VERDAD IMPARABLE

Se siente y se mira tenue y sutil, asomando su cara a través del cristal de la realidad. Verdad que callada grita a través del silencio las palabras que se escriben en la soledad del pasado, y suben a lo alto de la cima del mundo de cada ser, para decir que es diferente, que no es lo mismo, que no es igual ser verdad a ser realidad. Verdad que siente, realidad que parece, unidas en la separación del cielo y la tierra que van de la mano en el horizonte perdidos en la distancia. Verdad imparable que suspira a viva voz con los ojos cerrados para no quemarse con el destello de lo que se ve, y el frío de lo que se esconde. Verdad verdadera, que crece y respira en lo profundo, con vida propia. La realidad se ilumina con la luz de la ilusión que creamos; la verdad es la fuente de la luz que se esconde pero no se apaga. La realidad está cerca o lejos; la verdad está adentro, viva como la vida misma.

REASONS TO CELEBRATE

Today seems like a good day to celebrate. There are so many things to be thankful for! I can think of many reasons to want to celebrate this day, and here are just a few:

1. For the life of today, in all forms, our life, and the life of all around me.
2. For my loved ones, and my loved-ones-to-be.
3. For the love I feel, and the love other ones feel for me.
4. For my children, whose mere existence fills up my life with joy and love.
5. For the love of my life.
6. For being who I am.
7. For having done what I have done, and all my experiences that have forged me.
8. For this moment in which I write and I am able to stop the time.
9. For all I can do, for me and for others.
10. For having so much, and knowing I deserve so much more.

I celebrate life today, and all that life entails; for all the good, because it has all been good no matter how bad it might have looked. I celebrate being me today, and that is worth celebrating everyday.

¿Temblar de qué?

El cuerpo sólido se hace pañuelo al viento, tirita de frío o calor, no sé. Los segundos pasan marcándolos mi piel, tan conciente de la presencia del aura que se desprende de su cuerpo y me sigue, uniéndose a la mía tan ocupada. Algo sin sentido escribo, más sin sentido y sin razón siento. Al fin del mundo me fui, dejé todo atrás, siguiendo las huellas invisibles palpables a mis ojos llenos de él. Y por eso aquí estoy, lejos de todo, cerca de mí misma, dentro del volcán que hace estallar mis sentidos y le da sentido al sin sentido. No hubo miedo, no lo hay, no existe. Sólo calma y paz aquí adentro, acompañada por la compañía grata de nuestra historia pasada, y la que se va forjando. Me voy de mí para encontrarme, ¿dónde?, en la poesía que me duerme cuando estoy despierta, y me despierta cuando estoy dormida. Tenía que dárseme para yo darme a mí misma y al mundo. Ahora somos eternos.

THE MEASURE OF SUCCESS

Everybody has their own definition of what success is. It is true that success is very particular, as particular as each individual who wants to own a successful life. For me success is like war: you can have little successes in your life, kind of like winning individual battles, and you can have a successful life, kind of like winning the war. The question is, then, do we want success or do we want a successful life? I can only answer that question for myself, and expectedly I want to have a successful life.

Many people measure success in terms of how many figures their paychecks have, or how much money there is in their retirement account or in the bank. Those aspects of our lives are extremely important, more so today than years ago, however, life is much more than that, at least for me. My measure of success is how well balanced all aspects of my life are: the mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being. I want to measure success in terms of the status of my academic and my professional careers, but also in terms of the harmony of my family life, the happiness of my soul, and how I share myself, my potential, my feelings, my friendship, my love, and my companionship with those around me. I want to grow my bank account, but I also want to grow the level of humanity in me and hopefully in those around me. I want to measure success with numbers and figures, but most importantly, I want to measure my success in terms of quality, depth, health, and strength. I want to measure success in terms of earnings, but above that, I want to measure my success in terms of how much I have learned, how much I have shared and the quality of my sharing; how much enjoyment I got from doing the things I love, the things I like, and the things I must do; how many times I have laughed and how loudly; and how much in peace I am with myself. My success is how well all aspects of who I am are in tune with what I always wanted to become. At the end of the day, I want to know how successful my life is and has been by how truthful I was in realizing the maximum potential of my mind, body, heart and soul.

LARGO OLVIDO

La poetiza en mí ha encontrado muchos momentos para escribir y dejar la musa poseerme para grabar y gravar en el tiempo los sentimientos y vivencias que de otra forma encontrarían un lugar sólo en mi recuerdo. ¿De qué sirven los poemas, si no para compartirlos y ver si alguien más les encuentra sentido? Tengo tal vez cientos de versos que a través de mi historia se han filtrado en mi diario para relatarme mi verdad y hacerla poesía. Aquí va uno de ellos:

LARGO OLVIDO

Inmediato y voraz mi viaje al sol
quemando incansable, demente, veloz;
arropada por la ola de las ráfagas feroces
de brazas quemando mi razón en derroche.

Me arrastró el viento inclemente
que vino y se fue traicioneramente
y me dejó en la nada del vacío impuesto
al olvido en éter de lo que está yerto.

Me quedé en la espera de la vida
afuera en el frío lamiendo mis heridas,
encontrando la oscuridad siniestra,
impía burlándose de mi locura impuesta.

El encuentro con tu alma acelerado
dejó en mí inolvidable legado.
El olvido llegó apresurado en un segundo
suplantando los momentos en que fuimos uno.

Corta realidad, largo olvido
Llegó a morar en mí sin haberlo pedido;
largo olvido cual profundo abismo
Interminable y eterno, como el amor mismo.

Tangie

HAVE YOU LOVED TODAY?

Today is a good day to love. Today is a good day to feel love, feel loved, express love, and show love. Today is a good day to say how much you love, how deep your love is, how pure and true your love will always be. Say you love with your words, but also with your actions. Show your love endlessly, passionately, subtly, quietly, and loud. Allow yourself to be overwhelmed by love and totally lost, without any questions or answers, just let love be. Let love consume you like a fire today and be reborn with it. Give yourself permission to be involved, submerged, covered, smothered, consumed, and happy with love today. Give love a priority in your life today. Let nothing be more important than to let love flow in every aspect of your life today. Indulge in love, breathe it, experience it, live it, dream it, realize it, give it, take it, enjoy it fully, without hesitation or reservations. Give yourself permission to love today, in every way, shape, or form. Say it, mean it, receive it, give it, love it. Let go of your worries, insecurities, and doubts, and let love take its course. Shut the thoughts that sabotage this great opportunity you have to love and be loved today. You can grow so much and live a fuller and richer life just by allowing love to take over your life, today, and hopefully everyday. And for the record, I love you!

