The Not-Worthy-Of Complex and Toxic Relationships

In one way or another, we have all struggled in our lives with feeling “worthy-of”. Most often than none, we have had doubts about our worth in different areas and therefore we have questioned whether or not we are worthy-of something. Are we qualified for that job? Are we cut out for that promotion? Do we have the right or enough credentials as compared to others? All these doubts are perhaps easily dispelled by taking risks in the professional world in which others can reassure us of our worth. However, the worthy-of doubt and questioning are particularly dangerous when we question whether or not we are worthy of love or worthy of a certain person in our lives in the context of a sentimental relationship. The not-worthy-of complex usually leads to poor choices in relationships and a lot of heartbreak.

It seems that a lot of people are involved in toxic relationships these days. However, as bizarre as it may sound to the logical mind, perfectly fine and fairly intelligent individuals continue to choose to be involved in deconstructive relationships with people who “are not worthy of them”; or so we think. The problem may be that that person living in that toxic relationship may think he/she is not worthy of something better and therefore settles for the person who, although brings a lot of toxicity into the relationship, is at least available and showing that “at least somebody cares about me”. The other person in the relationship who is the cause of mayhem feeds off of the “not-worthy-of” person because he/she is also feeling that he/she is not worthy of someone good and constantly jeopardizes and antagonizes the relationship and the person who she/he feels is more worthy than her/him.  In any event, both “not-worthy-of” individuals feed off of each other’s insecurities and low self-worth.

Often times, our not-worthy-of complex manifests in the way of rejecting someone worthy in fear that, if we give him/her a try our not-worthy-of truth will be revealed, leaving us exposed and reassured in our complex. For instance, we fear that if our “secret” not-worthy-of status (our past, our debt, the truth about how our past relationship ended, our professional credentials, our bank account or whatever that may be) leaks, the other person may reject us, thus validating what we already knew all along: that we are not-worthy-of. We fear that if we agree to be with someone leveled, intelligent, capable, available, whole, complete and sacred, she/he will flee when we get uncovered in our not-worthy-of state. Therefore, we reject the worthy candidates and choose the not-worthy-of like us with which our secret is safe.

When we start self-doubting our worth we run into deep trouble. Yes, self-worth is something that is constructed during childhood and if the foundation was weak, building up that self-worth can be an uphill and constant battle. And more than a battle, it may lead to many relationships in which one does not feel worthy enough to be with a worthy-of-us or worthy-enough partner. When we live in toxic relationships, both partners are lacking self-worth. Both the one receiving the toxicity and the one initiating it do not feel worthy of anything else, more or better. And the cycle becomes vicious and never-ending.

Photo: www.freedigitalphotos.net

WOMEN VOTERS TO DECIDE THIS ELECTION

Women have been the focus of this upcoming presidential election. By accident? Maybe. I don’t think the presidential campaigns purposefully started out as campaigns in which women were thought of as the secret weapon; or not. However, both presidential campaigns have promoted ideals and platforms that have made this political campaign personal for many women who stand on both sides of the political spectrum. Are the messages to women from both parties a mere tactic to get the women’s vote? It depends on who you ask.

The Republican Party has focused on the economic issues they claim have been created by the Obama administration. Additionally, Republicans have repeatedly expressed that President Obama is diverting the attention from his failed economic policies by focusing on rhetoric about women’s rights. Moreover, the pro-life stance of the Republican Party is intended to strike an emotional nerve with women and as such, the Republicans (divided by the issue on if and when abortion should be “allowed”) are appealing to the maternal instinct of women by telling us that they will protect life in the womb. However, we all have heard what many men and women in the Republican leadership have said about women, abortions, rape, and so on (including the latest comments by Murdock), which in my opinion should make all women (and men) angry.

In the other hand, Democrats are appealing to women’s votes by focusing on their track record on women’s rights. President Obama signed the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act which states that women must earn the same pay for the same work as men (the wage gap is that White women earn 77 cents for every dollar a man makes; this gap is even higher between men and women of color). Obama also banned employment discrimination based on gender identity which helps women and girls increase their access and participation in STEM fields (science, technology, engineering, and math). The Affordable Care Act also prevents insurance providers to discriminate against women (women pay higher health insurance premiums than men). Furthermore, Obama stands to protect women’s reproductive rights by supporting access to contraceptives free of copay and women’s right to choose. Additionally, the President signed the Matthew Shepard and James Byrd Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act which allows gender crimes to be prosecuted by the Department of Justice.

Based on what we know so far about the presidential campaign, how well are Republicans and Democrats playing the woman card? As a woman and a voter, the Romney campaign is doing an excellent job at pushing women (at least the ones that are not suffering from Stockholm Syndrome) away, if you ask me. Obama has professed he wants his daughters to have the same opportunities as every other son in America will have and his record proves it. As a woman, I cannot vote for a party that is so wrong when it comes to women’s rights. Some may argument that we (angry women pro Obama) are just suffering from hysteria. Well, men would be in rage too if any woman candidate would tell them what to do with their penises and testicles and impose on their right to procreate (or not). I wonder how men, especially those from the Tea Party, would react if they were the ones being regulated, raped, and denied to choose what’s best for their bodies. We would definitely be reading a different set of stories. But for now, it is up to us, women and the men that place the women in their lives in high esteem, to go out and vote for our rights and the only candidate who has supported and defended our rights. That candidate is Barack Obama!

