GOODBYES

Goodbye To All That (#2) by Robin Morgan
February 2, 2008
Goodbye To All That” was my (in)famous 1970 essay breaking free from a politics of accommodation especially affecting women (for an online version, see http://blog.fair-use.org/category/chicago/).
During my decades in civil-rights, anti-war, and contemporary women’s movements, I’ve avoided writing another specific “Goodbye . . .” But not since the suffrage struggle have two communities—joint conscience-keepers of this country—been so set in competition, as the contest between Hillary Rodham Clinton (HRC) and Barack Obama (BO) unfurls. So.
Goodbye to the double standard . . .
—Hillary is too ballsy but too womanly, a Snow Maiden who’s emotional, and so much a politician as to be unfit for politics.
—She’s “ambitious” but he shows “fire in the belly.” (Ever had labor pains?)—When a sexist idiot screamed “Iron my shirt!” at HRC, it was considered amusing; if a racist idiot shouted “Shine my shoes!” at BO, it would’ve inspired hours of airtime and pages of newsprint analyzing our national dishonor.
—Young political Kennedys—Kathleen, Kerry, and Bobby Jr.—all endorsed Hillary. Senator Ted, age 76, endorsed Obama. If the situation were reversed, pundits would snort “See? Ted and establishment types back her, but the forward-looking generation backs him.” (Personally, I’m unimpressed with Caroline’s longing for the Return of the Fathers. Unlike the rest of the world, Americans have short memories. Me, I still recall Marilyn Monroe’s suicide, and a dead girl named Mary Jo Kopechne in Chappaquiddick.)
Goodbye to the toxic viciousness . . .
Carl Bernstein's disgust at Hillary’s “thick ankles.” Nixon-trickster Roger Stone’s new Hillary-hating 527 group, “Citizens United Not Timid” (check the capital letters). John McCain answering “How do we beat the bitch?" with “Excellent question!” Would he have dared reply similarly to “How do we beat the black bastard?” For shame.
Goodbye to the HRC nutcracker with metal spikes between splayed thighs. If it was a tap-dancing blackface doll, we would be righteously outraged—and they would not be selling it in airports. Shame.
Goodbye to the most intimately violent T-shirts in election history, including one with the murderous slogan “If Only Hillary had married O.J. Instead!” Shame.
Goodbye to Comedy Central’s “Southpark” featuring a storyline in which terrorists secrete a bomb in HRC’s vagina. I refuse to wrench my brain down into the gutter far enough to find a race-based comparison. For shame.
Goodbye to the sick, malicious idea that this is funny. This is not “Clinton hating,” not “Hillary hating.” This is sociopathic woman-hating. If it were about Jews, we would recognize it instantly as anti-Semitic propaganda; if about race, as KKK poison. Hell, PETA would go ballistic if such vomitous spew were directed at animals. Where is our sense of outrage—as citizens, voters, Americans?
Goodbye to the news-coverage target-practice . . .
The women’s movement and Media Matters wrung an apology from MSNBC’s Chris Matthews for relentless misogynistic comments (www.womensmediacenter.com). But what about NBC’s Tim Russert’s continual sexist asides and his all-white-male panels pontificating on race and gender? Or CNN’s Tony Harris chuckling at “the chromosome thing” while interviewing a woman from The White House Project? And that’s not even mentioning Fox News.
Goodbye to pretending the black community is entirely male and all women are white . . .
Surprise! Women exist in all opinions, pigmentations, ethnicities, abilities, sexual preferences, and ages—not only African American and European American but Latina and Native American, Asian American and Pacific Islanders, Arab American and—hey, every group, because a group wouldn’t exist if we hadn’t given birth to it. A few non-racist countries may exist—but sexism is everywhere. No matter how many ways a woman breaks free from other discriminations, she remains a female human being in a world still so patriarchal that it’s the “norm.”
So why should all women not be as justly proud of our womanhood and the centuries, even millennia, of struggle that got us this far, as black Americans, women and men, are justly proud of their struggles?
Goodbye to a campaign where he has to pass as white (which whites—especially wealthy ones—adore), while she has to pass as male (which both men and women demanded of her, and then found unforgivable). If she were blackor he were female we wouldn’t be having such problems, and I for one would be in heaven. But at present such a candidate wouldn’t stand a chance—even if she shared Condi Rice’s Bush-defending politics.
I was celebrating the pivotal power at last focused on African American women deciding on which of two candidates to bestow their vote—until a number of Hillary-supporting black feminists told me they’re being called “race traitors.”
So goodbye to conversations about this nation’s deepest scar—slavery—which fail to acknowledge that labor- and sexual-slavery exist today in the U.S. and elsewhere on this planet, and the majority of those enslaved are women.
Women have endured sex/race/ethnic/religious hatred, rape and battery, invasion of spirit and flesh, forced pregnancy; being the majority of the poor, the illiterate, the disabled, of refugees, caregivers, the HIV/AIDS afflicted, the powerless. We have survived invisibility, ridicule, religious fundamentalisms, polygamy, teargas, forced feedings, jails, asylums, sati, purdah, female genital mutilation, witch burnings, stonings, and attempted gynocides. We have tried reason, persuasion, reassurances, and being extra-qualified, only to learn it never was about qualifications after all. We know that at this historical moment women experience the world differently from men—though not all the same as one another—and can govern differently, from Elizabeth Tudor to Michele Bachelet and Ellen Johnson Sirleaf.
We remember when Shirley Chisholm and Patricia Schroeder ran for this high office and barely got past the gate—they showed too much passion, raised too little cash, were joke fodder. Goodbye to all that. (And goodbye to some feminists so famished for a female president they were even willing to abandon women’s rights in backing Elizabeth Dole.)
Goodbye, goodbye to . . .
—blaming anything Bill Clinton does on Hillary (even including his womanizing like the Kennedy guys—though unlike them, he got reported on). Let’s get real. If he hadn’t campaigned strongly for her everyone would cluck over what that meant. Enough of Bill and Teddy Kennedy locking their alpha male horns while Hillary pays for it.
—an era when parts of the populace feel so disaffected by politics that a comparative lack of knowledge, experience, and skill is actually seen as attractive, when celebrity-culture mania now infects our elections so that it’s “cooler” to glow with marquee charisma than to understand the vast global complexities of power on a nuclear, wounded planet.
—the notion that it’s fun to elect a handsome, cocky president who feels he can learn on the job, goodbye to George W. Bush and the destruction brought by his inexperience, ignorance, and arrogance. Goodbye to the accusation that HRC acts “entitled” when she’s worked intensely at everything she’s done—including being a nose-to-the-grindstone, first-rate senator from my state.
Goodbye to her being exploited as a Rorschach test by women who reduce her to a blank screen on which they project their own fears, failures, fantasies.
Goodbye to the phrase “polarizing figure” to describe someone who embodies the transitions women have made in the last century and are poised to make in this one. It was the women’s movement that quipped, “We are becoming the men we wanted to marry.” She heard us, and she has.
Goodbye to some women letting history pass by while wringing their hands, because Hillary isn’t as “likeable” as they’ve been warned they must be, or because she didn’t leave him, couldn’t “control” him, kept her family together and raised a smart, sane daughter. (Think of the blame if Chelsea had ever acted in the alcoholic, neurotic manner of the Bush twins!) Goodbye to some women pouting because she didn’t bake cookies or she did, sniping because she learned the rules and then bent or broke them. Grow the hell up. She is not running for Ms.-perfect-pure-queen-icon of the feminist movement. She’s running to be president of the United States.
