MIS OJOS EN EL

Lo contemplo, y no me canso de mirarlo. Hace tiempo que vengo poniendo mis ojos en él, y todos los días me parece nuevo y diferente, pero tan viejo a la vez. Cada minuto que paso a su lado es un viaje hacia la eternidad, corta y cerca, pasajera y tan larga, palpable a la punta de mis dedos e inalcanzable. Lo miro y me pierdo en su piel que refleja mi amor perdido por él, tan fiero y apacible, como el viento que fluye sin barreras a través del tiempo, y el agua que se escapa por mis dedos sin poderla detener. Quiero darle todo en todo momento, hacerle saber que mi alma se extiende hacia la suya sin remedio, se me crece y se me expande buscándolo, y encontrándolo en mí, muy profundo porque nace de mi esencia que nos une en una sola cosa, en un solo ritmo, en un solo sentir. Lo miro, y él no sabe que lo estoy contemplando con una mirada larga y llena de mí que estoy depositando en sus cabellos como una caricia sutil que casi no se siente, pero que carga la energía de mis adentros. Observo su boca y su sonrisa, tan de él y tan hermosa, que enciende en mis ojos el cielo como una llamarada en el horizonte. Puedo cerrar mis ojos y verlo sin mirarlo, con su imagen gravada en mis pupilas que lo hacen cierto y latente, aun cuando no lo tengo conmigo. El no sabe que lo miro y que su imagen vive en mí como yo misma, porque mora en mí como mi ser. Algún día se enterará de mi mirada y de por qué lo miro…

HOW CONFIDENT ARE YOU?

I am doing a few readings right now, and one of the books I am reading is titled The Confident Woman by Marjorie Hansen Shaevitz. The title speaks for itself, and I found one of the quizzes of the book very interesting. The author calls it a “state-of-the-person confidence inventory” which would hopefully give readers more light as to what their level of self worth, confidence, and esteem is.

The following questions or statements should be answered or ranked numerically, from 1 to 10, 1 and 2 meaning rarely or never, 3 and 4 meaning not very often, 5 and 6 meaning sometimes, 7 and 8 meaning most of the time, and 9 and 10 meaning Yes!!Always. The sum of your responses will give you an insight to your confidence level, which I will disclose right after the questions.

(Having self-knowledge)
1. I have a strong sense of my self: that is, I know who I am, what I like, and what I want out of life. I am my own person.

(Being self-responsible)
2. I take responsibility for getting what I need and want rather than depending on others to give it to me, or get it for me, or do it for me.

(Prioritizing actions)
3. I spend my time on who and what is important to me.

(Choosing quality people)
4. I spend time with positive people about whom I care and who are caring , supportive, and respectful of me.

(Choosing quality work)
5. I love the work I do: it’s interesting, challenging, and meaningful.

(Choosing quality activities)
6. I engage in activities, hobbies, sports, and events I love.

(Choosing quality environments)
7. I make sure that the environments in which I live and work are positive, healthy, and pleasing to me.

(Having life balance)
8. My life is well balanced between work and play.

(Choosing a positive attitude)
9. I am a positive person; that is, I am able to focus on the positive aspects of my life and eliminate or effectively deal with the negative.

(Having a solutions orientation)
10. When life’s problems and challenges arrive, I act on them rather than think or worry about them.

(Accepting body and appearance)
11. Aside from occasional “bad hair day”, I am comfortable with how I look, including my face, my body, and my choice of clothing.

(Effectively using feelings)
12. I am aware of and can identify my feelings.

(Having a sense of humor)
13. I seek out and enjoy the humorous aspects of life.

(Choosing to have other people do it)
14. I ask things of others, delegate when appropriate, buy what I need to accomplish what I want, and employ others as needed.

I TAKE TIME TO CARE FOR MYSELF

15. Physically: Caring for my body including eating right, exercising, resting, relaxing, getting enough sleep, and seeing health care professionals when appropriate.

16. Emotionally: Caring for my emotional side including carving out time to renourish and reenergize myself, having fun, seeking peace and clam in my life.

