VIOLENCIA CONTRA LA MUJER

Visitando el blog de Seoman me enteré que el pasado sábado, 25 de noviembre se celebró el Día Internacional Contra la Violencia de Género. La fecha pasó desapercibida para mí, sin embargo, hoy sabiendo de tal celebración, me cuestiono por qué siquiera tenemos que tener una fecha especial dedicada a recordarle a las personas a no maltratar a las mujeres. Me parece barbárico que aún en el Siglo 21 tengamos que recordarnos a no agredir y victimizar a la mujer, y que aún esta problemática esté lejos de ser resuelta en el mundo.

Las causas de violencia contra la mujer son muchas. El gran problema es cómo se perpetúan estos círculos viciosos de generación en generación, siendo aceptados por ambas partes (agresor y agredida) como norma y estilo de vida esperado y modelado y enseñado a generaciones futuras.

En un artículo pasado leí que las jóvenes Latinas están en gran riesgo de caer en relaciones abusivas durante sus años de escuela, y al preguntárseles por qué aceptan este tipo de relación responden que sus parejas actúan agresivamente por el amor tan grande que les tienen. Muchas mujeres llegan a la adultez con este mismo paradigma y continúan aceptando la violencia como algo aceptable para sus vidas y una validación y prueba contundente del amor de la contraparte para con ellas (¿qué pasó con las flores y las serenatas?). Algunas mujeres definen maltrato como abuso físico severo y no se dan cuenta de que el maltrato tiene muchas formas y caras, a veces sin llegar a la agresión física.

Es triste que una mujer crea que el amor duele, lastima y tortura para ser real y tangible. Es triste que una mujer cuando se da cuenta de que el amor no tiene que doler piense que no tiene alternativas para salirse de una relación en la cual la agresión y la violencia imperan. Mucho más triste es que los agresores se sientan con la potestad y el derecho libre de utilizar la violencia a su antojo en contra de sus parejas. Ninguna mujer debe tener que vivir en una relación de maltrato. Ningún niño debe presenciar cómo su papá llega a la violencia física o verbal contra su mamá. Ningún hombre debe sentirse con el derecho de poder agredir a su pareja.

La violencia de género se detiene con educación y concientización, para que las mujeres entiendan que no tienen que vivir la vida en pareja llenas de temor o aceptar el maltrato, y saber sus opciones y alternativas. El esfuerzo tiene que ser conjunto entre todos los componentes de la sociedad para levantar nuevas generaciones con una visión positiva hacia el respeto mutuo y la sana convivencia. Mensaje: El maltrato no es amor.

Joy

Luego de la ausencia vuelvo a mí. Nunca me voy, ciertamente, y cuando regreso así parece, que nunca me fui, que siempre he estado aquí. Viendo la vida desde varias perspectivas, las mías y las de otros, me inspiré a escribir esto. Se me antojó escribirlo en inglés porque me sale mejor así. Este escrito habla de la alegría, la que a mí siempre me acompaña, aún en los momentos en los cuales las sonrisas son tenues. La alegría es una decisión, una elección. Que sea tuya y así nadie te la podrá quitar.

"Tengo alegría que el mundo no me ha dado y que el mundo no me puede quitar". Esclavos Negros en el siglo 19.

“I have joy that the world did not give to me, and joy that the world cannot take away”. 19th Century Negro Slaves

Wow!! How powerful this is! Joy is like water that comes out of a fountain, refreshing, welcomed, needed, and much appreciated. To live with joy is to find contentment and cheer in the very little things of life as well as the big things. As Dr. Robin Smith says, joy is a choice we make whether things go right or wrong, whether things go our way or not. A joyful person always irradiates good energy and vibe that attracts others and gives the beholder a positive perspective of life. To be merry is to have the certainty that all that happens in our lives happens for a greater purpose and offers us the opportunity to learn, no matter how harsh the circumstances might be. Joy gives us strength to face difficulties and look at our possibilities with the confidence that at the end our joy will be even greater than before.

I have met a lot of fantastic and amazing people in my life. I have met those people who, no matter the situation how difficult their lives are, they always have a positive approach to life and a smile on their face. There is time for everything in this life, and even when crying, let the tears wash away the blues when it’s time to reveal an even stronger, deeper and more appreciated cheer, just like the rain reveals a bluer sky and sometimes a beautiful rainbow. Let joy always be with you, within you, and show it proudly. It is contagious!