Goodbye to the shocking American ignorance of our own and other countries’ history. Margaret Thatcher and Golda Meir rose through party ranks and war, positioning themselves as proto-male leaders. Almost all other female heads of government so far have been related to men of power—granddaughters, daughters, sisters, wives, widows: Gandhi, Bandaranike, Bhutto, Aquino, Chamorro, Wazed, Macapagal-Arroyo, Johnson Sirleaf, Bachelet, Kirchner, and more. Even in our “land of opportunity,” it’s mostly the first pathway “in” permitted to women: Representatives Doris Matsui and Mary Bono and Sala Burton; Senator Jean Carnahan . . . far too many to list here.
Goodbye to a misrepresented generational divide . . .
Goodbye to the so-called spontaneous “Obama Girl” flaunting her bikini-clad ass online—then confessing Oh yeah it wasn’t her idea after all, some guys got her to do it and dictated the clothes, which she said “made me feel like a dork.”
Goodbye to some young women eager to win male approval by showing they’re not feminists (at least not the kind who actually threaten thestatus quo), who can’t identify with a woman candidate because she is unafraid of eeueweeeu yucky power, who fear their boyfriends might look at them funny if they say something good about her. Goodbye to women of any age again feeling unworthy, sulking “what if she’s not electable?” or “maybe it’s post-feminism and whoooosh we’re already free.” Let a statement by the magnificent Harriet Tubman stand as reply. When asked how she managed to save hundreds of enslaved African Americans via the Underground Railroad during the Civil War, she replied bitterly, “I could have saved thousands—if only I’d been able to convince them they were slaves.”
I’d rather say a joyful Hello to all the glorious young women who do identifywith Hillary, and all the brave, smart men—of all ethnicities and any age—who get that it’s in their self-interest, too. She’s better qualified. (D’uh.) She’s a high-profile candidate with an enormous grasp of foreign- and domestic-policy nuance, dedication to detail, ability to absorb staggering insult and personal pain while retaining dignity, resolve, even humor, and keep on keeping on. (Also, yes, dammit, let’s hear it for her connections and funding and party-building background, too. Obama was awfully glad about those when she raised dough and campaigned for him to get to the Senate in the first place.)
I’d rather look forward to what a good president he might make in eight years, when his vision and spirit are seasoned by practical know-how—and he’ll be all of 54. Meanwhile, goodbye to turning him into a shining knight when actually he’s an astute, smooth pol with speechwriters who’ve worked with the Kennedys’ own speechwriter-courtier Ted Sorenson. If it’s only about ringing rhetoric, let speechwriters run. But isn’t it about getting the policies we want enacted?
And goodbye to the ageism . . .
How dare anyone unilaterally decide when to turn the page on history, papering over real inequities and suffering constituencies in the promise of a feel-good campaign? How dare anyone claim to unify while dividing, or think that to rouse U.S. youth from torpor it’s useful to triage the single largest demographic in this country’s history: the boomer generation—the majority of which is female?
Old woman are the one group that doesn’t grow more conservative with age—and we are the generation of radicals who said “Well-behaved women seldom make history.” Goodbye to going gently into any goodnight any man prescribes for us. We are the women who changed the reality of the United States. And though we never went away, brace yourselves: we’re back!
We are the women who brought this country equal credit, better pay, affirmative action, the concept of a family-focused workplace; the women who established rape-crisis centers and battery shelters, marital-rape and date-rape laws; the women who defended lesbian custody rights, who fought for prison reform, founded the peace and environmental movements; who insisted that medical research include female anatomy; who inspired men to become more nurturing parents; who created women’s studies and Title IX so we all could cheer the WNBA stars and Mia Hamm. We are the women who reclaimed sexuality from violent pornography, who put childcare on the national agenda, who transformed demographics, artistic expression, language itself. We are the women who forged a worldwide movement. We are the proud successors of women who, though it took more than 50 years, won us the vote.
We are the women who now comprise the majority of U.S. voters.
Hillary said she found her own voice in New Hampshire. There’s not a woman alive who, if she’s honest, doesn’t recognize what she means. Then HRC got drowned out by campaign experts, Bill, and media’s obsession with everything Bill.
So listen to her voice:
“For too long, the history of women has been a history of silence. Even today, there are those who are trying to silence our words.
“It is a violation of human rights when babies are denied food, or drowned, or suffocated, or their spines broken, simply because they are born girls. It is a violation of human rights when woman and girls are sold into the slavery of prostitution. It is a violation of human rights when women are doused with gasoline, set on fire and burned to death because their marriage dowries are deemed too small. It is a violation of human rights when individual women are raped in their own communities and when thousands of women are subjected to rape as a tactic or prize of war. It is a violation of human rights when a leading cause of death worldwide along women ages 14 to 44 is the violence they are subjected to in their own homes. It is a violation of human rights when women are denied the right to plan their own families, and that includes being forced to have abortions or being sterilized against their will.
“Women’s rights are human rights. Among those rights are the right to speak freely—and the right to be heard.”
That was Hillary Rodham Clinton defying the U.S. State Department and the Chinese Government at the 1995 UN World Conference on Women in Beijing (look here for the full, stunning speech).
And this voice, age 21, in “Commencement Remarks of Hillary D. Rodham, President of Wellesley College Government Association, Class of 1969.”
“We are, all of us, exploring a world none of us understands. . . . searching for a more immediate, ecstatic, and penetrating mode of living. . . . [for the] integrity, the courage to be whole, living in relation to one another in the full poetry of existence. The struggle for an integrated life existing in an atmosphere of communal trust and respect is one with desperately important political and social consequences. . . . Fear is always with us, but we just don't have time for it.”
She ended with the commitment “to practice, with all the skill of our being: the art of making possible.”
And for decades, she’s been learning how.
So goodbye to Hillary’s second-guessing herself. The real question is deeper than her re-finding her voice. Can we women find ours? Can we do this for ourselves?
“Our President, Ourselves!”
Time is short and the contest tightening. We need to rise in furious energy—as we did when Anita Hill was so vilely treated in the U.S. Senate, as we did when Rosie Jiminez was butchered by an illegal abortion, as we did and do for women globally who are condemned for trying to break through. We need to win, this time. Goodbye to supporting HRC tepidly, with ambivalent caveats and apologetic smiles. Time to volunteer, make phone calls, send emails, donate money, argue, rally, march, shout, vote.
Me? I support Hillary Rodham because she’s the best qualified of all candidates running in both parties. I support her because her progressive politics are as strong as her proven ability to withstand what will be a massive right-wing assault in the general election. I support her because she knows how to get us out of Iraq. I support her because she’s refreshingly thoughtful, and I’m bloodied from eight years of a jolly “uniter” with ejaculatory politics. I needn’t agree with her on every point. I agree with the 97 percent of her positions that are identical with Obama’s—and the few where hers are both more practical and to the left of his (like health care). I support her because she’s already smashed the first-lady stereotype and made history as a fine senator, because I believe she will continue to make history not only as the first US woman president, but as a great US president.
As for the “woman thing”?
Me, I’m voting for Hillary not because she’s a woman—but because I am.
###

