DIFFICULT TIMES

As always, the The Daily Om provides good perspectives that are so opportune and wise.

In case you need it...

Working ThroughHard Days
The Daily Om
We all have days that seem endlessly difficult and hard. On these days, it is as if the odds are stacked against us and we just can't get a break as one challenging situation follows another. We may feel like we're standing in the ocean getting hit by wave after wave, never able to get a full breath. Sometimes it's necessary or worth it to stay in the fray and work our way through. Other times, the best idea is to go home and take the breath we need in order to carry on. If the only choice is to get through it, a hard day can be a great teacher. It will eventually end and we can look back on it, taking pride in the stamina, courage, and ingenuity it took to hold our ground. We may also look back and see how we could have done things differently. This knowledge will be valuable when we face hard days in the future. Trust your gut as you're deciding whether to work through it, and know that sometimes a timely retreat is the best way to ensure a positive outcome. Getting space can remind us that external circumstances are not the whole picture. Once we catch our breath and re-center ourselves, we will be able to determine our next move. With a little perspective, we may even find the inner resources to change our attitude about what's happening. We may begin to see that what we saw as hardships are actually opportunities. As our attitude changes for the better, our actions and the circumstances will follow suit. Sometimes all that's needed is a good night's sleep. No one is immune to having a hard day and these are usually the times we can learn the most. If we can find it in our hearts to examine the day, and maybe make one small change in perception, we can ease our pain and greet the next day that much wiser.

SPIRIT MUSIC

There is music and there is music. Music is one of the biggest and most transcendental means of expressions of the human soul. Music can express and transport feelings, thoughts, emotions, experiences, hopes, dreams, mundane and profound sensations, and the best or worse of who we are. Music has the power to make us react to it with passion, joy, sorrow, tenderness, romanticism, courage, love, disillusion, peace, tranquility, or awakening.

There is music that touches our soul and vibrates tenderly in our core. There is music that feels like a warm flame fluttering in our deepest self, making our spirit rise and unite with the source of what is bigger than we are. That is the music that connects us with our sense of balance in a place in which we are perfect, we are essence, we are true. I hope you find that music and carry it in your heart, store it in your soul, and let it become your spirit and sound through you.

A few days ago I published an article about putting people in a tough spot when we idealize them. It is not fair for them, and it is not fair for us to do that. Coincidentally, the article below was published today in the Daily Om, and it gives a very interesting perspective about "putting people on pedestals". Enjoy!


August 23, 2006
To Be Human
Putting People On Pedestals
When we fall in love with someone or make a new friend, we sometimes see that person in a glowing light. Their good qualities dominate the foreground of our perception and their negative qualities. They just don't seem to have any. This temporary state of grace is commonly known as putting someone on a pedestal. Often times we put spiritual leaders and our gurus on pedestals. We have all done this to someone at one time or another, and as long as we remember that no one is actually "perfect," the pedestal phase of a relationship can be enjoyed for what it is-a phase. It's when we actually believe our own projection that troubles arise. Everyone has problems, flaws, and blind spots, just as we do. When we entertain the illusion that someone is perfect, we don't allow them room to be human, so when they make an error in judgment or act in contradiction to our idea of perfection, we become disillusioned. We may get angry or distance ourselves in response. In the end, they are not to blame for the fact that we idealized them. Granted, they may have enjoyed seeing themselves as perfect through our eyes, but we are the ones who chose to believe an illusion. If you go through this process enough times, you learn that no one is perfect. We are all a combination of divine and human qualities and we all struggle. When we treat the people we love with this awareness, we actually allow for a much greater intimacy than when we held them aloft on an airy throne. The moment you see through your idealized projection is the moment you begin to see your loved one as he or she truly is. We cannot truly connect with a person when we idealize them. In life, there are no pedestals-we are all walking on the same ground together. When we realize this, we can own our own divinity and our humanity. This is the key to balance and wholeness within ourselves and our relationships.