BEING A MOTHER

As a mother, especially as the other of a son, I can really appreciate this story. I would like for my son to value and treasure our relationship way beyond his childhood. I hope he is never too busy to spend time with me when the walks of his life take him away from me to new worlds and new people. I hope he evolves to remain the loving child he is today in his adult body. Mostly, I hope he is always aware of the immense love I feel for him, one that could never be duplicated, tarnished, or diminished.

The story below was sent to me by my mother-in-law, mother of three boys. Fortunately, she is not the lady from this story, as her three sons value, love, and treasure her deeply for the wonderful mother she is. With luck my son will turn out to be like her sons.

BEING A MOTHER

After 21 years of marriage, My wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie. She said, "I love you, but I know this other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with you." The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally.

That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie. "What's wrong, are you well," she asked? My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news. "I thought that it would be pleasant to spend some time with you, "I responded. "Just the two of us." She thought about it for a moment, and then said, "I would like that very much."

That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary. She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's. "I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed," she said, as she got into the car. "They can't wait to hear about our meeting."

We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady. After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only read large print. Half way through the entries, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips. "It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small, "she said. "Then it's time that you relax and let me return the favor," I responded.

During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation nothing extraordinary but catching up on recent events of each other's life. We talked so much that we missed the movie.

As we arrived at her house later, she said, "I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you." I agreed. "How was your dinner date?" asked my wife when I got home. "Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined," I answered.

A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn't have a chance to do anything for her. Some time later, I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined. An attached note said: "I paid this bill in advance. I wasn't sure that I could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two plates - one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant for me. I love you, son."

At that moment, I understood the importance of saying in time: "I LOVE YOU" and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve. Nothing in life is more important than your family. Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till "some other time."

Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you've had a baby ... somebody doesn't know that once you're a mother, "normal" is history.

Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by instinct . somebody never took a three-year-old shopping.

Somebody said being a mother is boring .somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager with a driver's permit.

Somebody said if you're a "good" mother, your child will "turn out good"....somebody thinks a child comes with directions and a guarantee.

Somebody said "good" mothers never raise their voices ....somebody never came out the back door just in time to see her child hit a golf ball through the neighbor's kitchen window.

Somebody said you don't need an education to be a mother ....somebody never helped a fourth grader with his math.

Somebody said you can't love the second child as much as you love the first .... omebody doesn't have two children.

Somebody said a mother can find all the answers to her child-rearing questions in the books.... somebody never had a child stuff beans up his nose or in his ears.

Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is labor and delivery....somebody never watched her "baby" get on the bus for the first day of kindergarten .. or on a plane headed for military "boot camp."

Somebody said a mother can do her job with her eyes closed and one hand tied behind her back ...somebody never organized seven giggling Brownies to sell cookies.

Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after her child gets married....somebody doesn't know that marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a mother's heartstrings.

Somebody said a mother's job is done when her last child leaves home....somebody never had grandchildren.

Somebody said your mother knows you love her, so you don't need to tell her.... omebody isn't a mother.

Amazing Story

http://www.break.com/index/truly_amazing_blind_kid.html

Humans are truly masterpieces with talents beyond our own awareness, and the capability to do the unthinkable. The link above portrays a story worth telling, and although it brought tears to my eyes, it filled my heart with immense joy. Let that story inspire you today to excel and be grateful.

Los humanos somos obras de arte con talentos más allá de nuestro conocimiento y la capacidad de hacer lo inimaginable. El enlace que aparece arriba muestra una historia digna de ser contada, y a pesar de que la misma me hizo llorar también llenó mi corazón de inmenso júbilo. Que esta historia te inspire hoy a ser todo lo que quieres ser.

PENIS OBSESSION

I recently went back home to Puerto Rico, and took my two-year-old son with me. Upon our arrival, everyone was overly excited to see us. We were very happy to see our family and friends as well. As expected, everybody paid extra and special attention to Paul Vincent at all times, turning him into the center of the world in which he was the main and most important star.

As the days went by, I could not help to notice the special attention his genitalia was getting. I realized then something that I have grown up with all my life: the perpetual worship of the male reproductive organ. My son’s genitalia was the object of attention, questions such as: “to how many girlfriends does this belong to?”, “to whom does this belong to?”; and comments such as “this is mine”, and “I am going to get it”. To people from other cultures these comments might sound perverted and outrageous, but to the Puerto Rican culture these are comments that have been passed on from generation to generation, unquestioned, celebrated, and widely accepted.