17. Socially: Caring for myself by spending most of my time with people who are good for me, and eliminating or limiting the time with those who are not good for me.

18. Intellectually: Caring for my mind by making the most of my intelligence, reading, becoming as educated as I can, keeping intellectually alive.

19. Financially: Caring for myself by being financially aware, accountable, and responsible.

20. Spiritually: Caring for my spiritual side by attending religious services or spending time alone to reflect, meditate, or pray, or seeking spiritual insight through reading, study, or other experiences.


Write down your score. The interpretation of your score is as follows:

180-200 You are highly confident
140-180 You are mostly confident
100-140 You are sometimes confident
60-100 You are not often confident
20-60 You are rarely confident

If you are a highly confident individual, congratulations and keep it up. If you lack some or most, then it might be time to start making some changes in order to become a better you. Only you know what you need, and only you can give it to yourself. You are responsible for your life, only you, so make it worth living.

WHAT A GIRL WANTS

Found this and thought is was cute. I would say all girls agree. Guys: pay attention!

Every girl's dream...
1. Getting kissed in the pouring rain
2. Have that one hot kiss where your pressed against the wall
3. Have a guy that thinks you're the world
4. Have a guy that holds on as long as possible when giving hugs
5. Have that moment where you just gaze into each other's eyes
6. When you're not with your guy he's all that you can think about
7. When you cry, he kisses your tears away.
8. A guy that will play her favorite song outside her window
9. A guy who tells you that your smile makes everything better
10. A guy who tells you you make his day better, just for being you
11. A guy who squeezes your hand
12. A guy that says he loves you and means it
13. A guy who would love you forever no matter the circumstance
14. A guy that will sing to you no matter how bad he is at it.
15. A guy that will kiss you on the forehead.
16. A guy who stands up for you no matter who he is against
17. A guy that will never judge you for how you look.
18. A guy that says cheezy stuff to you just to make u smile
19. A guy who you can hangout and have fun with
20. A guy who will hold your hand through the roughest parts of life
21. A guy that whispers he loves you in your ear
22. A guy that tells you everything honestly
23. A guy that will always let you win
24. Wearing his jacket and every time you breath in, his scent surrounds you
25. A guy who will watch any movie with you, no matter how teary eyed you may get.
26. A guy that will call you beautiful or adorable...not hot, fine, or sexy
27. A guy that is the same when he is with you and when with friends
28. A guy that is good with your family and introduces you to his family
29. A guy who calls you at night just to say 'hi' and see how your day has been
30. A guy who will sit on the phone with you when you're sad, even if you're quiet
31. A guy who wouldn't mind you wanting to get all dressed up and do your make up for him even if he says he likes you better without make up.
32. A guy who you can be yourself with and he will never give a care and would still tell you that you are amazing to him.
33. A guy who runs his fingers through your hair, like he's washing your worries/troubles away.
34.A guy that will just randomly call you for no reason at all, just because he missed you
35.) To have a respectful, loving, caring guy that is not just your "man" but your boyfriend and friend.

By gbbybrunette

BACK TO MY PRESENT PAST

I am going back to Puerto Rico. Not that I do not go often, but this would be the first time this year. Every trip to Puerto Rico is a trip back to the small world that I once left behind. My heart fills up with joy and anticipation with every trip, as if it was the first time in a long time I had been there. I can close my eyes and see everything unchanged, as though time had stopped and frozen life. I can see in my mind the tropical beauty of the Island, the beauty I always long for when it is winter. I see green, the green I adore because it is so vibrant and full of life. I see the deep blue sky, endless, covering the Island like a cozy blanket. But most of all, I see the ocean and the sea, with whom I am forever in love.

When I see the Island from above I get very excited. What a beautiful sight of the ocean, the sand, and the palm trees from the sky! I cannot wait to get my feet submerged in the sand and smell the salty water in the air. The smell of the sea and the ocean is one of the greatest smells there are. I can close my eyes and hear the water dancing with the sand, flirting with the wind, moving in a sensual rhythm that has no end. I can get lost looking at the horizon in which the water and the sky merge becoming one, with no beginning and no end, just like soul mates. I can stare at the reflection of the sun and the moon in the water as the light becomes alive in the movement of the waves that never rest. I can close my eyes and serene with the soliloquy of the ocean and the sea chanting an endless story that has been told many times but never gets old. I could write countless pages and recite countless poems inspired by the majestic experience of my romance with the Island breeze by the beach.

