MISTAKEN IDENTITY

People rely on many things to form their opinions about others, such as the words we say and the unspoken signals we send. This should be a simple process, however, sometimes the messages get lost in translation and both communicator and recipient end up with the wrong messages about each other. This happens often and for many reasons, including the programming that we already have in store, previous and/or preconceived notions, conditioning, scripts, socialization, and ignorance, among many others. As for myself, most times I try to start a relationship with someone with a clean easel and a positive approach as to the expectations of that relationship, but understand that that might not be the case for the other side of that relationship.

Theoretically speaking, the flow of the communication process should be easy and natural between two or more parties; however, due to the complexity and expected differences between all those involved in any type of situation that involves communicating with one another, flaws can occur in the process. Sometimes those flaws are minor, and they need no further action, as the continuing interaction will lead to its own resolution. Other times the flaws become obstacles difficult to bypass, and sometimes make the relationship between parties painful and even estranged.

We have all experienced some of those situations in which our messages, verbal and non-verbal, have been taken erroneously. I try to keep an open mind and look at things in their right perspective when that happens (after getting over the shock of the discovery process), and have compassion for the ones who have made the mistake. Sometimes our messages get mixed, lost, tergiversated, confused, mistaken, and mal-interpreted, leading others to have an opinion about us that does not reflect who we are, and I guess that is why it is normal for humans to feel uneasy when people pass wrong judgments about us. Depending on the kind of relationship we are engaged in is the degree of time we want to invest in fixing the less than desirable outcome, and the highest the investment the highest the likelihood that we will find out about how mistakenly others perceive us the painful way.

We cannot live our lives trying to fit what everybody wants us to be, but we can live our lives being who we are, clear enough for others to see. We can only work on nourishing our best self so it can transpire and be seen by others the way it is, the best way possible.