AT 8 YEARS OLD, MY SON IS A FIRST DEGREE BLACK BELT!

 

We started my son in karate when he was 4 years old. At first, we just wanted him to play a sport and be with his friends. We also thought karate would be good for his motor skills, to learn discipline and courtesy, to burn off all that energy young children have and to someday be able to defend himself against bullies and potential abusers. When Paul Vincent started as a little tiger, he looked so cute in his uniform! It was too big for him but he looked adorable. As a little tiger, he basically learned the basic form of Tae Kwon Do and played fun games that were geared towards improving his coordination, building those pathways in his brain so that he could focus, learn, and do. I was ecstatic the first time I told him to do something and he responded with a stern and loud “yes, ma’am!” at 4 years of age! I thought “just for this, you are staying in karate!”

Now, a little over four years later, my son is a first degree black belt. He respects the sport and just now “gets it!” He said to me yesterday during a ride in the car: “mommy, I love karate. It is really my thing. Although, I sometimes feel like not going to class because I am tired, I love karate and I know being a black belt is only the beginning. I want to continue”. I was very proud of him for saying those words and for his honesty and commitment to his passion. We have seen him grow in karate and the days as a little tiger are long gone. Now my son is on his path to becoming something greater; something that he doesn’t even realize yet. He is on the path of becoming a man of principle, commitment, and values. Just like the tenets of Tae Kwon Do, my son is on his journey to mastering “courtesy, integrity, perseverance, self-control and indomitable spirit.” He says those tenets 4 times a week during class but he is doing much more than just saying them: he is becoming them!

I wait excitedly for what the future holds for my son. I certainly don’t have a crystal ball to see into his future (although I would love to!) But I know his experience in Tae Kwon Do will certainly help him to become the best version of himself.

(I want to express my gratitude to Mr. and Mrs. Spicar from Spicar Martial Arts in Southlake, TX for facilitating this journey for Paul Vincent and being allies in his development and growth. You may not know that you play an important role in the life of all the children that you teach. A part of what they are and a part of what they will be has been forged by you!)

¡BabyCenter en Español se une a la blogosfera!

¡BabyCenter en Español se une a la blogosfera!

Un diverso grupo de mamás, papás y expertos en varios temas, comparten su sabiduría, aventuras, dilemas y controversias en el Blog de BabyCenter

17 de septiembre de 2012 (San Francisco, California) – BabyCenter en Español desea celebrar este año el mes de la Hispanidad con el lanzamiento del Blog de BabyCenter, que permitirá a la mujer latina hacer oír su voz en medios de información de Estados Unidos y el mundo hispano. La importancia de abrir una ventana a las voces y experiencias de mamás hispanas, en español, en un mundo de alta tecnología donde impera el inglés, hace de la iniciativa bloguera de BabyCenter un momento para celebrar.

En un año en que el mes de la Hispanidad es la antesala a la contienda electoral en Estados Unidos, la voz de la mamá hispana y sus opiniones sobre las próximas elecciones presidenciales y otros temas de actualidad son más importantes que nunca.

El Blog de BabyCenter acoge a un diverso y talentoso grupo de mamás, papás y expertos en relaciones de pareja, sexo, tecnología, decoración, cocina, belleza y moda. Las mamás brindan una perspectiva única en temas como el embarazo, la obesidad infantil, la disciplina, la cultura, el trabajo y las noticias del momento.

Los colaboradores escriben desde varios rincones del mundo, incluyendo Estados Unidos, Puerto Rico, México, Chile y España, entre otros países. “Hemos apostado por un grupo de escritores que no tiene pelos en la lengua a la hora de compartir sus experiencias y conocimientos. Desde la visión iconoclasta y humorística de la maternidad que aporta Desmadreando, hasta los francos consejos sobre sexualidad de la Dra. Cuascud, pasando por la sabia guía de expertos como la Dra. Tiba Araujo y mamás como Lezeidarís Morales, nuestra intención es reflejar la multiplicidad de la mamá latina a través de un contenido fresco, entretenido y útil”, comentó Isidra Mencos, directora editorial de BabyCenter en Español.

El blog se compone de tres secciones:

Historias de mamás

En la sección Historias de mamás, se expondrán temas relevantes, prácticos y muy divertidos sobre la gran aventura de la maternidad o paternidad. Entre los blogueros se incluyen:

Lourdes Alcaniz: Periodista, escritora, divorciada y madre de 4 hijos. Ha publicado seis libros, entre ellos: Esperando a mi bebé: una guía del embarazo para la mujer latina y Gordito no significa saludable. Lee más sobre Lourdes y sigue su blog Batallas de Mamá. 

Sandra Arriagada: Ganadora del concurso de blogueras embarazadas, que se llevó a cabo en la Comunidad de BabyCenter en Español. Sandra es periodista y guionista de televisión en Santiago de Chile. Escribe de manera honesta sobre los sentimientos, sensaciones y frustraciones que conlleva su pancita. Lee más sobre Sandra y sigue su blog MamiRocker.