My trips back to home are always revealing. I see all the changes in me, as I have evolved with time and through my absence from my old world, but I see the essence of what I am reflected on my past that is so present when I return to my roots. The loves I left behind I find unchanged, and maybe strengthened by the void that the lack of physical proximity can impose to one’s heart. Every minute is spent pampered by every soul that surrounds me, with love, hugs, kisses, caresses, and food. And in those brief days I spend back in my small world I can see how time cannot stop us from loving, and distance cannot stop us from caring and showing it.

I am going back to Puerto Rico. I will hear the roosters singing in the morning (way too early if you ask me), and the coquies singing at night, and it will all be wonderful. I am glad my son has the chance to enjoy my past too, and hopefully learn to treasure it.

DIOSA

En diosa me convierto, o tal vez surge de mí con la esencia que me roza y me penetra, y deja salir la mía más fuerte. La luz me nace de adentro, se acrecienta y brilla a través de mi piel, despidiendo destellos que dejo en el éter para que iluminen el camino que a oscuras no quiero andar. La mirada a mi alma la hace despertar y viajar a lo más profundo de ella misma, allí donde es más pura y más fuerte; allí donde al convertirse en carne deja de existir para vivir en la verdad de lo efímero, lo innegable y lo palpable. Allí soy diosa, y la diosa que vive en mí despierta al contacto de tus manos que van abriendo mis ojos divinos para ver tu aura brillando sobre mí, uniéndose a la mía, intensificándose con cada latido que sale de mí y se siente a través de mi pecho y mi centro. Afuera ahora vive la diosa, antes durmiente, ahora grande buscando el camino a la eternidad.

MORE QUESTIONS

Why quiet what speaks to us loud and clear? Why hide from what has already found us? Why silence our lips, when the words escape our thoughts through our skin? Why close our arms, when by opening them we can embrace the sky? Why close our eyes, when through them we can read a soul? Why shut the doors to our truth, when it is the key that opens it all? Why deny ourselves with the opportunity to let go, when by abandoning ourselves we find better paths? Why resisting giving in to our essence, when it can tell us all that we need to know?

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn´t do than by the ones you did." Mark Twain.

WHO FOUND WHO FIRST?

I saw it, the meeting of those two, and I witnessed their romance and sensual dance. I could not take my eyes off of them, unsuspicious of my presence, giving in to their mutual desire to be with one another. I had to stop and stare at them, and I looked at them briefly before I decided to leave them alone. I realized their thing would go on with or without me, but I realized how lucky I had been to have had seen their glorious union. I smiled as I drove away, not being able to take my eyes off of those two, so immersed into each other, like one, unified in total communion. I smiled and drove away, as I left the water and the light continue their romance and sensual dance.

EQUALITY FOR MEN?

In one of my readings today, a book titled Gendered Lives, the author explains the socialization of males and females, and how the socialization process influences gender roles. It is well known that females are socialized from an early age to be nurturing, pleasing, giving, caring, expressive of emotions, dependent, and fragile. Men are socialized to be strong, assertive, competitive, stoic, and pay less attention to emotions. Being raised in a very traditional Hispanic home, I witnessed how families (mothers, fathers, grandparents) and society in general worshiped men. Many experts express that societies in the world are mainly patriarchal; being male is highly celebrated, encouraged, and promoted. When the first born is a male it is a reason for celebration. When the first born is a female it is like a consolation prize: the next try might result in a boy. I have notions of myself about gender issues, and throughout all my research I have confirmed the suspicion that I had about how, for some reason still unknown to me, almost every society in the world still believes that being male is being better.

