EQUALITY FOR MEN?

In one of my readings today, a book titled Gendered Lives, the author explains the socialization of males and females, and how the socialization process influences gender roles. It is well known that females are socialized from an early age to be nurturing, pleasing, giving, caring, expressive of emotions, dependent, and fragile. Men are socialized to be strong, assertive, competitive, stoic, and pay less attention to emotions. Being raised in a very traditional Hispanic home, I witnessed how families (mothers, fathers, grandparents) and society in general worshiped men. Many experts express that societies in the world are mainly patriarchal; being male is highly celebrated, encouraged, and promoted. When the first born is a male it is a reason for celebration. When the first born is a female it is like a consolation prize: the next try might result in a boy. I have notions of myself about gender issues, and throughout all my research I have confirmed the suspicion that I had about how, for some reason still unknown to me, almost every society in the world still believes that being male is being better.

Do not get me wrong: I love men. How can I not? And quite frankly, when I read about all the studies that have been conducted about gender issues and how men and women are treated unequally and unfairly, after agreeing, I also see the disadvantages to men in the world of men. Again, men are socialized to be tough, rough, strong, stay calm and remain cool even when things are not going so well. Men do not have the luxury to cry when they want to: they were just not taught to do so. Men find it hard to express their feelings and emotions openly and freely, like women: they are not expected to do so. Some men find it very hard to enable intimacy, proximity, and vulnerability in relationships: they are not programmed to allow for that level of emotional abandonment and fulfillment. Women have many disadvantages too, according to experts in the matter, but that is material for another article. For now, I want to focus on men.

As I have witnessed how my culture, and I guess experts would say every culture, worship masculinity, I cannot help but realize how hard it is to be a man sometimes. I have witnessed how emotionally stressed men can be, and I would imagine that it is hard for men to comply with the requirements of society, which ultimately means being successful (which generally means work until they drop to make as much money as possible with little time for family life and fun), without being able to express their deepest feelings, or even allowing themselves to feel and connect at that deep level. In the book, the author asked males and females what would they do if they woke up one morning being the opposite sex. The responses varied, and generally women expressed that they would be relieved not to have to pay so much attention to their looks for once without being judged, and men expressed that they would probably have to get up earlier to spend some extra time to get ready in the morning. If I woke up being a man, I would cry, probably will cry a lot before I know I will not be able to cry anymore in front of any one.

I love being a woman, despite all the disadvantages experts have proven we have and the ones we have had to live through. In spite all the inequality and imbalance that does not benefit women, at least I am able to be a mother and fully enjoy it, cry if I want to, laugh as hard as I want to, take as much time to get ready in the morning without criticism (if my son allows me), but mostly, express my feelings, thoughts, emotions, expose my soul, and allow myself to be intimate, close, personal, vulnerable, connected, immersed, loving, caring, and giving with those I love because it is expected of me, but most importantly, because I want to and because I can.

Ultimately, though, all experts agree that gender roles are learned through socialization, but also decided upon when we are old enough to know better. Guys have the right to be expressive, loving, caring, and intimate, and they should free their minds, hearts, and souls to do so without shame or guilt. I am sure women would be very appreciative of more “feminine” men, and men would live more fulfilling lives.