How Much to Give?

As you all know, I have the need to give and to put my whole self into the things that matter to me. My giving nature makes me intense, passionate, smothering (ask my son), and totally involved with whatever or whoever captivates me. I do not feel comfortable unless I know my mind, heart, body, and soul are immersed into the essential things in my life, like the people I love and care about. However, I know first hand that giving is an equation that not always adds up in a logical way. Many times I have experienced the “imbalance of giving”. When we give and we say we do not expect anything in return, we are all lying (except if you have children, then giving takes a whole new meaning!). Either we expect concrete actions in reaction to our giving, such as gratefulness, appreciation, the same level of giving into us, the same degree of investment as we invest into others, and so forth; or we expect intrinsic results such as an increased level of self satisfaction, joy, peace, love, and so forth. When there is an imbalance of giving, meaning when the tangible or intangible results of our giving are not commensurate with the level in which we give, it is inevitable to feel an imbalance within ourselves. Either we feel cheated, or sad, or frustrated, or mad, or give up when there is an imbalance of giving. Simply put, it is like an algebraic equation that always needs to balance itself out: G=R, in which G=giving, and R=receiving.

We all expect to receive in the same level in which we are giving. It is the nature of the human condition to create expectations that are equal to our degree of commitment and involvement, and therefore to create scenarios based on those expectations. Some choose not to give or receive in a certain degree in some areas of their lives. Some are the ones creating an imbalance, either by giving too much and getting little or nothing in return, or not wanting to receive, shutting the doors on what is being given to them. Either way, we have all been at one side or the other in some of our relationships with friends, coworkers, loved ones, or other people we know. Do humans knowingly, or subconsciously always make a decision to create that imbalance? I think so, and that could happen for many reasons: fear or lack of interest, to name a few (and that would be a topic for another time). But the most important question I want to ask myself is, how much giving is too much when there is an imbalance? How much is enough? Tough question, indeed.

My nature is to give, and that is who I am. I always have to do it, regardless of how the equation looks at the end. I can say, though, that I have chosen to change the way in which I give based on a continuous imbalance. I have said: “I love you and will always care about you, but I will choose to divest from your life so I can keep my giving nature”. Sometimes we cannot stop giving, but we can change the mode in which we give. I rather give someone creating an imbalance in my life my good thoughts and good vibe, than my time, energy, and effort. I rather harbor good feelings towards someone creating an imbalance in my life by letting go physically of them, than to keep the present mode of giving and turn things into chaos. I rather invest my giving wisely into things and people that will make sure that the equation sums up at the end. At the end, though, we grow by nurturing our generous spirit and learning to give, regardless of the mode. If there is an imbalance, seek to always err on the side of giving.