Do not get me wrong: I love men. How can I not? And quite frankly, when I read about all the studies that have been conducted about gender issues and how men and women are treated unequally and unfairly, after agreeing, I also see the disadvantages to men in the world of men. Again, men are socialized to be tough, rough, strong, stay calm and remain cool even when things are not going so well. Men do not have the luxury to cry when they want to: they were just not taught to do so. Men find it hard to express their feelings and emotions openly and freely, like women: they are not expected to do so. Some men find it very hard to enable intimacy, proximity, and vulnerability in relationships: they are not programmed to allow for that level of emotional abandonment and fulfillment. Women have many disadvantages too, according to experts in the matter, but that is material for another article. For now, I want to focus on men.

As I have witnessed how my culture, and I guess experts would say every culture, worship masculinity, I cannot help but realize how hard it is to be a man sometimes. I have witnessed how emotionally stressed men can be, and I would imagine that it is hard for men to comply with the requirements of society, which ultimately means being successful (which generally means work until they drop to make as much money as possible with little time for family life and fun), without being able to express their deepest feelings, or even allowing themselves to feel and connect at that deep level. In the book, the author asked males and females what would they do if they woke up one morning being the opposite sex. The responses varied, and generally women expressed that they would be relieved not to have to pay so much attention to their looks for once without being judged, and men expressed that they would probably have to get up earlier to spend some extra time to get ready in the morning. If I woke up being a man, I would cry, probably will cry a lot before I know I will not be able to cry anymore in front of any one.

I love being a woman, despite all the disadvantages experts have proven we have and the ones we have had to live through. In spite all the inequality and imbalance that does not benefit women, at least I am able to be a mother and fully enjoy it, cry if I want to, laugh as hard as I want to, take as much time to get ready in the morning without criticism (if my son allows me), but mostly, express my feelings, thoughts, emotions, expose my soul, and allow myself to be intimate, close, personal, vulnerable, connected, immersed, loving, caring, and giving with those I love because it is expected of me, but most importantly, because I want to and because I can.

Ultimately, though, all experts agree that gender roles are learned through socialization, but also decided upon when we are old enough to know better. Guys have the right to be expressive, loving, caring, and intimate, and they should free their minds, hearts, and souls to do so without shame or guilt. I am sure women would be very appreciative of more “feminine” men, and men would live more fulfilling lives.

THE HEALING TOUCH

When he touches me, it is like the whole world stops. I feel so embraced by a warm and wholesome light, it fills up every fiber of my body and soul. I see life from the end of the sky every time he lays his hands on me, and it feels so good that I never want that feeling to go away, or for him to not want to touch me again. I feel his caress on my skin and deeper, profound, where there is no light because there is only light. I feel his contact beyond what my eyes can see, and I am moved by what I feel; I had never felt this way before. The effect of his touch on me gives me an inner radiance that transcends time, space, and flesh, as I think about those hands and I am able to see the beginning of the universe with no end. Those hands play with mine, and I want to kiss them and sculpture them in my body so I never forget how they feel, and they never forget how much I love them. When he touches me I feel as though we are the only two people in the world and nothing else matters. His touch is able to open the windows to my soul wide, like they have never been opened before, and keep them that way to receive the healing and nurturing power he holds in his hands.

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL YOUR LIFE?

WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR?

Life is too short to be stubborn. Life is too short to harbor feelings of anger, hatred, and resentment. Life is too short to not make each day count and make it the greatest day of our lives. Life is too short to not unleash our feelings of love for ourselves and others. Life is too short to wait to live that moment in which we can reach eternity. Life is too short to not let our loved ones know how much we love them and how much we care. Life is too short to wait for others to do and not do ourselves.

Life is really too short, this is not a cliché. As every minute of our existence becomes our past, we have to live every minute like it is the last one, because it might very well be. Life is too short to hold back and deny ourselves from feeling. Lets not coat our hearts with indifference, or shield our souls with fear of rejection and failure, as every step we take to live fully and unleash our best selves means triumph. Lets celebrate, embrace, and recognize the purity that lies in our deepest self, there where there are no boundaries to what we can accomplish and no fear to the unknown, because all the questions have already been answered. Lets believe that this will be our last day, see each day as though it was the first one in our lives, and live it fully as though we have no more tomorrows left in our calendar. Lets breathe in the life of all that surrounds us, give our blessing to all who walk by us, and nurture the being that defines us.