For some reason, those comments hit me now, although I have heard them all my life, directed toward boys, of course. This time those words got me thinking: what is it so important about male genitalia that deserves to be celebrated on a regular basis? Why is everybody, males and females, obsessed with babies penises and teach them they are the epitome of their lives? Why has no one questioned the penis worship before? (At least, not anyone I know). And lastly, does anybody celebrate female genitalia?

Growing up in Puerto Rico I cannot remember anytime my genitalia was celebrated as a baby or a small girl. Nobody asked to how many boyfriends my genitalia belonged to; nobody said how big or pretty it was, or told me I would break many hearts with it (or get a lot of penises with it for that matter). I am sure someone would be totally disturbed at this article, especially when the questions about my genitalia come about, however, it seems totally permissible, admissible, and even expected to talk about male genitalia in those terms, at least in the Puerto Rican culture. My point is, I finally realized machismo and its perpetuation starts with the adoration and reverence of the male penis (which by the way, the bigger the better according to my culture), by all in society.

Needless to say I had to advice everyone to stay off and clear my child’s genitalia, as it is just that and not a totem, and I do not want my child to think of himself in terms of his penis as it does not define who he is or who he will be. I am not against celebrating any body part, really, but I do not want my son to get the narrow perspective that he is his penis and that his penis controls him and dictates his present and future behavior and place in society.

Ausencia y Regreso

Estuve ausente. Me fui a recorrer el pasado y anduve en él, con el paso lento que permite mirar las cosas desde otra perspectiva. Ya regresé a mi presente, a mi ayer no terminado, a mi futuro en construcción y aún no forjado. Regresé de mí hacia mí por el cual pasó el tiempo dejando su huella sin saberlo y sin pensarlo. Regresé igual y otra, con muchas otras adentro de mí haciéndose eco en mis palabras recordadas del ayer que se nutre de mi hoy. Volví al ayer y regresé al presente, diferente e igual. Fue reconfortante viajar al pasado y devolverme nuevamente al actual ahora que me llamaba. Desde aquí y desde siempre estoy.

El Tiempo que no Pasa

Estoy en un lugar en donde el tiempo no pasa...Todo se ha detenido en un simple suspiro de tiempo en el cual el pensamiento pasa lento y se repite a sí mismo como una canción que canta una y otra vez las mismas notas. El viento pasa igual, la lluvia cae igual, el cielo no cambia su azul límpido y la lluvia se derrama fuerte y continua a través de las horas queriendo lavar la tierra que se mueve ante ella pero vuelve a ser la misma. Aquí estoy, siendo la de ayer pero tan diferente; viviendo el hoy en un ayer que no se va.

Lo Que Queda

Lo que queda

Donde hubo quimeras de fugaces pasiones
quedaron olvidos de muertas ilusiones
palabras rotas que no dicen nada
vacíos inmensos y frías mañanas.

Un espectro a lo lejos convertido en bruma
intocable al tacto del corazón que esfuma
el dolor de la suerte que echada y quebrada
salta al abismo convertido en nada.

Llanto seco corriendo desbocado
lágrimas amargas en los ojos cerrados
que no ven el horizonte con el amor gravado
con desamor grabado en amores robados.

Explicaciones faltan, las palabras no bastan
yo digo, no dices tú lo que dices del alma
callo yo el llanto ahogado de ti escondido
y rota me recojo en el pensamiento que se va contigo.

Cuando te vea en la vida háblame de ayer
y a mi alma perpleja hazle entender…
A ver si me puedes decir qué le pasó al corazón (yo sé del mío).
A ver si me puedes decir, explicar qué sucedió…(si acaso lo sabes tú mismo…).

Tangie
En una noche despechada

Life Lessons

My friend RM wrote an article about Life Lessons. The writing could not have been more true. Life's situations, the people we encounter on our way, what we see, what we hear, what we feel, every little stimuli we are exposed to encrypts something in ourselves. Those encryptions are either a superficial tattoo that we might not even realize we have it, or they may get fused with who we were before the stimuli and transform us, sometimes in subtle, other times in drastic ways. Life and everything in it is a big school full of little and big lessons. Some people might choose to not learn from all those experiences, and some might choose to seek for the hidden or apparent learning that can be derived from all our experiences. Some lessons are loud and clear, some are disguised or delayed and we just have to keep an open mind and a keen heart to accept the learning when it has to happen. Some lessons are instilled in us deep into our depths, some we pick and choose as souvenirs we wear when the time is right and when it matches what we need. The important thing is to keep an open eye for what RM calls organic learning: the learning that is rather informal, with no agenda, just happens through all the little and big experiences we are faced and immersed in everyday. In that regard I always want to be a lifelong learner. Life and everything in it is my big school, never ending, in which everyone I know, every person I have met, every action, reaction, thought, word, touch, move, sight, everything that has been placed on my path carries a valuable lesson from which I grow and evolve.

