Friday, December 12, 2008

WOMANHOOD

Woman

Embracing Womanhood


There are many ways and myriad reasons for women to honor and embrace all that they are. And when any individual woman chooses to do so, all women collectively move closer to becoming what they are truly capable of being. By honoring her experience and being willing to share it with others—both male and female—she teaches as she learns. When she can trust herself and her inner voice, she teaches those around her to trust her as well. Clasping hands with family members and friends, coworkers and strangers in a shared walk through the journey of life, she allows all to see the self-respect she possesses and accepts their respect, too, that is offered through look, word, and deed.

When a woman can look back into her past, doing so without regret and instead seeing only lessons that brought her to her current strength and wisdom, she embraces the fullness of her experience. She helps those around her to build upon the past as she does. And when she chooses to create her desires, she places her power in the present and moves forward with life into the future.

Seeing her own divinity, a woman learns to recognize the divinity in all women. She then can see her body as a temple, appreciating its feminine form and function, regardless of what age or stage of life she finds herself. She can enjoy all that it brings to her experience and appreciate other women and their experiences as well. Rather than seeing other women as competition, she can look around her to see the cycle of life reflected in the beauty of her sisters, reminding her of her own radiance should she ever forget. She can then celebrate all the many aspects that make her a being worthy of praise, dancing to express the physical, speaking proudly to express her intellect, sharing her emotions, and leading the way with her spiritual guidance. Embracing her womanhood, she reveals the facets that allow her to shine with the beauty and strength of a diamond to illuminate her world.
The Daily OM

Friday, October 10, 2008

CONVENTIONAL RULES

"Self expression and learning are better fostered without conventional rules that bind creativity and reinforce complacency".

Heath Whitehead
Children's Songwriter and Performer

Monday, September 22, 2008

MUNDO DE HOMBRES


Los avances de las mujeres en el mundo laboral y en la sociedad en general han sido notables en las últimas décadas. Las mujeres han alcanzado penetrar las esferas profesional y política, y avanzar en su lucha por la igualdad de género. Sin embargo, aún nos queda terreno por ganar. La igualdad de la mujer sigue siendo una batalla contra el tiempo y los dogmas masculinos que continúan rigiendo las vidas de las compañías, las religiones, las sociedades, los gobiernos y los hogares.

Cuando pienso en la lucha por la igualdad de género, no puedo evitar pensar por qué, en primera instancia, estamos las mujeres luchando por la igualdad. ¿Por qué es necesario para la mujer abrirse paso a capa y espada para demostrar sus capacidades intelectuales y sus destrezas y competencias? ¿Por qué han existido y aún existen paredes y techos de cristal y de concreto, brechas abismales y puertas cerradas para el desarrollo de la mujer a nivel personal, profesional y social? ¿Cómo y cuándo fue la mujer relegada a un plano inferior y bajo cuáles premisas?

Soy una optimista por naturaleza, pero aun cuando reconozco el progreso significativo que ha experimentado la mujer, me perturba saber que tenemos que continuar vigilantes y en la trinchera de batalla para abrirnos paso en el mundo. Mi posición es que ambos, hombres y mujeres, somos valiosos y merecemos ser reconocidos por nuestras diferencias y similitudes en igualdad de condiciones.

Sé que hay muchas razones por las cuales la mujer es vista por los hombres (y por otras mujeres en muchas instancias) como menos merecedoras de alcanzar el estatus favorecedor que han disfrutado los hombres desde que el mundo es mundo. Nuestras hormonas nos causan cambios químicos que se reflejan en nuestro cuerpo y nuestro comportamiento, muchas veces de manera imperceptible para la mujer y obviamente de manera inevitable. Somos las que, por decreto divino y de la madre Natura, quedamos embarazadas y nos da la mala barriga y todos los síntomas que vienen con el embarazo. Somos las que parimos con dolor y mucho esfuerzo, y las que amamantamos a nuestras crías. Somos las que, por ese proceso maravilloso de la maternidad, tenemos un enlace fuerte con nuestros hijos e hijas, lo cual hace que nuestros retoños acudan a nosotros cuando algo les aqueja (o simplemente porque sí). También, somos las que por naturaleza y/o por socialización se nos ha delegado la responsabilidad de alimentar, cuidar, sanar, calmar, mediar, negociar, interceder, suavizar, mermar y actuar como diosas en los asuntos personales y familiares. No somos el sexo débil. Somos el sexo que tiene los más altos y variados requerimientos y demandas. Los hombres se enfocan en hacer una cosa y en muchas ocasiones la hacen bien (por ejemplo, trabajar, trabajar y trabajar). Las mujeres estamos presentes y actuamos en todos los renglones del círculo de la vida.

Los hombres quieren una esposa “ejemplar”, hijos que jueguen soccer, baloncesto, béisbol y fútbol, e hijas que bailen ballet y tomen clases de modelaje y refinamiento. Quieren que la esposa ayude a los hijos a hacer las asignaciones de la escuela y que se envuelva en la vida académica de los niños. Quieren que la esposa cuide de su suegra enferma y anciana cuando surja la situación. Quieren que la esposa mantenga el hogar limpio, ordenado y listo para ser fotografiado por Better Homes and Gardens en todo momento. Sin embargo, a la hora de trabajar con mujeres, los hombres pueden ser poco sensibles ante lo diverso de las demandas hacia las mujeres. Los hombres trabajan en sus profesiones. Las mujeres trabajan en sus carreras profesionales y hacen todo lo demás, y son penalizadas con sueldos bajos, poca flexibilidad, discriminación, y pocas oportunidades de crecimiento y liderazgo. ¡Que intente un hombre crecer un ser humano dentro de su cuerpo (con todo lo que esto conlleva) y continuar siendo una estrella en todo lo demás, sin queja (o con quejas pero continuando haciéndolo de todas formas)! Que intente un hombre realizar todo esto:

1. Trabajar 10 horas fuera de la casa
2. Ser llamado del colegio de los niños para resolver alguna situación
3. Ser llamado, en promedio, 150 veces en un día para cosas menudas y muy diversas, tales como:
4. Bañar los niños
5. Amarrar zapatos
6. Vestir los niños
7. Lavarles los dientes
8. Peinarlos (y si son niñas, hacerlo con estilo)
9. Calzar los niños
10. Curarles sus heridas (las graves, las no tan graves, las inventadas, las físicas, las emocionales)
11. Levantarse varias veces en las noches por las pesadillas de los niños, para sacar los “monstruos” de debajo de la cama o para cambiarles el pañal y alimentarlos cada par de horas
12. Limpiar y mantener la casa limpia y ordenada
13. Llevar a los niños a sus “playdates” y a todas sus actividades extracurriculares
14. Jugar con los niños aún cuando se está exhausto (mirar todas las anteriores)
15. Cocinar
16. Lavar los platos y limpiar la cocina
17. Hacer proyectos manuales con los niños (no solo tenerlos todo el día viendo TV)
18. Leer cuentos (una y otra vez….)
19. Escucharlos llorar por horas simplemente porque no se les da lo que quieren (repetidas veces en un día)
20. Multiplicar esto por cada niño que se tiene
21. Otros (la lista de tareas es demasiado larga para este blog)

Solo quiero poner las cosas en su justa perspectiva. El mundo depende de y necesita a las mujeres, tal y como necesita de los hombres. ¡Somos las responsables de tanto! Mi llamado es a la compasión y a la igualdad, en su justa perspectiva. Los hombres y las mujeres somos importantes, y necesitamos estar concientes del valor de cada cual y estar dispuestos a reconocerlo estando presentes mental, física y emocionalmente el uno para el otro, incluyendo en el área de trabajo.

Friday, September 12, 2008

SEX! The Big Question: Are Teens Having It?

I am a strong advocate for sex education. I strongly believe education leads to awareness and a greater chance for smarter decision-making. When it comes to SEX, many people choke up and cannot even say the word out loud, nonetheless, say it to their children. For religious reasons, for social reasons, for cultural reasons, sex is so taboo that some people have almost banned the word from their lexicon.


