THE ADVERSE POWER OF ASSUMPTIONS

Assumptions are part of the normal thinking process of human beings. According to what we have already stored in our minds, our brains develop pathways that help us deal with known and unknown situations, anticipating outcomes based on the data that is known to us. However, I see how assumptions are overly used on a daily basis. Sometimes, assumptions kill our curiosity, our intentions, our drive. When we are in front of someone we want to meet, but we do not want to take the first step in introducing ourselves, our assumptions that the person might not be interested, or that is too busy, or will not correspond to our approach can stop us from moving forward and acting on our intention. When we over analyze and portray all the "ifs" and "thens" of simple and complex situations in our minds without even engaging in taking the necessary steps to find out for ourselves, we have missed on the opportunity to confirm or not our suspicions and learn from the process. Assumptions are normal and necessary: they might prevent us from taking life threatening risks, from getting hurt and feeling pain.
But often times assumptions kill our intention and can jeopardize our learning process and our growth, as they limit our experiences to the known and the believed known outcomes. So even when you most likely assume right, do not let assumptions make you anticipate the answers and stop you from asking the questions and embarking in the journey.

NOT WORTH IT

Life is really too short to focus on the bad. Every time we let our hearts fill up with negativity, it affects our whole sense of balance and every aspect of who we are, mind, body, soul, and spirit. It is human to feel anger, frustration, and disappointment, but nothing is worth giving those negative feelings a permanent presence in our lives. I know this is easier said than done, though. However, I have met extraordinary people who have lived through unimaginable horrors to most, and still were able to find it in their hearts to forgive and move on, growing their heart’s ability to fill up with love in immeasurable amounts. And those people who are full of the grace of forgiveness are actually happier and more at peace than those who perpetuate the circle of negativity that once impacted them by joining forces with it.

I think negative feelings are just exhausting. Negativity drains my energy, diminishes my soul and weakens my spirit. To engage in a negative cycle by giving in to the negative feelings that I could experience as part of life is not something that I am interested in doing. Of course it is frustrating when others perpetrate atrocities against humans or other living entities. Of course it is heart-breaking and painful when others hurt us, intentionally or not. Of course it is part of human life to experience anger and pain. But indulging in those off-putting feelings over a long period of time can be highly damaging and destructive. I know this from experience. I lived through painful horrors myself at a very young age, but when I was old enough to comprehend what had happened to me I decided to move on, forgive, and love in return, and I feel at peace. Besides, as upsetting as those bad experiences of my life were, they do not come close to shocking stories such as Immaculee Ilibagiza’s and many others that when told appear surreal to us.

I once heard words that have resonated in my head ever since: “hate is a poison that you take thinking that it will harm another person”. When you think you cannot forgive and move on, look at the courageous people who have lived through worse than you and I can possibly imagine and how they have been able to, not only go on with their lives, but to live happy and fulfilling lives focusing on the goodness, the blessings they have, and being hopeful about humanity, and maybe that will give us all some inspiration to only embrace goodness.

WHO CAME FIRST?

I never try to impose my beliefs on people, and this writing is not the exemption to that. Believe in what you will, and read at your own risk…

So, some religious creeds explain that women were created from men (Adam and Eve). We all have heard it. Science does not support that at all, however, the world, society, organizations, and households are controlled by men, and there is the lingering notion that for some strange reason women should follow men because we were created to cater to them. I am not against men, have never and never will, but I think that men and women relationships should be based on balance and harmony between the two sexes, and not disequilibrium. I heard something recently that sparked my thought. The comment is not important to re-mention, but it relates to how women were created from men.

In reality and scientifically speaking, all human embryos start female. The mix of female and male gametes carries the chromosomes that will determine many of our physical traits and genetics, including sex. In the case of females the chromosomal composition is XX. In the case of males the chromosomes that determine the sex will be XY. So scientifically speaking, men not only are half females, but emerge male after being female for a brief time. So, back to the theory that women came from men: not only women are the ones with the exclusive ability to give birth (so in reality all humans come from a woman), men are partially women. So however we came to be (believe what you will, but know the facts), we have to be cognoscente that we owe women a lot, and denying women their important place is against our nature. Men who have a problem of any kind with women should refresh their biology knowledge or acquire some, and realize that men were created from women and not otherwise. If everybody knew this important fact, maybe women would be ruling the world, and not otherwise. We are on our way, though!