EL PODER DE UNA CANCION

¡Me encanta la música! La música puede hacernos vibrar de emoción, bailar al ritmo de una canción, hacernos sonreír, llorar, reflexionar, y evocar tiempos y memorias hermosas y otras tal vez no tan placenteras. Sin lugar a dudas la música nos trae al presente experiencias inolvidables. Siendo una romántica empedernida, me encanta la fuerza de las líricas que componen una canción, y me parece extraordinario cómo los seres humanos pueden convertir sus más íntimos sentimientos y más profundos pensamientos en canciones, que luego se convierten en parte de nuestras vivencias.

Hoy escuché un viejo CD que me trajo muchos recuerdos. Recuerdos de tiempos recientes y recuerdos de tiempos que pasaron hace muchos años, pero sin lugar a dudas las canciones que escuché me transportaron a un rincón íntimo donde el tiempo no pasa y no aplican las reglas del mundo físico; ese rincón donde todo se puede, y los sentimientos nunca se marchitan o se marchan, sino que siempre perduran y en lo recóndito siguen alimentando el alma. ¿Quién no ha llorado escuchando la letra de una canción? ¿Quién no ha sentido que una canción fue escrita precisamente para un momento específico en nuestras vidas? ¿Quién, ante la imposibilidad de poder expresar un sentimiento, no ha encontrado una canción que exprese fielmente lo que queremos decir en el momento? ¿Quién no le ha puesto cara y nombre a una canción?

Lo que el viento se llevó siempre puede recuperarlo una canción, al menos en nuestra mente. La música es abrigo que arropa nuestro cuerpo y le da alas a nuestros sentimientos, y combinada con las palabras adecuadas puede hacer que abandonemos este plano y encontremos uno más sublime y real. Gente significativa en mi vida vive siempre en mi mente en forma de canción, y ojalá yo pueda ser eterna en forma de canción en el recuerdo de alguien. El tiempo pasa, las cosas cesan, la gente viene y va, el pasado es más rápido que el presente y el futuro; pero el poder de una canción nos da la capacidad de viajar a través del tiempo, sin tiempo, sin reglas, sin espacio, sin miedo.

DEPEND ON YOURSELF

As humans we are always looking for the perfect match, the soul mate with whom we’ll spend the rest of our lives. It is nice to feel the safely and security of having someone to share our life experiences with, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, rich or poor (and hopefully for the better rather than the worse). I do not think that the path of every individual is to find someone and get married forever, or that happiness depends on a person’s ability to get married and live in a marriage until the end of times. However, in a relationship of any kind, people must learn how to depend on themselves rather than to depend on their significant others. Totally depending on someone can be very harmful for the emotional, mental, and financial well-being. Dependency puts the dependent party in a very vulnerable position, especially if the dependency is a result of insecurities and is taken advantage of. Relationships should be about equals who agree to enhance each other’s lives and complement each other, rather than one person “carrying” another. Equality in a relationship is about fairness, not about percentages, though. It is fair to add value to the lives of the ones we love, but mostly, it is fair to add value to our own lives by making our lives richer and fuller and putting the best of us out there for our significant others, ourselves, and everyone else to enjoy.

THE POWER TO EXCEL

What makes some people so driven to achieve whatever they want? Are some people just born to overcome obstacles and have the determination to excel? Is drive an internal force that is totally innate and unavoidable? Why do some people have it and some others do not? Can anyone “acquire” the drive to follow their passions and materialize their goals?

I have been blessed to have met and known a wide array of people, most of them with their unique conquer stories worth telling, listened to, and learned from. I have a lot of those as my friends, and everyday I am amazed at how much I can learn from their experiences and how much admiration they deserve for having the courage to embark in their journeys with such determination. Sometimes, though, the ability to brake the chains of the old, see a bigger picture, and realize how much better and brighter that picture is in spite of the present reality is tarnished by the oppression of comfort and fear. Comfort makes one wonder but decide not to move. Fear paralyzes.

I believe all humans have the power to excel, and sometimes that is proven when the worst of scenarios happen. But how to overcome fear? How to trespass the invisible but apprehensive force of fear and decide to take chances? Why can some people do it but others will not? Of course, the answers are very complex and not easy to find or explain. However, a lot of individuals do not settle for their present reality, take charge of their lives, and make the decision to take their chances to create their own destiny. For me there is nothing worse than living in an undesirable situation and have it perpetuated by fear. Fear of what? Fear of failing? Are there really failures in life?

There is an old proverb in Spanish (at least we say it in Puerto Rico) that says that it is better to live with bad than to venture with good-to-be-known (I made my best translation; the say actually goes: Más vale malo conocido que bueno por conocer). I actually think that many times we do not know what we have been missing until we find it. I rather go by the second than to settle for fear. Everybody has the power to excel, even when it is hidden. We just have to look within, find it, and unleash it.

EQUALITY ON LATINAS

Free expression is more than a right: it is a blessing. I value the opportunity to express myself freely and to have others expressing themselves freely about what I write. Some of my comments are totally irrelevant and trivial, and in other instances some words are expressions of what my heart feels.

Recently, I posted a silly article about men and big screen TVs, and the comments from a reader named Equality got me thinking about a few things. First of all, it is amazing how different humans are, and how differently we can interpret the same message. I thought Size Does Matter was a funny and meaningless article, but someone took it very seriously and personal. I do not know if the person took the article personal because of his desire to own a big screen TV, or because he already owns one, or because the whole analogy about the desire of owning one does or does not apply to him. I personally do not mind big screen TVs, but I do not have to own the biggest TV in the world: a smaller TV can perform just fine and meet the same needs, at least for me. Each individual has different tastes and preferences when it comes to buying electronics, though, and that is why there are hundreds of models and sizes of TVs out there to choose from. Apparently Equality takes electronics very seriously, and that is perfectly fine; people like him who are so serious about technology keep electronic businesses in business.