SEX AND THE NEW LATINA

As part of our culture and traditions, Latinas are not supposed to be sexual. We are supposed to be nurturers, gatherers, cooks, nurses, psychologists, healers, personal assistants, coaches, cheffeurs, door mats, dumpsters, "aguantadoras", martyrs, and vivid reflections of the virtues of the Virgin Mary (who, according to the Bible, conceived without sex, and we are all supposed to do just that!). Sex is not in our anatomy, in our genetic package, in our minds, in our wishes or desires, according to the Old Latina Dogma. "Good" Latinas do not think about sex, do not want sex, do not initiate sex, do not enjoy sex...they just do it to please their husbands or their mothers and mothers-in-law when they want them to give them grandchildren. Somehow, though, mothers and fathers do not think about the process their daughters got involved in order to conceive; the notion of even attempting to imagine their virtuous little daughters involved in sweaty, dirty, passionate intercourse with a man is....eeky!

In the Hispanic culture, a no sex-talk policy means daughters are NOT having sex...How, then, are statistics of Latina teen pregnancies explained? How do young Latinas, who hold the throne in the statistics about teen pregnancy, get pregnant when their parents (or nobody else around them) are not talking to them about sex?

For some reason, the sex talk is difficult, unnatural, sinful, forbidden for most Hispanic parents. Parents do not talk to young Latinos about sex either. They just give them permission to have sex since they are born!

Since very early in our lives, Latinas are dogmatized to "surgically remove" sex from our vocabulary, our brains, and from between our legs. I know a lot of women, well into their 30s, 40s, 50s, and beyond, who still cannot say the S word without whispering it and looking around to see who might have heard them. Shame, guilt, regret are feelings associated with even coming close to the S word or the S act.

Latinas need to change. Sex was given to us as part of our package. It is not dirty, it is not a sin, it is not something that is performed and enjoyed as a right to the "just for men" club. Sex is for all of us to enjoy, with education, knowledge, responsibility, respect, openness, and fun. As George Michael says in his song I Want Your Sex: Sex is natural, sex is fun! The New Latina has the right to fully enjoy a fulfilling sex life, just like men.

WOMEN AND MEN

Understanding he and she...many have tried, it is not an easy task, but here is one interesting approach...

A CADA DIA SU PROPIO AFAN

Este mensaje llegó a mi correo electrónico hoy. Me lo envió mi amiga Glomarie. No sé quién lo originó o a quién darle crédito de autoría. Lo publico, con el respeto de quien concibió estas ideas, por la sabiduría que encierran. A cada día su afán...