MISTAKEN IDENTITY

People rely on many things to form their opinions about others, such as the words we say and the unspoken signals we send. This should be a simple process, however, sometimes the messages get lost in translation and both communicator and recipient end up with the wrong messages about each other. This happens often and for many reasons, including the programming that we already have in store, previous and/or preconceived notions, conditioning, scripts, socialization, and ignorance, among many others. As for myself, most times I try to start a relationship with someone with a clean easel and a positive approach as to the expectations of that relationship, but understand that that might not be the case for the other side of that relationship.

Theoretically speaking, the flow of the communication process should be easy and natural between two or more parties; however, due to the complexity and expected differences between all those involved in any type of situation that involves communicating with one another, flaws can occur in the process. Sometimes those flaws are minor, and they need no further action, as the continuing interaction will lead to its own resolution. Other times the flaws become obstacles difficult to bypass, and sometimes make the relationship between parties painful and even estranged.

We have all experienced some of those situations in which our messages, verbal and non-verbal, have been taken erroneously. I try to keep an open mind and look at things in their right perspective when that happens (after getting over the shock of the discovery process), and have compassion for the ones who have made the mistake. Sometimes our messages get mixed, lost, tergiversated, confused, mistaken, and mal-interpreted, leading others to have an opinion about us that does not reflect who we are, and I guess that is why it is normal for humans to feel uneasy when people pass wrong judgments about us. Depending on the kind of relationship we are engaged in is the degree of time we want to invest in fixing the less than desirable outcome, and the highest the investment the highest the likelihood that we will find out about how mistakenly others perceive us the painful way.

We cannot live our lives trying to fit what everybody wants us to be, but we can live our lives being who we are, clear enough for others to see. We can only work on nourishing our best self so it can transpire and be seen by others the way it is, the best way possible.

LA LUZ Y LA MEDIA LUZ

Vi la luz hace algún tiempo. Desde mi perspectiva, realmente creí que la luz que vi era grande y brillante, y sí lo era, en mi túnel de sombras y anhelo de luz, la luz que se asomaba era clara y brillante y me dirigí hacia ella. Era la primera luz en tanto tiempo, y era una luz tan pura y cristalina que me volví hacia ella y decidí seguirla con los ojos cerrados. Creí que esa luz era suficiente, y mis ojos se adaptaron a esa luz que me arropó grande y con fuerza, esa luz frente a mí que miraba sin pensar y con la condición de que no existía otra. Me acostumbré a la luz brillando intensa pero yo sin poder verla y abriendo mis ojos grandes para que penetrara en mí. Y todo estaba bien con la luz tal cual era.

Un día salí de mi luz y me cegó el sol grande y potente. Mis ojos me dolieron y lloraron por la intensidad de la luz que miraba ahora, pero sentí el poder de la luz y quise mirarla, contemplarla, vivir bajo ella, dejar que me quemara. La luz me cegó y luego pude ver mejor, más claro, más brillante, con más exactitud. Me di cuenta de que vivo en media luz. Ver la luz del sol me cambió…

Regresé a la luz tenue de antes, y me di cuenta de que no quiero vivir en la sombra que crea la media luz, que quiero la luz amplia y total del sol. Algo tiene que cambiar.

WASHING DISHES

For some strange reason, I enjoy washing the dishes by hand. I own a dishwasher, but hardly ever use it. I find doing the dishes by hand therapeutic. I do not know if it is the sound of the water running, or feeling the lather in my hands, or maybe having permission to “play” with water for a few minutes, or how good the ions from the water released in the air make me feel, but I find washing dishes soothing. I look out my window while I am doing it and think, reflect, daydream, introspect, retrospect, and somehow I end up in a better mood.

Today I need to wash a lot of dishes…

NOTTING HILL

I am just a girl, in front of a boy, asking him to love me.

KNOW THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN YOUR LIFE

Who is the most important person in our lives? When we think about answering this question, a lot of names come to mind. If one has children, it is almost automatic to think about them when we are asked that question. If one does not have children, then the parents, significant others, or other influential people in our lives automatically pop up. For some strange reason we don’t think about our own self when answering that question; at least that answer has not come up too often when I have asked.

I am the most important person in my life, and as such, I have to spend time, not only grooming and caring for my body, but also nurturing my soul, challenging my mind, strengthening my spirit, and taking the necessary steps to be in harmony with the people and things that surround me and that matter to me. To love one self is not to be selfish; to be selfish is to impose onto others for them to love us only the way we want. To love oneself is the first step into being able to love others with an open heart, with understanding, with full devotion by giving them the best of us, and not by giving them all of us without having paid the same respect and attention to our own nature as we do to them . Our love for others is somewhat incomplete if we cannot love our own selves, and it makes sense, how can we love others fully and give them the best love we have when we cannot love the person we are?

