfection in itself. We know that the perfection we seek is a product of the definitions of our culture and all the “dos” and “don’ts” stored in our minds over our lifetime. We know that to conform to those paradigms of what should and should not be, or what must and must not be, in the micro sense of it, is virtually impossible to achieve, merely because it is an imposition based on truths, half truths, and non-truths learned over the years. However, we keep pursuing that perfection for ourselves, and that is ok if we do not affect our quality of life and the one of others around us in that futile pursue, and we keep perspective on the essence of life along the way.

Achieving perfection, the perfection of the material world, is tough on us, but even more so when we transfer that image of perfection to our loved ones or people who are important in our lives in any sense. We usually tend to award a perfection state to our parents, for example. It is normal human behavior to idealize loved ones over time. We know our parents were not perfect, but yet, in most cases, over time we forget all the negative associated with our upbringing and canonize our parents, both or one of them. It is admirable to appreciate and treasure the goodness and virtues of people, but it is very unfair to them for us to grant them sainthood for many reasons. When we stop seeing humans as humans with flaws and imperfections, and bestow sanctity into them we put them in a very tough and unfair spot. All individuals should be viewed in terms of their merits, but they should be allowed to err, to fall, to go astray, and to be humans, no matter their relationship with us or their title. If we fail to do that, our love and relationships start being conditioned also to our own definition of perfection imposed into the other person, risking a truer and fairer connection between both parties.

We are brothers, sisters, daughters, sons, fathers, mothers, friends, but ultimately we are all human with the same vulnerabilities as every other human being. Lets cherish and value our humanity with the conditions associated with it, and strive to be better to strengthen our relationships with ourselves and others, imperfect as we all are.

DANCING

After I received an email with a famous quote from Hans Bos, I decided to do some research and found some other inspiring words by this renouned dancer:

"While I dance I cannot judge, I cannot hate, I cannot separate myself from life. I can only be joyful and whole. That is why I dance."

To dance is to be out of yourself. Larger, more beautiful, more powerful. This is power, it is glory on earth and it is yours for the taking.”

“Dance for yourself, if someone understands good. If not then no matter, go right on doing what you love.

“Dancing with the feet is one thing, but dancing with the heart is another.”

“Dance is the hidden language of the soul of the body.”

“Dancing is the loftiest, the most moving, the most beautiful of the arts, because it is no mere translation or abstraction from life; it is life itself.”

May this inspire you to dance today and everyday!

THE ADVERSE POWER OF ASSUMPTIONS

Assumptions are part of the normal thinking process of human beings. According to what we have already stored in our minds, our brains develop pathways that help us deal with known and unknown situations, anticipating outcomes based on the data that is known to us. However, I see how assumptions are overly used on a daily basis. Sometimes, assumptions kill our curiosity, our intentions, our drive. When we are in front of someone we want to meet, but we do not want to take the first step in introducing ourselves, our assumptions that the person might not be interested, or that is too busy, or will not correspond to our approach can stop us from moving forward and acting on our intention. When we over analyze and portray all the "ifs" and "thens" of simple and complex situations in our minds without even engaging in taking the necessary steps to find out for ourselves, we have missed on the opportunity to confirm or not our suspicions and learn from the process. Assumptions are normal and necessary: they might prevent us from taking life threatening risks, from getting hurt and feeling pain.
But often times assumptions kill our intention and can jeopardize our learning process and our growth, as they limit our experiences to the known and the believed known outcomes. So even when you most likely assume right, do not let assumptions make you anticipate the answers and stop you from asking the questions and embarking in the journey.

NOT WORTH IT

Life is really too short to focus on the bad. Every time we let our hearts fill up with negativity, it affects our whole sense of balance and every aspect of who we are, mind, body, soul, and spirit. It is human to feel anger, frustration, and disappointment, but nothing is worth giving those negative feelings a permanent presence in our lives. I know this is easier said than done, though. However, I have met extraordinary people who have lived through unimaginable horrors to most, and still were able to find it in their hearts to forgive and move on, growing their heart’s ability to fill up with love in immeasurable amounts. And those people who are full of the grace of forgiveness are actually happier and more at peace than those who perpetuate the circle of negativity that once impacted them by joining forces with it.