"Concentra tus energías para que hagas frente al desafío de cada momento. El único tiempo que puedes vivir es el presente. Vívelo a plenitud, amando de manera comprometida lo que haces y a quien eres, a quienes sirves y a quienes te sirven, a quienes te aman y a quienes te odian. No eches a perder, con resentimientos, el día de hoy. Vive y disfruta del placer de cada segundo, de cada minuto, de cada hora, amando, sirviendo y compartiendo".

The Wage Gap Between Men and Women: Explaining the Unexplainable

The topic of the wage gap between men and women in the workplace is one with no easy explanation, maybe in part because the roots of this reality are rooted in the patriarchal societies we have all been raised in. Awareness is always the beginning of the path to enlightment. Lets all be aware and create favorable changes towards equality...

Wage Gap Between Men and Women: Explaining the Unexplainable

1. Women are perceived as unqualified to handle financial work.
2. There is the perception among men that women are not strong leaders.
3. There is a myth that women allow their emotions to influence administrative decisions.
4. Women and minorities are disproportionately represented in upper leadership positions.
5. Women and minorities are still concentrated in lower managerial positions in corporations.
6. Upper management is still dominated by white males.
6. Discrimination, racism, exclusion, prejudice, stereotyping, and bias in the workplace are existent realities.
7. Organizational culture is still built with white male constructs.
8. Women are still responsible for housework, which prevents them from interaction beyond work schedules, which creates segregation and discrimination for further promotion.
9. Women are not trusted and are not given as many opportunities as men for more demanding jobs, which could advance their careers, due to prejudice towards the capability of women to commit to the organization.
10. Organizations are constructed around the male norm which makes women not to see themselves as equal to men and men not to see themselves as equal to women, and women to have to work harder to prove themselves and act more like men to fit in.
11. Men exert power through economic, educational, judicial, and political control.
12. Women of color face double form of discrimination in the labor market due to their gender and ethnicity, and racial characteristics such as skin color reduce earning potential and attainment.
13. Hispanics are more likely to anticipate both gender and ethnic discrimination in the workplace.
14. Wage secrecy: wage data is kept secret so women and minorities can be underpaid without knowing it.
15. Women often undervalue themselves when negotiating salary, which labels them as underachievers and perpetuates wage discrepancies.
16. Retaliation from companies toward women who sue for wage discrimination.
17. Due to lower incomes, women tend to be them ones who stop their careers to stay home with the family.
18. Women-dominated jobs are not valued the same as men-dominated ones, paying 20% less on average.
19. Denial-companies do not want to admit discrimination.
20. Employers discriminate against women in childbearing age.
21. Women have fewer years of experience, work fewer hours per year, are less likely to work full-time, and leave the workforce for longer periods of time than men.

15 AÑOS Y UN FUTURO

En nuestra tradición hispana, una de las cumbres en la vida de una mujer es la llegada de su cumpleaños número 15. No sé cómo comenzó esta tradición y hasta ahora no se me había ocurrido explorar su origen y procedencia. Sin embargo, me parece interesante, por falta de otra palabra más adecuada en mi limitado léxico, cómo se defiende esa tradición contra viento y marea. La fiesta de quinceañera es vista como el regalo más importante que se le da a las jóvenes durante su vida (antes de su boda). En Latinoamérica deben existir variadas costumbres sobre cómo llevar a cabo este ritual de los 15 años. En Puerto Rico, los padres de la niña, la futura quinceañera, deberán costear todos los gastos relacionados con la fiesta de quince años para su hija. Esto representa una suma de dinero considerable, muchas veces docenas de miles de dólares. Los padres comienzan a ahorrar para este evento mucho antes de su llegada, o asumen deudas en instituciones prestatarias para poder incurrir en el gran gasto llegado el momento.

No importa la condición económica para que las familias quieran hacerle su fiesta de quinceañera a la niña. Pobres y ricos se envuelven en esta práctica, los pobres haciendo el “sacrificio” para “darle” la fiesta de quinceañera a su preciada hija. Me parece irónico que los menos pudientes hagan el llamado “sacrificio” para pagarle una fiesta de quince años digna de una princesa a su hija, pero luego en dos o tres años, cuando se acerca la fecha en que su hija se gradúa de escuela superior, los padres aleguen que no tienen dinero para enviar a su hija a la universidad. Me parece insólito que no se promueva el ahorro para financiar una educación post secundaria para la niña, pero se haga el “sacrificio” de pagar miles de dólares en una fiesta para unas horas.

La educación es un activo que no deprecia y le añade valor en todas las dimensiones a una persona. Una fiesta es un evento efímero, y su gratificación se acaba tan pronto acaba el evento. Irónico también es el hecho de que, en unos años, la joven mirará sus fotos de su fiesta de quince años y odiará su traje, su pareja, los trajes de las damas de su séquito, el traje que usó su mamá, su peinado, maquillaje, accesorios y zapatos. Es muy difícil que al cabo de los años la joven reniegue de la educación universitaria que recibió.

El futuro de una joven es más importante que una fiesta. No estoy en contra de la tradición. Me parece hermosa. Si la familia tiene las finanzas para costear el quinceañero y la universidad de la chica, adelante con ambos. Si la familia debe escoger entre un quinceañero y la educación superior para su hija, deben ganar su educación y su futuro.

2008

Happy 2008!

Hard to believe, but we have come to see a new year coming our way. Holidays are once again behind us and forgotten, and the new year is fastly going. Slowly people are leaving behind new year’s resolutions to make way to the reality of everyday life. Happy 2008! May countless blessings come your way and do not cease.

¡Feliz 2008!

¡Increíble pero cierto! Otro año nos ha llegado. Las fiestas navideñas ya quedaron atrás en el olvido y el nuevo año está pasando con rapidez. Lentamente la gente deja atrás sus resoluciones de año nuevo para darle paso a la realidad de la vida. ¡Feliz 2008! Que incontables bendiciones vengan y no cesen.