To love oneself is to be able to be in sync with all the aspects that comprise what we are, including our relationships and love for others. To love oneself is to know our strengths, celebrate our humanity, accept our flaws and work to strengthen our weaknesses without trying too hard to achieve perfection, because we understand that there is no such thing. To love oneself is to give others the gift of our best state, our best companionship, our best relationship, the best way we can in a way that suits ourselves and the other person.

We are the most important person is our own life and we should treat ourselves as such. Enjoy this thought by Anne Morrow Lindbergh:

When one is a strange to oneself, then
One is estranged from others too.
If one is out of touch with oneself, then
One cannot touch others.

I hope you have a great time getting to know and spend time with the most important person in your life: you!

YOUNG LATINAS AND A CRY FOR HELP

This article, sent by Dr. Nora Comstock, President and Founder of Las Comadres Para Las Américas, presents the current situation of a lot of young Latinas in the United States. Awareness is the first step to change, however, as I always say, what you know is not as important as what you do with that knowledge. We can all make a significant impact on future generations.

New York Times EditorialJuly 21, 2006
Young Latinas and a Cry for Help
Final, Section A, Page 18, Column 1

A recent series in the Spanish-language New York newspaper El Diario/La Prensa sheds some light on a mostly overlooked national phenomenon, the misunderstood and endangered young Latina, who represents one of thefastest-growing segments of the American population. Hispanic teenage girls attempt suicide more often than any other group. They become mothers at younger ages. They tend not to complete their education. They are plagued by rising drug use and other social problems. A federal study found that a startling one in six young Hispanic women had attempted suicide, a rate roughly one and a half times as high as that among non-Hispanic black and white teenage girls. If there was any good news, it was that these young women usually survived. A five-year study now in its second year in New York is being led by Dr. Luis Zayas, a professor of social work and psychiatry at Washington University in St. Louis, who says the self-destructive behavior seems to affect Latinas of every origin and every region of the country.

El Diario tracked several young women and found that they faced particularly acute social pressures, especially if their parents were foreign-born. Dr. Zayas and other experts note that the suicide attempts trend higher for Latinas who are the first generation born in the United States. Adolescent and teenage girls with families recently rooted in Latin America are expected to adhere to old culture traditions, including tending to other family members and putting themselves last. Self-esteem issues are common among teens generally, but they appear magnified for young women who cannot seem to fit in at home or away from it. About one-quarter of Latina teens drop out, a figure surpassed only by Hispanic young men, one-third of whom do not complete high school. Latinas, especially those in recently arrived families, often live in poverty and without health insurance.

Another piece of the puzzle is how to address the complication of very early, usually unmarried motherhood. Religious beliefs in Hispanic families often limit sex education and rule out abortion. Federal statistics show that about 24 percent of Latinas are mothers by the age of 20 ‹ three times the rate of non-Hispanic white teens.

Solving these problems will require more than research. What is needed is a larger effort that includes educators, policymakers, families and communities. Here¹s one more statistic: One in four women in the United States will be Hispanic by the middle of the century. The time to help is now.

REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES

I do not understand the American obsession with getting rid of all curves from the female body. It seems like the new definition of beauty is having 0% body fat, no butt, no hips, no calves, no stomach, just bones coated with flesh with nothing in between. The only things that women have permission to have big are big boobs and plump lips. When did this start, and who said that bones are beautiful?

I am glad that I come from a place in which curves are appreciated. Actually, for the Puerto Rican standards I am too skinny, and people never cease to tell me to gain some weight and to try to feed me so I get curvier when I go home. Here in the United States, though, people ask me all the time what do I do to be so skinny, and they celebrate that I am petite, little, and thin.

I hear my friends talking about how they try to get rid of the “extra” fat on their fatty hips, their protrude stomachs, their fat calves, or their big butts (I have hardly ever noticed those big butts or big anythings they claim to have), and in my eyes they are just perfect and they have beautiful bodies, however, everybody wants to be a size 2 or below. Actually, it is my thought that women want to be size below cero, so soon they will be aiming to be a size -3, and clothes manufacturers will start to make below cero clothes for them. As Howie Mandel once said in a show, women want to be asked “what size are you” and respond “oh, I’m not!”.

Like the movie, real women have curves, I think one of the main attributes that characterize us as women is our curvy figures. The female body was designed to have curves and we should feel proud of and beautiful with our curvy bodies.