Now, here is one comment Equality posted in my blog:

“How would you like it if I generalized about Latinas being easy, which they are in the city that I live? See? You didn't like when I generalized about Latinas, so don't generalize about men.And by the way, I don't think any woman is easy unless she is a hooker and that is a profession that doesn't care about ethnicity”.

This comment is kind of confusing, so lets divide it by parts:

1. Latinas are easy where he lives: I do not know where he lives, but all Latinas should know that this is what he thinks about them. I wonder why he thinks this way. What is the definition of easy? And if a woman is easy, or in his opinion Latinas: aren’t the guys who have relationships with them easy too? I would assume so, because it takes two to Tango.

It is truly sad that a man (and I do not think all men feel or think this way, so I am not generalizing), would even say this, not about me, but about all Latinas or at least the Latinas where he lives, because that shows that there is still a double standard about men and women and their “right” to be engaging in a relationship of any kind, especially among the Hispanic community. Latinas where he lives should be aware of who he is, and I would advise them to stay away. That is the kind of mentality I would not like my son to have. I want my son to learn to respect all women, regardless of their nationality or their willingness to express themselves in any way. If my son ever makes a comment like that, it would gain him a visit to the first available dentist, since I would just break his mouth. I have never called any guy easy, and I don’t think the term should apply to either men or women.

2. Equality said I did not like the generalization about Latinas being easy: Well, I am very open minded and thick skinned, so the comment did not bother me for myself, but because it proved that there are some men out there that still apply the double standard to women. Women have fought very hard over history to find better places in society and change the lingering mentality about them. However, some guys still live in the “cave men” era, and still think less of women, and pass on and perpetuate their degrading mentality towards women. All women should be bothered by guys like Equality and comments like Equality’s.

3. After saying that Latinas are easy where he lives, he says that he does not think any woman is easy, just hookers of any ethnicity: I have to laugh first, and after I regain my composure I will keep writing, and I am laughing out loud, as the people who know me know I can do, so regaining my composure might take me a few moments...

So, are Latinas easy, or not? Are Latinas easy only where Equality lives? Are all women easy, or just Latinas? Are hookers the only easy women, or just Latinas where Equality lives and hookers of any ethnicity? This statement is confusing, so maybe Equality can shed some light and enlighten us with his thoughts and comments on this one. I guess if you are a Latina, but do not live where Equality lives, then you should not be bothered about what he thinks, you are in the safe zone. If you are a Latina where Equality lives, then you should know that you are easy, in case you were wondering. And if you are a hooker anywhere in the world, Equality thinks you are easy too, but that is your profession, so he cuts you some slack.

In conclusion, I have had a kick out of reading this comment. I do not know if I live where Equality lives, so I do not know if I am easy or not. I certainly hope I do not live where Equality lives, not because I don’t want to belong to the easy group, but because I would not want to share my precious space with someone who thinks that way. And back to the reason for this controversy, I did not know that some men take their electronics fascination so seriously; I guess they have some underlying reasons (that I will not even attempt to rationalize just because it’s not important) to want that big screen TV or not, and they don’t want to be put in the spot for it, even in a silly blog like mine. More profoundly, though, I hope Equality is not a Latino; to know that a fellow Latino would think and express himself that way about Latinas would make me very sad. I hope my son turns out to be a good representation of what a Latino is and that he treats all women with respect, Latinas or not, hookers or otherwise.

SIZE DOES MATTER

What is up with men and big screen TVs? Generally, men have a fascination with everything mechanical or electronic (or both). That is just the way they are wired, just like women are wired to think about their hair and nails. There is a common goal that all men share, though, and it is the goal to own the biggest TV in the world, or at least the biggest TV they can own. I have analyzed men’s obsession with big screens, and have come to some conclusions of my own. Of course, men would totally disagree with my opinion, but I think it is a very valid and true opinion as to what drives men to want the big screen so bad.

My explanation for this phenomenon is that subconsciously men associate the screen with their masculinity. Controlling the TV remote gives them the power, just like in ancient times owning the fire gave them and their tribes some sense of greatness and dominance. To want to own a big screen is like undergoing a penis enlargement procedure, pain free and with a lot of satisfaction. Owning a big screen TV and bragging about it with their friends is the way of men showing off their penises to one another and stating that they have the biggest one of them all, at least within the tribe. Most men would not say out loud that they feel insecure with the size of their penis, nevertheless they share this fear with other men, so by owning a big screen TV men have undergone cosmetic surgery to make their fear go away, or at least make that fear less limiting. Sitting in front of the TV and feeling the exhilaration of knowing that their TV is big and powerful is like grabbing their genitalia and saying “yeah, baby!”. Talking about big screens give men the freedom to talk freely about sizes without shame, and crown themselves with power according to sizes and measurements.

I truly think big screen TVs speak to men souls, at least subconsciously. Nothing else can make men feel on top of the world quite like owning and enjoying having a big screen TV. Insecurity? Not really, not necessarily. But certainly, owning a big screen TV can make a man feel like the best endowed man of them all, and they have the measurement (of their screens, that is) to prove it.

Women also like big screens. Is the size rationale also applicable to women? Do women who like big screens care for sizes the same way men do? Hm!

CPR

CPR is one of those things that you should learn how to do but hopefully you will not need to use those skills ever. I am organizing a CPR course for the Moms' Club of Southlake, and want to urge everyone to learn how to apply CPR, especially people with small children. I cannot stress its importance enough. I hope I would never have to use those skills, but I certainly rather have them just in case; it can make a difference between life and death. Fire departments often offer CPR classes free of charge, and the Red Cross offers a CPR and a First Aid courses for a nominal fee. Find out about the availability of these classes in your area and put this in your "to do" list.

TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE

Ever since I can remember, I have always wanted to adopt. I do not know if my wish to adopt came because I was in a way adopted and raised by my grandparents, but it has always been more than just a desire, it is a goal that has a force of it own. I have been dreaming about my adopted child for a long time, just like I have and would for my birth children. The idea of going to a place and being handed my child is heart warming. I think that would be one of the most special and happiest moments of my life.