Many people are advocates of abstinence as a remedy for all problems caused by teens having sex. Definitely, abstinence is the only 100% effective preventative measure against STDs and unwanted pregnancies. FULL ABSTINENCE that is; not the abstinence in which individuals go “first base”, “second base”, and/or “just” “third base”, but because penetration is not involved they say and probably believe they are abstinent. I don’t have a problem with abstinence if it is a well-calculated decision. However, abstinence should come with THOROUGH sex education. For many, the meaning of abstinence is to forbid sex talk and sexual activity. A promise for sexual abstinence is empty and built on shaky grounds if education is not present, and could lead to more problems than it intended to solve.


In my experience, youngsters who “decide” to practice sexual abstinence but do not know why (except that their parents do not approve and the church leader says it is wrong), end up engaging in sexual activity totally uninformed as to how to prevent unwanted consequences.


Advocates of sexual abstinence are not immune to encountering problems with sex. Look at our current running VP, Sarah Palin. An advocate of sexual abstinence, she herself was pregnant before getting married (which means she was not practicing abstinence) and now her 17 year old daughter is pregnant without being married. Do not get me wrong: this is not a political analysis and Sarah Palin’s potential as a VP does not lie on her past sexual decisions or her daughter’s. I am not implying Ms. Palin is less qualified for her past sexual conduct or her daughter’s. The point is that, even people whose bastions lie on a strong point like sexual abstinence, for their life, the ideology of their political party, and the beliefs of many who follow them, sexual abstinence is an imperfect formula to solve teen sexual problems.


No formula for addressing teenagers and sex is flawless. However, our best shot at keeping teenagers safe and to award them responsibility over their sexual activity decisions lies in serious and comprehensive sexual education.

I found this article a few days ago and I want to share it.


Education is key, knowledge is power.



Video Music Awards spur ‘promise ring’ debate


After VMA host derided Jonas Brothers, Jordin Sparks defended purity vow



By Mike Celizic

TODAYShow.com contributor

updated 10:27 a.m. CT, Tues., Sept. 9, 2008



A British comic’s jokes at the Video Music Awards about the Jonas Brothers and their “purity rings” have been decried as tasteless in most quarters — but they have also renewed the debate over what direction high school sex education should take.


The conflict is between the abstinence-only approach to sexual education favored by the Bush White House and some faith-based communities and a comprehensive discussion of human sexuality advocated by many clinicians.


VMA host Russell Brand left no question where he stands during the program, taking a shot at the three Jonas Brothers and their vow to remain virgins until marriage. In response, singer Jordin Sparks proudly showed off her own purity ring and returned the volley: “I just have one thing to say about promise rings,” she announced to the audience. “It's not bad to wear a promise ring, because not everybody — guy or girl — wants to be a slut.”


Sex-education advocate Martha Kemper and abstinence activist Denny Pattyn took up the battle Tuesday with TODAY co-host Meredith Vieira.


Dueling debaters“Are we so threatened by a message of morals and values that these young men who chose to wear a ring were attacked?” asked Pattyn, the founder of a program called the Silver Ring Thing, in which teens pledge to remain virgins until marriage. “What’s the fear here? Why can’t we have an alternate message about waiting until you’re married to have sex? Why can’t we have those values? What are we afraid of?”


Kemper, a vice president of the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States, agreed that attacking anyone for their beliefs is wrong. But, she said, “In the same way, though, I think we have to be really careful not to say, ‘If you don’t wear a purity ring, you’re a slut.’ We can’t make that either-or, either you have morals or you don’t. I think we have to be careful to respect everybody’s decisions.”





While being careful not to criticize teens who take purity pledges, Kemper said they’re not for everyone. “The problem is that in too many communities what we’re seeing is programs like Denny’s replacing more comprehensive sexuality education,” she said. “These programs aren’t giving young people the information they need to make decisions now and in their future.”


The issue is very much in the national consciousness. The hit movie “Juno” dealt with a 16-year-old’s unplanned pregnancy. Britney Spears’ 17-year-old sister, Jamie Lynn Spears, got pregnant by her boyfriend and recently delivered a baby. And Bristol Palin, the 17-year-old daughter of Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin, sat on stage during the Republican National Convention with the 18-year-old young man who impregnated her. Sarah Palin is an advocate of abstinence-only sex ed.


Disputed findingsClinicians say that Bristol Palin and Spears demonstrate the dangers of not teaching kids about sex and the use of condoms to prevent the spread of sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies. The United States has one of the highest rates of teen pregnancy in the developed world. Government statistics show that in 2006, more than 400,000 babies were born in this country to mothers aged 15-19.


TODAY
Singer Jordin Sparks defends promise rings on MTV’s Video Music Awards.
Various government and independent studies show that teens who take purity pledges typically put off becoming sexually active for about 18 months longer than teens who don’t. But, several studies warn, when the pledge-takers do become active, they are more likely to have unprotected sex and to engage in risky sexual practices.


The abstinence advocates reject the findings. “Those studies are flawed,” Pattyn flatly told Vieira. He cited a study done by the conservative Heritage Foundation that shows that the purity pledgers are more likely to be high achievers in school and engage in fewer risky behaviors. He also said that condoms are not as effective as advertised and has said that he does not want his own teenage daughters to use them, even if they break their own purity pledges.


Advocates of comprehensive sexual education programs say that condoms lose effectiveness if people don’t know how to use them.


“The idea is that condoms need to be used consistently and correctly, and if we’re not telling them how to do that, they can’t,” Kemper said.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

HOW TO RAISE A TOUGH GUY




Many men are afraid their sons will grow up to be "less men" if they do not raise their boys to be tough and independent and an early age. Men and women often teach their boys to reject feelings of being weak or fearful, even under circunstances that call for sensitivity and empathy. Being strong is not only about physical strength. We can teach our boys and girls to be intelligent, compassionate, strong, and respectful of others, especially the opposite sex. Here is an article about raising "tough" boys. I found it honest and refreshing. Hope you enjoy reading it. This topic will continue...


How to raise a tough guy
By Neal Pollack, Men’s Health



At dinner one day, my 5-year-old son, Elijah, took a bite of zucchini and said, "My ears are stopped up."

"That's okay," I said. "You'll be fine."

"But my ears are stopped up!"

"It's no big deal."

Tears began to bubble out, and his voice turned into a whimper. Within a minute he was in his bedroom, writhing on the floor. "My ears! Oh, God! My ears! I'm in pain! I'm in horrible, horrible pain! And I will never feel better ever again!"

At that moment, I realized that I'm raising my son to be a wuss. Just like me.

My dad was tough. He wasn't boxer tough or weekend-tackle-football tough, and he wasn't an outdoorsman. But he'd served in Vietnam, and his life was full of tragedy: His parents escaped Nazi Germany just before Kristallnacht and raised my dad in the Bronx. When my dad was 11, his father died of cancer. His mother remarried, and her second husband had a heart attack soon after. Then, when my dad (a graduate of an Ivy League ROTC program) was on the boat to Vietnam, his mother committed suicide, leaving him the sole guardian of his younger sister.

I, on the other hand, grew up in suburban Phoenix. Never once did I experience a second of want, tragedy, or grief. I was a skinny, sensitive, spazzy kid who had a weird sense of humor and received Fantastic Four comics in the mail, played D&D, and quoted Monty Python. On my Little League team, I was the statistician.

My father was confused by the son he'd produced, and tried to toughen me up. He bought me a set of plastic weights that I had to fill with water, but they started leaking all over my bedroom rug and ended up lost in my closet. He tried to teach me to ride a big-kid bike, but I kept slipping off the seat and banging my crotch, which made me cry and him turn grouchy. His lessons dwindled as I got older, and none ever really took hold.

On the playground, I was a favorite target of bullies. My only weapon: a shrill, prepubescent battle scream that erupted from my lizard brain when I was cornered. Sometimes it scared off the predators.

Back then, I would think ahead. When I have a son, I decided, he's going to be tough. Even if I had to make him that way.

Easier said than done.

My son is sensitive, skinny, and spazzy, and he has a weird sense of humor. While his friends are off skateboarding, he's in his room looking at his ant farm. He cries for half an hour after stubbing his toe. If he suffers any kind of a rash or cut or bruise, he howls as if he were being eviscerated for a crime he didn't commit. Compared with him, I was a childhood version of Jason Bourne.