Life is too short to wait to live. Life is too short to wait to love. Life is too short to see it walk by us without grabbing it. Life is just too short.

The Life You Want

My very dear friend Myrna Concepción left me a voice message saying that Spring has given me inspiration. Truly, the energy from all that is young and renewed has lifted my spirit and given me a lot to write about. Nothing quite like Mother Nature to soothe the soul and put things in a better perspective. I hope all of us find that new and better space within to share with oneself and others. I am on my way...

Hope this inspires you today.

You are the only person alive who has sole custody of your life... Your entire life... Not just the life of your mind, but the life of your heart. Not just your bank account, but your soul. -- Anna Quindlen

ETERNA

De todos, mi favorito. Enjoy!

ETERNA

Ayer…
Mustia como la brisa que baila en tu mejilla,
sola como la nube que termina en llovizna…
Contemplando lo pasado y mirando sus paredes,
regresando desde ayer al hoy de tu mañana y siempre.
Encerrándome en la imagen de lo que borrar no puedes,
haciendo huella en la senda que pisas mientras no mueres;
persiguiendo en la quimera de lo que fue ayer y no pudo
los rastros de aquel recuerdo que en silencio te murmuro.

Hoy…
Intentando ser canción que en tus adentros penetre
soy esa maldición que te bendice en la suerte;
soy tu presente palpable en los rincones del aire…
El hoy desde tu ayer que siempre el mañana abrace.
Imitando a ese tiempo que traicionero me apaga
y me convierte en ayer que en todo tu ser se graba;
estoy hecha de tu soplo y me convierto en suspiro
que se escapa de tus labios cuando me escapo en gemidos.

Mañana…
Viajaré desde ese grito que sólo en sueños tuviera
hasta amanecer en luz de un rayo de vez primera.
Seré el rincón de ese cielo que alcanzar sólo desearas
Volviendo en siempre el ayer del hoy que será mañana.
Vigilaré tu equipaje de lo que ayer me robaras
y te sabré bien de mí cuando me entregues tu alba;
intentaré ser razón para explicarme a tu alma,
del cielo viajaré en estrella con lágrimas de ser santa.

Siempre…
Como el ciclo que sin razón a ser principio regresa,
como el origen del todo de la vida, en una pieza;
igual que aquellos surcos que esculpieran en la roca
mezcla de aire, agua y viento sin rastros de prisa loca.
Eterna como infinito que no explica el pensamiento,
siempre el ayer que hoy veneras, y mañana es el recuerdo…
En ti vivo como eso que ser explicado no puede…
En mi hoy tú siempre ayer que el mañana no regrese.

Tangie, 1995

ESPECTROS

Looking into my things, I found some of the many poems I have written. Every time I read one it brings me back to times that are apparently far away, but so present in those poems. Fortunately, the stories are not over as they always live in a poem. Fortunately, my history is engraved in my poetry.

ESPECTROS

Se me acercan los fantasmas, los que quiero que no encuentren
el rastro de mi vacío por encontrar tu inquietud,
me acechan sombras de almas que deambular no quieren
y buscan refugio en mis alas, cuando mi destino eres tú.

Los espectros están a la espalda cuando vuelvo la mirada
buscando encontrar tus ojos sin poderlos ya mirar,
me invaden sombras funestas que se apoderan con ansia
de lo que sólo a ti quiero darte y no te logro encontrar.

Corro huyendo de mí misma para ahuyentar maleficios
vertidos sobre mi carne para marcarme la piel;
me despojo de fragancias que se adhieren con ahínco
dejando huellas que borro volviendo a tenerte ayer.

No quiero más los residuos de estas visitas no gratas,
no quiero acercarme al borde de lo que ya sospeché;
me tienden trampas sin nombre en las sombras que me atan
para obligarme a ataduras que quiero siempre romper.