For the longest time I wondered where do I want to adopt from. There is so much need everywhere really, that saving a child from the harshness of his or her current reality is a great deal, no matter where that takes place. I have thought about adopting a little girl from somewhere in Latin America, and lately I have harbored the idea of adopting from Ethiopia. I was just watching something on TV that made my feelings toward adoption stronger. I see life so harsh and circumstances so cruel and devastating for girls that the mere thought of knowing that someone goes through such horrors in life is heart breaking and difficult to believe and digest. Talk about an imperfect world! I realize I can make an imperfect world closer to perfection by taking action. And I will.

I am determined to make my dream come true in the immediate future. I am determined to not look at the ugliness of the world in a passive way, but to raise and do something about it to make it better. I am determined to make a difference in the world, or at least somebody’s world. Of course, some people think that adopting while being able to have “natural” children is nonsense. What is natural anyways? Friends are like siblings that we choose for ourselves, and that is not unnatural. We choose our life partners, we make our families, that is natural, and doing it in a non-conventional way is also natural.

The way I see adoption is that I can at least save one life (or a few). In the face of despair I can ignore things and look the other way, feel sorry but not do anything, or step up to the plate and act. I would not be able to live with myself knowing that I could have done but did not do. I would not be able to live with myself knowing that I could have done more but was paralyzed by the contentment, comfort, and worries of living in my “perfect” little world. It might take me some time, but sooner than later I will get on that plane and I will travel to the end of the world to meet who will be a great part of my family. I love her already, and anxiously wait for the moment I can realize my dream for her. I will be so excited when that day comes, I hope she knows how much I have been waiting for that moment, and how amazing our journey together will be.

Poema a Julia de Burgos

Este no es de mi propia inspiración, pero es un poema profundo, y me hace pensar en mi esencia de mujer. ¿Cuál de las dos mujeres escogemos ser?

A JULIA DE BURGOS

Ya las gentes murmuran que yo soy tu enemiga
porque dicen que en versos doy al mundo tu yo.
!Mienten, Julia de Burgos!
!Mienten, Julia de Burgos!
La que se alza en mis versos no es tu voz: es mi voz
porque tú eres ropaje y la esencia soy yo;
y el más profundo abismo se tiende entre las dos.
Tú eres fría muñeca de mentira social,
y yo, viril destello de la humana verdad.
Tú, miel de cortesanas hipocresías; yo no;
que en todos mis poemas desnudo el corazón.
Tú eres como tu mundo, egoísta; yo no;
que en todo me lo juego a ser lo que soy yo.
Tú eres sólo la grave señora señorona; yo no,
yo soy la vida, la fuerza, la mujer.
Tú eres de tu marido, de tu amo; yo no;
yo de nadie, o de todos, porque a todos, a todos
en mi limpio sentir y en mi pensar me doy.
Tú te rizas el pelo y te pintas; yo no;
a mí me riza el viento, a mí me pinta el sol.
Tú eres dama casera, resignada, sumisa,
atada a los prejuicios de los hombres; yo no;
que yo soy Rocinante corriendo desbocado
olfateando horizontes de justicia de Dios.
Tú en ti misma no mandas; a ti todos te mandan;
en ti mandan tu esposo, tus padres, tus parientes,
el cura, el modista, el teatro, el casino, el auto, las alhajas,
el banquete, el champán, el cielo y el infierno, y el que dirán social.
En mí no, que en mí manda mi solo corazón, mi solo pensamiento;
quien manda en mí soy yo.
Tú, flor de aristocracia; y yo, la flor del pueblo.
Tú en ti lo tienes todo y a todos se lo debes,
mientras que yo, mi nada a nadie se la debo.
Tú, clavada al estático dividendo ancestral,
y yo, un uno en la cifra del divisor social;
somos el duelo a muerte que se acerca fatal.
Cuando las multitudes corran alborotadas
dejando atrás cenizas de injusticias quemadas,
y cuando con la tea de las siete virtudes,
tras los siete pecados, corran las multitudes,
contra ti, y contra todo lo injusto y lo inhumano,
yo iré en medio de ellas con la tea en la mano.

A ver si a mí no me queman en la hoguera. Enjoy!

THE PERFECT WORLD

A conversation this morning has kept me thinking about the perfect world. Who even invented that phrase? What makes the world perfect or imperfect? Does perfection have to do with appearances or substance? Can something out of the ordinary be perfect? Are the lives of people who defy the traditional and the conventional imperfect? If someone lives in an “imperfect” world but is happy, does that make his or her world perfect? If someone lives in a “perfect” world but is unhappy, is his or her world still perfect? Is the world perfect when we follow the logic and not our hearts?

I have been fortunate to have met so many people and really known them in a deep and personal level. I have made friendships with people whose lives are out of the ordinary, out of the norm. Those people are smart, hard working, loving, caring, respectful, happy, cheerful, and live meaningful lives, but they have decided to do things differently, in a way different than the expected, the usual, away from the mainstream. I love those people the same and actually admire them even more for having the courage to stand up and not be afraid of who they are. If their path would have been better should they had decided to put their feelings aside and followed the traditional roles set out for them: of course. If the people around them would have been more content if they would have followed a different route, a more conventional path: certainly. Would they have been able to live peacefully with themselves because they decided to realize somebody else’s vision of what their lives should have been: hardly.

At the end of the day everyone has the right to make their own definitions of what is a perfect world, or at least what perfection is in their own worlds. I know perfection comes in a lot of shapes, colors, and forms, and each individual has to decide what makes their world perfect. One thing is for sure: perfection does not exist, really. It is only an illusion that keeps us striving to reach it, which is totally OK. A true perfect world is greater than our little worlds, though; it is one in which children do not go to bed hungry or are mistreated, and everybody treats each other with respect and dignity. I want to live in that perfect big world. My little world can still be imperfect, and I will gladly and happily live in it.

I'M IN LOVE!!!

I am sooooo much in love! I feel it so deeply and strongly that I cannot contain myself. It is like a force that drives me and has taken over me, and there was nothing I could or wanted to do to avoid it. I am lost in love, helpless, and so happy about it. I suspect, though, that the object of my love is not completely aware of the strong passion I feel for him. Yes, it is a HE, a guy, a man in the making. And he has taken my life like a storm, and turned it upside down, and I like it. He has changed my house, my life routines, and my body, but most of all, he has changed my soul and filled it up with pure love.