I think negative feelings are just exhausting. Negativity drains my energy, diminishes my soul and weakens my spirit. To engage in a negative cycle by giving in to the negative feelings that I could experience as part of life is not something that I am interested in doing. Of course it is frustrating when others perpetrate atrocities against humans or other living entities. Of course it is heart-breaking and painful when others hurt us, intentionally or not. Of course it is part of human life to experience anger and pain. But indulging in those off-putting feelings over a long period of time can be highly damaging and destructive. I know this from experience. I lived through painful horrors myself at a very young age, but when I was old enough to comprehend what had happened to me I decided to move on, forgive, and love in return, and I feel at peace. Besides, as upsetting as those bad experiences of my life were, they do not come close to shocking stories such as Immaculee Ilibagiza’s and many others that when told appear surreal to us.

I once heard words that have resonated in my head ever since: “hate is a poison that you take thinking that it will harm another person”. When you think you cannot forgive and move on, look at the courageous people who have lived through worse than you and I can possibly imagine and how they have been able to, not only go on with their lives, but to live happy and fulfilling lives focusing on the goodness, the blessings they have, and being hopeful about humanity, and maybe that will give us all some inspiration to only embrace goodness.

WHO CAME FIRST?

I never try to impose my beliefs on people, and this writing is not the exemption to that. Believe in what you will, and read at your own risk…

So, some religious creeds explain that women were created from men (Adam and Eve). We all have heard it. Science does not support that at all, however, the world, society, organizations, and households are controlled by men, and there is the lingering notion that for some strange reason women should follow men because we were created to cater to them. I am not against men, have never and never will, but I think that men and women relationships should be based on balance and harmony between the two sexes, and not disequilibrium. I heard something recently that sparked my thought. The comment is not important to re-mention, but it relates to how women were created from men.

In reality and scientifically speaking, all human embryos start female. The mix of female and male gametes carries the chromosomes that will determine many of our physical traits and genetics, including sex. In the case of females the chromosomal composition is XX. In the case of males the chromosomes that determine the sex will be XY. So scientifically speaking, men not only are half females, but emerge male after being female for a brief time. So, back to the theory that women came from men: not only women are the ones with the exclusive ability to give birth (so in reality all humans come from a woman), men are partially women. So however we came to be (believe what you will, but know the facts), we have to be cognoscente that we owe women a lot, and denying women their important place is against our nature. Men who have a problem of any kind with women should refresh their biology knowledge or acquire some, and realize that men were created from women and not otherwise. If everybody knew this important fact, maybe women would be ruling the world, and not otherwise. We are on our way, though!

MISTAKEN IDENTITY

People rely on many things to form their opinions about others, such as the words we say and the unspoken signals we send. This should be a simple process, however, sometimes the messages get lost in translation and both communicator and recipient end up with the wrong messages about each other. This happens often and for many reasons, including the programming that we already have in store, previous and/or preconceived notions, conditioning, scripts, socialization, and ignorance, among many others. As for myself, most times I try to start a relationship with someone with a clean easel and a positive approach as to the expectations of that relationship, but understand that that might not be the case for the other side of that relationship.

Theoretically speaking, the flow of the communication process should be easy and natural between two or more parties; however, due to the complexity and expected differences between all those involved in any type of situation that involves communicating with one another, flaws can occur in the process. Sometimes those flaws are minor, and they need no further action, as the continuing interaction will lead to its own resolution. Other times the flaws become obstacles difficult to bypass, and sometimes make the relationship between parties painful and even estranged.

We have all experienced some of those situations in which our messages, verbal and non-verbal, have been taken erroneously. I try to keep an open mind and look at things in their right perspective when that happens (after getting over the shock of the discovery process), and have compassion for the ones who have made the mistake. Sometimes our messages get mixed, lost, tergiversated, confused, mistaken, and mal-interpreted, leading others to have an opinion about us that does not reflect who we are, and I guess that is why it is normal for humans to feel uneasy when people pass wrong judgments about us. Depending on the kind of relationship we are engaged in is the degree of time we want to invest in fixing the less than desirable outcome, and the highest the investment the highest the likelihood that we will find out about how mistakenly others perceive us the painful way.