PENIS VS VAGINA

“Girls’ sexuality is only seen as a negation of the boy (Frithiof, 1985). Much of boys’ sexual identification is linked to the fact that they have a penis; parents often express appreciation when a boy displays his penis, which gives the boy the opinion that he has a valuable body part (Chodorow, 1988). When girls are seen to touch their sexual organs, however, reactions are often more negative. These differing values we carry with us on what is suitable or unsuitable behavior for boys and girls are passed on to the child right from birth as conscious or unconscious aspects of the conceptual world of their mothers and fathers, and later from other adults and surrounding society. Turner and Gervai (1995), claim that gender is one of the first and probably most obvious characteristics children learn in categorizing other people. Therefore, gender is also crucial to the development of self esteem and sexual identity”.

Abstract from Sexual Abuse of Children. Child Sexuality and Sexual Behavior by Ing Beth Larson, Dept. of Health and Environment, Division of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, Linköping University.

LIFE CIRCUMSTANCES/ CIRCUNSTANCIAS DE LA VIDA

"People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, make them." George Bernard Shaw.

"La gente siempre está culpando sus circunstancias por lo que son. Yo no creo en circunstancias. La gente que triunfa en este mundo es la gente que se levanta y busca las circunstancias que quieren, y cuando no las pueden encontrar, las hacen." George Bernard Shaw.

ROMPEOLAS

ROMPEOLAS

Voy a hacer un rompeolas

con mi alegría pequeña...

No quiero que sepa el mar,

que por mi pecho van penas.

No quiero que toque el mar

la orilla acá de mi tierra...

Se me acabaron los sueños,

locos de sombra en la arena.

No quiero que mire el mar

luto de azul en mi senda...

(¡Eran auroras mis párpados,

cuando cruzó la tormenta!)

No quiero que llore el mar

nuevo aguacero en mi puerta...

Todos los ojos del viento

ya me lloraron por muerta.

Voy a hacer un rompeolas

con mi alegría pequeña,

leve alegría de saberme

mía la mano que cierra.

No quiero que llegue el mar

hasta la sed de mi poema,

ciega en mitad de una lumbre,

rota en mitad de una ausencia.

Julia de Burgos

LEARNING IS POWER, EDUCATION IS KEY

To be aware is to have open eyes to the world. When one lives in the dark, one cannot see. When there is light, one can see forward, see the path ahead, see the ground one steps on. To live in the dark is to live out of the reach of fortune. That is like to be uneducated.

You have heard me say more than once “do not sacrifice the present for the future”. Sometimes our life circumstances are so overwhelming that recurring to a quick fix seems like the right solution for our misfortunes. Thinking like that is like having an ailment and taking medicine to ease the pain instead of targeting the cause of the illness in order to live pain free and healthy for the rest of your life. Denying the future by attempting to only worry about the present poses serious risks to your quality of life for the rest of your life.

When you don’t know about an opportunity you cannot take advantage of it. However, once you know you can take action and grasp that opportunity to make the most out of it, for you and others. When you don’t know any better it’s very hard to change your circumstances. But when you learn, options unveil in front of you and all of a sudden you have options. The best way to stay connected, engaged, aware, awake, present, and in an advantage position is to through education.

All forms of education are good, and formal and informal education are great ways to make you a better individual. When you learn you can see and do things differently, change, evolve, grow. Education is the key that opens doors to endless possibilities and a better life. Hold the key that has been offered to you and open as many doors as you dare dreaming of. When you hold the key nobody can take it away from you. Open wide the doors to your future.

NO ES DE DONDE SE VIENE/IT IS NOT WHERE WE COME FROM

NO ES DE DONDE SE VIENE, SI NO HACIA DONDE SE VA...

(Scroll down for message in English)

El pasado muchas veces nos tortura como un verdugo, recordándonos hechos, sensaciones, emociones, eventos, lugares, trayendo a la vida temores, miedos, y lo más oscuro de nuestro ser. Cargamos con nuestro pasado de muchas formas, en nuestros hombros, en nuestro pecho, en nuestra psiquis, en nuestro corazón, en nuestras acciones diarias y esporádicas, en nuestros sueños y la reflexión de nuestra imagen en el espejo. Nuestro pasado es parte de nosotros como huella indeleble, perpetuo, imposible de cambiar. Esta aquí para recordarnos de dónde venimos, pero no tiene que dictarnos hacia dónde vamos.

Mi madre biológica fue madre en su adolescencia temprana. La primera esposa de mi padre me torturó y abusó brutalmente físicamente. Crecí en condiciones de extrema pobreza y fui criada por personas de baja escolaridad. Durante toda mi vida fui perseguida por mensajes derrotistas y negativos que provenían de todos los ángulos y frentes. Sin embargo, en un momento me di cuenta de que yo tenía el poder de aprender del pasado pero dejarlo atrás para construir el futuro de mi preferencia. No es de dónde se viene, sino hacia donde se va lo que cuenta…

Hoy es el primer día del resto de tu vida. No lo vivas en el pasado. Tienes la capacidad de decidir tu futuro, desde hoy. Tu nacimiento y tu vida temprana no estuvieron en tu control. Hoy decide comenzar a edificar la vida que ambicionas y atrévete a ser feliz.
It is not where you come from, it’s where you are going what matters…Make today the first day of the rest of your life.

EXPECTATIONS

Expectations are a normal human process. Whether we want to have them or not, whether we want to form them or not, whether we want to admit we have them or not, expectations are a normal result of being aware. When we know, we construct expectations based on that knowledge. When we assume, we construct expectations based on those assumptions. When we build relationships, we construct expectations based on the feelings we develop from those relationships.

