Re-Writing the Script

Our life circumstances are due a lot to our own input. We could not choose where we were born, who our parents and siblings were or are, where we lived when we were growing up, what school we went to or our teachers and classmates; for a long time we could not choose what clothes we wore, how we wore our hair, and mostly we had not control over the parenting styles of our parents. Our parents went through socialization experiences that shaped their beliefs, value system, personalities, and the way they expressed their feelings, emotions, and thoughts while we were growing up and even now; most likely kept a lot of what was instilled in them during their upbringing and passed it on to us during our socialization. Now, at some point in our lives we realized what works and what does not work from the way we were socialized because it is not applicable to our time, to who we are, or to who we want to become. However, some people live by the old script, following it like a bible, reading it aloud everyday to themselves and to others around them, playing by it like a sad drama, even when they understand there were some “flaws” in that old script that are worth addressing and changing. Individuals have the need to apply responsibility to someone, sometimes anyone, for their bad experiences, “failures” of the past, and rough times life brings, and many place blame on the way they were socialized. “That is the way I was raised” is a commonly used phrase to depict how our actions and present circumstances reflect the paradigms imposed to us in our upbringing, even when we are aware that those paradigms are not applicable anymore or simply do not suit us well.

It is sometimes difficult to break free from the old script and re-write one for ourselves. There is a sentiment of betrayal to what was instilled in us, a sense of abandonment of the value system that was taught and modeled to us while we were growing up if we even attempt to break lose, as though we were denying our upbringing and unveiling to our parents that they had failed in their pursue to make us into extensions of themselves. There are a lot of problems with living by the old script when we are fully aware it is completely obsolete and not pertinent anymore: it diminishes who we are, we deny ourselves a true opportunity to grow into the kind of individual that we can potentially become, and it models the same mistaken behaviors to future generations setting them up for failure just the way we were trapped in the first place. Trying to conform to old scripts to please everyone else but ourselves prevents us from evolving whole, from moving forward, and from letting ourselves and the people who matter to us enjoy the best, well-rounded, centered, happiest person that we can be and share with others. It is also more comfortable to place blame on our past and the way things were modeled and done with us, than to stand up and claim our lives back. Re-writing the script takes a lot of courage. Keeping the old script is comfortable, even when it’s painful to live by it.

It seems like our socialization can sometimes be an indelible jail in which we incarcerate and punish ourselves for life. Breaking free from the chains of the old when it no longer suits us or prevents us from evolving seems like a task of great proportions and almost impossible at times. Before we continue with destructive patterns and behaviors that perpetuate themselves from generation to generation, we need to look deep into our souls and realize that we have ownership over our lives now, that our socialization is no longer an excuse for us not to be happy, and that the rest of our lives is our responsibility to forge into whatever we want. We are the bosses of ourselves. We are the conductors of our own destiny, and as such we have to break free from the things that hold us back from realizing our maximum potential. We cannot keep placing the blame on our parents, teachers, school mates, our upbringing, the era in which we were raised, etc, for our own misfortunes. Once we become conscious of the things of our past that are holding us back we can claim ownership of our lives and move on to a happier place, one dictated by us based on our own needs, our own goals, and our own life. Mom and dad are not our bosses anymore, our husbands are not our bosses, our children are not our bosses, we are our own boss, our own person, our own lord. It is time to stop looking back and stop blaming our past for our present and start constructing the present that we want in our future. It is time to stand up and deliver for our own selves, as we cannot give when we are empty, we cannot grow on a tight and dark space, and we cannot live by old rules to which we are attached like a puppet. We need to know and believe that we carry the power to re-write the script of our lives the best way possible, the best way it suits ourselves. The only person who can stop us from re-writing our own script is us. The only person who should re-write our script is us.