My wife and I started to notice these tendencies when he was 3, after the time he threw himself on the floor of the local mall because of a leg cramp. Sure, toddlers aren't known for their toughness, but I found his intensity alarming. But nurture can trump nature, right? I'd passed on the wuss gene, so it was time for some gene therapy.

I enrolled Elijah in a karate class. My own martial-arts experience involved four completely incompetent weeks of aikido the summer after college. Still, I knew from the Ralph Macchio movies of my youth that karate was a great way for the ordinary milquetoast to morph into a Bronson-like beast of a man.

The first 3 weeks, my overenthusiastic "So how's he doing?" questions to the master were met with an under enthusiastic "Just fine." After that, I began hearing increasingly distressing reviews. "Elijah needs to concentrate better." "He needs to work on his kicks." "He's just not keeping up with the other kids."

The week before Elijah was supposed to graduate from level one, I went to pick him up after class. An assistant teacher was walking Elijah down the steps. The boy looked shamed, chastised.

"What's this about?" I asked.

"I put my fingers in the electric socket and got into trouble," Elijah said.

"You did what? Why?"

A shrug. "I don't know."

The master came downstairs.

"I don't think Elijah is ready," he said.

No shit, I thought. Perhaps leaving my boy's psyche to a stranger wasn't the best approach. I'd have to toughen him up myself.

Our training started that very evening, under the guise of "playing rough" on my bed, and continues to this day. Since our home is ruled by drama dorks, we begin each session with a call to battle. "Daddy," Elijah shouts, walking into my bedroom. "Do you know what that smell is?"

"No. What?"

"The smell. Of your inamint demise!"

The first 3 weeks, my overenthusiastic "So how's he doing?" questions to the master were met with an under enthusiastic "Just fine." After that, I began hearing increasingly distressing reviews. "Elijah needs to concentrate better." "He needs to work on his kicks." "He's just not keeping up with the other kids."

The week before Elijah was supposed to graduate from level one, I went to pick him up after class. An assistant teacher was walking Elijah down the steps. The boy looked shamed, chastised.

"What's this about?" I asked.

"I put my fingers in the electric socket and got into trouble," Elijah said.

"You did what? Why?"

A shrug. "I don't know."

The master came downstairs.

"I don't think Elijah is ready," he said.

No shit, I thought. Perhaps leaving my boy's psyche to a stranger wasn't the best approach. I'd have to toughen him up myself.

Our training started that very evening, under the guise of "playing rough" on my bed, and continues to this day. Since our home is ruled by drama dorks, we begin each session with a call to battle. "Daddy," Elijah shouts, walking into my bedroom. "Do you know what that smell is?"

"No. What?"

"The smell. Of your inamint demise!"

Since I have no fighting techniques to teach, I performed over and over the trick he finds most amusing. For weeks, he spent 20 minutes sliding down my back as I held him upside down by his ankles. Currently, he enjoys escaping my leg traps. Lately, he's grown more sensitive to injury, so he often stops after 20 minutes to bring in a board game instead.

"Oh, God," I say. "Not Candy Land again!"

That's the way he tests my toughness. I used to mind. Until . . .

A few months ago, I had a flashback. I was drunk and listless at a bar in Austin, Texas, 4 or 5 years ago, when I ran into a friend. He started giving me crap about something. My lizard brain stirred. I began to shriek, much like my son does when he's having a tantrum, and I flailed my hands crazily. I hit my ex-friend on the side of the face with a beer bottle, chipping one of his teeth. As the bouncer tossed me onto the street, I didn't feel tough. I felt like a drug-addled idiot.

I started thinking about what I'd tell my son in the future about that fight. Would he be proud of me? Probably not.

That's when I realized: Physical toughness is only a small part of a man's overall strength. You can be tough about more basic struggles as well, like navigating financial disappointments and keeping your family together during hard times. My father did that when I was a kid, and I watched him. Deliberately or not, he was teaching me important lessons about midlife toughness. Over the past few years, I've worried about losing our home, about putting food on the table. They were hard times, but we survived.

Life will kick your ass in ways that aren't physical, and you need to handle those moments with dignity. That's what makes you tough. In that way, I am a tough guy.

And, most likely, so is Elijah. After all, he's been watching me for 5 years now.

I do plan to give him the good news someday. But right now, he's wailing about the shampoo in his eyes.

Extracted from:
http://lifestyle.msn.com/your-life/family-parenting/articlebl.aspx?cp-documentid=8800299&page=1

Friday, August 01, 2008

I OWN ME




It is my belief that great deal of how we deal with life situations comes from the way we are raised and all the influences around us in our upbringing. Each individual is a melting pot of a lot of input from all fronts: parents, extended family, friends, guides, teachers, and even strangers through the media and what we read. It is true that feelings are real and, as humans, we have many and complex feelings about all that goes on around us. However, how we decide to react toward our feelings and how we externalize our emotions is or should be our very own decision.

Many people say I cannot control myself when this happens, or I would like to react differently but I can’t. Well, the truth is we can. Some life experiences are not pleasant to live. Humans have a natural tendency to get frustrated when things do not go as planned or as anticipated. Humans who do not feel uneasy when uncertainty strikes are rare, and maybe inexistent. However, some humans act defeated in the face of rejection. Others use their less than pleasant feelings to fuel their drive to act constructively to change their current status for the better. We can learn how to channel the energy from those uncomfortable feelings or situations. We can choose how to act as a next step after experiencing a sore moment. When pain strikes, we can choose to fight or to learn. When uncertainty arrives we can choose to give in to our fear or to see it as an opportunity to embark on a journey of discovery. We can choose to feel defeated or to see “failure” as an opportunity to look for a different way to achieve the desired results. When an unpleasant situation crosses our path, we can choose to sulk and be consumed with negativity or we can rise strengthened and willing to start again.

Happiness is a choice; that’s what I always tell my little boy. Happiness does not happen to a person by miracle. Happiness is a mental, spiritual, and emotional state of perpetually being aware of our greatness and reaffirming it in spite of the challenges of life. Life is not hard. Life is what we make it. I am not implying that we don’t experience negativity in our lives. The important thing is to use those feelings as signals to look into ourselves and become even greater.

Recently, I found this article in the local newspaper and I have to share it. I totally agree!


“Most individuals have the belief that other people, or events, make them either happy or miserable. This simply paints them into an untenable position with no way out. However, I am convinced this phenomenon is the basic premise on which most people base their emotional state. They are happy if things don’t go according to form.

We choose to live our lives outside-in or inside-out. The basic problem with living outside-in is that we have very little control over other people, their choices, or life’s events. If we live inside-out, we at least have some control over how we respond to the same. The final freedom available to humans is to choose our response to whatever may happen to us…I don’t think it makes much sense to give another person all the credit, or all the blame, for whatever our emotional state may be.”

Dough Smith, Licensed Professional Counselor and Columnist for Star Community Newspapers.

Friday, July 25, 2008

ACHIEVING GENDER EQUALITY…HOW ABOUT RAISING OUR CHILDREN DIFFERENTLY?




When I think about the struggle that women are still having in the world of men to go ahead and to stay afloat, in spite of all the obstacles, I cannot help to ask the almost rhetorical question: how did this gender inequality begin in the first place? Of course, my next question is: how do we make the playing field between men and women even? The answers to those two questions are complex and multiple. However, I think we can start with something very basic: easing up on gender role imposition.

Two days ago, I was talking to a friend of mine about our children. We both have preschool-age boys and they engaged in playing. My boy started playing about shooting and killing bad guys. My friend did not like the game too much (I don’t like it either) but said it is probably inevitable that boys play like that, because they are boys and that’s what boys do (my stomach turns over every time I hear that phrase). I told her my boy had been given guns, rifles, and swords for his birthday from friends and family. I continued to say to her that, if I had a girl, nobody would’ve thought of giving her those sorts of toys for her birthday. Instead, they would have given her a dish set, a tea set, a kitchen set, and dolls (with diapers), for sure.

I do not buy the general theory (not a scientific theory, I must add) that boys are built to be aggressive and that girls are built to be docile. I truly believe, from the time girls and boys are born, parents and people around them, treat them differently based on their gender. Girls get the softer approach, while boys get the less delicate approach, so girls can grow up to be well-mannered and nice, and boys get to grow up to be strong and competitive. Based on my own experience, I remember wanting to do things that my grandmother considered off-limits to girls, and therefore, being forbidden to do them. I never understood why I was not allowed to play with cars or have a race track. I never understood why I was not allowed to climb trees or to ride a bike. I was not even allowed to whistle because “only boys did that”. The list of the “not to dos” was long for me because I was a girl.