We cannot live our lives trying to fit what everybody wants us to be, but we can live our lives being who we are, clear enough for others to see. We can only work on nourishing our best self so it can transpire and be seen by others the way it is, the best way possible.

LA LUZ Y LA MEDIA LUZ

Vi la luz hace algún tiempo. Desde mi perspectiva, realmente creí que la luz que vi era grande y brillante, y sí lo era, en mi túnel de sombras y anhelo de luz, la luz que se asomaba era clara y brillante y me dirigí hacia ella. Era la primera luz en tanto tiempo, y era una luz tan pura y cristalina que me volví hacia ella y decidí seguirla con los ojos cerrados. Creí que esa luz era suficiente, y mis ojos se adaptaron a esa luz que me arropó grande y con fuerza, esa luz frente a mí que miraba sin pensar y con la condición de que no existía otra. Me acostumbré a la luz brillando intensa pero yo sin poder verla y abriendo mis ojos grandes para que penetrara en mí. Y todo estaba bien con la luz tal cual era.

Un día salí de mi luz y me cegó el sol grande y potente. Mis ojos me dolieron y lloraron por la intensidad de la luz que miraba ahora, pero sentí el poder de la luz y quise mirarla, contemplarla, vivir bajo ella, dejar que me quemara. La luz me cegó y luego pude ver mejor, más claro, más brillante, con más exactitud. Me di cuenta de que vivo en media luz. Ver la luz del sol me cambió…

Regresé a la luz tenue de antes, y me di cuenta de que no quiero vivir en la sombra que crea la media luz, que quiero la luz amplia y total del sol. Algo tiene que cambiar.

WASHING DISHES

For some strange reason, I enjoy washing the dishes by hand. I own a dishwasher, but hardly ever use it. I find doing the dishes by hand therapeutic. I do not know if it is the sound of the water running, or feeling the lather in my hands, or maybe having permission to “play” with water for a few minutes, or how good the ions from the water released in the air make me feel, but I find washing dishes soothing. I look out my window while I am doing it and think, reflect, daydream, introspect, retrospect, and somehow I end up in a better mood.

Today I need to wash a lot of dishes…

NOTTING HILL

I am just a girl, in front of a boy, asking him to love me.

KNOW THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN YOUR LIFE

Who is the most important person in our lives? When we think about answering this question, a lot of names come to mind. If one has children, it is almost automatic to think about them when we are asked that question. If one does not have children, then the parents, significant others, or other influential people in our lives automatically pop up. For some strange reason we don’t think about our own self when answering that question; at least that answer has not come up too often when I have asked.

I am the most important person in my life, and as such, I have to spend time, not only grooming and caring for my body, but also nurturing my soul, challenging my mind, strengthening my spirit, and taking the necessary steps to be in harmony with the people and things that surround me and that matter to me. To love one self is not to be selfish; to be selfish is to impose onto others for them to love us only the way we want. To love oneself is the first step into being able to love others with an open heart, with understanding, with full devotion by giving them the best of us, and not by giving them all of us without having paid the same respect and attention to our own nature as we do to them . Our love for others is somewhat incomplete if we cannot love our own selves, and it makes sense, how can we love others fully and give them the best love we have when we cannot love the person we are?

To love oneself is to be able to be in sync with all the aspects that comprise what we are, including our relationships and love for others. To love oneself is to know our strengths, celebrate our humanity, accept our flaws and work to strengthen our weaknesses without trying too hard to achieve perfection, because we understand that there is no such thing. To love oneself is to give others the gift of our best state, our best companionship, our best relationship, the best way we can in a way that suits ourselves and the other person.

We are the most important person is our own life and we should treat ourselves as such. Enjoy this thought by Anne Morrow Lindbergh:

When one is a strange to oneself, then
One is estranged from others too.
If one is out of touch with oneself, then
One cannot touch others.

I hope you have a great time getting to know and spend time with the most important person in your life: you!

YOUNG LATINAS AND A CRY FOR HELP

This article, sent by Dr. Nora Comstock, President and Founder of Las Comadres Para Las Américas, presents the current situation of a lot of young Latinas in the United States. Awareness is the first step to change, however, as I always say, what you know is not as important as what you do with that knowledge. We can all make a significant impact on future generations.