A TOUGH SPOT

As humans, we know we are not perfect, but we strive for perfection, in ourselves and in others. We aim to be perfect and take steps everyday to enhance our lives and the lives of those who matter to us, but we also create picture perfect images in our minds of what we want key persons in our lives to be. We know perfection does not exist, because we are a work in progress and that is perfection in itself. We know that the perfection we seek is a product of the definitions of our culture and all the “dos” and “don’ts” stored in our minds over our lifetime. We know that to conform to those paradigms of what should and should not be, or what must and must not be, in the micro sense of it, is virtually impossible to achieve, merely because it is an imposition based on truths, half truths, and non-truths learned over the years. However, we keep pursuing that perfection for ourselves, and that is ok if we do not affect our quality of life and the one of others around us in that futile pursue, and we keep perspective on the essence of life along the way.

Achieving perfection, the perfection of the material world, is tough on us, but even more so when we transfer that image of perfection to our loved ones or people who are important in our lives in any sense. We usually tend to award a perfection state to our parents, for example. It is normal human behavior to idealize loved ones over time. We know our parents were not perfect, but yet, in most cases, over time we forget all the negative associated with our upbringing and canonize our parents, both or one of them. It is admirable to appreciate and treasure the goodness and virtues of people, but it is very unfair to them for us to grant them sainthood for many reasons. When we stop seeing humans as humans with flaws and imperfections, and bestow sanctity into them we put them in a very tough and unfair spot. All individuals should be viewed in terms of their merits, but they should be allowed to err, to fall, to go astray, and to be humans, no matter their relationship with us or their title. If we fail to do that, our love and relationships start being conditioned also to our own definition of perfection imposed into the other person, risking a truer and fairer connection between both parties.

We are brothers, sisters, daughters, sons, fathers, mothers, friends, but ultimately we are all human with the same vulnerabilities as every other human being. Lets cherish and value our humanity with the conditions associated with it, and strive to be better to strengthen our relationships with ourselves and others, imperfect as we all are.

DANCING

After I received an email with a famous quote from Hans Bos, I decided to do some research and found some other inspiring words by this renouned dancer:

"While I dance I cannot judge, I cannot hate, I cannot separate myself from life. I can only be joyful and whole. That is why I dance."

To dance is to be out of yourself. Larger, more beautiful, more powerful. This is power, it is glory on earth and it is yours for the taking.”

“Dance for yourself, if someone understands good. If not then no matter, go right on doing what you love.

“Dancing with the feet is one thing, but dancing with the heart is another.”

“Dance is the hidden language of the soul of the body.”

“Dancing is the loftiest, the most moving, the most beautiful of the arts, because it is no mere translation or abstraction from life; it is life itself.”

May this inspire you to dance today and everyday!

THE ADVERSE POWER OF ASSUMPTIONS

Assumptions are part of the normal thinking process of human beings. According to what we have already stored in our minds, our brains develop pathways that help us deal with known and unknown situations, anticipating outcomes based on the data that is known to us. However, I see how assumptions are overly used on a daily basis. Sometimes, assumptions kill our curiosity, our intentions, our drive. When we are in front of someone we want to meet, but we do not want to take the first step in introducing ourselves, our assumptions that the person might not be interested, or that is too busy, or will not correspond to our approach can stop us from moving forward and acting on our intention. When we over analyze and portray all the "ifs" and "thens" of simple and complex situations in our minds without even engaging in taking the necessary steps to find out for ourselves, we have missed on the opportunity to confirm or not our suspicions and learn from the process. Assumptions are normal and necessary: they might prevent us from taking life threatening risks, from getting hurt and feeling pain.
But often times assumptions kill our intention and can jeopardize our learning process and our growth, as they limit our experiences to the known and the believed known outcomes. So even when you most likely assume right, do not let assumptions make you anticipate the answers and stop you from asking the questions and embarking in the journey.