I see it in my girlfriends, (the ones raising boys), how, even when knowing what women go through on a daily basis regarding equality, still instill those gender notions on their boys. They still say ‘boys don’t cry”, “boys are strong”, “strong boys don’t get hurt”, and “boys are supposed to protect girls”. I see it in my girlfriends, (the ones raising girls), how, even when knowing what women go through on a daily basis regarding equality, they embed gender notions of weakness, conformism, and subservience in their daughters by allowing them to do things that they say are only done by girls (or not to do things they considered to be done by boys only). And mothers of both boys and girls later justify their children’s behaviors by saying “boys are like that” and “girls are like that”.

If men and women are built differently, and therefore, if this has had and has historical, anthropological, sociological, and behavioral implications for both sexes will never be confirmed categorically. What we can do is be more cognoscente of the way we raise our boys and girls to teach them how to live with each other and to respect each other; their differences and similarities, capabilities and greatness, awarding both sexes high value and regard.

The greatest fear of fathers of boys is not that their boys will fail school, use drugs during their teenage years, or have unprotected sex. Their greatest fear is that their sons will be homosexual (and that their wives will “turn” them gay if they raise them to be sensitive and compassionate). Men’s fear to somehow raise gay sons dumbfounds me. Women’s conformism to old constructs in spite of what we have experienced staggers me. To level the playing field requires a constant and serious shift in our mentality so we can raise strong girls and strong boys, sensitive girls and sensitive boys, and nice girls and nice boys who can see each other like allies, partners, and equal beings.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Poeta

Pensando en estos días en la vida y la muerte por la partida física de varias personas cercanas, no puedo evitar pensar por qué se nos hace tan difícil aceptar con beneplácito y resignación la partida de nuestros seres queridos. ¿Quién le ha atribuido a la muerte un significado tan funesto y negativo? ¿Es innato del ser humano entristecerse con amargura ante la desaparición física de un ser amado o aprendemos a través de nuestra socialización nuestra reacción a la muerte? ¿Por qué es tan inesperada y ominosa la muerte, aun cuando sabemos que es lo único que tenemos certero en la vida?

Un amigo escribió una vez: “no te preocupes, la muerte no te matará!” Nuestra reacción a la muerte depende en gran medida de nuestras creencias espirituales y religiosas, pero aún así es indescriptible expresar el porqué de nuestra reacción quejumbrosa y apesadumbrada ante la muerte. Si se cree en un paraíso después de la muerte, una reacción en acorde a esta creencia sería la felicidad de saber que nuestro ser amado va en camino o se encuentra ya en un estado superior al actual. Si nuestra creencia es que habrá otra vida luego de la que ha acabado, la reacción debería ser de expectativa de conocer esa nueva vida. Si la creencia es que todo se acaba con la muerte pues…¡se acabó! Lo cierto es que sabemos que no viviremos en este estado físico para siempre y crecemos sabiendo esta información. Sin embargo, por más que lo sabemos, nos negamos a creer que ese momento llegará.

Me parece muy interesante nuestras reacciones a la muerte. ¿Se puede aprender a mirar la muerte de manera positiva, placentera y hasta deseada? ¿Podemos celebrar la muerte como una etapa de nuestra vida, sin temor a la reacción de los demás?

La muerte más cercana que he tenido es la de mi padre, mi padre de toda la vida, mi papá, el ser que me crió y al cual amaba y amo con todo mi ser. Sabía en mi corazón que el momento de su partida estaba cerca la última vez que lo vi con vida en diciembre de 2006. Sentí el final acercándose… Y me pregunté cómo sucedería. Con suerte, una persona que tuvo una gran vida tuvo una gran muerte: murió de un infarto cerebral masivo que le quitó la vida repentinamente la mañana del día de su cumpleaños número 86. Mi mayor deseo para mi papá (y para mi mamá que aún vive) es una muerte pacífica y súbita. Así sucedió. Recibí la llamada esa mañana del 15 de febrero de 2007 notificándome de la condición crítica de mi papá cuando lo llevaron al hospital transportado en ambulancia a raíz de su derrame cerebral. Quise llegar a Puerto Rico antes de que partiera, pero no esperó por mí. Decidió irse en paz sin mí, su niña consentida. Mi reacción fue de tristeza, al principio. Mi tristeza fue egoísta; fue una tristeza fundamentada en el hecho de que no lo vería físicamente en mis viajes a casa. Sin embargo, mi espíritu se regocijó en su partida, pero sobre todo, en su vida, lo cual me hizo mirar su muerte con paz y alegría. Mi papá se quedó conmigo y su amor me acompaña más fuerte que nunca, sin barreras de tiempo ni espacio.

Al pensar en mi propia partida física en un futuro desconocido, quisiera que la gente estuviese feliz de lo que viví, de cómo viví y de haberme tenido en vida de alguna forma. Tal vez no suceda así e inevitablemente mis seres queridos lloren mi muerte. Yo sé que yo estaré feliz y espero contagiar a otros con la felicidad de mi espíritu que se unirá al universo y a toda la creación.

Como preguntó Julia de Burgos: ¿cómo me llamarán cuando muera? Al igual que ella, espero que cuando muera me llamen poeta…y que el mundo se regocije en mi muerte y en mi vida a través de la poesía que pude hacer con mis días en este plano. La muerte no me matará…y aun desde la fosa seguiré siendo poeta.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

WOMAN ON HOLD

Motherhood is one of the leading forces on earth. There is no such energy and passion as the courage, devotion, and love of mothers to their offspring. Mother Nature is wise in teaching us that lesson. A feline mother is fearless when it comes to defending her kittens. Even the smallest bird exerts a courage inconmensurate with her size when it comes to facing her most fearsome opponents in order to protect her baby birds. Human mothers (most of them) experience a new level of conciousness when they bear life and bring new life into this world. There is no stronger sense of wholeness and merge with the universe and the power that is greatest than ourselves than when we become mothers. Enlightment happens. Happiness strikes. A new life begins, for both mother and child.

While all those pleasant feelings are being experienced during motherhood, the demands of our children on us are strong. Often times, we give up our bodies to bring them into this world. We nurture them, often times with our own bodies. They depend entirely on us for their survival, learning, amusement, and socialization. We are the centers of their universe and it is easy to get absorbed deeply into giving our whole selves to our children. The task of being a mother is not an easy one. No one works more hours, lives more sleep deprived, and is demanded so much attention than mothers. After a while of performing our motherly duties with complete devotion we cannot help to question whether the women we used to be still lives.

I call mothers “women on hold”. For a period of time (sometimes longer, sometimes shorter) our existence is focused entirely on our role as mothers. It is the natural thing to do, but also, different cultures teach, enforce, and demand the role of mothers to be an exclusive venture. For those who have a strong drive to be more than a mother, dilema strikes as the demands of motherhood seem to consume our cores.

There are a lot of strategies a woman can implement to feel like her humanity, separate from that one of child, is emerging, at least every once in a while. A lot has been written about that, and my intention with this writing is not to outline a plan. My message is to tell women they do not have to feel they have given up on themselves for the sake of motherhood. There will never be a more gratifying job in the world than being a mother. Sometimes, we just put ourselves on hold for a while to bring up those children that have been entrusted to us. If your womanhood is on hold, let her peek out regularly to see the light. She will wait but she also needs to be nourished, just like your offspring. She needs attention, pampering, to be listened to, attended to, cared for. She will wait for you to be ready to reclaim her. Comfort her and tell her she will not be on hold forever, just for a little while while you enjoy motherhood. And invite her, your woman on hold, to enjoy motherhood with you. She will treat you good when it is her turn to return the favor.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

EL PODER DE LAS PALABRAS


Las palabras cargan un poder y una energía poderosa. Las palabras son extensiones de nuestra energía, de nuestro pensamiento, que ponemos a la disposición del mundo y quien las escucha o las lee. Las palabras tienen un poder por sí solas, a pesar de que la ejecución de las mismas depende del individuo. Cuando utilizamos la palabra indiscriminadamente podemos entrar en una disyuntiva cuando nuestra energía no es compatible con lo que decimos. El conflicto de no ser espejo de nuestras propias palabras nos afecta a nosotros a nivel personal y a los individuos en los cuales nuestra palabra tiene algún impacto. Muchos no se dan cuenta del poder tan inmenso de la palabra. No existe en nosotros los humanos capacidad mayor para explicar el significado de nuestra vida y lo que somos como individuos que la palabra. Nuestras acciones son reflejo de lo que somos, pero la palabra viene de quiénes somos, de nuestro centro y esencia. Idealmente, nuestras palabras son cónsonas con nuestras acciones. Que siempre nuestras palabras sean un retrato de nuestra alma para el que las escucha (incluyendo a nosotros mismos).