Desmadreando: ¡El humor no podía faltar en el Blog de BabyCenter! Te morirás de la risa leyendo a la Sra. Desmadres, quien se proclama como detractora de la maternidad rosa y es defensora de contar las verdades que nadie suele decir. Sigue a Desmadreando.

Lezeidarís Morales: Madre, esposa, periodista, programadora de radio y boricua de pura cepa. A través de su blog comparte un pedacito de su experiencia como mamá primeriza. Lee más sobre Lezeidarís y sigue su blog Ser MadrePR. 

Tu vida y tu hogar

Expertas en relaciones de familia, sexo, tecnología, decoración, belleza, y cocina comparten sus mejores consejos y recetas en la sección Tu vida y tu hogar.  Además, una "fashionista" asesorará a la mujer latina sobre cómo vestir durante y después del embarazo. Entre las expertas encontrarás a:

Dra. Tiba Araujo: Psicóloga, escritora, y terapeuta en el amor, comparte sus trucos para la felicidad de la familia. Es autora del libro Sobre amor y sufrimientos: realidades de la vida en pareja. Lee más sobre la Dra. Araujo y sigue su blog Mi bebé, mi pareja y yo.

Dra. Tanginika Cuascud: Reconocida sexóloga y autora, que brinda consejos e información a mujeres y hombres para que alcancen su potencial sexual.  Es autora del libro titulado Desnuda. Lee más sobre la Dra. Cuascud y sigue su blog Sexualidad al día.

Cristina Mella: Te inspira cada día a tener una casa bella, cómoda y práctica, que refleje tus raíces y estilo de vida. Lee más sobre Cristina Mella y sigue su blog Latino Living.

Verónica Cervera: Cubana, radicada en Miami, a quien le encanta cocinar sabroso y variado. Otra de sus pasiones es viajar, y probar todo tipo de comida que se le cruce en el camino. Te invita a "viajar" por el mundo con sus recetas. Lee más sobre Verónica y sigue su blog La cocina de Vero, al minuto y con comida.

Hoy en los foros

En la sección Hoy en los foros, le tomamos el pulso a lo que de veras piensan las mamás latinas de hoy, reseñando los temas más interesantes y populares que surgen en la Comunidad de BabyCenter en Español. Sigue a Loaina y Vocera de mamá.

Consulta esta página para conocer al resto de los colaboradores: http://espanol.babycenter.com/blog/authors/

¡Únete a la fiesta!

Por último, invitamos a todas nuestras lectoras a participar en un Twitter Party para festejar el lanzamiento del Blog de BabyCenter. La reunión será el 19 de septiembre de 10:00 a 11:00 a.m. tiempo del Pacífico (PT) en Estados Unidos. Tema: Estrenamos el #BlogdeBabyCenter. ¡Síguenos en @BCLatino y participa en la fiesta!  ¡Podrás ganar bonitos premios! 
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Créditos: BabyCenter en Español: http://espanol.babycenter.com/

Información para la prensa: Isidra Mencos, directora editorial de BabyCenter en Español: 415.344.7663 (oficina) 510.289.2645 (celular) o  isidra.mencos@babycenter.com.

Redes sociales: ¡Visita nuestra página de Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/BabyCenterEnEspanol)! Síguenos en Twitter (http://twitter.com/#!/BCLatino) y en Pinterest (http://pinterest.com/bclatino/).

Sobre BabyCenter® en Español: ofrece completa información sobre la maternidad y la crianza para los padres hispanos que viven en los Estados Unidos y en el resto del mundo hispanohablante. Su contenido abarca desde la concepción y el embarazo hasta niños de 5 años. Incluye artículos y respuestas de expertos traducidos y adaptados de la página en inglés de BabyCenter®, así como artículos originales escritos específicamente para los papás latinos. Además ofrece una comunidad (http://espanol.babycenter.com/comunidad) en la que los papás se conectan y comparten consejos y experiencias. BabyCenter® ha lanzado también un área para familias hispanas en la página en inglés (http://www.babycenter.com/hispanic-families), donde ofrece artículos sobre temas relevantes, desde nombres hispanos para bebé hasta consejos para criar a los niños de forma bilingüe.

Mujeres Republicanas

En días pasados he estado viendo con gran interés las convenciones nacionales republicana y demócrata. Con avidez he prestado atención a las plataformas políticas presentadas por ambos partidos. Con horror he leído y escuchado las propuestas inflamatorias que intentan obstruir y en algunos casos eliminar derechos por los cuales las mujeres hemos luchado por siglos. Con incredulidad he sido consciente de los comentarios infundados, falsos y peligrosos que algunos políticos y seguidores republicanos han expresado con respecto al aborto, a los crímenes sexuales en contra de la mujer, a los derechos reproductivos de las mujeres, al acceso a los anticonceptivos y la planificación familiar para las mujeres, al derecho de las mujeres a obtener servicios de salud, al derecho de la mujer de vivir libre de violencia y al derecho de la mujer a obtener la misma paga por el mismo trabajo que hacen los hombres. Y mientras miro horrorizada cómo los hombres del partido republicano defienden sus posturas en favor de que la mujer retroceda en sus derechos, miro con indignación como las mujeres del partido republicano alzan sus banderas en favor de dichas medidas.