Seeing Beyond the Unknown

As a continuation, fear is then a force…Powerful, but truly just our own creation. What was created since the beginning of all is always good, always true, always conducive to our evolution and well-being. Fear that comes of our own creation is imperfect and leads to imperfection. We all have them. We just have to transform its force to have the drive to seek the ultimate, what comes from our source which can unite us with it and make us whole.

The fear of the unknown is natural for all humans and part of our preservation instinct. The fear of losing what we have is sometimes so powerful that prevents us from even trying to begin to pursue what we want. Sometimes we set ourselves with the bare minimum, in fear that if we attempt to let go of our fear and start moving towards what we want we might not succeed. Therefore, to prevent ourselves from the anticipated dissapointment of failure we do not even begin to try in the first place. I think that when we recognize our fears, acknowledge we have them, understand why we have them, but act in spite of them we learn a great deal about who we are, and we get to know more of who we could be and what we can do. And that discovery always leads to growth, and it is always worth the try.

For me and for all…

The Daily OM
October 16, 2006
Seeing Beyond The Unknown
Fear Of Losing What We Have

One of humanity's biggest fears is losing what we have. It is healthy when fear of loss helps us take steps to protect what we have worked hard to attain, but it is unhealthy to continue to fear something we can do nothing about. We need to remember that focusing our energy on fear can actually create what scares us, and holding tightly to what we have keeps us from participating in the universal flow of abundance and instead creates stagnation. Since we can only really control our thoughts and our responses, gaining proper perspective may be key to conquering such fears. The letters of the word "fear" can be used to stand for "False Evidence Appearing Real." Fears of being separated from something or someone we feel we need for our security or happiness comes from a delusion-a distorted way of understanding ourselves and the world around us. When we understand that possessions are only representations of the energy at work in our lives, we can shift our attention to the right and proper place. We can stop fearing loss of money or success because when we understand how it is created, we can always create more. We can stop fearing loss of possessions when we realize that they are not the source of our joy or well-being but only icing on our cakes. And when we understand the energy of love, we need not hold anyone too close for fear of losing them for we know that love does not diminish when it is given or shared but expands beyond boundaries of time or space. By focusing our light on our fears, they are revealed as mere shadows that disappear in the presence of mind and spirit. We can choose instead to direct our thoughts and creative power toward things of true value-love, abundance, peace, passion, and joy. These are energies that are always available to us when we place ourselves confidently in the universal flow of abundance.

The Force and the Energy

“Pain is a force; Love is energy,force is temporary, energy is always present.Welcome back "pequeña", leave and forget your regrets where the force was wasted and useless. I wonder where you lost yourself while in the journey of life.”

I found these words profound and touching. They were written to me, meant to be said to me, I guess, but most importantly, they speak to me. I don’t know who wrote this, as the author is anonymous, but I appreciate those words from the depths of my true self.

Lo único que persigo es ser fiel y verdadera a mi corazón. Por alguna razón seguir al corazón (energía) se convierte en fuerza o se interpreta como eso. Sí, la energía me ha dado fuerza, pero sigue latente en mí y espero que siempre pueda traspasar mi piel y dejarse ver a través de mí como reflejo real y lleno de verdad de quien soy. ¿Perdida de mí misma? No creo. Estoy aquí, conmigo, a veces durmiendo, a veces soñando, a veces despierta y pensando, y a veces siendo lo que soy a pesar del mundo y de la lógica y la razón. A veces me ven otros, a veces no, y eso es fuerza. Cuando me veo como soy es energía.

Gracias por la visita. Y como decimos en mi isla, “¡que se repita!”

Leaving

I am leaving to Puerto Rico again. I will be going to recharge and reconnect with a place that gave me so much and people who care about me deeply, the same way I love them with a love that is pure and never ending. I will be going back to myself, to the original version of who I am, and hopefully will be back with a clearer picture of who I want to become. I am going to Puerto Rico to breathe and fuse with the Caribbean air so full of history and a past that is always present. I will love, be loved, laugh loud and much, eat, think, and just be.

If you have not visited the link to the video The Power of Love, please do. And with that I will leave you until I come back.

The Power of Love

It may sound like a cliché, but love is truly the most powerful force in the world. Love can inspire us, move us, motivate us, and give us the strength to do the unthinkable. My dear friend Jennifer Laszlo sent me the story below and the video clip. Let love take its course today...


