Marriage should be a venture in which both parties engage in a journey of life discovery by mutually loving, respecting, supporting, understanding, and growing each other in equality, harmony, and balance. Marriage should not be a burden imposed by one and carried by the other like a cross to the calvary. In a relationship of any kind, the parties involved should feel they are growing, evolving, and moving forward whole and fair. The moment we deny ourselves for the sake of the marriage, the marriage is only two persons living under the same roof. The moment we feel we are shrinking, diminishing, vanishing, evaporating for the sake of the marriage, the price is too high.
Marriage should not be based on social expectations, it should not be a prison, it should not be a chain to our hearts and souls. Marriage should be about having the freedom to be, to express love and be loved fully, deeply, and respectfully. Our dignity comes first. When we love ourselves sanely, we are better partners and expect and demand the same.
Something to reflect about...
“Being with this man almost killed me-almost crushed my bright and resilient spirit and tampered with my sturdy and robust mind. He wanted to rob me of my very essence, and for a long time I let him. Where was I in my life that I could have devoted so much time, energy, and effort to a man who neither honored nor valued me? Why did I stay in a relationship with a man who could hurt me so deeply, who could make me feel ashamed of wanting a normal life? How could I think it was okay to be with someone who told me I was not much of a woman and criticized me relentlessly? How could I think it was okay to be with someone who taunted me and prodded at the open wounds of my insecurities? I gave away my power, thinking it would soothe him, and it did temporarily. But each day required that less and less of me exist. I tried to be better, tried to be happier. I made meals out of crumbs and smiled as I ate the crumbs in order to appear full and satisfied. I tried to be more understanding and accepting. I was looking for a way to make something work that made no sense. I realize now that, with all my effort and devotion, he never really saw me, much less loved me. When he grew up tired of the way my desire for connection collided with his desire for oblivion, he simply erased me…” Dr. Robin L. Smith (2006). Lies at the Altar: The Truth About Happy Marriages. New York: Hyperion.
5 comments:
Al leer examen de grado. Salté.. me da miedo jajaa que miedo.... pero que bueno.. que al menos siento que te fue bien..
Amiga mia!!
animo en todo lo que emprendas
que yo estare hay con mi espiritu!!
That testimony reminds me of: "Más vale sola, que mal acompañada..." It´s better to be single if you are going to be married and feel like that woman.
I agree that marriage shouldn't be stifling or produce that kind of feeling, although marriage, like life, goes through ups and downs. Some people give up too quick these days, but there's a big difference between a blah bit and feeling dead inside.
Wow, very strong post.
"The moment we deny ourselves for the sake of the marriage, the marriage is only two persons living under the same roof."
That is exactly right! And I'll leave it at that.
:)
I have to say that this one was an eye opener to me. i had no idea the life I've chosen, well the life he chose for me. I will re-write the script. It is going to be my story. My life. My choice. Thank you.
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