Si mal me parece un hombre machista, peor me parecen las mujeres machistas. No puedo entender cómo una mujer puede estar a favor de su opresión justificándolo en base a ideales políticos y religiosos. Las mujeres que siguen al partido republicano porque supuestamente están a favor de la vida están en contra de sus propias vidas. Si es el derecho a la vida lo que defienden, defiendan la educación para disminuir la taza de embarazos no deseados. Si están en favor de los matrimonios entre hombre y mujer, que nadie se los impida. Los gay no andan imponiendo matrimonios gay en la sociedad ni en el mundo. Si Dios dijo “no juzguéis”, que se apliquen la ley y dejen a los demás ejercer sus derechos y sus ideas sin legislar lo que una pareja de cualquier sexo hace en su alcoba y lo que una mujer hace con su cuerpo. Si lo que quieren es gobierno pequeño que no gobiernen mi útero. Si son tan religiosos y creen en lo que dijo Jesucristo “repartid lo que tenéis y dadlo a los pobres”, que propongan una plataforma de gobierno para trabajar para el 100% y no para el “top 1%”.

Todos tenemos que colaborar en encontrar soluciones para los problemas sociales y económicos de nuestro país ya que al final de cuentas el sol brilla para todos, republicanos y demócratas.

When Women will Reach Equality

Until women realize we deserve equal pay, equal opportunities, equal access to healthcare, comprehensive healthcare, and ownership over our reproductive rights and care, women will not reach equality. When women support MEN and political agendas that do not support the above, we not only detain progress; we set back the clock to a time in which women were worthless.

Where are the Women?

Where are the women?

As recent as yesterday, the attacks on women’s rights continues through the moronic words of GOP ‘s Representative and Senate candidate Todd Akin regarding “legitimate rape” and pregnancy and giving women more power to beat up husbands during divorce if the definitions of rape are not changed. I am not only appalled by his comments, I watch in horror as the whole country seems to be reversing to the dark ages when it comes to women and our rights. I have two interesting questions: (1) Who elects these officials? And (2) Why?

It is concerning and deeply disturbing to see that the mindset of many at the GOP are congruent with representative Akin’s views. It is even more disturbing to see how our votes have put those individuals there or have even allowed them to be in the race. Don’t we know better? Haven’t we learned? Have we no value for women in this country?

Many would argue that women in other countries are plagued with inequality and dangerously live under misogynistic regimes. But in reality, women in this country live under the umbrella of a controlling group of men, supported by brain-washed women that, justified by their beliefs and political ideologies, blindly follow a path of destruction for women. My question is will we all unite and stand against these ideals or will we let them prevail and doom us?

I hope women realize that there is a lot at stake in this next election. Regardless of political ideologies, women rights are human rights. And women rights will only be protected and won by women.

If Your Vagina Could Talk, What Would It Say?

[Via: http://www.mamiverse.com/if-your-vagina-could-talk-15677/" />If Your Vagina Could Talk: Keeping Yours Happy & Healthy]               

Ten Female Orgasms

[Via: http://www.mamiverse.com/10-female-orgasm-types-15669/" />10 Explosive Female Orgasm Types (Must-Know Info!)]              

Happy Father's Day!

Happy day to all those men who hold the title "father", not only because they were able to biologically produce a child, but because they are role models, care-givers, super-heroes, leaders, champions, and stars in the lives of their children, biological or not. May you be crowned today with love, appreciation, and cheer!

Men's Sexual Health: Pelvic Floor Dysfunction and Sex

Pelvic floor dysfunction is believed to be something that affects only women. But nothing is far from the truth. Problems with erections, sexual pain, incontinence, anal, testicular, abdominal pain, among other symtpoms, can be associated with pelvic floor dysfunction in men. Moreover, men are less proned to talk about their sexual health with other men, women, or even bring it up to their doctors. Read and find out if you or somebody you know could be suffering in silence. There are solutions!

http://voxxi.com/pelvic-floor-dysfunction/

The New Snow White

For a long time, I have not been a fan of the children/fairy tale stories.  The main reason for my apathy towards stories such as Snow White, Cinderella, and Sleeping Beauty, among others, is that they portray the princesses as weak girls, so fragile and at the mercy of a others. In these stories, it seems that in order to be a strong woman one has to be evil and ruthless.  Conversely, the frail princess must always be saved by a prince that will finally give her her place in the kingdom. Without the intervention and bravery of a handsome prince, the princesses would’ve never made it in the world.

Recently, I went to see Mirror Mirror and Snow White and the Huntsman and the new twists on the role of the princesses presented in the movies impressed me. Long I have longed for princesses that are a depiction of the strength of women. Long I have been crying that girls need to be taught that they do not need a prince to save them and define them. I feel all women have been vindicated through these characters in fairy tale land and in real life!