Thursday, April 17, 2008

RENCORES

Life is too short to hold resentment...I have learned that. We are humans, and we cannot avoid feeling sad, blue, disconcerted, scared, angry, and doubtful at times...but certainly, we all create our own reality. Missery loves equal. Missery attracts equal. Although we cannot avoid to feel those less than pleasant feelings from time to time, we can all learn to let go of them quickly enough to go on with our lives and live them freely and fully. We choose for how long we want negativity to linger around. Lets not leave empty places in our hearts that can make way for pain, anger, resentment, hatred, arrogance, and pride. By learning to release we live in the moment and create better circumstances for our lives. Lets love and bless each day and each experience our days unfold for us. Lets love, and then love more.

My friend Glomarie sent me this text. Those words, I echo...

"Renuncia totalmente a los rencores, resentimientos o resquemores; no des espacio al odio en tu corazón. Niégate a intoxicarte con cualquier sentimiento negativo relacionado con el odio. Procura siempre alimentar tu espíritu con ideas, conceptos y sentimientos nobles, de perdón, de tolerancia, respeto a pesar de las diferencias y... de olvido. Notarás que día a día mejorará tu calidad de vida".

Y le agrego:

Válgale a cada día su propio afán. Todo a su tiempo...

Thursday, April 10, 2008

BAD DAYS


How bad is a "bad" day? Only bad if we define them that way. Let all days be good days for learning, if for nothing else...


April 10, 2008
Finding The Gift
Bad Days


We all have days when it feels like the world is against us or that the chaos we are experiencing will never end. One negative circumstance seems to lead to another. You may wonder, on a bad day, whether anything in your life will ever go right again. But a bad day, like any other day, can be a gift. Having a bad day can show you that it is time to slow down, change course, or lighten up. A bad day can help you glean wisdom you might otherwise have overlooked or discounted. Bad days can certainly cause you to experience uncomfortable feelings you would prefer to avoid, yet a bad day may also give you a potent means to learn about yourself.


You may consider a bad day to be one where you have missed an important meeting because your car stalled or the dryer broke or you received a piece of very bad news earlier in the morning. Multiple misfortunes that take place, one after the other, can leave us feeling vulnerable and intensely cognizant of our fragility. Although bad days can only have a long-term negative effect on us if we let them, it is better to ask yourself what you can learn from these kinds of days. The state of your bad day may be an indicator that you need to stay in and hibernate or let go of your growing negativity.


Bad days contribute to the people we become. Though we may feel discouraged and distressed on our bad days, a bad day can teach us patience and perseverance. It is important to remember that your attitude drives your destiny and that one negative experience does not have to be the beginning of an ongoing stroke of bad luck. A bad day is memorable because it is one day among many good days. Otherwise, we would not even bother to acknowledge it as a bad day. Know, too, that everybody has bad days. You are not alone, the world is not against you. Tomorrow is a brand new day, greet it with love and watch it unfold into perhaps, a better day.


The Daily Om

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

EDUCATION BUILDS A FUTURE

Latinas everywhere face strong obstacles to their personal and professional development; that is well-known. Many of us have made strides and overcome obstacles and adversity in order to reach success; however, the vast majority of Latinas still encounter invisible, but solid barriers to build better lives for themselves, and the external forces that create those barriers are still latent, potent, and evident. Education is undoubtedly the best tool for Latinas to continue a significant and constant path to a better life.

Education is indeed an elixir that begins to heal many social plagues. Our culture, in spite of its goodness, imposes limiting barriers for women. Some of the obstacles Latinas face to further their education are: 1) limited education in the household; 2) marrying at an early age; 4) teen pregnancies; 4) having a family and aiding with extended family, which leads to premature adulthood; 5) high school graduation rate for Latinas is lower than for any other ethnic group; 6) Latinas are less prepared for and less likely to take college entrance examination exams than any other ethnic group; 7) Latinas are under-enrolled in gifted and talented education programs in schools, less than any other ethnic group; 8) Latinas are the least likely of any women to complete a bachelor’s degree; 9) isolation, racism, stereotyping, and prejudice in schools, colleges, and universities; 10) depression and mental health issues that leads Latinas to attempt suicide more than young women and women of any other ethnic group; 11) lack of financial resources to go to college; and 12) limited access to information on educational options, programs, and financial aid to go to college.

Why are Latinas so plagued with these problems? Latinas are raised in traditional homes that enforce them to conform to traditional expectations for females. There are low expectations from families when it comes to Latinas and their education. These low expectations come from their families, school teachers, and faculty in college. Because of the strict traditional roles and unquestioned respect to authority, Latinas lack networking skills to reach out. The Hispanic culture puts family obligations and responsibilities in higher regard with respect to education, and families impose these obligations and responsibilities on its women. Even when Latinas work outside the household and/or study, they are expected to come home and fulfill the vast majority of household chores and family duties. Another obstacle Latinas face when trying to pursue their education is the fact that they lack the support and understanding from family members in the household or their spouses when these women are trying to fulfill their school/college workload. The lack of role models, and lack of encouraging messages to stay in school and pursue higher education from key persons in these young women’s lives (parents, spouses, teachers, etc), instill in the psyches of Latinas a defeating attitude toward education and life in general. Another big issue is that Latinas may not understand the enhanced long-term benefits of education, and short term economic needs of the family, along with the instant gratification of a paycheck, may mirage to Latinas a false sense of stability and well-being.

How do we cure this problem? We must all become the voice that speaks to Latinas, loud and clear, about the benefits of pursuing an education. We must reach out to them and help them build a future. We are all responsible for the future of women in our culture, in our society and in our world. For those of us who have walked the walk and have overcome the obstacles of our culture, society, and to our education, helped by other comadres and hermanas, we must pay it forward. With our encouragement, example, and determination, we can make a difference in a young Latina’s life. Education builds a future!

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

UN HOMBRE CON PANTALONES

Doctor Santiago Dexeus, español, es un hombre del que muchos otros deben aprender.


Preguntas y Respuestas con el Doctor Santiago Dexeus

"SURGE UNA NUEVA MUJER QUE MUCHOS AUN NO COMPRENDEN"
MARIA EUGENIA YAGÜERAICES: Barcelona, 18 de marzo de 2007.

Miembro de una saga de investigadores en ginecología. PIONERO: En el Instituto Dexeus nació el primer bebé probeta español, en 1984. EXPOSICION: «Mujer. Un cuerpo, una vida», la muestra que organiza en Barcelona, estará abierta varios meses.

Dar a conocer la mentalidad, el cuerpo de la mujer y su funcionamiento es el propósito de la exposición Mujer, un cuerpo, una vida, que organiza la Fundación Santiago Dexeus a finales de marzo en el Fórum de Barcelona. El doctor Dexeus, una eminencia mundial en ginecología, cree que la mujer sigue siendo la gran asignatura pendiente de nuestra sociedad.

PREGUNTA.- Parece que también van a tratar ustedes el lenguaje que a veces escuchamos de los médicos.
RESPUESTA.- Es que les dicen cosas tremendas: «La vamos a vaciar». Eso suena a agresión, a que van a cavar un túnel o algo así. ¿No se puede hablar de histerectomía y ya está?