I am looking at the object of my love right now. It is my son, so beautiful and gorgeous, it is unbelievable that he is with me. He is pure perfection, and I want to kiss him, hug him, touch him, and hold him in my arms forever, make the time stop and be lost in time with him in my arms. Everyday I see him changing, and even when I did not think it could be possible, everyday I love him more. He has no idea how much I love him, and he will not know until he has children of his own. Hopefully then he will realize that my love for him is deeper, bigger, stronger, and more lasting than anything he can imagine. When he experiences fatherhood he will understand the love I feel for him, because he will experience it himself. It is hard to believe that as much love as I feel for him, I can feel that same strong passionate love again for my next child or children. How can the heart take so much love? How can I ever show all my love, when it is bigger than life?

There will be times when he thinks I do not love him enough, but that will never be true. There will be times when he thinks he does not love me, but that will not tarnish my love for him. He will always be the love of my life, my greatest love of all, my little boy.

LETTING GO

Today I will relax and let go of the things I cannot control. Every once in a while I have to come to the realization that there are things that I cannot predict and I cannot change, so instead of fighting, today I will be grateful for the experience and move on. Maybe now I cannot see the benefit of some things that have happened or are happening in my life, or how things have developed even when I have put in my best effort, lots of energy and time to make them work. Maybe now I am too busy being frustrated by the immediate outcome, that I am failing to see the greater good that will come out of those less than perfect events. I will have the satisfaction of knowing that I was never mediocre in my pursues, that as usual, I invested all my passion and self into doing and feeling, and I have to realize that it is time to sit back and see the greater picture. It is time to wait for the harvest, calmed and hopeful, with the faith that the results will be even greater than I ever anticipated. There are a lot of things I cannot control, but I can be in control of myself. Energy produces a chain reaction that does not stop even when we cannot see that reaction in action right away. I will benefit from the energy that I have invested when it comes back to me in a greater and stronger form. For now, though, I will just rest and let nature take its course.

WOMAN, MOTHER, OR BOTH?

I grew up in a traditional Puerto Rican home, in a traditional Puerto Rican neighborhood, raised by a very traditional Puerto Rican woman, surrounded by traditional Puerto Rican everything. The women I saw as I was growing up were devoted to their house, husbands, and children, and as not all of them were a hundred percent happy, they stuck to the traditional roles that were expected of them. They performed house chores all day, took care of their husband’s lives in a servile way, and had no other mission in life than to make sure that the needs of their children were taken care of, that the house was clean and perfect, and that their husbands would not find any flaws in what they did and how they did things. They never received any sign of appreciation from their husbands, or children, or relatives, as they were only doing what they were supposed to, and as such they could not complain, but only strive to be better at cooking, cleaning, raising the children, and keeping their husbands in a good mood.

I was always a girly-girl, full of energy and deep thoughts. I remember some ladies in my neighborhood warning me that all my make-up, manicure, pedicure, and hair-doing time would be over the moment I had kids, or the moment I met a guy who did not approve of my girly ways. And I always thought: “that would never happen”. I was the first one in my immediate family to challenge the traditional system built for women. I became a leader in my community and school at a very early age, I then became a leader in my college, graduated with two Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees, partied, traveled, dated, danced, sang, became an art’s model (yeap, I had to be naked all the time for the job), enrolled in the military, bought the two cars I owned, moved to San Juan by myself, bought my own place, paid for all my expenses, and lived a single and fabulous life until I got married. I remember my friend Ibrahim told me once: “do not marry a machista like me, marry someone who would appreciate who you are and that would always support your spirit and leadership”, and I did. My lifestyle brought my grandmother to tears sometimes, and maybe earned me a few gossips around the neighborhood, but I never cared. I was determined to be the woman I wanted to be at all cost, and to not let anyone even suggest otherwise.

I became a mother two years ago. Motherhood brought a whole new dimension to my life, and reinforced the woman I am. I am the mother of a son, and I want my son to appreciate women, and to not be a machista Latino (if he becomes one, I would literally brake him and make him new). When I had my baby, the words of those women in my neighborhood resonated in my head, and I had no doubt I could prove them wrong. I continued to do my nails and have pedicures, continued to do my hair, put make-up on, and dress nicely in spite of the predictions. I continued to dance and learned how to play the guitar while my son was still a young baby, will learn how to play the piano and finish my doctorate degree, maybe learn a few more languages and a few more dancing rhythms, all while I am a mother. Motherhood should not deprive us from being who we are and what we want to become, it should just fuel our lives to excel. There is no greater gift to our children than to be a live testimony of how we have the power to do and be everything we want to do and be. We can be mothers and still be women and satisfy our needs as well as nurture our children’s lives.

Of course motherhood changes a lot of things, but it should just make our lives better and our perspectives clearer. And as I am only the mother of one, the mothers of twos, threes, etc. might be thinking “just wait until you have your next one”. I am realistic and know that when I have my next one or ones, devoting time for myself will be even more challenging, but way more rewarding since my time will be scarce. Besides, I know I just have to put some things on hold for a while, not forever. The woman in me will always seek to become stronger and to have more presence, even when I am busy taking care of my children. We do not have to put ourselves in a shelf when we are mothers; we can become better women for us and our children.

BEING NAKED

Note: This article does not come with a naked picture of myself, if you are wondering.

Some time ago I decided to start my blog, and in it I write whatever is in my head or in my heart at the moment. Some people might find strange that I could be so exposed and be OK with it, and the truth is that by writing and publishing it I am able to recharge and gain a clearer perspective. Reading someone else’s comments on what I write makes me see other points of view and gain different and new perspectives.

Most people are not comfortable being naked in public, and sometimes even in front of loved ones. Writing for me is to get naked, not only in front of those who I love and who love me, but really in front of anyone who wants to watch, or read. I have never been and will never be ashamed or embarrassed or afraid to undress my heart and my soul. I can say that I have savored every second of my life with intensity so far, and I am planning on keeping doing that for the years I have left on this earth. I find the ability to express my feelings and emotions openly and intensively rejuvenating, liberating, validating. I would not want to regret that I did not dare to love and/or to show it, to have said words I did not mean, to have not expressed what I felt, and to not have followed my dreams.