Even more interesting is that the princesses in these stories either save the prince (Mirror Mirror) or decide to live without a prince (Snow White and the Huntsman). Both princesses fight to take back their kingdoms and redeem the people who have suffered from the rule of the evil queen. Beauty is still a priced commodity in the movies but the focus is on the strength of women, either for good or for bad, I must ad. However, women are smart and the protagonists of their own lives. Moreover, having a pure heart does not mean to be a pushover in these stories, but rather, to bring justice to all.

I am glad to see that these fairy tale stories have been “updated”. As the roles of women have expanded, what we teach our daughters and sons about what a woman is must evolve too. Maybe it’s time to update Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and all the other classic princesses’ stories to depict women as more empowered, intelligent, wise, clever, strong, and ethnically, racially, and physically diverse, just as we are in real life!

Where are the "colored" superheroes?

Where are the “colored” superheroes?

I recently saw the movie “The Avengers” and very much enjoyed watching it. The special effects, the sound, the plot of the story all captured my attention and I was quite amused and amazed at the action. When I finished watching the movie, though, I felt something was missing. In all the heroic characters showcased in the movie, not one superhero was colored.

Do not get me wrong. I did not dislike the characters or who played them and how they were played. In fact, the acting was good. I very much enjoyed how Scarlet Johansen kicked butt in the movie, and I am in love with Thor, so mighty, strong, and handsome. However, I could not help but to notice that the only colored person in the cast was Samuel L. Jackson. Granted that Samuel L. Jackson had a big role in the movie and in the story, he was no superhero. All the superheroes, Captain America, Thor, Iron Man, and the Hulk (prior to his “hulk” state, after which he turns green), all of them are Caucasian. Even the assassins and the astrophysics genius were White.

The notion of having a full cast of White superheroes is thought-provoking for me for more than one reason. Fundamentally, the notion that “whiter is better” is still being sold to us in every walk of the way. I also saw the movie “Mirror Mirror” last weekend and noticed the same reality: all characters of the movie were White. It seems as if though heroism equals superiority, thus played by White characters. And not only the characters are White; they are blond or blond-ish, blue eyed, and appear to be of pure White descent. The world is always saved by the White gods and superheroes that fight against evil and bring justice and peace to us all, mere mortals.

When looking at the literature or the media, I cannot recall any “colored” superhero. There is no Black immortal being that saves the day for all of us. I don’t know of any Asian demigod that is capable of shooting fire and fight demonic creatures. I have not seen a Latino superhero with powers capable of stopping bullets and trains and fighting the elements.  Besides Halle Berry in The X-Men (she was also Catwoman in Batman), I cannot remember any mulatto or mixed mutant trying to save the earth. My point is that it always seems as if though we are sold, promoted, enforced, instilled the notion that “white is better”, in spite of the fact that “whiteness” does not represent the whole totality of the ethnic landscape of our country.

Why isn’t there a “colored” superhero? I don’t know. Maybe, instead of a White guy turning green, and therefore acquiring superhero after doing so, we can experiment with a White guy turning Black, powerful, and almighty for a change.

How did we get here? The world of the overachievers

Today’s world can be described in one word: overachievement. As I reflect in my own life, I wonder how and why are we all in a wave of constant movement, doing, thinking, creating, shuffling, juggling, consuming, producing. I look at my own life and I look around and it seems as if though everybody is complaining that there are not enough hours in a day to accomplish all one is set out to do. I see how frantically people rush to tend to our many commitments and the demands, attention, and energy imposed on our time and I wonder: how did we get here?

All the messages to which we are exposed on a regular basis offer us the ability to have access to more, better, bigger: more food, more stuff; better bodies, better cars; bigger homes, bigger budgets; and the list goes on. All these promises come with another invitation: do more, expect more, give more, get more. And the list of exhortations is coupled with the requirement to be better moms, better cooks, better housekeepers, and better at being involved in our children’s education, recreation, the community, politics, charity, family, and a long list of other things. The list of “must-dos” insanely grows daily as our jobs expect us to do more and better, giving our careers more time than ever before and being accessible and available 24/7 to better serve the company’s clientele and show our commitment. As if we needed more impositions on our time, now we have to stay connected to social media, especially if our work requires so. Therefore, our lives are just a race to do more, be better, get bigger, at all times. Such paradigm of life, which is extremely stressful, is what most of us are living.

What prompted us to be that way? I have only one good answer: we live in a culture of overachieving. In order to feel that life is worth living, we have created a culture in which “having-something-to-do” at all times is the norm, what is expected, and the only way of life that is acceptable. I remember when I grew up in Puerto Rico. Businesses closed from 12-1pm for a lunch break, everything closed at 1pm or 2pm for the day on Saturdays, and there was nothing but church, some open restaurants, and beach on Sundays.  Now, people are lucky if they get a 15 minute break to devour their lunches at work, many people work at least 10 hours a-day, and we are demanded to give more, and many must take work home after their shifts have ended. Nonetheless, we are told that we need to chew our meals slowly and eat healthy. But how? Fifteen minutes is barely enough to get a sandwich out of its wrapper! Similarly, vacation times are scant and many employers do not offer paid sick days or family leave time, not to mention health insurance.

Overachieving has become our way of life. We must stretch our time to the limit to comply with all the demands put on it. For many, the only solution is to sacrifice their sleep, which has long-term negative implications. Moreover, stress is a silent killer for most that are kept hostage to this overachieving culture; not to mention how this lifestyle affects our families in the short and long run.