Moving On

Moving On

It is very easy to get stuck in the old. Sometimes I wonder if it is stubbornness, habit, or if humans, at least some humans, have addictive personalities that, not necessarily make them dependent on a substance, but that makes them get overly attached to persons, places, or things. It is a great human characteristic to be able to demonstrate emotions to others, such as care, affection, and love. However, some humans seem to have the capacity to detach from people, places, and things easily, while others hold on to the people they love, the places they know, and the things they treasure with more intensity.

Change

It is human nature to resist change. Often times, change brings a period of uncertainty and instability that, although quite uncomfortable in many instances, it is the signal that change is under way. Most humans like habits, what is known, the comfort of a settled life, even if it is not the best life. Change takes courage to break the old, to change paradigms, to redefine life, to seek new ways, to get out of the comfort zone in a rocky journey with the hopes that it will be conducive to something better than what we have. I guess, the fear of change is the fear that, after all the hassle, trouble, time, energy, pain, discomfort, and effort put into the changing process, we discover that at the end it did not result in the betterment we strived for, and even worse, having to go through it all again to keep seeking “the ultimate”.

Sola al Cielo

Veo el cielo contigo en mis adentros…
Desaparece el mundo y en la nada me transporto al éter de lo interminable y lo eterno.
En la nada entre gemidos que arropan el espacio vacío y contigo lleno
se llena la vida sola que se expande de la mía a la tuya cuando contigo muero.

Se me escapa el sentimiento que de ti escondo y en el mundo entierro,
me regreso del mundo escondido impuesto al destierro
de mis palabras al viento que vuelan sin rumbo con significado necio
cayéndose al vacío donde en profundo abismo consumen como el fuego.

Muerdo tu carne ausente posada en la mía ardiente y sedienta de tus besos
y me dibujo en tu boca efímera y te sirvo mi pasión cuando en tu piel entierro mis dedos…
Esculpo tu cuerpo en el mío conformando mis contornos a tu forma y me elevo
al cielo que visito sola arrastrando tu espectro.

For the Children

Having a child is the most amazing miracle a person could experience. And I do not mean just growing and giving birth to a human being, which is a natural wonder, but experiencing the love and sharing the life of a child on a regular basis, which is a totally religious experience. The laughter of a child is the sweetest sound ears can hear. Looking at a child is like watching a movie that never ceases to amuse.
Seeing how everyday is new and exciting for a child should make us want to feel and express the same enthusiasm for the ordinary things and turn them into something extraordinary to stimulate our senses. Children are a fountain of youth, tenderness, love, and good energy.
Sadly, though, children are mistreated and disrespected on a regular basis everywhere. As adults, I think every person has the direct or indirect responsibility of raising a child. There is a say that it takes a village to raise a child, however, as time goes by, raising a child is thought of being more the sole responsibility of the people who brought him or her into this world, and often times even those people believed to be directly responsible for their well-being fail to provide children with the environment and upbringing they deserve. We are all responsible for the life of children, those who are our own, our relatives, our neighbors, and all.
We need to realize our responsibility toward leaving our children the legacy of a better world, a better country, a better neighborhood, and exert it. We were all children once, and we owe it to ourselves and the little ones to protect them and offer them a better future.

Mãe! Poema sublime!

Madre! Poema Sublime! es un poema escrito por Rouxinol de Bernardim, poeta portugués. El poema es hermoso, tal cual la fotografía que lo acompaña. Disfruté mucho del poema, y espero que todos los que lo lean también.

CHANGING THE SCRIPT

We all grew up not having control over what happened to us during our childhood, or where we lived, or how and where our parents decided to raise us. We did not have a say in the scripts used to socialize us and the way socialization affected our upbringing. However, once we begin living our own lives we can make the decision to live a different and better life than the one we had, the one that we had no control over. Many of our actions reflect the way we were raised, the stories we were told, the roles we were enforced to play, and the life we learned in our nucleus. However, once we expand the scope of our world when we venture out on our own, we sometimes see that there might be more to life than what we had learned, than what we believed, and that neither our parents nor we hold absolute truths when it comes to life.

Many times we find ourselves in a cycle, repeating the behaviors that we experienced while growing up, and sometimes those behaviors are not a good reflection of who we want to be. Many times we victimize ourselves for life, blaming our past for our present and future, and conforming to the old scripts. We cannot change the scripts that were written for us when we were younger, but we can rewrite a script for our own selves that is conducive to the individual we ought to be. We cannot spend our lives blaming those before us for the missing links in our existence. We have to break free of the chains that perpetuate the habits, thinking, and feelings that stop us from reaching our full potential, and start building the life we want, the life we deserve, the life all humans are entitled of having. Yes, some have lived through tough circumstances when they had no control over their lives, but ultimately each individual is accountable for his/her own life and has the power to make life what they want. The script that we heard over and over, and that we saw when we were growing up might not be the best fit for ourselves now, so rewrite your story, your way, and live it your way.