Expectations come from within us and are geared toward others and our own selves. Everybody around us forms expectations for us. Expectations come from our family, friends, coworkers, and even people who do not know us personally. Personal expectations help us build the paths we walk on to fulfill our goals, dreams, and aspirations, but sometimes, those same expectations can put too much pressure to our own identity. We have expectations from all fronts and sorts, and often times it is easy to ride on the wave to fulfill everybody else’s expectations, neglecting our own. Many times, expectations are unfair or simply unrelated to our nature or reality, and those kinds of expectations can come from others and from us. Sometimes, the expectations we have for ourselves could be a reflection of those of others and not necessarily our own.

To live without expectations is probably one of the hardest things to do, as, for example, when we love, we expect to be loved in return, to the same degree and extent, and others who love us expect the same from us. Getting rid of expectations seems like getting rid of our humanity, however, having a kind and compassionate approach to expectations might help acknowledging that every human being is entitled to respond to the calling of their own expectations for themselves in order to stay truth to their core. When we accept and focus on our true, genuine, and purest expectations with regards to our lives and all that comprises it, we get closer to being at peace and irradiating it for others to see.

WOMEN DEEP/ MUJERES PROFUNDAS

Artículo en español le sigue...

I went to Puerto Rico last weekend. As usual, I saw a lot of people that are very important and dear to my heart. I was only there for a rather brief stay, however, the depth of my visit was not commensurate with the measure of the time I spent there. With time, I have come to realize when one wants to be with someone, one makes it happen. A minute, an hour, or a lifetime is time well spent when we are in the presence of the people who are close to our heart. As life gets in the way and we have less opportunities for physical proximity with our friends and family, even stunted moments are worth an eternity to our souls when we make time to spend with loved ones and people who we care about.

I was able to see two of my dearest friends and truly life sisters, and I treasured the hours we spent conversing, baring our souls, minds, and spirits to each other like only women can do. Of course, even when we spend a lifetime talking about our lives, thoughts, and feelings all the time in the world is never enough, however, even a minute is precious. I appreciated the legitimacy and profundity of our experience together because it mirrors the true nature of womanhood. Connecting at such a deep level, being able to get rid of flesh and speak from our essence without fear of being judged, misinterpreted, or degraded is a gift women give to each other. I am so happy to be a woman and to have such wonderful women in my life who I can call mis hermanas.

Fui a Puerto Rico el fin de semana pasado. Como de costumbre, vi a mucha gente muy importante y querida para mí. Sólo estuve en mi isla brevemente, sin embargo, lo significativo de mi visita no es medible con la cantidad de tiempo que pasé allí. Con el tiempo he llegado a aprender que cuando se quiere estar con alguien hay que hacerlo realidad. Un minuto, una hora o una vida es tiempo bien empleado cuando disfrutamos de la presencia de la gente que amamos. La vida se antepone y nos ofrece menos oportunidades a diario para disfrutar de manera presencial de nuestros amigos y familiares. Sin embargo, aún los más ínfimos momentos valen una eternidad cuando tomamos tiempo para dedicárselo a las personas que importan en nuestra vida.

Tuve la oportunidad de ver a dos de mis mejores amigas y hermanas de la vida, y atesoré las horas que pasamos conversando, desnudando nuestras almas, mentes y espíritus como sólo las mujeres pueden hacerlo. Ciertamente las mujeres podemos pasar una vida entera hablando de nuestras vidas, pensamientos y sentimientos sin que todo el tiempo del mundo sea suficiente, pero aun un minuto es preciado. Aprecié la legitimidad y profundidad de nuestra experiencia juntas porque es reflejo de la naturaleza verdadera de lo que es ser mujer. Las mujeres nos damos el regalo de poder conectarnos a un nivel tan profundo, despojándonos de la carne y hablando de nuestra esencia pura sin temor a ser juzgadas, malinterpretadas o degradadas. Soy tan feliz de ser una mujer y de tener tantas mujeres maravillosas en mi vida a las que puedo llamar mis hermanas.

TODO EN SU JUSTO MOMENTO...

Es normal del ser humano ser impaciente. Siempre soñamos con lo próximo, con la próxima etapa en nuestras vidas, y la anticipación nos impacienta. En ocasiones quisiéramos llegar al futuro instantáneamente, como queriendo saltar una valla invisible que nos obstaculiza vivir nuestro futuro en tiempo presente. Los niños sueñan con ser “grandes”, y les promovemos la ansiedad y el deseo de crecer. Los adolescentes quieren ser adultos y no pueden esperar a experimentar las cosas que ven que los adultos hacen y les parecen atractivas e interesantes. Los adultos queremos alcanzar nuestras metas y sueños en un abrir y cerrar de ojos, muchas veces con mínimo esfuerzo.

Lo cierto es que todo en la vida lleva un orden divino, un orden en el cual la energía creadora se alinea para manifestar en nuestras vidas nuestra propia visualización y las cosas por las cuales trabajamos. He escuchado decir muchas veces que las cosas llegan a nuestra vida cuando tienen que llegar, ni un minuto más tarde ni un minuto más temprano. A algunos este dicho les parece una teoría conformista, una justificación para no hacer las cosas necesarias para fomentar cambios en la realidad actual. Sin embargo podemos tomar el ejemplo de la cosecha. Preparamos el terreno, sembramos la semilla, regamos el suelo y añadimos los nutrientes esenciales para asegurarnos de que cada semilla germinará fuerte, hacemos este proceso a diario, con perseverancia. Sin embargo, la semilla germinará, crecerá y dará fruto en su momento justo, en el momento predispuesto por orden natural. Poco podemos hacer para acelerar el proceso. Nada podemos hacer para controlar los demás elementos que tienen inherencia en el proceso, tales como el sol, la lluvia, las fases lunares y el viento, y solo podemos tomar nuestro conocimiento y sintonizarlo con los ciclos naturales para esperar la cosecha. Esto no significa dejar las cosas a la suerte. Significa que, si bien es cierto que podemos reclamar responsabilidad por una parte del proceso, no tenemos control de todos los elementos. Esto también significa que con cada proceso sabemos que la paciencia para esperar la manifestación de nuestro trabajo arduo es aliada.