P.- ¿Cómo ha influido la independencia económica de la mujer en la maternidad y en la vida de pareja?
R.- Teniendo que pagar un peaje que es mal comprendido por el hombre que tienen al lado. Las mujeres trabajan fuera de casa y al volver siguen trabajando. Y cuando ellos intentan ayudar un poco, como son unos patosos, ella acaba diciendo siempre: «Quita, quita, que ya lo hago yo». Es tremendo. El hombre no está preparado para convivir con una mujer que vale tanto o más que él en los terrenos que ellos han dominado siempre. Lo llevan mal.

P.- ¿Cómo ve esas relaciones tan vistosas que se dan hoy, mujer de 50, hombre de 25?
R.- Socialmente no le veo la menor objeción. En el tema médico, una mujer con menopausia tiene problemas mecánicos, perfectamente solucionables. De todas formas, cualquier problema de la sexualidad masculina se ha investigado y solucionado con más rapidez que los de la mujer. Pero ahora ellas exigen y hablan claro. Llegará la igualdad.

P.- Las feministas acabarán haciéndole un monumento. ¿Los hombres no le miran con malos ojos?
R.- De donde más he aprendido ha sido de mi padre y de las mujeres que he tratado, así que soy consecuente con mis ideas. Comprendo que algunas pueden ofender al hombre, respeto esas opiniones pero no significa que las comparta. Romper tabúes siempre genera inseguridad en el género masculino. Está surgiendo una nueva mujer que muchos todavía no comprenden. Es cuestión de tiempo.

P.- ¿Y las maternidades tardías?
R.- Como ciudadano admito que cada uno haga lo que quiera, pero como médico veo claro que el hijo de una mujer de 67 años será huérfano pronto. En nuestra clínica tenemos un tope de 50 años para un tratamiento de fecundación.