NOT WORTH IT

Life is really too short to focus on the bad. Every time we let our hearts fill up with negativity, it affects our whole sense of balance and every aspect of who we are, mind, body, soul, and spirit. It is human to feel anger, frustration, and disappointment, but nothing is worth giving those negative feelings a permanent presence in our lives. I know this is easier said than done, though. However, I have met extraordinary people who have lived through unimaginable horrors to most, and still were able to find it in their hearts to forgive and move on, growing their heart’s ability to fill up with love in immeasurable amounts. And those people who are full of the grace of forgiveness are actually happier and more at peace than those who perpetuate the circle of negativity that once impacted them by joining forces with it.

I think negative feelings are just exhausting. Negativity drains my energy, diminishes my soul and weakens my spirit. To engage in a negative cycle by giving in to the negative feelings that I could experience as part of life is not something that I am interested in doing. Of course it is frustrating when others perpetrate atrocities against humans or other living entities. Of course it is heart-breaking and painful when others hurt us, intentionally or not. Of course it is part of human life to experience anger and pain. But indulging in those off-putting feelings over a long period of time can be highly damaging and destructive. I know this from experience. I lived through painful horrors myself at a very young age, but when I was old enough to comprehend what had happened to me I decided to move on, forgive, and love in return, and I feel at peace. Besides, as upsetting as those bad experiences of my life were, they do not come close to shocking stories such as Immaculee Ilibagiza’s and many others that when told appear surreal to us.

I once heard words that have resonated in my head ever since: “hate is a poison that you take thinking that it will harm another person”. When you think you cannot forgive and move on, look at the courageous people who have lived through worse than you and I can possibly imagine and how they have been able to, not only go on with their lives, but to live happy and fulfilling lives focusing on the goodness, the blessings they have, and being hopeful about humanity, and maybe that will give us all some inspiration to only embrace goodness.

WHO CAME FIRST?

I never try to impose my beliefs on people, and this writing is not the exemption to that. Believe in what you will, and read at your own risk…

So, some religious creeds explain that women were created from men (Adam and Eve). We all have heard it. Science does not support that at all, however, the world, society, organizations, and households are controlled by men, and there is the lingering notion that for some strange reason women should follow men because we were created to cater to them. I am not against men, have never and never will, but I think that men and women relationships should be based on balance and harmony between the two sexes, and not disequilibrium. I heard something recently that sparked my thought. The comment is not important to re-mention, but it relates to how women were created from men.

In reality and scientifically speaking, all human embryos start female. The mix of female and male gametes carries the chromosomes that will determine many of our physical traits and genetics, including sex. In the case of females the chromosomal composition is XX. In the case of males the chromosomes that determine the sex will be XY. So scientifically speaking, men not only are half females, but emerge male after being female for a brief time. So, back to the theory that women came from men: not only women are the ones with the exclusive ability to give birth (so in reality all humans come from a woman), men are partially women. So however we came to be (believe what you will, but know the facts), we have to be cognoscente that we owe women a lot, and denying women their important place is against our nature. Men who have a problem of any kind with women should refresh their biology knowledge or acquire some, and realize that men were created from women and not otherwise. If everybody knew this important fact, maybe women would be ruling the world, and not otherwise. We are on our way, though!

MISTAKEN IDENTITY

People rely on many things to form their opinions about others, such as the words we say and the unspoken signals we send. This should be a simple process, however, sometimes the messages get lost in translation and both communicator and recipient end up with the wrong messages about each other. This happens often and for many reasons, including the programming that we already have in store, previous and/or preconceived notions, conditioning, scripts, socialization, and ignorance, among many others. As for myself, most times I try to start a relationship with someone with a clean easel and a positive approach as to the expectations of that relationship, but understand that that might not be the case for the other side of that relationship.

Theoretically speaking, the flow of the communication process should be easy and natural between two or more parties; however, due to the complexity and expected differences between all those involved in any type of situation that involves communicating with one another, flaws can occur in the process. Sometimes those flaws are minor, and they need no further action, as the continuing interaction will lead to its own resolution. Other times the flaws become obstacles difficult to bypass, and sometimes make the relationship between parties painful and even estranged.