New York Times EditorialJuly 21, 2006
Young Latinas and a Cry for Help
Final, Section A, Page 18, Column 1

A recent series in the Spanish-language New York newspaper El Diario/La Prensa sheds some light on a mostly overlooked national phenomenon, the misunderstood and endangered young Latina, who represents one of thefastest-growing segments of the American population. Hispanic teenage girls attempt suicide more often than any other group. They become mothers at younger ages. They tend not to complete their education. They are plagued by rising drug use and other social problems. A federal study found that a startling one in six young Hispanic women had attempted suicide, a rate roughly one and a half times as high as that among non-Hispanic black and white teenage girls. If there was any good news, it was that these young women usually survived. A five-year study now in its second year in New York is being led by Dr. Luis Zayas, a professor of social work and psychiatry at Washington University in St. Louis, who says the self-destructive behavior seems to affect Latinas of every origin and every region of the country.

El Diario tracked several young women and found that they faced particularly acute social pressures, especially if their parents were foreign-born. Dr. Zayas and other experts note that the suicide attempts trend higher for Latinas who are the first generation born in the United States. Adolescent and teenage girls with families recently rooted in Latin America are expected to adhere to old culture traditions, including tending to other family members and putting themselves last. Self-esteem issues are common among teens generally, but they appear magnified for young women who cannot seem to fit in at home or away from it. About one-quarter of Latina teens drop out, a figure surpassed only by Hispanic young men, one-third of whom do not complete high school. Latinas, especially those in recently arrived families, often live in poverty and without health insurance.

Another piece of the puzzle is how to address the complication of very early, usually unmarried motherhood. Religious beliefs in Hispanic families often limit sex education and rule out abortion. Federal statistics show that about 24 percent of Latinas are mothers by the age of 20 ‹ three times the rate of non-Hispanic white teens.

Solving these problems will require more than research. What is needed is a larger effort that includes educators, policymakers, families and communities. Here¹s one more statistic: One in four women in the United States will be Hispanic by the middle of the century. The time to help is now.

REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES

I do not understand the American obsession with getting rid of all curves from the female body. It seems like the new definition of beauty is having 0% body fat, no butt, no hips, no calves, no stomach, just bones coated with flesh with nothing in between. The only things that women have permission to have big are big boobs and plump lips. When did this start, and who said that bones are beautiful?

I am glad that I come from a place in which curves are appreciated. Actually, for the Puerto Rican standards I am too skinny, and people never cease to tell me to gain some weight and to try to feed me so I get curvier when I go home. Here in the United States, though, people ask me all the time what do I do to be so skinny, and they celebrate that I am petite, little, and thin.

I hear my friends talking about how they try to get rid of the “extra” fat on their fatty hips, their protrude stomachs, their fat calves, or their big butts (I have hardly ever noticed those big butts or big anythings they claim to have), and in my eyes they are just perfect and they have beautiful bodies, however, everybody wants to be a size 2 or below. Actually, it is my thought that women want to be size below cero, so soon they will be aiming to be a size -3, and clothes manufacturers will start to make below cero clothes for them. As Howie Mandel once said in a show, women want to be asked “what size are you” and respond “oh, I’m not!”.

Like the movie, real women have curves, I think one of the main attributes that characterize us as women is our curvy figures. The female body was designed to have curves and we should feel proud of and beautiful with our curvy bodies.

Moving On

Moving On

It is very easy to get stuck in the old. Sometimes I wonder if it is stubbornness, habit, or if humans, at least some humans, have addictive personalities that, not necessarily make them dependent on a substance, but that makes them get overly attached to persons, places, or things. It is a great human characteristic to be able to demonstrate emotions to others, such as care, affection, and love. However, some humans seem to have the capacity to detach from people, places, and things easily, while others hold on to the people they love, the places they know, and the things they treasure with more intensity.

Change

It is human nature to resist change. Often times, change brings a period of uncertainty and instability that, although quite uncomfortable in many instances, it is the signal that change is under way. Most humans like habits, what is known, the comfort of a settled life, even if it is not the best life. Change takes courage to break the old, to change paradigms, to redefine life, to seek new ways, to get out of the comfort zone in a rocky journey with the hopes that it will be conducive to something better than what we have. I guess, the fear of change is the fear that, after all the hassle, trouble, time, energy, pain, discomfort, and effort put into the changing process, we discover that at the end it did not result in the betterment we strived for, and even worse, having to go through it all again to keep seeking “the ultimate”.