Monday, February 25, 2008

GOODBYES

Goodbye To All That (#2) by Robin Morgan
February 2, 2008
Goodbye To All That” was my (in)famous 1970 essay breaking free from a politics of accommodation especially affecting women (for an online version, see http://blog.fair-use.org/category/chicago/).
During my decades in civil-rights, anti-war, and contemporary women’s movements, I’ve avoided writing another specific “Goodbye . . .” But not since the suffrage struggle have two communities—joint conscience-keepers of this country—been so set in competition, as the contest between Hillary Rodham Clinton (HRC) and Barack Obama (BO) unfurls. So.
Goodbye to the double standard . . .
—Hillary is too ballsy but too womanly, a Snow Maiden who’s emotional, and so much a politician as to be unfit for politics.
—She’s “ambitious” but he shows “fire in the belly.” (Ever had labor pains?)—When a sexist idiot screamed “Iron my shirt!” at HRC, it was considered amusing; if a racist idiot shouted “Shine my shoes!” at BO, it would’ve inspired hours of airtime and pages of newsprint analyzing our national dishonor.
—Young political Kennedys—Kathleen, Kerry, and Bobby Jr.—all endorsed Hillary. Senator Ted, age 76, endorsed Obama. If the situation were reversed, pundits would snort “See? Ted and establishment types back her, but the forward-looking generation backs him.” (Personally, I’m unimpressed with Caroline’s longing for the Return of the Fathers. Unlike the rest of the world, Americans have short memories. Me, I still recall Marilyn Monroe’s suicide, and a dead girl named Mary Jo Kopechne in Chappaquiddick.)
Goodbye to the toxic viciousness . . .
Carl Bernstein's disgust at Hillary’s “thick ankles.” Nixon-trickster Roger Stone’s new Hillary-hating 527 group, “Citizens United Not Timid” (check the capital letters). John McCain answering “How do we beat the bitch?" with “Excellent question!” Would he have dared reply similarly to “How do we beat the black bastard?” For shame.
Goodbye to the HRC nutcracker with metal spikes between splayed thighs. If it was a tap-dancing blackface doll, we would be righteously outraged—and they would not be selling it in airports. Shame.
Goodbye to the most intimately violent T-shirts in election history, including one with the murderous slogan “If Only Hillary had married O.J. Instead!” Shame.
Goodbye to Comedy Central’s “Southpark” featuring a storyline in which terrorists secrete a bomb in HRC’s vagina. I refuse to wrench my brain down into the gutter far enough to find a race-based comparison. For shame.
Goodbye to the sick, malicious idea that this is funny. This is not “Clinton hating,” not “Hillary hating.” This is sociopathic woman-hating. If it were about Jews, we would recognize it instantly as anti-Semitic propaganda; if about race, as KKK poison. Hell, PETA would go ballistic if such vomitous spew were directed at animals. Where is our sense of outrage—as citizens, voters, Americans?
Goodbye to the news-coverage target-practice . . .
The women’s movement and Media Matters wrung an apology from MSNBC’s Chris Matthews for relentless misogynistic comments (www.womensmediacenter.com). But what about NBC’s Tim Russert’s continual sexist asides and his all-white-male panels pontificating on race and gender? Or CNN’s Tony Harris chuckling at “the chromosome thing” while interviewing a woman from The White House Project? And that’s not even mentioning Fox News.
Goodbye to pretending the black community is entirely male and all women are white . . .
Surprise! Women exist in all opinions, pigmentations, ethnicities, abilities, sexual preferences, and ages—not only African American and European American but Latina and Native American, Asian American and Pacific Islanders, Arab American and—hey, every group, because a group wouldn’t exist if we hadn’t given birth to it. A few non-racist countries may exist—but sexism is everywhere. No matter how many ways a woman breaks free from other discriminations, she remains a female human being in a world still so patriarchal that it’s the “norm.”
So why should all women not be as justly proud of our womanhood and the centuries, even millennia, of struggle that got us this far, as black Americans, women and men, are justly proud of their struggles?
Goodbye to a campaign where he has to pass as white (which whites—especially wealthy ones—adore), while she has to pass as male (which both men and women demanded of her, and then found unforgivable). If she were blackor he were female we wouldn’t be having such problems, and I for one would be in heaven. But at present such a candidate wouldn’t stand a chance—even if she shared Condi Rice’s Bush-defending politics.
I was celebrating the pivotal power at last focused on African American women deciding on which of two candidates to bestow their vote—until a number of Hillary-supporting black feminists told me they’re being called “race traitors.”
So goodbye to conversations about this nation’s deepest scar—slavery—which fail to acknowledge that labor- and sexual-slavery exist today in the U.S. and elsewhere on this planet, and the majority of those enslaved are women.
Women have endured sex/race/ethnic/religious hatred, rape and battery, invasion of spirit and flesh, forced pregnancy; being the majority of the poor, the illiterate, the disabled, of refugees, caregivers, the HIV/AIDS afflicted, the powerless. We have survived invisibility, ridicule, religious fundamentalisms, polygamy, teargas, forced feedings, jails, asylums, sati, purdah, female genital mutilation, witch burnings, stonings, and attempted gynocides. We have tried reason, persuasion, reassurances, and being extra-qualified, only to learn it never was about qualifications after all. We know that at this historical moment women experience the world differently from men—though not all the same as one another—and can govern differently, from Elizabeth Tudor to Michele Bachelet and Ellen Johnson Sirleaf.
We remember when Shirley Chisholm and Patricia Schroeder ran for this high office and barely got past the gate—they showed too much passion, raised too little cash, were joke fodder. Goodbye to all that. (And goodbye to some feminists so famished for a female president they were even willing to abandon women’s rights in backing Elizabeth Dole.)
Goodbye, goodbye to . . .
—blaming anything Bill Clinton does on Hillary (even including his womanizing like the Kennedy guys—though unlike them, he got reported on). Let’s get real. If he hadn’t campaigned strongly for her everyone would cluck over what that meant. Enough of Bill and Teddy Kennedy locking their alpha male horns while Hillary pays for it.
—an era when parts of the populace feel so disaffected by politics that a comparative lack of knowledge, experience, and skill is actually seen as attractive, when celebrity-culture mania now infects our elections so that it’s “cooler” to glow with marquee charisma than to understand the vast global complexities of power on a nuclear, wounded planet.
—the notion that it’s fun to elect a handsome, cocky president who feels he can learn on the job, goodbye to George W. Bush and the destruction brought by his inexperience, ignorance, and arrogance. Goodbye to the accusation that HRC acts “entitled” when she’s worked intensely at everything she’s done—including being a nose-to-the-grindstone, first-rate senator from my state.
Goodbye to her being exploited as a Rorschach test by women who reduce her to a blank screen on which they project their own fears, failures, fantasies.
Goodbye to the phrase “polarizing figure” to describe someone who embodies the transitions women have made in the last century and are poised to make in this one. It was the women’s movement that quipped, “We are becoming the men we wanted to marry.” She heard us, and she has.
Goodbye to some women letting history pass by while wringing their hands, because Hillary isn’t as “likeable” as they’ve been warned they must be, or because she didn’t leave him, couldn’t “control” him, kept her family together and raised a smart, sane daughter. (Think of the blame if Chelsea had ever acted in the alcoholic, neurotic manner of the Bush twins!) Goodbye to some women pouting because she didn’t bake cookies or she did, sniping because she learned the rules and then bent or broke them. Grow the hell up. She is not running for Ms.-perfect-pure-queen-icon of the feminist movement. She’s running to be president of the United States.
Goodbye to the shocking American ignorance of our own and other countries’ history. Margaret Thatcher and Golda Meir rose through party ranks and war, positioning themselves as proto-male leaders. Almost all other female heads of government so far have been related to men of power—granddaughters, daughters, sisters, wives, widows: Gandhi, Bandaranike, Bhutto, Aquino, Chamorro, Wazed, Macapagal-Arroyo, Johnson Sirleaf, Bachelet, Kirchner, and more. Even in our “land of opportunity,” it’s mostly the first pathway “in” permitted to women: Representatives Doris Matsui and Mary Bono and Sala Burton; Senator Jean Carnahan . . . far too many to list here.
Goodbye to a misrepresented generational divide . . .
Goodbye to the so-called spontaneous “Obama Girl” flaunting her bikini-clad ass online—then confessing Oh yeah it wasn’t her idea after all, some guys got her to do it and dictated the clothes, which she said “made me feel like a dork.”
Goodbye to some young women eager to win male approval by showing they’re not feminists (at least not the kind who actually threaten thestatus quo), who can’t identify with a woman candidate because she is unafraid of eeueweeeu yucky power, who fear their boyfriends might look at them funny if they say something good about her. Goodbye to women of any age again feeling unworthy, sulking “what if she’s not electable?” or “maybe it’s post-feminism and whoooosh we’re already free.” Let a statement by the magnificent Harriet Tubman stand as reply. When asked how she managed to save hundreds of enslaved African Americans via the Underground Railroad during the Civil War, she replied bitterly, “I could have saved thousands—if only I’d been able to convince them they were slaves.”
I’d rather say a joyful Hello to all the glorious young women who do identifywith Hillary, and all the brave, smart men—of all ethnicities and any age—who get that it’s in their self-interest, too. She’s better qualified. (D’uh.) She’s a high-profile candidate with an enormous grasp of foreign- and domestic-policy nuance, dedication to detail, ability to absorb staggering insult and personal pain while retaining dignity, resolve, even humor, and keep on keeping on. (Also, yes, dammit, let’s hear it for her connections and funding and party-building background, too. Obama was awfully glad about those when she raised dough and campaigned for him to get to the Senate in the first place.)
I’d rather look forward to what a good president he might make in eight years, when his vision and spirit are seasoned by practical know-how—and he’ll be all of 54. Meanwhile, goodbye to turning him into a shining knight when actually he’s an astute, smooth pol with speechwriters who’ve worked with the Kennedys’ own speechwriter-courtier Ted Sorenson. If it’s only about ringing rhetoric, let speechwriters run. But isn’t it about getting the policies we want enacted?
And goodbye to the ageism . . .
How dare anyone unilaterally decide when to turn the page on history, papering over real inequities and suffering constituencies in the promise of a feel-good campaign? How dare anyone claim to unify while dividing, or think that to rouse U.S. youth from torpor it’s useful to triage the single largest demographic in this country’s history: the boomer generation—the majority of which is female?
Old woman are the one group that doesn’t grow more conservative with age—and we are the generation of radicals who said “Well-behaved women seldom make history.” Goodbye to going gently into any goodnight any man prescribes for us. We are the women who changed the reality of the United States. And though we never went away, brace yourselves: we’re back!
We are the women who brought this country equal credit, better pay, affirmative action, the concept of a family-focused workplace; the women who established rape-crisis centers and battery shelters, marital-rape and date-rape laws; the women who defended lesbian custody rights, who fought for prison reform, founded the peace and environmental movements; who insisted that medical research include female anatomy; who inspired men to become more nurturing parents; who created women’s studies and Title IX so we all could cheer the WNBA stars and Mia Hamm. We are the women who reclaimed sexuality from violent pornography, who put childcare on the national agenda, who transformed demographics, artistic expression, language itself. We are the women who forged a worldwide movement. We are the proud successors of women who, though it took more than 50 years, won us the vote.
We are the women who now comprise the majority of U.S. voters.
Hillary said she found her own voice in New Hampshire. There’s not a woman alive who, if she’s honest, doesn’t recognize what she means. Then HRC got drowned out by campaign experts, Bill, and media’s obsession with everything Bill.
So listen to her voice:
“For too long, the history of women has been a history of silence. Even today, there are those who are trying to silence our words.
“It is a violation of human rights when babies are denied food, or drowned, or suffocated, or their spines broken, simply because they are born girls. It is a violation of human rights when woman and girls are sold into the slavery of prostitution. It is a violation of human rights when women are doused with gasoline, set on fire and burned to death because their marriage dowries are deemed too small. It is a violation of human rights when individual women are raped in their own communities and when thousands of women are subjected to rape as a tactic or prize of war. It is a violation of human rights when a leading cause of death worldwide along women ages 14 to 44 is the violence they are subjected to in their own homes. It is a violation of human rights when women are denied the right to plan their own families, and that includes being forced to have abortions or being sterilized against their will.
“Women’s rights are human rights. Among those rights are the right to speak freely—and the right to be heard.”
That was Hillary Rodham Clinton defying the U.S. State Department and the Chinese Government at the 1995 UN World Conference on Women in Beijing (look here for the full, stunning speech).
And this voice, age 21, in “Commencement Remarks of Hillary D. Rodham, President of Wellesley College Government Association, Class of 1969.”
“We are, all of us, exploring a world none of us understands. . . . searching for a more immediate, ecstatic, and penetrating mode of living. . . . [for the] integrity, the courage to be whole, living in relation to one another in the full poetry of existence. The struggle for an integrated life existing in an atmosphere of communal trust and respect is one with desperately important political and social consequences. . . . Fear is always with us, but we just don't have time for it.”
She ended with the commitment “to practice, with all the skill of our being: the art of making possible.”
And for decades, she’s been learning how.
So goodbye to Hillary’s second-guessing herself. The real question is deeper than her re-finding her voice. Can we women find ours? Can we do this for ourselves?
“Our President, Ourselves!”
Time is short and the contest tightening. We need to rise in furious energy—as we did when Anita Hill was so vilely treated in the U.S. Senate, as we did when Rosie Jiminez was butchered by an illegal abortion, as we did and do for women globally who are condemned for trying to break through. We need to win, this time. Goodbye to supporting HRC tepidly, with ambivalent caveats and apologetic smiles. Time to volunteer, make phone calls, send emails, donate money, argue, rally, march, shout, vote.
Me? I support Hillary Rodham because she’s the best qualified of all candidates running in both parties. I support her because her progressive politics are as strong as her proven ability to withstand what will be a massive right-wing assault in the general election. I support her because she knows how to get us out of Iraq. I support her because she’s refreshingly thoughtful, and I’m bloodied from eight years of a jolly “uniter” with ejaculatory politics. I needn’t agree with her on every point. I agree with the 97 percent of her positions that are identical with Obama’s—and the few where hers are both more practical and to the left of his (like health care). I support her because she’s already smashed the first-lady stereotype and made history as a fine senator, because I believe she will continue to make history not only as the first US woman president, but as a great US president.
As for the “woman thing”?
Me, I’m voting for Hillary not because she’s a woman—but because I am.
###

Sunday, February 24, 2008

SEX AND THE NEW LATINA


As part of our culture and traditions, Latinas are not supposed to be sexual. We are supposed to be nurturers, gatherers, cooks, nurses, psychologists, healers, personal assistants, coaches, cheffeurs, door mats, dumpsters, "aguantadoras", martyrs, and vivid reflections of the virtues of the Virgin Mary (who, according to the Bible, conceived without sex, and we are all supposed to do just that!). Sex is not in our anatomy, in our genetic package, in our minds, in our wishes or desires, according to the Old Latina Dogma. "Good" Latinas do not think about sex, do not want sex, do not initiate sex, do not enjoy sex...they just do it to please their husbands or their mothers and mothers-in-law when they want them to give them grandchildren. Somehow, though, mothers and fathers do not think about the process their daughters got involved in order to conceive; the notion of even attempting to imagine their virtuous little daughters involved in sweaty, dirty, passionate intercourse with a man is....eeky!