Que se vayan los que vienen a burlar mis desafíos
al saber que no me amparo bajo tu faz de desdén;
ellos saben que no pueden penetrar en tu vacío
y me ofrecen solamente pasión, locura y placer.

No quiero ya a mis fantasmas, ¡que se vayan de una vez!
que me dejen soledades sumergidas en mi piel,
no me importa ver que el tiempo se escapa mientras me ven…
Pues yo sola soy fantasma por no poderte tener.

LA LUNA EN MI VENTANA

I look out the window, and I see the moon, so full and beautiful, looking down at me. Its light is subtle, but its presence is majestic. I get so inspired by the moon, that I just want to look at it and write all night long. I have written so many poems inspired and accompanied by the moon! There is nothing quite like its reflection in the water, as the water dances to give the moonlight life. I get bathed by its magical light and it soaks into my muse.

I once heard that humans do not look at the sky anymore, and that is too bad. There is nothing quite like Mother nature's gifts to us; the simple things that are always at our disposal for us to enjoy. Today the moon is full and so are my heart and soul.

EL SÍNDROME DE LA SÚPER MADRE

Como mujeres Latinas, se nos acondiciona a trabajar faenas largas, a servir a otros antes que a nosotras mismas y a poner las necesidades de nuestros hijos y de nuestros esposos antes que las nuestras. Se espera de nosotras que seamos como nuestras madres: sacrificadas, desprendidas, entregadas totalmente a los demás sin prestar atención a lo que queremos o deseamos. Viendo a nuestras madres cuando crecíamos nos juramos que nunca seríamos igual que ellas; que comeríamos con el resto de la familia y no luego de que todo el mundo terminara; que le compraríamos ropa a nuestros hijos, pero también nos compraríamos algo nuevo para nosotras; que no le aguantaríamos a ningún hombre lo que nuestras madres le aguantaron a nuestros papás; que no seríamos sirvientas de todos en la casa y que nos dedicaríamos tiempo para hacer las cosas que nos gustan y realizar nuestros propios sueños.

Durante toda mi vida vi a mami ser el vivo ejemplo de desprendimiento total, más allá de lo saludable. Y a pesar de que no dudo ni un segundo de que sentía profunda satisfacción en saberse útil a sus hijos, hacer lo que estaba programada para hacer y en procurar por el bienestar de todos en la casa, no creo que era feliz. No tan sólo la vida de mami fue sacrificada y entregada totalmente a sus deberes familiares, sino que también lo hacía todo de la manera más elaborada y difícil posible. Nunca tomó atrechos para cumplir con su deber; todo lo que hacía lo hacía de manera ardua, complicada y elaborada. Su filosofía de entrega y sacrificio total la llevaba a consumirse del cansancio y a enfermarse a veces. Y aún cuando su cuerpo batallaba en contra del agotamiento físico para seguir en pie de lucha, la embargaba un sentimiento de culpa por no poder dar más en sus momentos de debilidad.

Al ver casos como los de mami y los de otras mujeres en mi vecindad, se me ocurrió un día que las mujeres como mami sufrían del Síndrome de la Súper Madre. Dicho síndrome es fácil de ver, pero bien difícil de combatir. Y no tan sólo ataca a las mujeres de la época de mami (la cual ya tiene 82 años), sino que también ataca a las madres de hoy en día. Recientemente hablaba con mi hermana y me decía que tenía unos síntomas de cuidado, pero que no tenía tiempo para ir al médico, así que los estaba ignorando. Le contesté que ella tenía que procurar cuidarse primero antes que a sus hijos porque ella es la persona más importante de su familia, y en caso de que ella sea incapaz de cumplir con sus responsabilidades de madre no existe substituto.