[From Sports Illustrated, By Rick Reilly]
I try to be a good father. Give my kids mulligans. Work nights to pay For their text messaging. Take them to swimsuit shoots. But compared with Dick Hoyt, I suck. Eighty-five times he's pushed his disabled son, Rick, 26.2 miles in Marathons. Eight times he's not only pushed him 26.2 miles in a Wheelchair but also towed him 2.4 miles in a dinghy while swimming and Pedaled him 112 miles in a seat on the handlebars--all in the same day. Dick's also pulled him cross-country skiing, taken him on his back Mountain climbing and once hauled him across the U.S. On a bike. Makes Taking your son bowling look a little lame, right? And what has Rick done for his father? Not much--except save his life.This love story began in Winchester , Mass. , 43 years ago, when Rick Was strangled by the umbilical cord during birth, leaving him Brain-damaged and unable to control his limbs. "He'll be a vegetable the rest of his life;'' Dick says doctors told him And his wife, Judy, when Rick was nine months old. ``Put him in an Institution.''
But the Hoyts weren't buying it. They noticed the way Rick's eyes Followed them around the room. When Rick was 11 they took him to the Engineering department at Tufts University and asked if there was Anything to help the boy communicate. ``No way,'' Dick says he was told. ``There's nothing going on in his brain.'' "Tell him a joke,'' Dick countered. They did. Rick laughed. Turns out a Lot was going on in his brain. Rigged up with a computer that allowed Him to control the cursor by touching a switch with the side of his Head, Rick was finally able to communicate. First words? ``Go Bruins!'' And after a high school classmate was paralyzed in an accident and the School organized a charity run for him, Rick pecked out, ``Dad, I want To do that.'' Yeah, right. How was Dick, a self-described ``porker'' who never ran More than a mile at a time, going to push his son five miles? Still, he Tried. ``Then it was me who was handicapped,'' Dick says. ``I was sore For two weeks.'' That day changed Rick's life. ``Dad,'' he typed, ``when we were running, It felt like I wasn't disabled anymore!'' And that sentence changed Dick's life. He became obsessed with giving Rick that feeling as often as he could. He got into such hard-belly Shape that he and Rick were ready to try the 1979 Boston Marathon. ``No way,'' Dick was told by a race official. The Hoyts weren't quite a Single runner, and they weren't quite a wheelchair competitor. For a few Years Dick and Rick just joined the massive field and ran anyway, then They found a way to get into the race Officially: In 1983 they ran another marathon so fast they made the Qualifying time for Boston the following year. Then somebody said, ``Hey, Dick, why not a triathlon?''

How's a guy who never learned to swim and hadn't ridden a bike since he Was six going to haul his 110-pound kid through a triathlon? Still, Dick Tried. Now they've done 212 triathlons, including four grueling 15-hour Ironmans in Hawaii . It must be a buzzkill to be a 25-year-old stud Getting passed by an old guy towing a grown man in a dinghy, don't you Think?
Hey, Dick, why not see how you'd do on your own? ``No way,'' he says. Dick does it purely for ``the awesome feeling'' he gets seeing Rick with A cantaloupe smile as they run, swim and ride together.

This year, at ages 65 and 43, Dick and Rick finished their 24th Boston Marathon, in 5,083rd place out of more than 20,000 starters. Their best Time? Two hours, 40 minutes in 1992--only 35 minutes off the world Record, which, in case you don't keep track of these things, happens to Be held by a guy who was not pushing another man in a wheelchair at the Time. ``No question about it,'' Rick types. ``My dad is the Father of the Century.'' And Dick got something else out of all this too. Two years ago he had a Mild heart attack during a race. Doctors found that one of his arteries Was 95% clogged. ``If you hadn't been in such great shape,'' One doctor told him, ``you probably would've died 15 years ago.'' So, in a way, Dick and Rick saved each other's life.
Rick, who has his own apartment (he gets home care) and works in Boston, and Dick, retired from the military and living in Holland, Mass. , always find ways to be together. They give speeches around the country and compete in some backbreaking race every weekend, including this Father's Day.

That night, Rick will buy his dad dinner, but the thing he really wants to give him is a gift he can never buy. ``The thing I'd most like,'' Rick types, ``is that my dad sit in the chair and I push him once.''

