A MOMENT IN LOVE

A Moment in Love

Yesterday my son woke up in the morning and I went to get him out of his crib, as usual. I usually ask him a silly question when I enter the room: “where is a little boy?” to what he responds: “here mommy!”. I then approach his crib and laugh as he begins to tell me something about what he is doing at the moment, which is usually playing with the stuffed toy of choice that morning. I proceed to pick him up and hold him, asking him if he had sweet dreams and what did he dream about, to what he usually responds that he had pretty dreams and names the friends he dreamed about. I sometimes get an invitation to get into his crib and have a “picnic”, lay down and talk, or some other pretend play. I usually get into his bed without hesitation and play, looking at him as he imagines a world in which things are pure, simple, magical, and without worries.

Yesterday, after I picked him up from his crib, I told him: “lets sit down and love”, as I usually tell him after I begin holding him in the morning. He accepted, and we sat down in the rocking chair in his room. His room was dark, and I had the song A New Day from Celine Dion playing in the background coming from the computer. The moment could not have been more magical. I held him for several minutes, smelling him, looking at his little head against my chest, caressing his whole body, gently squeezing his flesh, and kissing him in every place I could. In that moment I decided that nothing else was more important than that special time with my child. There was no place I had to be that could rush me to break the magic. The whole world could wait, as that moment, that little moment of tightness, abandonment, and quiet and overwhelming love was ours to enjoy for a brief time, and only our submission to it would make it eternal. I closed my eyes and let my child be a part of me, strong and subtle, as always, as ever, just being. After about five minutes of that stillness I broke the silence and said: “OK, lets go” to what he responded: “no mommy, not yet”. I could not help but to give in and honor his request for more time. I enjoyed his words so much that they resonated in my head long after the moment had passed.

I stayed with him for a little longer, this time with a smile on my face. The music was gone and all there was was silence and the quiet love between us. In that moment I was greater than myself, as the power of the ultimate surrounded me, transpired me, and got stronger in me. In that moment there was nothing else in the world but our love and our presence, as a magnified togetherness, more apparent and factual than when he was in the womb. He laid on my legs, stomach, and chest, much bigger than when he lived inside of me, however, he was more present and real now, but with almost the physical connection we shared when he was still unborn.

As I was holding him, still caressing, squeezing, kissing, smelling him, he broke the silence and the magic with the sweet words: “mommy, I am done!”, he broke the embrace, escaped my arms, and started running to play as I watched and an even greater smile showed on my face. His toddler energy caught up with him and he realized the world had more interesting things stored for him than being on mommy’s lap all morning. I felt grateful that he was the one who broke the moment; I would have hated to do that, and I probably would have kept it for as long as I could.

I am not sure what that moment meant for him, but for me it meant the world. I felt pregnant again, full of love and light, whole and happy, serene and holy. I wish that he would always take that moment with him, which he probably forgot already, and realize the immense love and gratifying moment we spent together, and realize it is never-ending. As for me, that moment will stay in my memory, heart, and soul for as long as I can feel and remember, and I will use it when gray strikes and when the sun is shining. I am thankful for that moment and for being able to feel love so true and deep, without boundaries and time.

Having yourself is a blessing. Having a child is a miracle!