We have all experienced some of those situations in which our messages, verbal and non-verbal, have been taken erroneously. I try to keep an open mind and look at things in their right perspective when that happens (after getting over the shock of the discovery process), and have compassion for the ones who have made the mistake. Sometimes our messages get mixed, lost, tergiversated, confused, mistaken, and mal-interpreted, leading others to have an opinion about us that does not reflect who we are, and I guess that is why it is normal for humans to feel uneasy when people pass wrong judgments about us. Depending on the kind of relationship we are engaged in is the degree of time we want to invest in fixing the less than desirable outcome, and the highest the investment the highest the likelihood that we will find out about how mistakenly others perceive us the painful way.

We cannot live our lives trying to fit what everybody wants us to be, but we can live our lives being who we are, clear enough for others to see. We can only work on nourishing our best self so it can transpire and be seen by others the way it is, the best way possible.

LA LUZ Y LA MEDIA LUZ

Vi la luz hace algún tiempo. Desde mi perspectiva, realmente creí que la luz que vi era grande y brillante, y sí lo era, en mi túnel de sombras y anhelo de luz, la luz que se asomaba era clara y brillante y me dirigí hacia ella. Era la primera luz en tanto tiempo, y era una luz tan pura y cristalina que me volví hacia ella y decidí seguirla con los ojos cerrados. Creí que esa luz era suficiente, y mis ojos se adaptaron a esa luz que me arropó grande y con fuerza, esa luz frente a mí que miraba sin pensar y con la condición de que no existía otra. Me acostumbré a la luz brillando intensa pero yo sin poder verla y abriendo mis ojos grandes para que penetrara en mí. Y todo estaba bien con la luz tal cual era.

Un día salí de mi luz y me cegó el sol grande y potente. Mis ojos me dolieron y lloraron por la intensidad de la luz que miraba ahora, pero sentí el poder de la luz y quise mirarla, contemplarla, vivir bajo ella, dejar que me quemara. La luz me cegó y luego pude ver mejor, más claro, más brillante, con más exactitud. Me di cuenta de que vivo en media luz. Ver la luz del sol me cambió…

Regresé a la luz tenue de antes, y me di cuenta de que no quiero vivir en la sombra que crea la media luz, que quiero la luz amplia y total del sol. Algo tiene que cambiar.

WASHING DISHES

For some strange reason, I enjoy washing the dishes by hand. I own a dishwasher, but hardly ever use it. I find doing the dishes by hand therapeutic. I do not know if it is the sound of the water running, or feeling the lather in my hands, or maybe having permission to “play” with water for a few minutes, or how good the ions from the water released in the air make me feel, but I find washing dishes soothing. I look out my window while I am doing it and think, reflect, daydream, introspect, retrospect, and somehow I end up in a better mood.

Today I need to wash a lot of dishes…

NOTTING HILL

I am just a girl, in front of a boy, asking him to love me.

KNOW THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN YOUR LIFE

Who is the most important person in our lives? When we think about answering this question, a lot of names come to mind. If one has children, it is almost automatic to think about them when we are asked that question. If one does not have children, then the parents, significant others, or other influential people in our lives automatically pop up. For some strange reason we don’t think about our own self when answering that question; at least that answer has not come up too often when I have asked.

I am the most important person in my life, and as such, I have to spend time, not only grooming and caring for my body, but also nurturing my soul, challenging my mind, strengthening my spirit, and taking the necessary steps to be in harmony with the people and things that surround me and that matter to me. To love one self is not to be selfish; to be selfish is to impose onto others for them to love us only the way we want. To love oneself is the first step into being able to love others with an open heart, with understanding, with full devotion by giving them the best of us, and not by giving them all of us without having paid the same respect and attention to our own nature as we do to them . Our love for others is somewhat incomplete if we cannot love our own selves, and it makes sense, how can we love others fully and give them the best love we have when we cannot love the person we are?

To love oneself is to be able to be in sync with all the aspects that comprise what we are, including our relationships and love for others. To love oneself is to know our strengths, celebrate our humanity, accept our flaws and work to strengthen our weaknesses without trying too hard to achieve perfection, because we understand that there is no such thing. To love oneself is to give others the gift of our best state, our best companionship, our best relationship, the best way we can in a way that suits ourselves and the other person.