Click on the following link to watch the video. It will move you, inspire you, and make you realize the power of love: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4B-r8KJhlE

Llorar de Amor

He llorado esta mañana. Lloré de una tristeza feliz, o de una felicidad triste. Lloré cuando mi alma encontró la luz que entraba por mis ojos abiertos viendo la realidad del amor, y no pudo evitar desbordarse. Supongo que el amor así, tan profundo y puro, tan fuerte y poderoso hace llorar. Supongo que el alma sí entiende la totalidad y simpleza majestuosa y divina del amor y su poder transformador, energizador, el poder de no tan solo pensar que todo se puede, sino hacer que todo se pueda. Hoy lloré y fue un lindo llanto, con amor corriendo por mis mejillas y uniéndose a mi mirada clavada en el poder de lo que no se ve pero que se siente tan verdadero, real y completo. Hoy me reafirmé que para el amor no hay límites, que el amor no tiene distancia, ni tiempo, ni impedimento, solo aquéllos que le imponemos nosotros en nuestra condición humana porque el amor es mucho más que la capacidad de nuestro cuerpo y que la razón de nuestra mente. Hoy lloré de saber que el amor lo puede todo si lo dejamos actuar y obrar. Para el amor nada es imposible y verlo me hace llorar. Hoy lloraré todo el día con una sonrisa en mi corazón y en mis labios.

It is natural of humans to pursue growth. Humans have the innate need to make progress in certain areas of life, few or many depending on the person, periodically throughout our existence. For some it is finding their calling and constantly setting new goals to fulfill their passions; for others it is making some kind of financial progress throughout their lives; for many it is seeking continuous spiritual growth and a connection with a higher power. Humans need to feel they are “moving forward”, and stagnation damages the human soul creating a blockage in the flow of energy and instilling a sense of imbalance within. When water cannot run its course and merge with a stronger, wider, deeper, more powerful stream or body it loses its ability to be and becomes dark, murky, and turbid. The same thing happens with our human condition when we stop our flow, our natural progression, and the evolution of all the elements of our lives. When we pay attention to just one or few areas of our lives and feel we are moving upward or forward we feel contentment, but it can be temporary. When we endeavor in accomplishing all areas that make us what we ought to be we can evolve.

It is healthy to strive to accomplish ourselves the best way possible, at the maximum of our capacity, and the feeling of exhilaration that comes with it ignites a light that shines through us and everyone can see. Our energy is strengthened when we sense we are moving in the right direction with complete satisfaction. Hopefully, all humans will pursue to evolve whole. Paying too much attention to just one area of our lives and just focusing on the growth of that area (financial, social, spiritual, etc.), can also create an imbalance as the other areas that are also important for our fruition remain incomplete or neglected. Humans should seek to create and maintain a harmonious relationship between the physical world and ourselves, and grow all aspects that compose our humanity to the best of our ability, knowing that to evolve means to never stop growing whole.

Yo Misma Fui Mi Ruta

La vida es un viaje con nosotros en él. Podemos elegir ser el conductor de nuestro propio viaje o sentarnos atrás, ser pasajeros y dejar que otros nos conduzcan. Cuando conducimos nosotros, forjamos nuestro propio destino. Cuando otros conducen solo podemos preguntarnos a dónde nos llevará nuestro viaje...Eres conductor o eres pasajero?

Yo misma fui mi ruta

Yo quise ser como los hombres quisieronque yo fuese:

un intento de vida;

un juego al escondite con mi ser.

Pero yo estaba hecha de presentes,

y mis pies, planos sobre la tierra promisora

no resistían caminar hacia atrás,

y seguían adelante, adelante,

burlando las cenizas para alcanzar el beso

de los senderos nuevos.

A cada paso adelantado en mi ruta hacia el frente

rasgaba mis espaldas el aleteo desesperado de los troncos viejos.

Pero la rama estaba desprendida para siempre,

y a cada nuevo azote

la mirada mía se separaba más y más y más de los lejanos horizontes aprendidos:

y mi rostro iba tomando la espresión que le venía de adentro,

la expresión definida que asomaba un sentimiento de liberación íntima;

un sentimiento que surgía del equilibrio sostenido entre mi vida

y la verdad del beso de los senderos nuevos.

Ya definido mi rumbo en el presente,

me sentí brote de todos los suelos de la tierra,

de los suelos sin historia, de los suelos sin porvenir,

del suelo siempre suelo sin orillas de todos los hombres y de todas las épocas.

Y fui toda en mí como fue en mí la vida…

Yo quiese ser como los hombres quisieron que yo fuese:

un intento de vida; un juego al escondite con mi ser.

Pero yo estaba hecha de presentes;

cuando ya los heraldos me anunciabanen el regio desfile de los troncos viejos,

se me torció el deseo de seguir a los hombres,

y el homenaje se quedó esperándome.