El tiempo de espera para la materialización de lo que hemos trabajado es un buen momento para despojarnos de la impaciencia y absorber y aprender las lecciones del proceso. A veces durante los tiempos de quietud nuestra esencia se fortalece con el nuevo conocimiento adquirido, pero sólo cuando estamos en la disposición para hacerlo. Todo llega en su momento justo, ni un minuto más tarde ni un minuto más temprano. Hoy quiero abrir mi corazón para apreciar el camino, aprender del ya recorrido y no preocuparme por el que me falta. La vida es una jornada, no un destino. Hoy apreciaré cada paso que se ha fortalecido con los ya caminados. La siega llegará, producto de lo que ya trabajé y lo demás…

THE POWER OF WORDS

Believe it or not, words carry a lot of power when we speak. I have a say that I have shared before: “mean what you say and say what you mean”. Words are auditory manifestations of our thoughts, feelings, and emotions, coming from our brain, from our heart, and from our souls. Some say words are gone with the wind. In fact, our words mirror the deeper essence of who we are. Words carry energy, and we vest that energy onto the recipients of our words. Words said cannot be taken back, although the reality from which they were spoken can change with time. Words become solid when our brains process their meanings. Words stay with us long after they have been said, forever, truly, and a lot can stir from the human soul just by the sound of a word. The mouth speaks what is in the heart. Use words wisely.

ALLOWING FEELINGS

I have learned that, as humans, sometimes it is difficult to conciliate our feelings with the pre-conceived notions of what are the logical, ethical, and expected behaviors to follow when it comes to dealing with our feelings and emotions. Not always mind and heart are in tune, and even when they are, at times, synchronizing feelings with the minds and hearts of others is not always an easy thing to accomplish. Many individuals say they appreciate honesty but the truth of the matter is honesty is not always easy to handle. Allowing ourselves to feel takes courage...

As The Earth Allows The Rain

Sitting With Feelings

It can take great courage to really sit with our feelings, allowing ourselves to surrender to their powerful energies. All too often we set our feelings aside, thinking we will deal with them later. If we don’t deal with them, we end up storing them in our minds and bodies and this is when anxiety and other health issues can arise. Denying what our bodies want to feel can lead to trouble now or down the line, which is why being in the thick of our feelings, no matter how scary it seems, is really the best thing we can do for ourselves. One of the reasons we tend to hide or push aside our feelings is that we live in a culture that has not traditionally supported emotional awareness. However, as the connection between mind and body--our emotions and our physical health-- becomes clearer, awareness of the importance of feeling our feelings has grown. There are many books, classes, workshops and retreats that can help us on our way to emotional intelligence. We can also trust in our own ability to process what comes up when it comes up. If sadness arises, we can notice its presence and welcome it, noting where in our bodies we feel it, and allowing ourselves to express it through tears or a quiet turning inward. When we simply allow ourselves to fully feel our feelings as they come, we tend to let them go easily. This is all we are required to do; our feelings simply want to be felt. We often complicate the situation by applying mental energy in the form of analysis, when all we really need is to allow, as the earth allows the rain to fall upon it. As the rain falls, the earth responds in a multitude of ways, sometimes emptying out to form a great canyon, sometimes soaking it up to nourish an infinitude of plants. In the same way, the deeper purpose of our feelings is to transform the terrain of our inner world, sometimes creating space for more feelings to flow, sometimes providing sustenance for growth. All we need to do is allow the process by relaxing, opening, and receiving the bounty of our emotions.

The Daily OM

BEING NAKED / DESNUDEZ

Siempre la desnudez me ha parecido una forma natural y normal de experimentar y ser parte del mundo físico. Me encanta la ropa, la moda y el estilo, pero aprecio el regalo tan hermoso de nuestro cuerpo. Nuestras pieles son no sólo un órgano funcional en nuestros cuerpos, sino también nuestra prenda de vestir más única y especial.

Por alguna extraña razón se nos ha inculcado profundamente evitar y negar la desnudez como algo natural y sin malicia. Muchas personas no se detienen a mirar y admirar sus cuerpos sin que surja en sus mentes alguna crítica, muchas veces severa, acerca de cuánto o no sus cuerpos se asemejan a la imagen “enlatada” de lo que se nos ha vendido como un cuerpo perfecto. Por esta razón muchos evitan los espejos, pero tampoco se permiten disfrutar de la libertad de interactuar con sus micro-mundos sin que la ropa esté de por medio.

Habiendo sido criada en una cultura un tanto opresiva con respecto a la sexualidad y el cuerpo humano, siempre me pregunté por qué se castigaba la desnudez y la sexualidad. Aún en la intimidad de un momento privado se me inculcaba a tapar el cuerpo inmediatamente al terminar un baño como si alguna divinidad hubiese estado observando y hubiese podido aplicar un castigo implacable por tan horrendo pecado. ¿En qué momento de nuestra historia como humanidad el cuerpo se convirtió en algo de lo que debemos avergonzarnos? ¿Acaso no es el cuerpo nuestro templo sagrado?

Me encanta la ropa, la moda y el estilo, y estoy totalmente a favor de la ropa. Sin embargo, amo mi cuerpo y el cuerpo humano, y valoro y honro las pieles, curvas, pliegues, celulitis, estrías, flaccidez, rollitos, abundancias, carencias y lo que hace de cada cuerpo algo único y maravilloso. Un buen ejercicio para comenzar a aceptarnos tal cual somos es empezar a aceptar nuestros cuerpos y a sentirnos cómodos con él. A destaparse de vez en cuando, a dormir desnudos (con la ropa al lado por si acaso hay que correr en medio de la noche), a dejar que el agua se nos evapore sola de nuestra piel al salir de la ducha, a caminar desnudos por la casa y a disfrutar de nuestros cuerpos ¡“como Dios nos trajo al mundo”!