Nosotras somos primero, y debemos cuidar nuestra salud, nuestra mente, nuestro cuerpo, y nuestra alma antes de siquiera intentar cuidar de otros. Ileana, mi nueva amiga, escribió esta frase, la cual quiero compartir con todos:

“Las mujeres no nos cuidamos, pero tampoco dejamos que nos ciuden. Estamos entrenadas para ser supermujeres y mientras el cuerpo aguante seguimos, porque se supone que así sea. Pero ¿cómo llenas el vaso de alguien si tienes una jarra vacia?” Ileana Silva Guash

El Síndrome de la Súper Madre tiene que estar acompañado por el Síndrome de la Súper Mujer para una misma. Tenemos que amarnos para poder amar, valorarnos para recibir valor, respetarnos para inspirar respeto, cultivarnos para poder sembrar y dar fruto, y ser mujeres completas para que nuestros hijos y todos los demás disfruten lo mejor de nosotras. Llenemos nuestro cántaro y sirvamos la copa de los que nos necesitan, pero no olvidemos siempre volverla a llenar y mantenerla llena.

GENDER EQUALITY IN THE WORKPLACE

I have been doing a lot of research and reading about gender inequalities in the workplace, and the reasons why that happens. I do not intend to write a dissertation about the subject in this blog, but I do have some opinions of my own that I would like to share. It is evident that gender inequality and discrimination still exist in the workplace. Women (and minorities in general) have faced discrimination in the workforce for many years, and although there has been legislation to prevent discrimination, it is still a reality. The phenomenon of the glass ceiling, meaning the transparent but apparent barrier women and minorities encounter in organizations that impedes their career advancement to upper levels of leadership, is present in every country, in almost every industry, in corporate America, and it is also present in the political, social, and family arenas.

Why gender inequalities still exist, in spite of all the efforts women have made to gain equality and all legislation against discrimination? I have found many reasons, among them and probably the most important, is stereotyping and prejudice. Women are still perceived as incapable of assuming leadership and positions of power. Motherhood is perceived as being a hindrance to women’s aspirations for career advancement, both from women themselves and organizations. Women are still looked at as followers rather than leaders, and I think there are two sides of that perspective that are worth discussing.

First, socialization influences the view of self and the roles that people assume in every aspect of life. Sex is a biological given, but gender is attributed by society. Males and females are socialized differently throughout their lives, starting at home, and by every social institution they are involved in. Socialization instills very definite roles in each gender, and limits sensitizing each gender towards the other one. I even see this in my household when my husband does not want pink in anything that has to do with our son Paul Vincent. Individuals of each gender are boxed in their notions of what they should be doing, and they go on in life doing what they learned and passing their behaviors on from generation to generation. Both women and men act according to the socialization process they were immersed on, and so they not only assume the roles that they have learned, they resist any changes in the learned gender roles concepts. Therefore, men still believe that they are the hunters, and women at some level still believe that they are the main and ultimate responsible ones for the household and family responsibilities.

Secondly, socialization permeates the individual level into the organizational-corporate-political levels, and influences the culture of organizations. Organizations are composed of individuals, and are mirrors of the stereotypical thoughts and behaviors learned through the socialization process. Men are still the hunters, and women are expected to serve, follow, and take care of men. Women want equality, and we should have it, but a lot of things have to be done in order to reach that equality.

Many experts give recommendations as to how to break the glass ceiling. Some say that women should get more educated, be more assertive, aggressive, acquire more skills, get training and education in areas that were generally for men in the past, and so forth. All these recommendations sound very good to me, but they are not enough. I think the issue of gender equality has deep roots, and those roots have to be re-routed. Women are generally more educated than men in many areas, work as hard or more than men, research has shown that are more effective than men in meeting deadlines and managing multiple tasks, have better relationships with peers, and develop better teamwork. But in spite of all this, they are still not getting the advancement opportunities they are seeking. The glass ceiling does not have to do anything with skills, education, and merit, but again, with discrimination based on stereotyping and prejudice. Changes have to be made at the individual level, and then at the family level in order for these changes to transpire to the corporate level. Women in the US are still 73% responsible for house work and taking care of children, and the figures are even higher in other places of the world. Women have to work harder at balancing work and family life than men. Men have to step up to the plate and realize that household and family are not exclusive responsibilities of mothers, and share even loads, and women have to also realize this as well and let men take on more responsibilities at home and with the children. Companies have to stop penalizing women for having children, and offer flexible schedules and time off for both parents to share the responsibility and joy of the family. I read that having children is a woman’s choice, and therefore they should not complain for not advancing in their careers because they decided to have children. Of course, the person who made this comment is a man, and he probably has children of his own, and maybe even asked his wife for an X amount of children (some men love to ask us to have children like we are able to pop them out effortlessly and instantly). Women decide to have children, but men do too. Raising a family should be a shared venture, so that both parties can benefit from the rewards it brings, but also reach their potential at work.