Julia de Burgos

UNA PREGUNTA

El encontrar la Rima XLI de Bécquer me ha puesto a pensar en José Gautier Benítez. Cómo separarlos, si en el universo literario y en total desconocimiento uno del otro, ambos encontraron musa igual para sus dolencias de amor? Sufrir por amor y amar fue sinónimo para estos dos grandes poetas, haciendo del dolor hermosas obras de arte a través de la poesía. De mi poeta preferido, José Gautier, Una Pregunta:


UNA PREGUNTA

Sol espléndido y radiante
en la ancha esfera sujeto;
no te pregunto el secreto
de tu esplendor rutilante.

Ni por qué, nube distante
tiñes de ópalo y rubí;
pero perdóname si
te pregunto en mi querella,
¿si estará pensando en mí
como estoy pensando en ella?

Luna, brillante topacio
que, entre nebuloso tul,
cruzas la techumbre azul
de las alas del espacio.

Si se fijaron despacio
sus bellos ojos en ti,
y si la miraste, di
si estaba doliente y bella,
si estaba pensando en mí
como estoy pensando en ella.

Mar inmenso que te agitas
sobre tu lecho de arena,
y que ora en bonanza plena
tus olas no precipitas;

tú que bañas las benditas
riberas donde viví,
los sitios donde la vi
tan pura, tan dulce y bella,
responde, si piensa en mí,
como estoy pensando en ella.

Brisa, que acaso pasando
jugaste con sus cabellos,
tú que besaste su cuello
su mejilla acariciando,

Y que luego murmurando
te fuiste lejos de allí,
si eres la misma que aquí
pasas sin marcar tu huella,
responde, si piensa en mí,
como estoy pensando en ella.

Noche apacible y serena
por más que te cause enojos,
que sean más bellos sus ojos
y más negra su melena,

Presta un consuelo a mi pena
ya que sufriendo viví,
y pues no llega hasta aquí
el resplandor de esa estrella,
responde, si piensa en mí,
como estoy pensando en ella.

Nubes que en blanco celaje
bordáis el manto del cielo,
cual aves que alzan el vuelo
sobre el inmenso paisaje,

decidme si en vuestro viaje
lejos, muy lejos de aquí,
llegasteis a verla, y si
respondéis a mi querella,
si estaba pensando en mí,
como estoy pensando en ella.

Sol y luna, mar y viento,
nubes y noche, ayudadme,
y en vuestro idioma contadme
si es mío su pensamiento;

si es igual su sentimiento
a este que mi pecho hiere,
decid si mi amor prefiere
a la calma que perdió;
¡decidme, en fin, si me quiere
lo mismo que la amo yo!

José Gautier Benítez, 1868

Rima XLI

De uno de mis favoritos, Gustavo Adolfo Bécquer:

Tú eras el huracán,

y yo la altatorre que desafía su poder.

(¡Tenías que estrellarte o que abatirme...!)

¡No pudo ser!

Tú eras el océano;

y yo la enhiesta roca que firme aguarda su vaivén.

(¡Tenías que romperte o que arrancarme...!)

¡No pudo ser!

Hermosa tú, yo altivo;

acostumbrados uno a arrollar, el otro a no ceder;

la senda estrecha, inevitable el choque...

¡No pudo ser!

Lies at the Altar

Marriage should be a venture in which both parties engage in a journey of life discovery by mutually loving, respecting, supporting, understanding, and growing each other in equality, harmony, and balance. Marriage should not be a burden imposed by one and carried by the other like a cross to the calvary. In a relationship of any kind, the parties involved should feel they are growing, evolving, and moving forward whole and fair. The moment we deny ourselves for the sake of the marriage, the marriage is only two persons living under the same roof. The moment we feel we are shrinking, diminishing, vanishing, evaporating for the sake of the marriage, the price is too high.

Marriage should not be based on social expectations, it should not be a prison, it should not be a chain to our hearts and souls. Marriage should be about having the freedom to be, to express love and be loved fully, deeply, and respectfully. Our dignity comes first. When we love ourselves sanely, we are better partners and expect and demand the same.

Something to reflect about...