Sola al Cielo

Veo el cielo contigo en mis adentros…
Desaparece el mundo y en la nada me transporto al éter de lo interminable y lo eterno.
En la nada entre gemidos que arropan el espacio vacío y contigo lleno
se llena la vida sola que se expande de la mía a la tuya cuando contigo muero.

Se me escapa el sentimiento que de ti escondo y en el mundo entierro,
me regreso del mundo escondido impuesto al destierro
de mis palabras al viento que vuelan sin rumbo con significado necio
cayéndose al vacío donde en profundo abismo consumen como el fuego.

Muerdo tu carne ausente posada en la mía ardiente y sedienta de tus besos
y me dibujo en tu boca efímera y te sirvo mi pasión cuando en tu piel entierro mis dedos…
Esculpo tu cuerpo en el mío conformando mis contornos a tu forma y me elevo
al cielo que visito sola arrastrando tu espectro.

For the Children

Having a child is the most amazing miracle a person could experience. And I do not mean just growing and giving birth to a human being, which is a natural wonder, but experiencing the love and sharing the life of a child on a regular basis, which is a totally religious experience. The laughter of a child is the sweetest sound ears can hear. Looking at a child is like watching a movie that never ceases to amuse.
Seeing how everyday is new and exciting for a child should make us want to feel and express the same enthusiasm for the ordinary things and turn them into something extraordinary to stimulate our senses. Children are a fountain of youth, tenderness, love, and good energy.
Sadly, though, children are mistreated and disrespected on a regular basis everywhere. As adults, I think every person has the direct or indirect responsibility of raising a child. There is a say that it takes a village to raise a child, however, as time goes by, raising a child is thought of being more the sole responsibility of the people who brought him or her into this world, and often times even those people believed to be directly responsible for their well-being fail to provide children with the environment and upbringing they deserve. We are all responsible for the life of children, those who are our own, our relatives, our neighbors, and all.
We need to realize our responsibility toward leaving our children the legacy of a better world, a better country, a better neighborhood, and exert it. We were all children once, and we owe it to ourselves and the little ones to protect them and offer them a better future.

Mãe! Poema sublime!

Madre! Poema Sublime! es un poema escrito por Rouxinol de Bernardim, poeta portugués. El poema es hermoso, tal cual la fotografía que lo acompaña. Disfruté mucho del poema, y espero que todos los que lo lean también.

CHANGING THE SCRIPT

We all grew up not having control over what happened to us during our childhood, or where we lived, or how and where our parents decided to raise us. We did not have a say in the scripts used to socialize us and the way socialization affected our upbringing. However, once we begin living our own lives we can make the decision to live a different and better life than the one we had, the one that we had no control over. Many of our actions reflect the way we were raised, the stories we were told, the roles we were enforced to play, and the life we learned in our nucleus. However, once we expand the scope of our world when we venture out on our own, we sometimes see that there might be more to life than what we had learned, than what we believed, and that neither our parents nor we hold absolute truths when it comes to life.

Many times we find ourselves in a cycle, repeating the behaviors that we experienced while growing up, and sometimes those behaviors are not a good reflection of who we want to be. Many times we victimize ourselves for life, blaming our past for our present and future, and conforming to the old scripts. We cannot change the scripts that were written for us when we were younger, but we can rewrite a script for our own selves that is conducive to the individual we ought to be. We cannot spend our lives blaming those before us for the missing links in our existence. We have to break free of the chains that perpetuate the habits, thinking, and feelings that stop us from reaching our full potential, and start building the life we want, the life we deserve, the life all humans are entitled of having. Yes, some have lived through tough circumstances when they had no control over their lives, but ultimately each individual is accountable for his/her own life and has the power to make life what they want. The script that we heard over and over, and that we saw when we were growing up might not be the best fit for ourselves now, so rewrite your story, your way, and live it your way.