In the Hispanic culture, a no sex-talk policy means daughters are NOT having sex...How, then, are statistics of Latina teen pregnancies explained? How do young Latinas, who hold the throne in the statistics about teen pregnancy, get pregnant when their parents (or nobody else around them) are not talking to them about sex?


For some reason, the sex talk is difficult, unnatural, sinful, forbidden for most Hispanic parents. Parents do not talk to young Latinos about sex either. They just give them permission to have sex since they are born!


Since very early in our lives, Latinas are dogmatized to "surgically remove" sex from our vocabulary, our brains, and from between our legs. I know a lot of women, well into their 30s, 40s, 50s, and beyond, who still cannot say the S word without whispering it and looking around to see who might have heard them. Shame, guilt, regret are feelings associated with even coming close to the S word or the S act.


Latinas need to change. Sex was given to us as part of our package. It is not dirty, it is not a sin, it is not something that is performed and enjoyed as a right to the "just for men" club. Sex is for all of us to enjoy, with education, knowledge, responsibility, respect, openness, and fun. As George Michael says in his song I Want Your Sex: Sex is natural, sex is fun! The New Latina has the right to fully enjoy a fulfilling sex life, just like men.

Friday, February 08, 2008

WOMEN AND MEN

Understanding he and she...many have tried, it is not an easy task, but here is one interesting approach...

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

A CADA DIA SU PROPIO AFAN


Este mensaje llegó a mi correo electrónico hoy. Me lo envió mi amiga Glomarie. No sé quién lo originó o a quién darle crédito de autoría. Lo publico, con el respeto de quien concibió estas ideas, por la sabiduría que encierran. A cada día su afán...


"Concentra tus energías para que hagas frente al desafío de cada momento. El único tiempo que puedes vivir es el presente. Vívelo a plenitud, amando de manera comprometida lo que haces y a quien eres, a quienes sirves y a quienes te sirven, a quienes te aman y a quienes te odian. No eches a perder, con resentimientos, el día de hoy. Vive y disfruta del placer de cada segundo, de cada minuto, de cada hora, amando, sirviendo y compartiendo".


Thursday, January 24, 2008

The Wage Gap Between Men and Women: Explaining the Unexplainable


The topic of the wage gap between men and women in the workplace is one with no easy explanation, maybe in part because the roots of this reality are rooted in the patriarchal societies we have all been raised in. Awareness is always the beginning of the path to enlightment. Lets all be aware and create favorable changes towards equality...


Wage Gap Between Men and Women: Explaining the Unexplainable



1. Women are perceived as unqualified to handle financial work.
2. There is the perception among men that women are not strong leaders.
3. There is a myth that women allow their emotions to influence administrative decisions.
4. Women and minorities are disproportionately represented in upper leadership positions.
5. Women and minorities are still concentrated in lower managerial positions in corporations.
6. Upper management is still dominated by white males.
6. Discrimination, racism, exclusion, prejudice, stereotyping, and bias in the workplace are existent realities.
7. Organizational culture is still built with white male constructs.
8. Women are still responsible for housework, which prevents them from interaction beyond work schedules, which creates segregation and discrimination for further promotion.
9. Women are not trusted and are not given as many opportunities as men for more demanding jobs, which could advance their careers, due to prejudice towards the capability of women to commit to the organization.
10. Organizations are constructed around the male norm which makes women not to see themselves as equal to men and men not to see themselves as equal to women, and women to have to work harder to prove themselves and act more like men to fit in.
11. Men exert power through economic, educational, judicial, and political control.
12. Women of color face double form of discrimination in the labor market due to their gender and ethnicity, and racial characteristics such as skin color reduce earning potential and attainment.
13. Hispanics are more likely to anticipate both gender and ethnic discrimination in the workplace.
14. Wage secrecy: wage data is kept secret so women and minorities can be underpaid without knowing it.
15. Women often undervalue themselves when negotiating salary, which labels them as underachievers and perpetuates wage discrepancies.
16. Retaliation from companies toward women who sue for wage discrimination.
17. Due to lower incomes, women tend to be them ones who stop their careers to stay home with the family.
18. Women-dominated jobs are not valued the same as men-dominated ones, paying 20% less on average.
19. Denial-companies do not want to admit discrimination.
20. Employers discriminate against women in childbearing age.
21. Women have fewer years of experience, work fewer hours per year, are less likely to work full-time, and leave the workforce for longer periods of time than men.

Friday, January 18, 2008

15 AÑOS Y UN FUTURO


En nuestra tradición hispana, una de las cumbres en la vida de una mujer es la llegada de su cumpleaños número 15. No sé cómo comenzó esta tradición y hasta ahora no se me había ocurrido explorar su origen y procedencia. Sin embargo, me parece interesante, por falta de otra palabra más adecuada en mi limitado léxico, cómo se defiende esa tradición contra viento y marea. La fiesta de quinceañera es vista como el regalo más importante que se le da a las jóvenes durante su vida (antes de su boda). En Latinoamérica deben existir variadas costumbres sobre cómo llevar a cabo este ritual de los 15 años. En Puerto Rico, los padres de la niña, la futura quinceañera, deberán costear todos los gastos relacionados con la fiesta de quince años para su hija. Esto representa una suma de dinero considerable, muchas veces docenas de miles de dólares. Los padres comienzan a ahorrar para este evento mucho antes de su llegada, o asumen deudas en instituciones prestatarias para poder incurrir en el gran gasto llegado el momento.

No importa la condición económica para que las familias quieran hacerle su fiesta de quinceañera a la niña. Pobres y ricos se envuelven en esta práctica, los pobres haciendo el “sacrificio” para “darle” la fiesta de quinceañera a su preciada hija. Me parece irónico que los menos pudientes hagan el llamado “sacrificio” para pagarle una fiesta de quince años digna de una princesa a su hija, pero luego en dos o tres años, cuando se acerca la fecha en que su hija se gradúa de escuela superior, los padres aleguen que no tienen dinero para enviar a su hija a la universidad. Me parece insólito que no se promueva el ahorro para financiar una educación post secundaria para la niña, pero se haga el “sacrificio” de pagar miles de dólares en una fiesta para unas horas.

La educación es un activo que no deprecia y le añade valor en todas las dimensiones a una persona. Una fiesta es un evento efímero, y su gratificación se acaba tan pronto acaba el evento. Irónico también es el hecho de que, en unos años, la joven mirará sus fotos de su fiesta de quince años y odiará su traje, su pareja, los trajes de las damas de su séquito, el traje que usó su mamá, su peinado, maquillaje, accesorios y zapatos. Es muy difícil que al cabo de los años la joven reniegue de la educación universitaria que recibió.

El futuro de una joven es más importante que una fiesta. No estoy en contra de la tradición. Me parece hermosa. Si la familia tiene las finanzas para costear el quinceañero y la universidad de la chica, adelante con ambos. Si la familia debe escoger entre un quinceañero y la educación superior para su hija, deben ganar su educación y su futuro.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

2008


Happy 2008!

Hard to believe, but we have come to see a new year coming our way. Holidays are once again behind us and forgotten, and the new year is fastly going. Slowly people are leaving behind new year’s resolutions to make way to the reality of everyday life. Happy 2008! May countless blessings come your way and do not cease.

¡Feliz 2008!

¡Increíble pero cierto! Otro año nos ha llegado. Las fiestas navideñas ya quedaron atrás en el olvido y el nuevo año está pasando con rapidez. Lentamente la gente deja atrás sus resoluciones de año nuevo para darle paso a la realidad de la vida. ¡Feliz 2008! Que incontables bendiciones vengan y no cesen.