I walk in life naked and exposed. Those who do not want to see me naked can just look away. Everyone else should try it. Never be afraid to undress and get naked in front of others or by and for yourself. If you cannot stand to see your own reflection totally exposed, without armors or shields, then others will not appreciate your soul. If fear stops you from getting naked, get rid of it and start showing what you are made of.

HOW LONG IS TODAY?

I have always found the concept of time fascinating. As humans, our lives revolve around past, present, and future, as we remember and learn about the memories and experiences of the past, strive to make the most out of our present time, and look into the future with skepticism, anxiety, excitement, or hope. However, I realized a long time ago that the present does not really exist. Every second of our present time is gone in a second. What is left of the present is future, as it has not happened yet, and past, as in the blink of an eye all our actions and thoughts are gone with time. All the words that I am writing right now are a reflection of the thoughts that already flourished in my mind, which makes them part of my past. Fortunately, when I write though, those thoughts become past, present, and future.

When we live in the present, we are really living in the past, with the anticipation of an immediate future that will happen minutes or hours or days away from our most recent past. There is no such thing as the present, really. Breathe, and the breath is gone, blink and the glance is gone, kiss and the moment is gone. Even feelings can make their way into the past sometimes, but I think feelings are the only thing that is not constrained to time realities. As it is true that some feelings become part of the past, some feelings stand the test of time and they become eternal. I have some of those feelings that I just carry with me around no matter what happens or where I move. And as the memories attached to those feelings are part of my past, the feelings themselves do not respond to the logic of time.

So, what is reality and what is not when all our lives are just an illusion based on a time system that does not really add up? Why are we immobilized to do what our hearts tell us when we know that our present is really the sum of all our pasts? Do we have time to live in the present and in the reality of things, even when we know that all will be just memories and past instantly? Do we have time?

THE G-STRING GENERATION

Whatever happened to regular panties? It seems like panties are the defining factor of every era in the life of a woman. I would guess ( and I am not an anthropologist), that in ancient times, women did not wear panties at all. They lived their lives free of the constraints of underwear, without worrying about the material, design, and look of their undies. I have no idea when women decided that panties were necessary, but I can imagine why that happened. And lately I have been wondering about the future of underwear altogether.

The new trend is to not let anyone see your pantyline. Suddenly, it is unpolite and totally incorrect to let the world know that you are wearing panties, so this is the era of the g-string. I was born in the era of the brief, and then transitioned into the era of the bikini because it signified coolness and youth. As I started noticing the boom in g-string and thong wearing, I commented to one of my girlfriends about my hesitation to go into this new phase. She swore to me that I would get used to the new panty style, that I just have to give it some time to get its way into me, and I found that this was literal. I transitioned to the new era of the thong and the g-string. I gave up my old ways, and to be quite frankly, it was true what my friend had told me about embracing the new panty era. I got used to it, and I feel modern when I wear the trend of the time. However, as I see more and more gals putting their briefs aside and going G, I cannot help but wonder what would the next generation bring for us. Are we going back to ancient times in which no undies ruled? Is there anything else after thongs and G-strings? I cannot even begin to imagine.

I was at a doctor's office today taking my child to be seen by a physician, and I noticed a girl who had bent over and she was showing her undies. I realized that, just like 15 years ago when showing a bikini panty line was considered sexy, nowadays showing that little triangle or whatever you can show of that g-string is considered the "it". Women cannot show pantylines, but they can let the world know that they are using dental floss for panties. How curious is that! What would the world think if they knew that instead of a thread, we are using nothing? Would anyone be offended? I don't think anyone should, because wearing a g-string is like wearing nothing at all; it is just saying to the world "I am wearing panties, but not quite".

Anyway, my perception on this silly topic is that women should just use the panties they are most comfortable in, and that the rest of the world should stop stearing at our butts in search for pantylines, and critizicing those women that actually wear real panties. If the future of undies is no undies, then we are in the right track, but do not feel bad if you are a little behind. Wear what your butt can stand!

EL NACIMIENTO DE UNA NUEVA MUJER

Womanhood is a very special thing. To be born a woman is one of the best things that can happen to a human being. Not only our anatomies are designed to attract and captivate the opposite sex, it has been built to nurture and bring life into this world, which is absolutely amazing. Conception, though, is not the only miraculous thing a woman is capable of doing. Women are caring, loving, and nurturing by nature, being capable of feeling and giving love, even when blood ties do not require us to do so. The fact that my girlfriends consider my son part of their livies and family is moving. This is only one example of how special women are, and how willing we are to show love beyong logical reasoning.

I always celebrate being a woman. We are built to stand pain, stay awake endless nights with our children, care about and for the people we love in a special way, look at a puppy and feel the tenderness of the moment, cry when we need to without hesitating, calling a friend when we need to talk and talk for endless hours until the morning light shows in the sky, talk with a friend for hours, and realize that we still have more to talk about, undress our souls and be totally exposed with the people we love without shame, worry so much about looks but care more about love, have big dreams for ourselves, but even bigger hopes for our children, and give everything we have to our loved ones, and feel like we have not given enough.

Sometimes, though, for many reasons, we put ourselves in hold for a greater good. And sometimes the greater good turns into a struggle between the maximization of our womanhood, and the roles that society expects us to fulfill. Can we find a balance between social expectations and the pursue of our own happiness? Are we trapped forever in the expected, and become afraid of the unexpected? Why are we afraid of changing the path, even when we know that the path to a better self is far from the one we are walking now? Why are the social roles so constraining for women, and why do we chain ourselves to those roles? Can we change the path and find better destinations despite criticism, the perceptions of others, and our chains? Can we stand to see other women getting out of the conventional, even when we choose not to?

A lot of women that I know have broken the conventional, and for that I admire them. I want to think that I could also dare to question the conventional, just like them. I look in the mirror, and I want to see the courage to embrace who I want to become. I do not want to see a shadow, I want to see a real woman with flaws, mistakes, virtues, and a lot to give and to offer, which I love, respect, and admire even when others won’t. I want to believe that all women can do this, and that our womanhood would hold us together to help and support each other in our journeys. And the woman on hold, let her take a peek at the world from time to time. She is in there, just waiting for her time, and waiting to be set free when you let her. She has not gone anywhere, she is just the inner strength that keeps us going when we are too busy and involved in our conventional lives.