Una Nueva Era

Una nueva era, una nueva jornada, nuevos trechos que se abren adelante y otros que quedan atrás, ya caminados con las huellas de mis pies y de los tantos que pisaron mi sendero…Un nuevo horizonte que se presenta lejano y tan cerca, al alcance de mis dedos e intocable como una ilusión óptica que desaparece ante mis pasos aproximándose certeros e inciertos…Un nuevo comienzo, una vida nueva y tan vieja, llena de años, de siglos, de horas y minutos que han pasado por mí y en mí, y los que faltan por venir…Mi vida nueva: un nuevo libro para escribirlo a mi manera…

RESIDUOS

José Antonio Dávila es uno de mis poetas favoritos. Su poesía transmite sus sentimientos de manera elegante y sutil, como todo un caballero. Viendo su biografía me tropecé con este poema, y me impresionó muchísimo, como suele hacerlo su poesía. Con los trazos de amor y de pasión que aún se desprenden de una relación pasada, Residuos llega al corazón para enamorarlo otra vez...

Residuos

Ya tú no importas, ni tu amor conmueve,
ni yo soy en tus días la emoción dulce y leve
que como brisa tibia pasó por tu desierto;
porque tu amor ha muerto y mi pasión ha muerto.

Pero sobre tu mesa reposa mi estatuilla:
Y al pasar de los años y al caer nuestra arcilla,
seguirá reposando sobre la misma mesa
sin que nadie pregunte al mirarla en la mesa
si es el mudo tributo de una huesa a otra huesa.

La pasión ha volado;
pero hay ciertos residuos que en el alma han quedado,
y noto cuando pasas por la calle, altanera,
que aún te peinas el pelo de la misma manera
que tanto me gustaba y que amé con tal celo.
(Yo viví enamorado de tu pelo.)
Y aún tengo la costumbre de usar el sobretodo
con un botón de rosa en el ojal, al modo
que tanto te gustara;
y hasta existe una frase que en broma yo imitara,
llena de tu decir y tu manera,
que ahora uso por mía y usaré hasta que muera….

Cosas inconsecuentes, livianas, con las huellas
Que les deja el amor al pasar sobre d'ellas:
lo que una vez tu hiciste, lo que yo dije un día……
Incnsecuencias muertas que viven todavía…..

Y no ha de saber nunca la mujer que yo quiera
por qué le doy la mano de la misma manera……..
Ni ha de saber el hombre que en tu amor quede preso
por qué cierras los ojos antes de dar un beso……

José Antonio Dávila

REFLECTING

My friend Rhett published this and I wanted to share it.

Hope you find it meaningfull.

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness. We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things. We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less. These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom; A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete... Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent. Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind. AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. - George Carlin -

NO TE QUIERO

Me dijiste “te quiero”
y me preguntaste si yo
por ti siento lo mismo
y debo decir que no.
Siento mucho no quererte
y no juzgues mi verdad
pues mi alma al entregar
se fue a vagar a otros mundos,
tomó sola otros rumbos
y no pudo regresar.

A vagar mundos profundos
de solo puro sentir
para poder definir
lo que hoy el corazón siente
y descubrir que quererte
es imposible lograr
pues el sentir va más allá
de solo meros quereres,
de solo carnes y pieles,
lo mío, amor, es amar.

Amar hasta el límite humano
sin límites ni razón
hasta sentir el dolor
de no poder amarte más.
Impregnarte en mi mirar
igual que en mi corazón
para cuando tú te vas
robarte como ladrón
tus sueños, pensar, pasión,
sin tener que despertar.

Ya ves por qué no te quiero
porque solo sé amar,
amar, amar y soñar
con cada nuevo encuentro
para volverme a entregar.
Entregarte la locura
de mi pasión desatada
y encontrar en tu mirada
que me das el corazón,
y yo mi vida y mi alma.

Lo mío, amor, es amar…

IN HIS EYES

I look into his eyes, trying to see myself and I see the whole world in them. I see deep into his dreams and his life free of woes and worries, as life should be. I get lost in those deep brown eyes, so deep they have no end. I see my reflection floating in the depths of his soul that connects with mine, inevitably and endlessly. I unite with his essence through his eyes, feeling the power of love every time we speak through our eyes, the truths and hidden messages of what is and will always be.