Una Nueva Era

Una nueva era, una nueva jornada, nuevos trechos que se abren adelante y otros que quedan atrás, ya caminados con las huellas de mis pies y de los tantos que pisaron mi sendero…Un nuevo horizonte que se presenta lejano y tan cerca, al alcance de mis dedos e intocable como una ilusión óptica que desaparece ante mis pasos aproximándose certeros e inciertos…Un nuevo comienzo, una vida nueva y tan vieja, llena de años, de siglos, de horas y minutos que han pasado por mí y en mí, y los que faltan por venir…Mi vida nueva: un nuevo libro para escribirlo a mi manera…

RESIDUOS

José Antonio Dávila es uno de mis poetas favoritos. Su poesía transmite sus sentimientos de manera elegante y sutil, como todo un caballero. Viendo su biografía me tropecé con este poema, y me impresionó muchísimo, como suele hacerlo su poesía. Con los trazos de amor y de pasión que aún se desprenden de una relación pasada, Residuos llega al corazón para enamorarlo otra vez...

Residuos

Ya tú no importas, ni tu amor conmueve,
ni yo soy en tus días la emoción dulce y leve
que como brisa tibia pasó por tu desierto;
porque tu amor ha muerto y mi pasión ha muerto.

Pero sobre tu mesa reposa mi estatuilla:
Y al pasar de los años y al caer nuestra arcilla,
seguirá reposando sobre la misma mesa
sin que nadie pregunte al mirarla en la mesa
si es el mudo tributo de una huesa a otra huesa.

La pasión ha volado;
pero hay ciertos residuos que en el alma han quedado,
y noto cuando pasas por la calle, altanera,
que aún te peinas el pelo de la misma manera
que tanto me gustaba y que amé con tal celo.
(Yo viví enamorado de tu pelo.)
Y aún tengo la costumbre de usar el sobretodo
con un botón de rosa en el ojal, al modo
que tanto te gustara;
y hasta existe una frase que en broma yo imitara,
llena de tu decir y tu manera,
que ahora uso por mía y usaré hasta que muera….

Cosas inconsecuentes, livianas, con las huellas
Que les deja el amor al pasar sobre d'ellas:
lo que una vez tu hiciste, lo que yo dije un día……
Incnsecuencias muertas que viven todavía…..

Y no ha de saber nunca la mujer que yo quiera
por qué le doy la mano de la misma manera……..
Ni ha de saber el hombre que en tu amor quede preso
por qué cierras los ojos antes de dar un beso……

José Antonio Dávila

REFLECTING

My friend Rhett published this and I wanted to share it.

Hope you find it meaningfull.

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness. We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things. We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less. These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom; A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete... Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent. Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind. AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. - George Carlin -

NO TE QUIERO

Me dijiste “te quiero”
y me preguntaste si yo
por ti siento lo mismo
y debo decir que no.
Siento mucho no quererte
y no juzgues mi verdad
pues mi alma al entregar
se fue a vagar a otros mundos,
tomó sola otros rumbos
y no pudo regresar.

A vagar mundos profundos
de solo puro sentir
para poder definir
lo que hoy el corazón siente
y descubrir que quererte
es imposible lograr
pues el sentir va más allá
de solo meros quereres,
de solo carnes y pieles,
lo mío, amor, es amar.

Amar hasta el límite humano
sin límites ni razón
hasta sentir el dolor
de no poder amarte más.
Impregnarte en mi mirar
igual que en mi corazón
para cuando tú te vas
robarte como ladrón
tus sueños, pensar, pasión,
sin tener que despertar.

Ya ves por qué no te quiero
porque solo sé amar,
amar, amar y soñar
con cada nuevo encuentro
para volverme a entregar.
Entregarte la locura
de mi pasión desatada
y encontrar en tu mirada
que me das el corazón,
y yo mi vida y mi alma.

Lo mío, amor, es amar…

IN HIS EYES

I look into his eyes, trying to see myself and I see the whole world in them. I see deep into his dreams and his life free of woes and worries, as life should be. I get lost in those deep brown eyes, so deep they have no end. I see my reflection floating in the depths of his soul that connects with mine, inevitably and endlessly. I unite with his essence through his eyes, feeling the power of love every time we speak through our eyes, the truths and hidden messages of what is and will always be.