Let us be reborn and claim our best self. That is the best present we can give ourselves, and the everyone in our world.

THE POWER OF MOTHERHOOD

There is a very strong force in the World, capable of making women see things, do things, and experience things in a whole new level. It gives our lives a whole new meaning and direction, and always puts things in the right perspective. Motherhood is such a profound and amazing thing to experience! At least for me, everyday that I am a mother makes me wake up to want to give the best of me. Everyday with my son fills my spaces with joy, and makes me discover new things as he embarks on his journeys and discoveries with every little thing that he encounters. Every second of his existence is an amazing new thing for him, and I can see those things through his eyes and rejoice. As he learns, he teaches me more than he can ever imagine about truth, love, beauty, and life. How amazing are the eyes of a child! They see deep without knowing it, and they are the ones who can look and see deeper into us than anyone else. You can get lost in their eyes and find new and better places within yourself. I can be looking into my son’s eyes forever without getting tired, and there, I not only see a reflection of a better me within himself, I see the goodness in the world and everything that everything should be. There is such purity, ingenuity, determination, vulnerability, hope, strength, peace, and completeness in his eyes, that by only looking at them I feel energized and hopeful about the future. If only all of us could see things through the eyes of a child!

G-Girls, Gorgeous Girls Reunited

Armed and fabulous on a night out to Gloria's for some Latino dancing. My long-time friend Sarai comes to visit me quite often and we always have the greatest of times. I cannot understand how I ever lived without her, and although we did not see each other for over 12 years, our friendship and love remained strong as ever. She is Insoportablemente Bella, Bella.

WHEN ALL IS NOT ENOUGH

I already said in a previous writing that it is better to give than not to. I also understand that no matter how much you give, there are no guarantees to get the same or anything in return for giving. So giving is completely voluntary, and so is receiving. Often times I have been “absolute” about my giving and receiving equation, saying to myself and to others that if I will not receive all as I give, I rather not receive at all. Life, though, has taught me that my previous notion about giving and receiving do not always have to be so absolute and inflexible. Of course I would like to give and receive in the same proportion. However, since by giving there are no obligations from the other part to receive and give back, I have learned to appreciate the experience of giving and the other positive outcomes that result from it rather than to focus on how balanced the equation is. Once again, I have chosen to switch gears and change the mode in which I give, but I have never chosen to stop giving.

The giving and receiving equation does not work the same for everyone, and I must understand that. “Absolutes” remain, and more people than few rather have a balanced equation at all times than to live with the imbalance of giving. Sometimes, though, we do not give others the opportunity to reciprocate, or we do not have enough time to let that happen. I think that when the opportunity to give, receive, and reciprocate is taken away from us, that is even harder to take and sadder really than when the imbalance of giving is being caused by the choice of one of the parties involved. When the opportunity to give is taken away from me, especially without previous notice, the void that that creates in my heart gives me anguish. The notion that there was no opportunity to give from my part and let the other party experience what I have to give makes me wonder forever.

SIGUIENDO AL CORAZÓN

We have all heard the phrase “follow your heart”. The heart is always supposed to be right, and tell you where you need to go and what the final destination will be. The messages from the heart come from the deepest contours of our purest selves, where there are no rules, laws, rights, or wrongs. When our essence unites us with the power that is stronger than ourselves and that makes us who we are, we cannot help but to find the hidden truths that sometimes we burry beneath all the reasoning and logical thinking that the physical world requires from us. Our heart voice is shut off by the loud noise made by the dos, donts, our minds, and everyone else's dos, donts, and minds.

When the voice of our heart is so strong that it resonates loud and clear despite all the noise that attempts to cover it, can we choose not to hear it? Can we shut our heart up and off forever? Can we hear it, and choose not to follow it? Are we truly better off by following our minds and not our hearts? Isn’t the heart always right? At the end, are we happier by following logic?

Only you can answer those questions for yourself. If not always, do not be afraid of following your heart every once in a while: that will set you free.

Friendships that Last

Tangie and the Myrnas

Who is the New Latina?

As I said before in one of my postings, new Latinas have evolved, grown, and taken charge in different roles in their lives. New Latinas have a lot to offer, and a bright future. I want to know what you think. What are new Latinas made of? What makes Latinas different today? What is the future of Latinas in the workplace? What is the future of Latinas in society? How will Latinas evolve to take charge of their lives, enhance their families, and society?

Post your answers in the blog.


Como ya mencioné antes, las Latinas hoy en día han evolucionado, crecido y tomado el mando de los diferentes roles de sus vidas. Las Nuevas Latinas tienen mucho que ofrecer y un futuro brillante. Quiero saber lo que piensas acerca de este tema. ¿Cómo es la nueva Latina? ¿Qué hace a las Latinas diferentes hoy en día? ¿Cuál es el futuro de las Latinas en el área de trabajo? ¿Cuál es el futuro de las Latinas en la sociedad? ¿Cómo evolucionarán las Latinas para tomar el control de sus vidas y mejorar sus familias y la sociedad?

Publica tus respuestas en el blog.

How Much to Give?

As you all know, I have the need to give and to put my whole self into the things that matter to me. My giving nature makes me intense, passionate, smothering (ask my son), and totally involved with whatever or whoever captivates me. I do not feel comfortable unless I know my mind, heart, body, and soul are immersed into the essential things in my life, like the people I love and care about. However, I know first hand that giving is an equation that not always adds up in a logical way. Many times I have experienced the “imbalance of giving”. When we give and we say we do not expect anything in return, we are all lying (except if you have children, then giving takes a whole new meaning!). Either we expect concrete actions in reaction to our giving, such as gratefulness, appreciation, the same level of giving into us, the same degree of investment as we invest into others, and so forth; or we expect intrinsic results such as an increased level of self satisfaction, joy, peace, love, and so forth. When there is an imbalance of giving, meaning when the tangible or intangible results of our giving are not commensurate with the level in which we give, it is inevitable to feel an imbalance within ourselves. Either we feel cheated, or sad, or frustrated, or mad, or give up when there is an imbalance of giving. Simply put, it is like an algebraic equation that always needs to balance itself out: G=R, in which G=giving, and R=receiving.