“Being with this man almost killed me-almost crushed my bright and resilient spirit and tampered with my sturdy and robust mind. He wanted to rob me of my very essence, and for a long time I let him. Where was I in my life that I could have devoted so much time, energy, and effort to a man who neither honored nor valued me? Why did I stay in a relationship with a man who could hurt me so deeply, who could make me feel ashamed of wanting a normal life? How could I think it was okay to be with someone who told me I was not much of a woman and criticized me relentlessly? How could I think it was okay to be with someone who taunted me and prodded at the open wounds of my insecurities? I gave away my power, thinking it would soothe him, and it did temporarily. But each day required that less and less of me exist. I tried to be better, tried to be happier. I made meals out of crumbs and smiled as I ate the crumbs in order to appear full and satisfied. I tried to be more understanding and accepting. I was looking for a way to make something work that made no sense. I realize now that, with all my effort and devotion, he never really saw me, much less loved me. When he grew up tired of the way my desire for connection collided with his desire for oblivion, he simply erased me…” Dr. Robin L. Smith (2006). Lies at the Altar: The Truth About Happy Marriages. New York: Hyperion.

Re-Writing the Script

Our life circumstances are due a lot to our own input. We could not choose where we were born, who our parents and siblings were or are, where we lived when we were growing up, what school we went to or our teachers and classmates; for a long time we could not choose what clothes we wore, how we wore our hair, and mostly we had not control over the parenting styles of our parents. Our parents went through socialization experiences that shaped their beliefs, value system, personalities, and the way they expressed their feelings, emotions, and thoughts while we were growing up and even now; most likely kept a lot of what was instilled in them during their upbringing and passed it on to us during our socialization. Now, at some point in our lives we realized what works and what does not work from the way we were socialized because it is not applicable to our time, to who we are, or to who we want to become. However, some people live by the old script, following it like a bible, reading it aloud everyday to themselves and to others around them, playing by it like a sad drama, even when they understand there were some “flaws” in that old script that are worth addressing and changing. Individuals have the need to apply responsibility to someone, sometimes anyone, for their bad experiences, “failures” of the past, and rough times life brings, and many place blame on the way they were socialized. “That is the way I was raised” is a commonly used phrase to depict how our actions and present circumstances reflect the paradigms imposed to us in our upbringing, even when we are aware that those paradigms are not applicable anymore or simply do not suit us well.

It is sometimes difficult to break free from the old script and re-write one for ourselves. There is a sentiment of betrayal to what was instilled in us, a sense of abandonment of the value system that was taught and modeled to us while we were growing up if we even attempt to break lose, as though we were denying our upbringing and unveiling to our parents that they had failed in their pursue to make us into extensions of themselves. There are a lot of problems with living by the old script when we are fully aware it is completely obsolete and not pertinent anymore: it diminishes who we are, we deny ourselves a true opportunity to grow into the kind of individual that we can potentially become, and it models the same mistaken behaviors to future generations setting them up for failure just the way we were trapped in the first place. Trying to conform to old scripts to please everyone else but ourselves prevents us from evolving whole, from moving forward, and from letting ourselves and the people who matter to us enjoy the best, well-rounded, centered, happiest person that we can be and share with others. It is also more comfortable to place blame on our past and the way things were modeled and done with us, than to stand up and claim our lives back. Re-writing the script takes a lot of courage. Keeping the old script is comfortable, even when it’s painful to live by it.

It seems like our socialization can sometimes be an indelible jail in which we incarcerate and punish ourselves for life. Breaking free from the chains of the old when it no longer suits us or prevents us from evolving seems like a task of great proportions and almost impossible at times. Before we continue with destructive patterns and behaviors that perpetuate themselves from generation to generation, we need to look deep into our souls and realize that we have ownership over our lives now, that our socialization is no longer an excuse for us not to be happy, and that the rest of our lives is our responsibility to forge into whatever we want. We are the bosses of ourselves. We are the conductors of our own destiny, and as such we have to break free from the things that hold us back from realizing our maximum potential. We cannot keep placing the blame on our parents, teachers, school mates, our upbringing, the era in which we were raised, etc, for our own misfortunes. Once we become conscious of the things of our past that are holding us back we can claim ownership of our lives and move on to a happier place, one dictated by us based on our own needs, our own goals, and our own life. Mom and dad are not our bosses anymore, our husbands are not our bosses, our children are not our bosses, we are our own boss, our own person, our own lord. It is time to stop looking back and stop blaming our past for our present and start constructing the present that we want in our future. It is time to stand up and deliver for our own selves, as we cannot give when we are empty, we cannot grow on a tight and dark space, and we cannot live by old rules to which we are attached like a puppet. We need to know and believe that we carry the power to re-write the script of our lives the best way possible, the best way it suits ourselves. The only person who can stop us from re-writing our own script is us. The only person who should re-write our script is us.