After expounding how this culture of overachievement has taken over our lives and its negative implications, here are some suggestions:

1.       Familia comes first: Be structured and strict about devoting time to your children and family and give them your undivided attention. The rest will wait.

2.       Forget Martha Stewart: See those beautiful homes in magazines? They belong there! Keep your house orderly and clean but do not attempt to have it magazine-ready (unless you have the time or a maid). Teach your children to be orderly, pick up after themselves, from the time they are toddlers and it will pay off in the future.

3.       30 minute meals? More like 15 minute meals: Prepare meals that are easy and fast, but you don’t have to sacrifice nutrition and health. For instance, spinach cooks very fast, almost all veggies taste great steamed for just a few minutes, fish cooks very quickly, pasta is a savior! Don’t try to overdo it in the kitchen. Leave fancy dishes for the restaurants.

4.       Time for yourself: When? While the kids are playing or napping, nap, polish your nails, take a bath, and don’t feel guilty about it. Share the load (spouse, family, friends) and don’t hesitate to enjoy yourself without the children every once in a while. I promise, everyone will be alive when you return.

5.       Sleep! Decide at what time you will shut down every night and just do it! Everybody needs certain amount of hours of sleep. Know your time and get what you need.

6.       Not perfect, just good enough: Don’t strive for perfection. If your kids are well-fed, healthy, given a lot of love, well-educated, happy, and alive, that’s good enough! Do not impose the same time demands on your children. Children also need down time. After being in school for 7 hours and having homework to do, one or two extracurricular activities are plenty, especially if you have more than one child to juggle.

7.       Say no: If you want to live a longer and happier life, start becoming braver at using the word “no”. Once you’ve had enough practice, it comes easy!

8.       Stop: I need one day a month to just be. I recommend it to everybody. Just devote one day to be in your jammies all day, watch movies, read, and disconnect.

9.       Prioritize: Junk mail: don’t read it. Cleaning the house: important but not as important as cuddling with your child or significant other.

10.   Ditch some things: Go over your life and make a decision on what you will let go of. We cannot tend to it all. Let go of things you don’t need, people that don’t contribute to your life, or causes for which you cannot fully commit.

In spite of how we live, we don’t have superpowers. We need to take care of ourselves and start a culture of health, quality and quantity time for us and family, sanity, and the enjoyment of life; a more simple life!

Why do Hispanics need an education? And if we have one, why should we care?

The future of Hispanics will be determined by how educated our community will be. The US Census Bureau estimated the Hispanic population at 47 million, or 15%, of the population of the United States. This number is impressive; however, our projected growth reveals how powerful our presence will continue be in our nation in the upcoming years.  The landscape of the US has been shaped and changed by our numbers. But it is not enough to be the largest majority in the US. We must also prepare to become the force that can propel our numbers to a brighter and more prosperous future.

Hispanics lag in academic achievements in the US. According to the PEW Hispanic Center, 52% of foreign-born Hispanic adults are high school dropouts and 25% of native born are as well. These figures are alarming. An uneducated Hispanic population will have less access to competitive jobs, salaries to keep them above the poverty line, and opportunities to overcome their social and financial disadvantages. Hispanics who drop out are more likely to suffer struggles brought about by unemployment. They also display more incidences of poor health, are more likely to be on public assistance and become single parents.  As can be seen, the consequences for dropping out of school are ominous. Moreover, drop out parents who do not instill the value of education in their children may doom them to repeat the same deconstructive patterns.

Educated Hispanics should be in the trenches working to bring down the Hispanic dropout rate. For starters, as part of the same ethnic group, we are all representative of our cultures and peoples. Unfortunately, the higher the numbers of uneducated Hispanics, the more negative and permeated stereotypes will follow us all. Enhancing our population to achieve more will benefit us all in the short and long run. Furthermore, the social problems that emerge from lack of education among our population will shrink as more of our children become educated. Currently, our tax money is utilized to provide public assistance to those who are uneducated and suffering from the associated social ailments. As more of our population has access to education, the best our taxes are going to be utilized to strengthen our nation and benefit us all.

If we are the largest minority, we need something to show for it. It is not enough to be large in numbers. Our Hispanic population must also rise and step up to become key players in all realms of the social and political spheres of this great country we call home. We should all care about the education of our children because we all pay the consequences, one way or the other, if we don’t.

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I am writing about Sexual Health for Mamiverse. Also, follow me on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn. Also, follow me in Rocinante Erotica (erotica in Spanish only).  The world is endless for The New Latina!

Happy Mother's Day!

Why do we celebrate mother’s day?

I am a mother and I am happy that there is a mother’s day celebration. Besides the fact that mothers sacrifice a lot for our offspring, our job is unpaid, many times unsung, and nonstop.  I am reflecting on the significance of this day celebrated across many cultures and peoples all over the world and I feel a sense of entitlement on this day: I do deserve it and I do want it.  I do want to be celebrated that day for all the days and nights I have spent giving my unconditional love and attention to my child. I want to be pampered and honored on that day as if though I was the queen of the world. I want to accept the love and gifts and attention freely and openly, because as mothers we usually don’t take anything for ourselves. 