As The Day You Were Born

Being Naked

The Daily OM

For most of us, it is probably difficult to remember the last time we were comfortably naked for a period of time longer than 20 minutes or so. Many of us are only naked for the length of time it takes us to shower or bathe. We quickly dry off and put our clothes or pajamas on, without taking even a moment to enjoy the feeling of the air against our bare skin. Most of us learned that this was the way to do things from a young age, and we may not have been exposed to another way of thinking, but many cultures regard nudity as completely acceptable, even in somewhat public settings. If you have ever had the good fortune to assimilate yourself to this way of doing things, you may have found the experience liberating enough to allow it to influence the rest of your life. Perhaps you swam topless in Tahiti or took a sauna in Sweden or Finland. In many American cities, you can find the experience of unselfconscious nudity in a Russian or Korean spa. You may have noticed the lack of vanity in people who are comfortable with their naked bodies. Old ladies and young girls sit side by side, seemingly without concern for how they appear. We see that it is not necessary to hide our imperfections; from cellulite to wrinkles, all is accepted with equilibrium. We can see the beauty and naturalness of our different bodies, accepting ourselves as just right, just as we are. Being naked in front of children can be discussed with your spouse and a plan developed for your family. Children have their way of letting you know when they are ready for a clothes-only family.If this sounds appealing, you might try carving out some time in your day in which you let yourself be naked. You could delay dressing for 10 minutes after your shower, gradually increasing the time to 20 minutes or half an hour. You might also want to try sleeping naked, a sensual delight that is especially wonderful in hot summer months. If you have a private garden, a naked sunbath might be just the thing. Whatever your choice, finding time to be as naked as the day you were born can awaken feelings of contentment, freedom, and self-love.

ACCEPTING ONESELF

"Aceptarse a uno mismo es el primer paso para amarse a uno mismo. Amarse a uno mismo es tener la confianza de ser, a pesar de todo". Thinking about self confidence and wondering why some people have the bravery to seemingly do more than others, I came to the realization that in essence, self-confidence is grounded on self-acceptance. In order to reach self-acceptance, to love oneself as we are, though to strive to become our best selves not for others but for our own sake, we have to deeply and unequivocally know our selves to the core, our strengths, weaknesses, virtues, past, present, and future, and then with that understanding in hand come to terms with our demons, conquer our fears, and retrieve from within the determination to stand in the world as we are, stripped of the expectations of others and learn to live happily, freely, and intuitively with the person we are. Then, and only then, true self confidence can be achieved.

It is hard to be different, but harder it is to be willing to stay rooted in our grounds and offer ourselves to the world as we are, in our own definition, in harmony with others, but most importantly, with all the parts that compose our whole selves in harmony within. I remember growing up I experienced being different from many angles, and although the temptation to be “same as” was big and an easier load to carry, I always drifted in the direction of what was more suitable for myself. I have been called inconsiderate, cold, and libertine (among other things), although my actions procured the well-being of others, just because I had the guts to stand up, refuse, change, voice-out, and choose to be my own person. It is ironic that all ethics call for humans to be honest, yet honesty is not highly appreciated, nor much tolerated or accepted by others, especially by those one has sentimental ties to. Individuals are called to be honest, sincere, transparent, yet the open expression of differences in thought, feelings, and perspectives is often treated as actions of betrayal, defiance, and desertion.

Self-acceptance requires for individuals to be comfortable in their own skin and to feel the confidence to let that skin show for all to see. One can transpire self-acceptance with respect, compassion, and understanding of others unacceptance, willing to stay open-minded to the learning experience that differences among individuals allows, evolving to strengthen our core through our learning, realizing that differences are healthy and necessary to be unique, and recognizing that differences emerge from the same source and core values ingrained in all humans. To accept one-self is the first step to loving one-self. To love one-self is to have the confidence to be, in spite of all.

THE POWER OF WOMEN

Women have the innate ability to form tight bonds with other women, unlike any other creature on earth. When we care for other women we are willing to go out of our ways to support, aid, and comfort other women. Friendships are deep and meaningful for women, and we have the sensitivity to connect beyond what is explicable. When women love and care for other women our feelings transcend time and distance, our intuition for each other tunes in finely and intertwines with the essence of others, forming a true sisterhood. I call the way women care for each other and the relationships we develop with other women “the tribe”.

Tribal in nature, we develop an effective system to provide nurturing in a special way only women are able to. It is important for women to stand united and recognize that the power of all, amalgamated, is the power of one. Lets use our sisterhood to strengthen our tribe and create the harmony much needed in the world.

Women’s Support

Becoming Our Own Role Models

As women embrace the fullness of who they are as individuals, they may find themselves supporting other women, helping others to reach the level of inner comfort and outer freedom that they themselves have found. Among those who are less sure of themselves and their place in the world, it may be more common to criticize other women than to seek their help. But there are things that a woman can only learn from another woman, as there are things about being a man that can only be learned from other men. We all recognize that we have much to learn from each other regardless of gender, but sometimes we could use a supportive role model that gives us a more precise example of what and who we can become. There was a time where women stood together in a bond of sisterhood, women supporting women. It is only natural that the pendulum swings out of balance for a while so that we may have the experience of what we do not want. It is up to women to bring the pendulum back into balance and bring back the sacred sisterhood we yearn for at our core. If we envision a world where women support each other and help each other find their place in an ever-changing world, then we can become the change we want to see. Jealousy, envy, criticism, and judgment are refuges for the insecure. As we help others to become self-assured, we create a world in which all people help each other, regardless of gender. Only women can make the change in how women are seen and understood, not just by other women but by the world at large. The way we speak about each other to other women and to the men in our lives informs everyone to treat us with the respect that all women, and all people, deserve.