We all expect to receive in the same level in which we are giving. It is the nature of the human condition to create expectations that are equal to our degree of commitment and involvement, and therefore to create scenarios based on those expectations. Some choose not to give or receive in a certain degree in some areas of their lives. Some are the ones creating an imbalance, either by giving too much and getting little or nothing in return, or not wanting to receive, shutting the doors on what is being given to them. Either way, we have all been at one side or the other in some of our relationships with friends, coworkers, loved ones, or other people we know. Do humans knowingly, or subconsciously always make a decision to create that imbalance? I think so, and that could happen for many reasons: fear or lack of interest, to name a few (and that would be a topic for another time). But the most important question I want to ask myself is, how much giving is too much when there is an imbalance? How much is enough? Tough question, indeed.

My nature is to give, and that is who I am. I always have to do it, regardless of how the equation looks at the end. I can say, though, that I have chosen to change the way in which I give based on a continuous imbalance. I have said: “I love you and will always care about you, but I will choose to divest from your life so I can keep my giving nature”. Sometimes we cannot stop giving, but we can change the mode in which we give. I rather give someone creating an imbalance in my life my good thoughts and good vibe, than my time, energy, and effort. I rather harbor good feelings towards someone creating an imbalance in my life by letting go physically of them, than to keep the present mode of giving and turn things into chaos. I rather invest my giving wisely into things and people that will make sure that the equation sums up at the end. At the end, though, we grow by nurturing our generous spirit and learning to give, regardless of the mode. If there is an imbalance, seek to always err on the side of giving.

True Friendship

I have been very blessed to find terrific people in my life. What a joy my friends bring into my life! For me, friends are more than just that. Friends are an extension of who I am, and truly the carriers of so many lessons and knowledge in my life. Every person that I invest my energy in gives back a positive energy that fills my spaces and fuels my spirit. Of course, not all friends are created equal. However, even the shortest friendships have added a lot of meaning and significance to my existence. I always like to think that others will reciprocate what you give them; that others will invest into you what you invest into them. This may not be an apparent truth at all times; however, many times the harvests of your labor will not show right away.

I have had my share of investing in people that may not seem worthy of my energy and time, but I have grown so much by giving, that at the end I may have won more than the persons I gave myself to. When I invest myself into someone I like to do it whole, no holding back on who I am and my potential for giving. In some instances, what I have gotten back from some persons has not been commensurate with what I give. At the end, though, and maybe not right away, I am filled with a greater energy than the one I invested. Like a boomerang, you get back what you put out there with more force than what you started with.

Friends deserve to get the best of us. I surely hope my friends think they are receiving 100% of me, even when distance, time, and circumstances do not allow us to interact as much as we would want. As one of my favorite books say, no place is too far when you love somebody, and distance cannot keep us apart from true friends. That is my truth. I hope my friends can read the love in my writing.

Ser y Estar

These days I have been suffering from "down syndrome". The changes that life proposes have gotten me guessing, thinking, and wondering about every little possible aspect of my existence. Everyone goes through these stages: ups, downs, rises, falls. They are the ones that keep us alive and make us question our grounds and refuel to conquer new things. I understand that. It is very unlike me to feel down for a long period of time, and I certainly do not know how long this "down spell" will last, however, I will try to make the best out of it.

I am happy, but I feel sad. I have come to the realization that even when I am not full of cheer, I am never unhappy. Happiness is being, and sadness is just a temporary state. When you are happy, that is what, how, and who you are. When you are sad it only means that for a period of time your energy level is not as high and efficient as it should, but that will pass with time. Sometimes the best of us transpires in the darkest hours. For example, I find a lot of inspiration to write when things are unstable in my life. I find the need to look deep into myself when I see the seasons changing in my heart, and it usually leads to a stronger, fresher, redefined, renewed, and better me. I surely hope that that will be the outcome this time.

Comfort is great, but sometimes makes us dormant and unable to see new possibilities, new horizons, new realities. I rather look at life and be blinded by the light of the truth, than to look at life with my shades on to protect my comfort. Doesn't "live fully" mean take chances and experience every aspect of life intensely? Happiness comes with a price, but no price is too high for happiness. The question is do we want cheer and joy or do we want happiness? I actually want both. And just now I realized that I do have both. I may not find joy in every aspect of my existence right now, but my life is full of happiness because I AM happy. The things that are not giving me joy at the present time will pass, hopefully sooner than later. My happiness will always be with me beacause that is what, how, and who I am.

The New Latina

The New Latina

A very dear friend of mine asked me not so long ago if I consider myself to be the new Latina. I think I am. What makes a modern Latina different from those that preceded us? Well, at least for me, just to name one thing, Latinas today are not afraid of being their total selves, without any restrictions or inhibitions. I want to believe that all Latinas do have or will have control of their own destinies. Do not be afraid of what you are, what you feel, and what you can become. Do not be afraid of being, but most importantly, do not be afraid of becoming. That will give Latinas the power to excel and go places beyond what anyone ever imagined.

About Life and Things

Life is a box of surprises. Sounds like such a cliche, but indeed it is. All our lives we try to figure out everything: who we are, what are we doing here, what our purpose in life is, and who are we meant to spend the rest of our lives with. All our lives we search for "the truth", or at least our truth, and once we believe that our reality is all laid out in front of us for us to savor and enjoy, bang!- life throws something totally unexpected at us making us go back to the drawing board to begin the quest again. One thing is for sure: we cannot stop the pursue of our own truth. As hard as it may be, the quest to our deeper, most vulnerable and purest self must never cease, because we are with ourselves for the rest of our lives.

The question is: do we dare to walk the path to our own self definition? Do we dare to see-really see-our truth? Do we dare to face what our new reality entails and come to terms with it, for better or for worse? One thing is for sure, at least for my own truth: I cannot walk away from it. And being the ultimate optimist, I believe my truth will always lead me to a better place, at least within myself. You cannot deny the undeniable, choose not to see the obvious, avoid the unavoidable, and walk away from yourself. At the end, it will all be worth it!