It is mother’s day this Sunday and I feel that I have earned the right to be whole and happy on that day and every day because I am doing the ultimate and utmost job in the whole world: I gave life and I am raising a life that will reach his full potential in this life thanks in great part to my investment.  I celebrate mother’s day as if though I owned it and I am proud to be a mother, always. Motherhood is the most important job, the most rewarding career, and the most beautiful of all vocations.  Happy mother’s day!

Male Domination

I have been thinking quite a lot for the last few months about what is going on regarding women’s rights in the United States of America. United States, yet there is no unity being displayed when it comes to women and their rights and their placement in the land of man. In the name of God, many laws have been proposed and enacted that strip women of our basic rights. Men, in power, have not only written these laws, but they have been known to deny women even to communicate their feelings and opinions regarding these laws. The war against women is blunt and evident.

As I am puzzled as to what is the cause of all this hatred displayed towards women. I am trying to come up with explanations that will shed light onto why is this sentiment against women being promoted and perpetuated in 2012. One of my friends offered her comments and I think she is right. I will elaborate.

The male supremacy is instilled in us since birth. Through socialization, we are taught that everything masculine is more powerful, better, bigger. The sun is masculine and its light nurtures every living creature. The moon is feminine and we don’t really know what its purpose is.  Our dads are the law, our moms are soft. Boys are socialized to be strong. Girls are socialized to be “girlie”. And so forth. Images of men being superior are taught to us in everything. Children’s literature always portrays princesses that need to be saved and the prince that comes in a shining armor and a white horse to save them. And so forth. How won’t these messages permeate our psyche? Of course these messages create the paradigms that we live by and that are the root to how women get treated in the US and in the world.

I propose that we need to start young. We need to teach equality from the time children are born. We need to teach boys to be strong and girls too. We need to teach girls to be nurturers and boys too. We need both sexes to learn to be compassionate towards each other and that both females and males have a valuable place in society and in the world and that both are equally valuable. If we keep teaching girls to play with kitchens and dolls and then to be smart and go to college, but we don’t teach boys the same, women will still work double shifts-working outside the home and being the primary caregivers as oppose to men who primarily work outside the home, their home workload is limited, yet they are held in higher esteem because they are men. Men will continue to earn more if both sexes don’t share the load at work and at home, equally.

The hatred towards women is not new but it’s has taken a political dimension that, although is not unprecedented, it signifies a renaissance in the retro notions about women and their worth.  We need to change our way of thinking about the sexes and start doing things differently to get different results. Equality and thus the war on women will end once and for all when we raise both boys and girls to see each other with the same degree of respect.

The Land of Men

In recent weeks, we have all witnessed in the media how men and women are clashing in politics regarding women’s rights. All these events that are evidence of a war against women have prompted me to think about why women and men are entrenched in this fight. I started thinking about how men and women are socialized to try to come up with a framework for what is going on in the American society.

It is well known that females are socialized from an early age to be nurturing, pleasing, giving, caring, expressive of emotions, dependent, and fragile. Men are socialized to be strong, assertive, competitive, stoic, and pay less attention to emotions. Being raised in a very traditional Hispanic home, I witnessed how families (mothers, fathers, grandparents) and society in general worshiped men. Many experts express that societies in the world are mainly patriarchal; therefore, manhood and the male construct are highly celebrated, valued, and enforced. For some reason still unknown to me, almost every society in the world still believes that being male is being superior and therefore better.

All these events that are going on in the US regarding women’s rights, including men deciding on the reproductive rights of women, lead me to realize that in the US, just like in many parts of the world, being male is synonymous of dominance and power. We are living in a society that still puts men in higher regard with respect to women and that attributes that power to men freely and unquestionably. Notions of the supreme power of men are engraved in the culture and in the mindsets of men and women in all realms of life. Negative stereotypes, prejudice, and discrimination towards women are still the norm and are now happening bluntly in the fascinating and male-dominated world of politics. As frustrating as these events are, at least for me, it is even more frustrating to know that these negative notions about women permeate all spheres and are supported by both men and women and passed on from generation to generation. 

The gender war we are fighting in 2012 is a war that has been fought for centuries; maybe from the time humans have existed. This war is not new but it is being fought in new fronts. The gains that women have made are being taken away and there is an agenda to bring women to the dark ages in the name of “conservatism”. Women and men that are against what is going on will have to fight a long and hard battle.

Socialization happens to us without our input and without having any choice in the matter. Nonetheless, when we are smart enough to bring ourselves to a new level of awareness, men and women can decide to live in harmony and in a balance of power. We cannot promote misogyny and stand idle watching how our country deprives women of their rights. The war against women, although old, is experiencing a renaissance and we must all unite to crusade against it.

Happy Birthday to The New Latina!