We are the most important person is our own life and we should treat ourselves as such. Enjoy this thought by Anne Morrow Lindbergh:

When one is a strange to oneself, then
One is estranged from others too.
If one is out of touch with oneself, then
One cannot touch others.

I hope you have a great time getting to know and spend time with the most important person in your life: you!

YOUNG LATINAS AND A CRY FOR HELP

This article, sent by Dr. Nora Comstock, President and Founder of Las Comadres Para Las Américas, presents the current situation of a lot of young Latinas in the United States. Awareness is the first step to change, however, as I always say, what you know is not as important as what you do with that knowledge. We can all make a significant impact on future generations.

New York Times EditorialJuly 21, 2006
Young Latinas and a Cry for Help
Final, Section A, Page 18, Column 1

A recent series in the Spanish-language New York newspaper El Diario/La Prensa sheds some light on a mostly overlooked national phenomenon, the misunderstood and endangered young Latina, who represents one of thefastest-growing segments of the American population. Hispanic teenage girls attempt suicide more often than any other group. They become mothers at younger ages. They tend not to complete their education. They are plagued by rising drug use and other social problems. A federal study found that a startling one in six young Hispanic women had attempted suicide, a rate roughly one and a half times as high as that among non-Hispanic black and white teenage girls. If there was any good news, it was that these young women usually survived. A five-year study now in its second year in New York is being led by Dr. Luis Zayas, a professor of social work and psychiatry at Washington University in St. Louis, who says the self-destructive behavior seems to affect Latinas of every origin and every region of the country.

El Diario tracked several young women and found that they faced particularly acute social pressures, especially if their parents were foreign-born. Dr. Zayas and other experts note that the suicide attempts trend higher for Latinas who are the first generation born in the United States. Adolescent and teenage girls with families recently rooted in Latin America are expected to adhere to old culture traditions, including tending to other family members and putting themselves last. Self-esteem issues are common among teens generally, but they appear magnified for young women who cannot seem to fit in at home or away from it. About one-quarter of Latina teens drop out, a figure surpassed only by Hispanic young men, one-third of whom do not complete high school. Latinas, especially those in recently arrived families, often live in poverty and without health insurance.

Another piece of the puzzle is how to address the complication of very early, usually unmarried motherhood. Religious beliefs in Hispanic families often limit sex education and rule out abortion. Federal statistics show that about 24 percent of Latinas are mothers by the age of 20 ‹ three times the rate of non-Hispanic white teens.

Solving these problems will require more than research. What is needed is a larger effort that includes educators, policymakers, families and communities. Here¹s one more statistic: One in four women in the United States will be Hispanic by the middle of the century. The time to help is now.

REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES

I do not understand the American obsession with getting rid of all curves from the female body. It seems like the new definition of beauty is having 0% body fat, no butt, no hips, no calves, no stomach, just bones coated with flesh with nothing in between. The only things that women have permission to have big are big boobs and plump lips. When did this start, and who said that bones are beautiful?

I am glad that I come from a place in which curves are appreciated. Actually, for the Puerto Rican standards I am too skinny, and people never cease to tell me to gain some weight and to try to feed me so I get curvier when I go home. Here in the United States, though, people ask me all the time what do I do to be so skinny, and they celebrate that I am petite, little, and thin.

I hear my friends talking about how they try to get rid of the “extra” fat on their fatty hips, their protrude stomachs, their fat calves, or their big butts (I have hardly ever noticed those big butts or big anythings they claim to have), and in my eyes they are just perfect and they have beautiful bodies, however, everybody wants to be a size 2 or below. Actually, it is my thought that women want to be size below cero, so soon they will be aiming to be a size -3, and clothes manufacturers will start to make below cero clothes for them. As Howie Mandel once said in a show, women want to be asked “what size are you” and respond “oh, I’m not!”.

Like the movie, real women have curves, I think one of the main attributes that characterize us as women is our curvy figures. The female body was designed to have curves and we should feel proud of and beautiful with our curvy bodies.