This topic is complex and interesting (just how I like them). Of course, there are a lot of points of views in the subject and no simple answers, and I am sure I did not even scratch the tip of the iceberg with what I wrote. But it is something for women and men to think about. Changes in gender roles, starting with shared household duties and responsibilities (in equality and fairness) and changes in organizational culture should give women equality after all, although the process might be slow, as many changes often happen. If changes start at heart, they will eventually find their place and a better place for women and men of any color.

AMOR IMPOSIBLE OTRA VEZ

En 1993 escribí un poema titulado Amor Imposible, el cual publiqué en el blog hace unos días. El poema habla del amor entre la nube y el mar, y cómo la nube se da cuenta de que nunca podrá materializar a plenitud su amor por el mar o el mar por ella, pero no puede evitar sucumbir a sus sentimientos y entregarse, sin resistencia, sin reserva, sin remedio. El poema es explícito en su significado, y sé que muchos hemos pasado por alguna situación parecida en cierto momento de nuestra vida. El poema lo escribí inspirada en la historia de amor de una amiga, pero también me miro en el espejo del poema y me relaciono con la nube o con el mar en su intento fútil de consumar su amor.

Una querida amiga escribió el siguiente comentario con respecto al poema:

¿Sabes? El amor puede ser imposible como este. Sin embargo, si lo miramos desde otra perspectiva, el mar en algún momento es parte de la nube y cuando vuelve a ser mar, parte de la nube está con él, entonces cuando se evapora y sube vuelve a alcanzar la nube. Creo que de cierta forma es un amor posible entre ellos. ¿Quizás lo que lo hace imposible es la realidad de ser posible?

Esta interpretación del poema me hizo reflexionar. El amor entre la nube y el mar sí se consumó muchas veces, ninguno de los dos se dieron por vencidos por lo que aparentaba ser una situación de amor perdida. Ambos se fundieron y lograron ser parte del otro, y fueron transformados en cada ocasión por cada encuentro que los llevó el uno al otro. Al separarse, ninguno de los dos volvía a ser el mismo, pues cada vez, más llevaban consigo la huella indeleble del lazo que los unía, aun cuando había una separación aparentemente inevitable. El mar es el resultado de la nube que baja para alimentarlo en forma de lluvia; la nube es el resultado del mar cuando este sube en forma de vapor, así que ciertamente ambos son uno, son lo mismo, son parte inevitable, innegable y bien presente el uno del otro.

Luego de tantos años de haber escrito Amor Imposible, hoy mi amiga le añade un nuevo significado y sentido, y sé que para ella el poema caló profundo y la transportó a un tiempo lejano y diferente. Como mencioné antes, ¿para qué son los poemas que escribo sino para que alguien más les encuentre sentido? Hoy encontré un nuevo sentido y me di cuenta de que el amor nunca es imposible.

I CAN RELATE

Motherhood gives women strength to do the unimaginable sometimes. I do not think there is anything else in the world that would inspire, motivate, and encourage more than the power that comes from loving your children. Mother nature is very wise, and gives females the instinct to care for and protect the young ones against everything, even when the odds are against us.

I found this video clip a few days ago, and it made quite an impression on me. Motherhood does not back down to fear, but acts on the fear that comes if there is a threat to our children. I found the images so powerful and true, and I can relate. There is nothing or no one I would not face for my offspring. Motherhood is more than a miracle: it gives ordinary individuals the power to be part of the force that is greater than we are.

The video clip I am referring to did not come up, so cut and paste the link below to see it: it is really impressive. Just do not pay attention to the other content of the page in which the video clip is, if you mind.

http://www.abum.com/show/14878/cougar_fights_bear.html