It has been six years since I started writing in this blog. Today, I was looking back at some of my old writings and I can see the evolution and growth, not only in the diversity of the writings, but also in my own style. I used to write about everything that came to my mind when I started this blog. Today, I write about mostly about the things I am passionate about, such as gender equality, education, sexuality, and health. When I first started this blog I used to write almost everyday. The frequency of my publishing has decreased over time but not due to a lack of writing but because my career as a writer has evolved. Today, I coach and assist university students who need help completing their papers and research. I pride myself in providing much needed assistance to master's and doctoral candidates complete their theses and dissertations so they can further their education and reach their goals. I have a blog in www.voxxi.com and I am going to start contributing in www.mamiverse.com. I try to publish something that is dear to me in this blog every once in a while. My life revolves around writing!

It is a blessing to be able to do what one loves for a living and to have the fortune of enjoying every minute of it.  Today, I celebrate the birthday of The New Latina and thank those who have followed this blog over the years.  I invite you to see my latest writings in Voxxi and Mamiverse and to leave me a note or send me an email. I hope this blog has enriched your life as much as it has enriched mine.  Happy birthday!!!

Women Are Smart Enough to Choose and Take the Pill

In recent weeks, there have been increasing and ongoing debates about women’s reproductive rights. Pro-choice and pro-life supporters are constantly clashing in the media and in everyday life.
Discussion boards online, Facebook walls, and tweets about conflicting conservative and progressive views on women issues are rampant. However, it seems as if though political and religious ideals have taken precedence over common sense, equality, and the rights of women in this country.


Where are women´s reproductive rights?


Today, I am experiencing deep thoughts, unpleasant thoughts, about what is going on with women’s reproductive rights in the U.S. I see anti-choice and pro-choice groups entrenched in their views and shooting at each other and I see how many fanatics of political and religious ideologies fail to see deeper into the main issue of all their battles.

Reproductive rights of women should be protected and preserved. When I hear right extremists swinging political and religious rhetoric at anyone who attempts to protect the reproductive rights of women, I cringe.
I cringe, because the same old notions that women fought against for centuries resonate loud and clear in my ears. I hear that those who oppose women’s reproductive rights still believe that women are not capable enough to make intelligent decisions, just like last century many still believed that women were not smart enough to vote, for instance. I feel that, in spite of the strides women have made to advance their condition in the world and in this country, many men and women are still women’s worst enemy because they do not trust that women, if given the choice, will choose well.
I am a woman. I trust women. I trust that when women are given choices, backed up with education and the right support systems in place, they rise above and make the right choices for themselves, for their families, and for society as a whole.

Pro-choice is not akin to pro-abortion

Saying women are not allowed to choose implies that women are not smart enough to choose what’s best for them. I am not a proponent of abortion. I am not pro-abortion. I am pro-choice.
I believe that women are smart and that given the right tools women can make more educated decisions that will have a better and greater impact over their lives. Instead of censoring women’s rights, give them options. However, removing the options will not solve women’s problems but rather, aggravate them and moreover, create bigger problems for society.It has been documented that women will recur to abortion, illegally and dangerously, home-made/self-induced and under less than sanitary conditions, if they are not given the legal option to abort an unwanted pregnancy. Therefore, enacting laws that prohibit abortion only creates a bigger problem for which the whole society pays.

Both conservative and religious women have gotten abortions over time so abortions are not reserved only for the most liberal. Moreover, it has also been documented that abortion rates drop in countries where abortion is legal and accompanied by education and access to contraceptive and preventive health care, and viceversa.
We, as women, need to fight for our rights
We need to award women those rights in this country, freely and comprehensively. We are ready! But if there is opposition to abortion, why is there also an opposition for free contraceptives in this country? If women cannot abort, and they cannot have access to contraceptives free of charge, what options do they have?
I encourage all, but especially women, to fight for their rights. Pro-choice is not an invitation to abort all pregnancies of all women. Rather, pro-choice is awarding women the freedom to decide what to do with their bodies and protecting their reproductive rights. Pro-choice does not impose abortion on those who do not believe in it.

Pro-choice is leaving the choice in the hands of women, not politicians.

Additionally, allowing contraceptives free of copays is in accord with women’s reproductive and healthcare rights and would reduce unwanted pregnancies that could end up in abortion. Denying women these rights put women in a dangerous position, disadvantaged and oppressed, just as centuries ago.

Read this story in Voxxi by following the link:

http://voxxi.com/2012/02/13/women-are-smart-enough-to-choose-and-take-the-pill-voxpopuli-mujer-health/

A New Era

Dear friends:

A new era has come, figuratively and literally.  The information era is here and with it, many different forms of communicating and staying in touch.  Now, easier than ever, people can express themselves through the virtual space in which distances are shortened and time is redefined.  In that space, almost all of us are.

I have a Facebook account.  In it, most of my friends share my space and my time. I recently updated my LinkedIn profile, and I am beginning a blog in Voxxi, a new multimedia magazine for acculturated Latinos.  The new year has started busy and promising.  Visit me in my new spaces: www.voxxi.com, Facebook, and LinkedIn. I am sure I will add a Twitter account one of these days as well...if I have time! 

Lets convene in the virtual space that allows us to stay close and develop our dialogues even further.  I will still visit Blogger from time to time but my work at DoctorWrite (www.wix.com/DoctorWrite/DoctorWrite) and my other social websites keep me quite busy. To see my latest published book, visit http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/2732710 and see my poetry book, DESNUDA (in Spanish).  Lets stay in touch!