“I will honor you, treasure you, and be faithful to you in sickness and in health, in happiness or in sadness, for richer or poorer, all the days of my life ‘till death do us part”. Many people, myself included, have recited these words (or something like that) in many countries around the world, in different languages, through different rituals, and maybe for more years than I can count. Idealistically, people will say these words and really and deeply mean them at the time, with the notion that their paths will lead them in a direction in which they can fulfill their wedding vows for eternity (or until death do them part). Some people feel like they are marrying their soul mate, and they are fortunate enough to feel like the love they feel for the other person will transcend any difficulties along the way and that they will take that love in them and with them to the afterlife. Idealistically (or not), people who have recited and will recite those vows will not find themselves growing out of love, or loyalty, or the will to validate them in a daily basis. However, when the vows do not make sense anymore, does everyone have to keep in the marriage until one of them (or both) actually dies? Is this the true meaning of happiness? Is it worth being unhappy for the sake of a marriage just because people recite those vows? Are the persons who walk out of a marriage cowards, mediocre, or courageous? I guess the answers depend on what side of the mirror one is looking into.
It seems to me that some are more inclined to satisfy the expected roles, and marriage is a perfect example. Once people are in it, God forbid that they find themselves like they made the wrong decision; they basically have to “suck it up” and make it work. I am not talking about the daily difficulties and challenges of having a face to face relationship with someone you swore you would have a life-long, physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual relationship with, but the realization that the path that the vows tried to portray is no longer a path that will lead to a better you, self realization for maybe neither of the parties involved, happiness, harmony, joy, peace, and all the ideals of what an emotional, spiritual, and physical commitment to a person entails. When it is known that that special connection is no longer existent or was maybe never present, is if fair to keep the relationship going as it is just because people are married?
This matter is very complicated. Society (and by that I mean people in it) condemn people who “opt out” of a marriage for their own sake; that is just plain selfish. A marriage usually means that the bigger person stays in the relationship even when the other party already left the relationship emotionally, or maybe when the bigger person him/herself has left the relationship emotionally. I guess once people are married, they are supposed to be “locked into it” and out of the world. Do not get me wrong, I am not against marriage, I could not be. My point is people should not be condemned so bitterly for doing what they think is right for themselves, and in the long run, for the other half.
2 comments:
I think it really does boil down to the reasons for calling it quits. Some people just don't want responsibility, but even then, like you said, it might be more fare to the other person.
The people who bother me are the one's who stay together just for the children. I'm sorry, but sometimes, that's the worst thing you can do. It isn't like the kids don't feel the tension, it isn't like you don't know there are problems. Then said child leaves and - presto - the parents split? Talk about a guilt trip for the child.
I went through that, so I much prefer parents who work through it with their kids and move on to be happier people than stay in a bad marriage.
I always thought so, but I also know there is a lot of pressure to stay in a marriage because of many reasons: religious, social, financial, and personal. Ultimately, marriage is supposed to be about two people who have so much love for each other that they want to spend their time and lives together. However, for many reasons, it has become something easy to get out of, but something very difficult to get out of, if I make sense. There is always divorce available, but the people who get divorced are often times heavily critiziced and asked to stay in a marriage and sacrifice their happiness for the sake of the family, the children, or simply the other person. I don't think it is fair. Marriage should be about love, and when one of the elements in a marriage is not working right and everybody has tried to fix it and it has not worked, I think there has to come the realization that it is time to part ways, and both parties should be able to do that peacefully and amicably. THAT is what love is about: I love you so much that I will let you go so you can pursue your happiness without me!
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